Roger's Profanisaurus is a humorous book published in the United Kingdom by Dennis Publishing which is written in the style of a lexicon of profane words and expressions. It is a spin-off publication from the popular British adult comic Viz and features one of the comic's characters, the foul-mouthed Roger Mellie "the Man on the Telly". The title of the book is a word play on Roget's Thesaurus, Profanisaurus being a portmanteau of profane and Thesaurus. The book is marketed as "the foulest-mouthed book ever to stalk the face of the earth".
The Profanisaurus was originally published as a supplement stapled into the middle of the comic. Contributions from readers have been published in the comic and then edited into later editions. The first book was released in 1998 with 2,250 definitions and this was followed in the second edition in 2002 with the number of terms covered growing to 4,000. An updated version, the Profanisaurus Rex, containing over 8,000 words and phrases, was released in 2005, and a further-expanded version, the "Magna Farta" (a play on Magna Carta) at the end of 2007. The current version is "Das Krapital", a play on Karl Marx's "Das Kapital".
Unlike a traditional dictionary or thesaurus the content is enlivened by often pungent or politically incorrect observations and asides intended to provide further comic effect. The authors often take delight in lampooning political or media figures of the day, or illustrating terms with fictional dialogue between notionally respectable historical figures.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roger%27s_Profanisaurus
A few examples:
golden bogeyn. A nose-stud.
thundercrackn. The kind of fart that requires one to check one's kex for bullets.
marabou storkn. A fixed bayonet, the old Adam. An erection.
brown pocket n. A smuggler's receptacle that allows him to spirit contraband through customs. 'Did you bring anything back from Amsterdam, Phil?''Yes. I've got some clogs and cheese in my suitcase and a lump of squidgy black in my brown pocket.'
frottage cheesen. The sticky end product of a successful act of frottage.
scatman1. n. A jazz singer who improvises nonsense 'Bill and Ben' style lyrics, eg. Sammy Davis Jnr. 2. n. A teutonic poo-game enthusiast.
red tien. To finish oneself off with a sausage sandwich after having had enough of the cranberry dip.
brown admiraln.zoo. The common and far from beautiful butterfly that can be found in the pants of someone who has failed to draw an ace. A gusset moth.
fannytastic1. adj. Anything wonderful to do with the female genitals. 2. adj. Descriptive of a thing which is so excellent that it can only be compared with a fanny. 'Have you been watching the repeats of 'My Family' on UK Gold?' 'No, and it's been fannytastic.'
http://www.viz.co.uk/profanisaurus.html
Every great man has a source of solace that they turn to in troubled times: Thoreau had Walden, Machiavelli had Livy's History Of Rome, Fonzie had Arnold's Drive-In, and I have Roger's Profanisaurus Rex.
When the vicissitudes of life begin to wear on me, I find it refreshes my mind to peruse and contemplate definitions such as Jehovah's stiffness (a lasting erection that appears at an inopportune time), gentleman's relish (an exceedingly polite term for jizz), and German cornflake (a scab from genital herpes). After several pages my eyes are watering too much to read further.
This quote from Machiavelli sums up my feelings about this book better than I can express:
“When evening comes, I return home and go into my study. On the threshold I strip off my muddy, sweaty, workday clothes, and put on the robes of court and palace, and in this graver dress I enter the antique courts of the ancients and am welcomed by them, and there I taste the food that alone is mine, and for which I was born. ... And for the space of four hours I forget the world, remember no vexation, fear poverty no more, tremble no more at death: I pass indeed into their world.”
Todd Nemet
http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/9625642-roger-s-profanisaurus
More examples:
ex files n. A wank bank folder containing the most filthy memories of sexual depravities enjoyed with previous partners.
gentleman's toe pumpn. The frantic but pleasurable wiggling of the toes, about 15 seconds after the
jester's shoes, that helps out the last drops of jitler.
dad dressed as Bradn. The male counterpart of a Whitney dressed as Britney.
access time1. n. The time taken between requesting and receiving data in computing. 2. n. The time taken for a woman to produce enough moip to allow smooth penetration without feeling like one is scraping one's giggling stick on the Great Barrier Reef.
stroker's coughn. The retching gag reflex of a lucky lady who has bitten off more than she can chew.
spooge stickn.Gut stick, fuck rod. The penis.
http://www.viz.co.uk/profanisaurus.html
Roger's Profanisaurus is billed as "the king of swearing dictionaries" and there is some truth in this, as far as British English goes. It has come out available in several editions, each larger than the last, the latest containing 8000 or more rude words and phrases.
With over 8000 four-letter entries, Roger's Profanisaurus is surely the foulest-mouthed book ever to stalk the face of the earth.
