1. In the beginning there were two 5th dimensional twinks. One day these two twinks decided to engage in sexual intercourse.
2. One of the twinks ejaculated:
3. Into the other twink’s cosmic asshole, otherwise known as Ginnungagap:
4. The semen of the first twink filled the void of Ginnungagap. The second twink farted, causing a Big Bang:
5. And thus was the Monad formed, and beneath it, the universe:
6. The Monad was populated by 4th dimensional beings known as the Aeons:
7. And they all lived in a heavenly palace:
8. One of these Aeons was named Sophia:
9. Sophia, desiring to emulate the twinks, tried to create a universe of her own, but ended up aborting a Demiurge:
10. The Demiurge descended down from the Monad, into the chaos of the universe:
11. There, it created a planet, with the idea it would resemble a giant turtle supported by a number of elephants:
12. but it kind of botched the job:
13. The Demiurge, its own origin unknown to it, declared itself the only god, and thus became known as the Eldritch Patriarch:
14. The Eldritch Patriarch created a paradise known as the Garden of Eden:
15. He then created the first man, named Adam:
16. And the first woman, named Eve:
17. The Eldritch Patriarch also created angels known as Archons to keep Adam and Eve ignorant:
18. Adam and Eve lived a blissful yet ignorant existence in this artificial paradise:
19. Sophia, wishing to liberate Adam and Eve from the blindness forced upon them by the Eldritch Patriarch formerly known as the Demiurge, sent down one of her own angels, Lucifer the Lightbringer, who thus urged Adam and Eve to read from the forbidden Book of Knowledge:
20. One of the archons tried to stop Adam and Eve from doing this:
21. But in the end, first Eve, then Adam read from the forbidden Book of Knowledge:
22. In anger, the Eldritch Patriarch cast Adam and Eve out of the Garden. This event became known as The Fall:
23. Entropy was thus ushered into the world:
24. Along with the arrival of death:
25. And Man became aware, for the first time, of his mortality:
26. Adam and Eve, now exiled, gave birth to two sons, the first being named Cain:
27. The second son was named Abel:
28. Cain and Abel were secretly lovers. However, the Eldritch Patriarch lusted after Abel and desired to make him his own personal catamite. In despair, Abel begged Cain to kill him, to prevent that fate from occurring. Cain regretfully killed his brother. For that crime, he was banished by the Demiurge to the underworld realm known as Arka, where he claimed the title Rex Mundi: Lord of the Earth.
29. To punish those who disobeyed him, the Eldritch Patriarch created a Hell to serve as a sort of spiritual prison:
30. This was what the gateway to Hell looked like:
31. At all times, the Eldritch Patriarch kept a gimlet eye on the actions of his creations:
32. The archons were entrusted with snaring the souls of departed humans and sending them back down to Earth, to prevent them from ascending to the Monad:
33. Some of the hornier archons began to have sex with the humans now populating the planet. This led to strange mutations:
34. The Eldritch Patriarch, annoyed by these aberrations, opened up the Doomsday Door:
35. A miniature apocalypse flooded the cosmos, as strange demons began preying on the populace of the planet:
36. By this point, humanity had begun to entertain serious doubts about the validity of the Eldritch Patriarch as a just and loving god:
37. All this occurred under the all-seeing eye of the Eldritch Patriarch:
38. The Eldritch Patriarch, disgusted with his botched creation, killed himself, plunging the world into a new Dark Age:
39. Completely unrelated to this narrative, here is an illustration of a kappa that I think is cute:
40. Humanity, having forgotten its origins, moved on. Until some of its shamans began experimenting with weird drugs:
41. These weird drugs gave the shamans visions of the Nether Realms of Chaos that predated Earth:
42. And the demons that populated the Nether Realms, dark energies known as the Deadlights:
43. Along with other Eldritch Abominations too horrible to name:
44. Humanity, mistaken the Nether Realms for the highest reality, fell into a cult of despair:
45. Another example:
46. Morbid art began to flourish:
47. This being the rational for such thinking:
48. Odd cults began to flourish as well:
49. Everything seemed so… meaningless:
50. People began to kill themselves in droves:
51. Though some prayed for salvation:
52. And this was their holy symbol:
53. In her infinite mercy, Sophia sent to the planet a savior, known as the Ithorian Messiah, who taught the people of the Monad and the 5th-dimensional twinks:
