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Schoolmate: You know if you jump off the high dive platform
the wrong way you can break your neck and die.
Jonathan Brandis: Really? That's ... that's .. interesting.
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God's voice: If you want my advice, you're going to kill yourself
when you're twenty-seven anyway, so go ahead.
Jonathan Brandis: But if I live until I'm twenty-seven, I'll be even
more famous and have a lot of fun, right?
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God's voice: Honestly? You'll make a bunch of bad movies and star
in a bad TV series, and by the time you die, no one will
remember you or care. But if you do it now, there are
all these girls and boys who will feel really sad,
and it'll be a tragic loss.
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Jonathan Brandis: So guess what? God told me I'm going to kill myself
when I'm twenty-seven. Weird, right?
Dad: There's no arguing with God, that's for sure.
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Jonathan Brandis: But if I kill myself now, God says it'll have a much
bigger impact on the world.
Dad's voice: God knows everything, that's for sure.
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Jonathan Brandis: So I'm going to put my suicide note on the table
next to my bed. I mean if you want to read it.
Dad's voice: I guess I'll want to read it, yeah.
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Jonathan Brandis: If I don't do this right, I might just end up
paralyzed and pathetic. Can you help me, God?
God's voice: You being paralyzed is not an uninteresting idea.
It worked for Christopher Reeve.
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Jonathan Brandis: But I don't want to be like that. I don't want to
inspire hope. I want to make people cry and imagine what a famous
star and handsome guy I would have grown up to be.
God's voice: All right, fine, let me think for a second.
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God's voice: There. That's Niagara Falls. Now you can jump any way
you want, and you'll definitely die. Happy?
Jonathan Brandis: Yeah, very.
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Jonathan Brandis: Look at all those boys and girls down there
looking up at me and thinking, 'That's Jonathan Brandis. He's my
favorite actor. Oh my God, he's going to jump. What's wrong with
him? Someone please stop him.'
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God's voice: Hey, kid, you want him to jump? I can make him jump.
Boy standing by Niagara Falls: Yeah, make him jump.
----*
p.s. Hey. Hope you're all doing great out there. I hope my traveling companion and I are too. Having written and programmed this on May 6th, I have no idea.