Some of the entries were originally published in Viz. Viz's method for compiling this book seems to have been to collect entries from the Viz-reading public and collate them. To be pedantic, it's not quite a dictionary, more an utterly foul funny book. Many of the entries are improbable and disgusting, and are clearly inventions of the submitter, rather than actual common usage. That said, basically all of modern British obscene slang is explained, so the book will be useful to those needing to become familiar with it. The choicer of the invented phrases are passing into usage, especially among those dedicated enough to possess a copy.
Though some entries are excruciatingly funny, many are merely dull and dirty repetitions on a few basic themes. Do we really need hundreds of different disgusting phrases for each possible variation and combination of the following?
CopulationMild ethnic slurs on the Welsh, Scottish, French, and other traditional foes of Englishness. Apparently so, given the British psyche.
Homosexuality
Defecation
Sexual organs
Assorted normal and abnormal, seasonal and occasional bodily fluids
Drunkenness
Attractiveness and Repulsiveness
Many of the definitions are either not informative as a dictionary would be due to lack of content:
Fudge packer:n. One who packs fudge.
Or are too obscure for a serious dictionary due to referring to other definitions:
Red tien. To finish oneself off with a sausage sandwich after having had enough of the cranberry sauce.
But in some entries the euphemism rises to admirable levels of repulsiveness:
Nether eyen. That single unseeing eye, situated in the nether region, which cries brown, lumpy tears.
Some are just momentary wit:
Kurskn. A giant dreadnought mouldering at the bottom of the pan.
And some are racist:
Glaswegian Siestan. a night in a police cell.
Or sexist:
Hairy brainn. medic. The small, wrinkled organ, about the size of two plums, that governs a gentleman's thought processes.
The name of the book is a play on Roget's Thesaurus, and the foul-mouthed Viz character Roger Mellie.
The following editions have been produced:
Roger's Profanisaurus: 1998
Second edition: 2002
Profanisaurus Rex: 2005
Roger's Profanisaurus IV: The Magna Farta: 2007
There is a poorly maintained website at http://www.viz.co.uk/profanisaurus/profan_index.php
http://everything2.com/title/Roger%2527s+Profanisaurus
The publishing of an updated edition of Roger's Profanisaurus, Viz's invaluable lexicon of rudeness, confirms the tribute paid by Ade Edmondson's Von Richthofen to Blackadder. "How lucky you English are to find zer toilet so amusing. For us, it is a mundane function. For you - zer basis for an entire culture." Indeed, it's a culture that's evolved to a dizzyingly baroque level in the Profanisaurus. Who would have guessed, for instance, that "vote for Tony Blair" is now defined as "To rush enthusiastically into the cubicle expecting big things, only to get a pathetic little fart?" If you want to know what Ghandi's flip-flops, Bungle's finger and licking a nine volter allude to, then buy the Profanisaurus and laugh till snot dribbles down your lips.
However, the Profanisaurus, rich as it is in additions to the mother tongue, represents what you might call the maximalist tendency in obscenity. Even now, there is a great deal to be said for the minimalist tendency - the cluster of b, f and c-words which which have served us faithfully for centuries.
It's as futile to repress or forbid foul language as it is to repress or forbid breaking wind. We are steeped in the stuff - from the bell hooks and Shere Hite of high literature to the prole-ish world of football (Danny Shittu, Kuntz, Arce, Windass, Dou Dou), it is ingrained. Debates about the morality of swearing are generally futile - the supposed misogyny of the c-word, for instance.
Granted, in America it is deployed as an ultra-strength alternative to "bitch". In Britain, however, it has no such connotations. Rather, along with the b and f words, which swearologist Geoffrey Hughes categorises as "voiced bilabial plosives and frictives", it's a word ideally phonetically shaped for emotional release, as is the word "a-choo!" to sneezing.
Swearing was not invented by Shaun Ryder. Chaucer deemed it big and clever to swear copiously in The Miller's Tale, while Ben Jonson's plays are rife with phrases like "fackins" and "shit on your heads".
A 1601 parliamentary ban on coarse language, however, led to the apparent extinction of swearing, with the sole exception of Robert Browning's use of the word "twat" in 1848's Pippa Passes - he thought it was a nun's garment. Come the groundbreaking Lady Chatterley case, however, in which the prosecutor, brandishing the expletive-ridden novel, asked, "Is this the sort of book you would allow your wives and servants to read?" a permissive era was supposedly born.
So swear - however, with discretion. A bodily function it may be but public swearing is as deplorable as public urinating. I would suggest that when driven to distraction and deadly expletive build-up kicks in, simply excuse yourself from the room. Create a euphemism. Tell your Mum, kids, or employer that your are "just going out to season the air", perhaps. Then step out to your gazebo, potting shed or even broom cupboard and bellow, profanely and profusely. Better out than in.
And swear properly. "Shoot" or "Fishsticks!" won't do the job. Nor will whimsical infantilisms like "bottom", "poo" or the dreadful "wee". It's arse, shit and piss, you hear? And they must be delivered with unbridled gusto.
