Sypha presents ... Living on the Edge: the not-so scandalous history of The Cat Band, the oddest musical act to spawn from Woonsocket, Rhode Island

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As some of you know, when I’m not writing, I often like to work on electronic music, which I often release on my netlabel Mauve Zone Recordings under the name Sypha Nadon. However, I am not the only person in my family who is both a writer and a “musician.” My three younger brothers are writers as well, and for many years, when they were younger, had been in a band, which they had called The Cat Band. But there was a brief time period where I was in the band as well. As they say, it’s complicated. This Day, then, is a history of the Cat Band.

As one can tell from the preceding paragraph, I am the oldest of four brothers. My three younger brothers are Tom (b. 1982), Bill (b. 1984), and Andrew (b. 1986): I myself was born in 1980, so each of us is spaced around 2 years apart or so. In the 1990’s and early 2000’s, my brothers both played and recorded music in a group that came to be known as The Cat Band. I was present to witness the creation of their songs and I really do think it some of the most unique music ever created. During the Cat Band’s existence, I was pretty much clueless about topics such as outsider art or naive rock, two genres I feel that The Cat Band falls into because it really does seem to exist by itself in a black hole. It is important to note that my brothers were fairly young when this music was recorded (Tom, the band’s founder, was 13 when he started the band), and thus it is (for the most part) refreshingly devoid of irony, a rare thing indeed in this postmodern age where any emotion one can express often needs to be reframed in quotation marks first. In my humble opinion, the end of The Cat Band came when the band members became, to some extent, self-aware of what they were doing: in layman’s terms, when they actually figured out how to play their instruments in a somewhat competent manner. As “out there” as this music is, it's important to remember one thing: at the time, my brothers actually thought that this music had commercial, mainstream appeal. It wasn't meant to be experimental. Hence the band's unintentional initiation into naive rock history.

For the sake of clarity, I’ve broken the band’s history down into specific eras, followed by a section of photographical material and also a large majority of the band’s lyrical output. Videos of The Cat Band do exist, but at the moment are all on VHS tapes that have yet to be transferred to a digital format. I hope one day to do an updated Cat Band Day with this video material as well. Until then, this will have to suffice.


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My brothers and I on Christmas in 2001, towards the end of the Cat Band’s last era. From left to right: Bill, myself, Andrew, Tom.


The Cat Band Era One: 1995-1996

The Cat Band began in 1995, formed by my brother Tom, who was (as has been previously noted) about 13 at the time. Our father had gotten us a Toshiba boom box that could both play tapes and record sounds. Tom used it to record himself singing and playing harmonica (incidentally, I used the same boom box years later, to record my very first Sypha Nadon songs, before I got access to a program that let me compose and arrange music on my computer). This Toshiba boom box would quickly become one of The Cat Band’s most important tools, as they used it to record countless “studio” songs, “live” shows, and band rehearsals. However, back in 1995, the band was just Tom and his trusty harmonica. One of the very first songs Tom did was a very long freeform song entitled “Scoffman,” which was about the character Colonel Mustard from the popular board game Clue. Tom and I were both fans of a book series aimed at children that was out at that time period, this series being a number of young reader mystery novels revolving around the characters from Clue, and in these books the character of Colonel Mustard was always scoffing. Because Tom always played as Colonel Mustard when we played Clue, he evidently found this amusing (in fact, many of the books he wrote back then had characters scoffing all the time as well). “Scoffman” was just Tom singing lyrics made up on the spot, interspersed with brief harmonica solos (to put it politely). Sadly, the first six minutes of the song were erased when Tom recorded it over with a Mr. Bill sketch that appeared at the start of the 1993 film Ernest Rides Again. Perhaps this is for the best, as the “song” is nearly unlistenable. It also has the immortal lyric “I scowl at Mr. Green/tear out his tiny spleen.”

After that Tom and I did an eight minute and 26 second song called “Why is the Cat the Best Ever?” Which could canonically be considered the first true Cat Band song. This song was just Tom and I on vocals, with Tom also playing harmonica (while I emitted sounds in the background which resemble either a sick dog howling or a whale giving birth). We also used toy echo mikes in the song to “enhance” our vocals. The lyrics involve a cat who can play basketball, who is apparently the “best ever.” To put it bluntly, it sounds like two mental patients “singing” nonsense into a tape recorder (it doesn’t help matters that Tom sings it in an affected Richard Simmons-style accent that he often employed back then). In that same session, he and I recorded a very short song called “Dandruff,” which was inspired by a dandruff problem I had at that age, when I was 15.