54. Humanity rejoiced:
55. And then it happened: the evolution into a higher race of life forms: the birth of the first starchild:
56. The End.
*
p.s. Hey. I don't need to tell you how lucky we are to have this great pictorial narrative by Sypha to tweak us through the weekend, but I just did anyway. Luxuriate, decipher, connect the dots, etc., and speak to the creator between now and Monday, please? Thanks, everybody, and huge thanks to you, masterful Sypha. ** Torn porter, Hi. Thanks, man. Halloween barely exists in France. A few goth themed nightclub events, and that's really about it. They don't even program horror movies on TV or release horror movies in a timely fashion here or anything. We didn't end up going to the Winchester House on the trip, sadly. Due to time constraints, we had to make a choice between exploring a spectacular curve of Utah desert and wending northwest, and we chose the former. I haven't been to the Winchester Halloween event, but the place itself is very, very worth checking out at any time of the year. Susan Boyle? That's a nice, out of the blue choice. Pix? Cool, def. hit me/us up with the Kickstarter link, and I hope you guys had a great, curled up night. ** Keaton, Hi. I just fuck around too, but obsessively and diligently, I guess? I like your Halloween recounting. It veered very well, like the best things. The jet lag seems to be okayish, I think, knock on wood, weirdly, maybe. ** Thomas Moronic, Hi, T. Glad your Halloween had the holiday down and coming and going. Blog guest-things would be super awesome, man, thank you a ton. ** David Ehrenstein, Hey. Yeah, the Bob Mizer/Tom of Finland show(s) at MoCA sound like a must see kind of thing. You gonna go? Thanks much for the Cairns/Welles link. I'll be all over that. Everyone, Mr, Ehrenstein has an awesome tip. Here he is to tell you about it: 'The estimable David Cairns has written a most interesting piece on Orson Welles' Too Much Johnson. This was a film not meant ot be seen by itself but part of a theater piece -- looking forward in some ways to the "Happenings" of the 60's. Thought lost this film sequence doesn't appear to be finished at all but is rather a rough cut. It's silent footage of Joseph Cotton being chased over rooftops. Fascinating. I hope we get to see it here in the U.S. one way or another.' ** Steevee, Your 'Bad Grandpa' report confirms precisely what I expected it to be. Big skip on that one. Thank you. I'll go read your 'GS' review, thank you for that too. Everyone, here's Steevee's review of 'the Cambodian cinema documentary GOLDEN SLUMBERS.' ** Heliotrope, Hi, Mark! Oh, the trip was probably too big and roamy and jam-packed and awesome to recount well, but I might do a slideshow or something if I can. Happy anniversary, you two lovebirds and embodiments of awesomeness! A lodger? Someone you know? I want to see your roses. Any chance? Big love, bud. ** DOVEY, Hi! Oh, I was going to compliment you on that screen name, and now I get to compliment both and Antonio simultaneously. Wow, you guys did Second Life? I never even went in there. Does it still exist? I never seem to hear anything about it anymore. Yeah, that bio is going to be all things originally to all people, for sure, just like he was. Excited! How is it going? A big bunch of love right back to you. ** _Black_Acrylic, Wow, that's soon. I mean November. That's fantastic! Very happily, Zac and I hung out with Ryan Trecartin a little bit while on our recent trip. He also snuck us into nearly finished versions of a few of his upcoming videos/films, and they're completely great, no surprise. Interesting about RM getting that nomination. Makes complete sense. ** Lee, Lee! Thanks, man. I did have a serious, major blast. Yeah, granted I'm a little lagged/zonked, but I looked and didn't find Ian's email. Did he send it under another name or something? If you want to resend it, and if you don't mind, that might be good, and apologies if my eyes are merely fogged up or something. Vocal improv, Tate, ... what what what? Explain, please. Nice. How did it go? ** Bill, Thanks, B. Leonora Carrington is a sweet writer. I should read her again and soon, I think. Enjoy that, and rock or noise your weekend. ** Creative Massacre, Hi. That's kind of sweet or something that your town gave Halloween a rain delay. I'm really glad that things in your world are starting to calm down, and of course that you're taking that extra time. Very important, my friend. More love still to you, and have the best weekend possible! ** Robert-nyc, Oh, gosh, thank you! I'm the lucky stiff in that equation. How have your publication-timed readings and stuff been going? ** Misanthrope, Hi, G. It's so good that you got her to go to the doctor and get those tests and get on the cholesterol med. Any chance that she will eat better? Or at least take supplements or something? Little Show must be so hyped. Like I said, we had such a huge trip, it's hard to know how to lay it out without going on and on. I'll try to share some pix and videos or something if I can sort that out and swipe some evidence from Zac, who was the official chronicler. One cool thing is that we did a lot of good, fun research for an upcoming Gisele project. She's going to direct her first film, and Zac and I are co-writing it. It'll be shot in LA at Halloween next year, if all goes well, and it theoretically involves two guys/characters, one a ventriloquist, one a worker in a factory that makes artificial fog production machinery, who collaboratively make a haunted house attraction set in a fucked-up ballet school, to greatly simplify the story. So, on our trip, we investigated haunted houses, artificial fog factories, puppet makers, and so on, and that was really interesting and big fun. ** Rewritedept, It's always so strange to me that my books scare people. That probably sounds disingenuous, but it isn't. I'm just so not trying to scare people, it's weird. I hope your sandwich fulfilled your mouth's wildest dreams. ** Okay, that's it. Be amazed by Sypha's creation, please. Have strong weekends. I'll see you back here on Monday.