It has been argued, by Lenny Bruce, by Stephen Fry, by the makers of South Park (who deliberately used the word "shit" 162 times in a recent episode) that swear words can and will, through repeated use, lose their potency, much as "damn" did. Fortunately, this shows no sign of happening. We need good, crisp, potent swear words and if that means sustaining a culture of mild hypocrisy, censorship and repression then so be it. The toxins of everyday life we absorb cannot properly be expelled with obsolete, once-considered-naughty phrases like "Odds bodkins" or "dash your eyes". Fact: in the Japanese language there are no swear words. The result? Kamikaze, Hari Kiri and game shows involving snapping turtles and exposed genitals.
This cannot happen here. Long, therefore, may swearing be considered debased, disgusting, evidence of a poor vocabulary and all the rest of the bullshit the Christian right drivels at us. Bring on the asterisks!
David Stubbs
http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2002/sep/28/referenceandlanguages
cumdownn. That feeling of soul-crushing worthlessness that follows a sherman, as inevitably as night follows day.
romancing the bonen. An evening in alone with a meal, a bottle of wine and some soft music, followed by a top shelf stick vid.
oil the bat v. To polish the pork sword, wax the dolphin.
tail gunnern. A rear admiral. Arse bandit at 6 o'clock.
turbot for teaexclam. Announce-ment that the fish supper is served. 'Never mind that tug, Sidney. It's turbot for tea.'
fuglyadj. Fucking ugly.
http://www.viz.co.uk/profanisaurus.html
To sign off, here’s a few clips of children reading from the Profanisaurus:
*
p.s. Hey. _Black_Acrylic, d.l. and master of one of the most interesting realms in the universe of aesthetics, has our floor today, and he uses it to bathe 'Roger's Profanisaurus' in whatever light this place gives off. Personally, I'd never heard of 'RP' before, maybe strangely, so I'm forever grateful to him. See what you think and say stuff in return, please. Otherwise, I'll note here that, after a couple of okay-ish nights, my sleep problems have made an inexplicable return, so here's a warning that I'm kind of re-zonked today. Re-zonked? Kind of out of it again. Apologies in advance. ** 혜민, Hi! Ooh, nice. Everyone, via 혜민, here's a lovely miniature birthday dessert table. I thought the miniature birthday dessert table was a fine response and addition to Z.'s presents. I hope you can express your favoriteness to your favorite. I'm sure it would please him enormously deep inside. Oh, and I got your email/Day. Thank you so much! It's really gorgeous! I'll assemble it in the blog's back room and let you know when it'll appear right away. So kind of you! ** Squeaky, Hi, Darrell. Thanks for your HB to Z. I'm the lucky one. ** David Ehrenstein, Hi. I was so afraid you were linking me to Lionel Richie. Thank you for not doing that, ha ha. Always nice to see VK get some spotlight. ** Scunnard, 'Hard to tell where the poem begins and when a new poem is happening through the translation': Nice, very nice. I'm spaced/sleepy, but I'm otherwise just fine, thank you. ** Grant maierhofer, Hi, G. I'm okay, just, as I've said too often already, out-of-it-ish upstairs. Punk festival in the woods: there's something sonnet-like about that combo. I don't think I know Mankind. I've gotten so out of it re: pro-wrestling since I've been over here. Curious about that bigger project. Roggenbuck's stream of thoughts and grace on the phrase- and sentence-level is enviable. ** Misanthrope, Hi, G. Z. reads the blog, so I imagine that he got your HBD wish straight from the source. But I'll tell him just in case. Oh, sure, maybe John would find Bieber du jour fun to work with. And since John is having hell's time getting funding for a new film, Biebs' involvement might seem particularly helpful. John's taste in such things is much harder to predict than you would think. I can't figure out if sleeping like a devil means you slept especially well or poorly, probably because I slept like a devil last night. Bowling, fun. You not bowling, not fun. Hurt your arm in a toilet stall? Um, how? Dare I ask? ** Rewritedept, Fancy? Oh, I guess some were. But I'm not sure exactly what the dictionary definition of fancy is, so maybe they all were. Yes, gifts when he gets back. I'm amazed that you and your friend know who Foghat is. Never would have guessed their stuff could survive its immediate time and place. Sorry to hear about your brother. It stressed me out just reading that. My weekend was good. The meeting with my agent was most pleasant. I did get some writing done. Etc. Thank you for asking. One of these days, I'm so going to buy a Tobin painting and a Bob collage. I actually organized and set up what would have been the first ever gallery show of Pollard's collages at an LA gallery, Peres Projects. It was all set to go, but then Pollard decided he wanted to have his first show in NYC, so the plan fell by the wayside sadly. 