(Years later, when an effort was made to create a canonical discography for The Cat Band, the songs “Scoffman,” “Dandruff” and “Why is the Cat the Best Ever?” were lumped together into a single EP entitled Why is the Cat the Best Ever?)

A year later, in 1996, Bill (age 12 at the time) joined the band for a single, called “The Cat is Ultimate.” This song, which once again revolves around a character named “The Cat” (Cat being Tom’s nickname), featured Tom on lead vocals and harmonica, me on background vocals, and Bill on background vocals as well. This song is notable not only for Bill’s first appearance as a member of The Cat Band, but also because it’s the first Cat Band song to feature guitar, specifically, an Al Hambra acoustic guitar, also played by Bill.

That same year our dad got us a $20 Casio CA-110 keyboard that quickly became the core of the band’s sound. On Easter Day 1996, Tom and I did a song using the Casio called “Blue Cat,” an epic song that was nearly 20 minutes long (and years later would be retooled into a much more poppier version). On this song I “played” keyboard (really, all I kept doing was turning on the keyboard’s presets) while Tom sang lyrics (as usual back then, totally improvised), about a titular “Blue Cat” who dies in a car accident, then miraculously returns to life and rises to the heavens. This song is of historical interest because it was the first Cat Band song to feature keyboards (and also the “Blue Cat” character), and also marks my last appearance as a member of the band. It was also the final song of the first “era” of The Cat Band, which roughly ran from 1995-1996.

(NOTE: In 2004 I realized that much of the Cat Band’s output remained on tapes scattered all over the place in Tom’s bedroom, sometimes on tapes that were nearly ten years old, and I began to worry about something happening to the tapes and the music getting lost forever. So I decided to record as much of it as I could find into my computer. I simply placed a tiny microphone next to a boom box and played the tapes straight into my computer, and though the sound quality isn’t always the greatest I feel like the original lo-fi origins of the original recordings have been preserved: in fact, I take a perverse pride in the knowledge that these digital “remasters” actually sound worse in many cases than the analog originals. Interestingly enough, towards the end of the original “Blue Cat,” you can hear one of our own pet cats purring as he rubs against the recording microphone. In 2007, I began to release The Cat Band material on my Mauve Zone Recordings netlabel in special anthologies, with custom cover art drawn by myself, the first volume of which incorporated the Why is the Cat the Best Ever? EP, the Cat is Ultimate single, plus the ultra-rare original mix of Blue Cat. All these songs can be downloaded for free at this link, or you can just listen to them on the embedded playlist below).



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The Cat Band Era 2: Cat Forever (September 1997-January 1998)

In 1996 I left the band as a player to focus on becoming the band’s manager, (pretty much an honorary title, however). Over the years I’ve also became the band’s official archivist and cameraman (I recorded a number of their rehearsals on video back in the day, often adding cheesy special effects). By this point The Cat Band was pretty much just Tom and Bill, with Tom writing the lyrics and providing lead vocals and harmonica (and sometimes repetitive keyboard riffs somewhat reminiscent of Martin Rev’s playing style from Suicide, though of course, back then none of us had ever heard of Suicide), while Bill played most of the main keyboard and acoustic guitar parts. They also began creating a fake band mythology in which it was claimed that the band was in fact a bunch of cats that could play instruments. For example, Larry Cat did vocals (usually in the campy, Richard Simmons-like voice), Mongo Cat played the drums, Tabby Cat played piano and keyboards, Purr Cat played bass, and so on. During this era The Cat Band sometimes went by the name “The Larry Cat Band” or “The Cat Band and the Kittenettes.” Mongo in particular received a lot of attention; according to the band’s mythos he was a giant cat with the world’s largest drum set, a set so large that he could only play the drums located behind him by firing off shit out of his ass that in turn would hit the drums (this was known as “firing logs” for reasons I don’t presume to understand, perhaps to avoid swearing in front of our parents). Of course, the entire band’s “percussion” actually came courtesy of keyboard drums, or whacking big tins of popcorn (or dropping coins on the ground near the Toshiba). Sometimes in this era Bill would refer to himself as Rod Roddy and Tom would call himself Bob Barker, evidently a pop culture reference to the Price is Right game show.

Still using the cheap-o $20 Casio and the Toshiba, the Cat Band recorded their first album, Cat Forever, in 1997, following a long hiatus from April 1996 to September 1997. Taking on the duties of songwriter, for the first time Tom began to write out lyrics for his songs, which he and Bill would then record, usually in one of their bedrooms. Eight songs were recorded in this era, details of which follow:

“Apply Your Skills” was perhaps the first true “organized” Cat Band song, in that Tom wrote the lyrics out before they recorded it, though the lyrics are still as nonsensical (in a good way) as ever. And, like many of the songs from this era, the music was totally improvised on the day of recording. It features Tom on lead vocals and harmonica and Bill playing guitar, plus some keyboard stuff (such as a techno dance beat preset and some evocative organ-like chords). Like many of the old Cat Band songs, it’s long, going on for over 9 minutes.

“Duty Free Shop” was written and recorded around the same time as “Apply Your Skills.” The song is inspired by Kramer’s “I like to shop at the duty free shop” song from the Seinfeld episode “The Airport.” As usual, Tom does lead vocals and harmonica while Bill does keyboard stuff and background vocals; also as usual, they use a keyboard preset for the background beat. Both Tom and Bill had a bizarre amount of fondness for this song, and would later on go to record a new version of it in the band’s third era. It’s certainly one of the more melodic early Cat Band efforts, even if the melody is ripped-off. This song also features a cameo from Portly Penguin, Bill’s stuffed animal friend (also known as “Sir Bird”) who would often speak/sing in a very high-pitched voice (he can also be heard gibbering at the end of “Apply Your Skills”).

“Stardom and Fame” is kind of a unique track in the early Cat Band days in that it featured Bill on lead vocals, singing lyrics that he himself had written, with Tom providing back-up vocals and his usual harmonica pyrotechnics, plus doing the lead keyboard riff. Bill’s lyrics, as you might observe, are a bit more conventional and melodic than Tom’s.

In that same September of 1997 the band next recorded one of their more classic songs, “Living on the Edge,” which at over 18 minutes long was one of their most epic tracks to date (for the record, these long track running times were no doubt inspired by the prog rock albums we were listening to back then, primarily Emerson, Lake & Palmer’s Brain Salad Surgery). Set atop the usual keyboard backing beat, Tom does lead vocals and some keyboard while Bill does some keyboard as well and plays some acoustic guitar, plus some back-up vocals. This is one of the songs where “tapping/dropping a coin(s)” against the ground served as additional percussion. I especially like the end of the song, when Tom chants “Watch those fires blaze” over an apocalyptic keyboard soundscape.

In early October, the band recorded “Hot Shots.” Another epic track at over 17 minutes long, in thematic content it was inspired by the Emerson, Lake & Palmer song “Karn Evil 9” (off their Brain Salad Surgery album), along with the Rush song “2112.” Once again, Tom’s on lead vocals and harmonica and Bill on keyboard, though in some of these old songs Tom would play a bit of keyboard as well, as is the case here. This song is of great historical importance as it marked Andrew’s first appearance with the band, playing a toy drum and also using a squeak toy as a sound effect, though he wouldn’t become an official band member until 1999, in the fourth era. For some unknown reason, at one point Bill plays the main melody from J. Geils’ “Centerfold.” Once again, the dropping of coins on the ground is used as an additional percussive element, and at the end a toy xylophone is employed to good effect.

That same October, The Cat Band did yet another new song, “When We Live,” which I think is one of their stronger efforts from this era. Evidently Tom thought so as well, as he had at least 4 different versions of this song recorded. One of those early Cat Band songs where Tom played the droning lead keyboard riff, other components of this track include a techno beat courtesy of a keyboard preset, Bill’s acoustic guitar, and some clattering percussion (what sounds to my ears like toy cymbals crashing together). One of the first versions of this song is popularly known as the “Indian Mix” on account that, when our mother heard Tom singing it, she asked him if he was trying to sound like a Native American (as he sung this one in a slightly deeper voice than he usually sang). Other mixes include the “Short Mix” (which at over 9 minutes and being touted as the shortest possible version of the song is still longer than the “Indian Mix”), the “Abrasive Mix” (which speaks for itself, and which sees Bill playing a toy piano at one point), and, finally, the gargantuan “Long Mix,” which at slightly under 20 minutes makes it the longest Cat Band song, if one doesn’t count the original mix of “Blue Cat.” The “Long Mix” is also one of the only Cat Band songs that has Bill playing harmonica instead of Tom.