'Circumambulation': no, not yet. ** Tosh Berman, Thanks a lot, Tosh! Uh, oh, it took me a couple of weeks off and on to find/assemble the images and then organize them. Anyway, yeah, thank you so much. ** S. Hi. How nice of you! Z., if you're reading this, d.l. S. made you a birthday gift/stack as part of his ongoing Emo stack project, here, and everyone, you're free and encouraged to have a look too. ** Querik, Whoa! Hi, my almost but thankfully not long lost friend! It's so sweet to see you! I'm so sorry to hear of your stress-related problems, but I'm so happy that you're mending. And I'm most curious and excited to see your new work! I can't remember what the Tony Duvert post looks like. Hold on. I'll go find it. One sec. ... I'm not sure if I found the right photo or not, but, if I did, it's a close-up photo of Mr. Duvert himself, so maybe you look eerily like him? I just saw your second comment. Thank you a lot for the link to your site. The new works do look very different and really quite amazing! I'll be poring over the work and catching up greedily in a bit. Everyone, d.l. Querik aka Adjoun aka the Dutch artist Erik Visser is a completely superb artist and a big favorite of mine, and, after having been away from the blog for a while, he has just returned and brought with him a link to his site when he shows his drawings, and you really should take this very golden opportunity to either acquaint yourself with his work, or, if you're already a fan like me, to catch up on his recent makings. Go here. Such a pleasure, man! Please do stick around if you feel like it. That would be so great! ** Thomas Moronic, Thanks a lot, man. My weekend was very good except for the sleep thing. 'Really flat thing going that is also kind of overwhelmingly emotional': cool. That's a tough one, but, as someone who's tried for that and both failed and succeeded at different times, it's a very good effect if you can get the flat to muster it up. Nice. ** Bill, Hi, B. Thanks for wishing a happy one to Z. I thought the dangling arms might do your trick. Well, to be honest, I hadn't imagined that in advance, so I'm actually saying, yes, understood, and my mental laziness did a detour. Or something. Paris has cooled off, yes, fantastic! Don't know Max Barry's stuff. Hm, your description of the book was very charismatic, and, hm, it might just be my thing. I'll look for an online excerpt. Thank you muchly, as always. ** Martin Bladh, Oh, my pleasure, my honor. Thank you! ** Jebus, Hi, man! Me too, on the sparer ceilings. Oh, wow, that video you made. Holy shit! It's awesome, thank you so much! Everyone, the knock down/drag out fantastic artist and music maker and d.l. Jebus took the birthday ceilings post and made a visual collage video from it that you really should watch, and you can if you go here. Wowzer! Yeah, I'm watching my step more closely now, and trying to get this sleep problem solved somehow. It's like jetlag without the jet. It's weird. Oh, awesome, thank you a ton for letting me in on your new songs and vids, and for the tips on the latters' sources. I'll go attempt to gain fake full wakefulness with some more coffee once I finish this thing off, and then I'll luxuriate. The very best to you! Everyone, also, Jebus-wise, he has this fantastic music project called New White Light, as some of you may know, and NWL has a slew of new tracks and related videos newly up and watchable, and I highly recommend you check out as many of them as you can. They are 'Ring Death', 'Silver Skin', 'Black Dwarf', 'Vincent', 'Observing the Cries', 'Blood Queen', 'Grasshopper', and 'Stomper'. Choose one, choose them all. Greatly looking forward to it! ** Chilly Jay Chill, Hi, Jeff. Thank you for the HBD wish for Z.! Thanks, re: the post. Yeah, I have read Celan, not all that recently, though. I thought he was pretty incredible, and I think I liked the later work the best? I'm pretty sure I did. But 'impenetrable' has never been a negative for me. I'm going to go reread him. Maybe do a Celan post or something. Thanks, man. How is the new novel working? ** Steevee, Hi, Steve. I have no idea about Nile Rogers' sexuality. I guess maybe keep in mind that he was surely quite aware that the gay audience was key to the success of a lot of the music he was writing and putting out back then, so it might just be savviness on his part. But I don't know anything about his personal stuff. ** Sypha, Hi. I haven't listened to Talking Heads in a million years, for no real reason. I remember thinking they were pretty great all the time up through the 'Remain in Light' album, and then they started dropping off quality-wise and getting less interesting and more and more self-conscious and cutesy. I'm in the minority that thinks 'Stop Making Sense', the film, is really irritating. I think seeing that film back in the day is what put me off them. ** L@rstonovich, Hey, buddy! You good? Yeah, right, about that TP. I think I might have liked 'Against the Day' more ultimately, but I'm not sure. What's going on with you, man? How's your summer been? Love, me. ** Okay. _B_A has a thing for you to look at, etc., and I hope you will get to that. I will try yet again to catch up on my sleep tonight, and, whatever happens in that regard, I'll see you tomorrow.