During this same period they also did a somewhat funky song called “Son of a Gemini.” Yet another long track (only a few seconds shorter than “Hot Shots”), it’s one of the rarer Cat Band songs as the band only ever played and recorded it once. Tom does lead vocals and harmonica, Bill’s on keyboards and plays some acoustic guitar as well, along with providing some whistling. It’s kind of all over the place and scattershot though, even more so than some of their other songs from this era.

Finally, one can’t forget their classic track “Super Mario,” which dates back to this era. Essentially Bill playing a version of the Super Mario theme song over a rockin’ techno keyboard beat, with Tom singing lyrics related to the Mario games (games we were all very fond of: in that era, we were all playing a lot of Super Mario 64 on the Nintendo 64 system). The band recorded many versions of this song, and it remains one of their most well-known and signature tracks. In particular, it displays Bill’s growing skill at playing the keyboard (unlike Tom, he knew how to read sheet music, and the fact that he was in the band at school gave him additional music training). In some versions (including the version of the song that came with Volume Two), Bill would also play the Zelda theme song.

Another song from this era was “Fear in the Bedroom,” which was actually one of Tom’s earliest songs, pre-dating even “Apply Your Skills,” though the actual lyrics weren’t actually set to paper until a few months after that one: sadly, the band never recorded a version of it, perhaps because, at a dense 4 pages of lyrics, it was one of Tom’s longest songs.

Most of the material of the band’s second era was released on Mauve Zone Recordings as Cat Band Anthology Volume 2: Cat Forever. It can be downloaded for free here, or you can just listen to the above songs on the playlist embedded below).






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(the above artwork is an alternate cover for the 2nd anthology, drawn by Bill with magic marker. For these Cat Band anthologies, I wanted each of my brothers to draw their own cover for all the albums, but very few of them actually did).


The Cat Band Era 3: The Cat Band’s Greatest Hits (1998- March 1999)

The Cat Band’s third era began in 1998, when my brother Bill got a new keyboard, a Casio CTK-601 keyboard, this one much more advanced than the band’s first one. It allowed one to record backing tracks on it, which added a new layer of sophistication and polish to the band’s music. This was perhaps the Cat Band’s most electronic era, as they ditched the acoustic guitar and DIY percussion of Era Two, stripping their sound down to just the keyboard (and, of course, Tom’s ever-present harmonica). Tom and Bill began recording lots of new material, and in February 1999 17 of these songs were culled together to form the band’s first truly cohesive album, The Cat Band’s Greatest Hits Volume 1, which to me is the band’s most interesting sonic artifact. Though marketed as a “greatest hits” album, almost all of the tracks were new material, with only 3 tracks being older songs (and even these tracks were newly recorded versions of “Why is the Cat the Best Ever,” “Duty Free Shop,” and “Super Mario,” though at one point the band was considering putting “When We Live” on the tracklisting as well; it was cut due to lack of space). Recorded onto a 90 minute cassette tape, Tom would go on to record a further 10 copies, which he gave away to some of his high school friends, thus winning the band a wider audience: what has become of those tapes all these years later is open to conjecture, but they’re certainly what you could call collector’s items.

The album opens up with one of the band’s first instrumentals, the torturous “Harmonica Overture,” nearly 3 minutes of Tom doing an interminable, extended harmonica solo (this is also one of the few Cat Band songs that doesn’t feature Bill in any capacity). After that rough start, things pick up with track 2, the nearly ten minute long “Why is the Cat the Best Ever ’98,” which, as its name suggests, is a new recording of the 1995 song “Why is the Cat the Best Ever?” While the original, as previously noted, sounded like the work of two mental patients, the 1998 remake was certainly a much slicker affair. Like some songs of this era, the band tried to make it sound as if they were playing before a live audience: to achieve this effect, they would make great use of the “Applause” sound effect on the keyboard, though due to the poor recording quality it ends up sounding more like waves at a seashore. Composed of a pre-programmed, almost tribal drum beat (inspired by the end credits song for Super Mario 64 and the opening drum beat to the Rolling Stones song “Sympathy for the Devil”), Tom’s harmonica, and tasteful piano and keyboard work, it’s certainly one of the band’s most organized songs up to this point, even though the lyrics are still the same as they were in ’95 (and it’s funny that such an epic sound production is given to a song that’s essentially about a cat who can play basketball and boast about his skills). The extended synth solo about halfway through the song is a nice touch, as is the background choir-like effect.

“Liftoff,” the album’s third track, is a short instrumental composed and performed entirely by Bill, one of several such songs he recorded for the album. It’s kind of a rocking, drum-heavy track (well, keyboard drums that is: all of the drumming for the songs of this era were electronic). Once again, a keyboard choir is used as well.

Track 4, “Rocketman,” is, after “Super Mario,” the band’s second best-known song, even if it’s just a cover of the Elton John classic. You know how years ago, Johnny Cash covered the song “Hurt,” and many people said it was better than the Nine Inch Nails’ original? Well, that’s bullshit, the NIN version is still the best. Having said that, I can say in all honesty that I prefer The Cat Band’s version of “Rocketman” to Elton John’s. It’s one of the band’s first (and only) cover songs (they also did a cover of “Psycho-Killer” by the Talking Heads that is sadly long lost), and I think it’s one of the highlights of the album, with Tom giving one of his better vocal performances (I especially like the high note he hits at the end), and Bill doing back-up vocals.

Track 5, “Summer in Paris,” finds both Tom and Bill playing the keyboard, with Bill playing the main keyboard melody and Tom playing the keyboard’s bird sound effects. It’s an okay song, though a little unfocused, with the drumming being all over the place. It’s followed by a new, re-recorded version of “Super Mario.” Not quite as sparse as the 1997 version, it opens with a sample taken from the title screen of the Super Mario 64 video game. It’s an okay version, though again, the drumming doesn’t quite synch up with the rest of the song.

Track 7, “Kick ‘em in the Shins,” is a song I’m convinced the band recorded to annoy me: back then I was known to kick people in the shins when they annoyed me. It’s a charmingly moronic song, and was technically written in the Second Era. It’s followed by the short and bombastic “Harky Tark,” the band’s version of the classic hymn “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing,” just with Tom re-writing some of the lyrics to make it more Cat Band.

Track 9, “Duty Free Shop Bonus,” is a new instrumental version of the 1997 song “Duty Free Shop,” recorded in 1998, with Bill as usual doing most of the arranging. Side One ends with another solo Bill instrumental, the very short “Compo” (at under 50 seconds, it is, along with “Dandruff,” one of the shortest Cat Band songs).

Side Two opens up with “Ghouls and Goblins,” inspired by the video game of the same name. A long and quite lovely instrumental track that I think sounds quite stately at times, albeit in a crude lo-fi way. The Mongo drum solo in the middle is very effective. It’s followed by the third Bill instrumental solo, “Kalindrone,” which is one of my favorite tracks off the album: a very experimental and at times almost avant-garde sounding song.

Track 3 off Side Two is the somewhat dirge-like and repetitive “When We Were Kings.” After that is the 4th Bill solo instrumental, “Pathetique,” one of the more rockin’ tracks on the album, with another impressive though unhinged drum performance from “Mongo Cat.” This is followed by yet another new version of “Duty Free Shop,” this one with vocals and introduced by Andrew, making another rare appearance in this era of The Cat Band. As usual, the band tried to make it seem as if they were playing live (this time in “Detroit City,” apparently). At the 5:00 mark one can hear a sound effect created on the keyboard by Bill that came to be known as “The Walrus.”

The final tracks on Side Two are “Snow on the Lawn” and “New to You, New to Me.” The former is an impressively spacey and psychedelic instrumental track, while the latter is a longer, more pop-orientated song that has Tom again doing lead vocals and Bill doing backing vocals. And as this cassette tape ends, so too does the Third Era of The Cat Band.

For the third volume of Mauve Zone Recordings’ Cat Band anthology series, I made the logical choice to release the contents of The Cat Band’s Greatest Hits Vol. 1 tape in their entirety, along with three bonus tracks (more on those later). It can be downloaded for free at this link, or you can just listen to the songs on the embedded playlist below.







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The Cat Band Era 4-5: Off-White (April 1999-2000/Summer 2000-2002)

Shortly after the release of The Cat Band’s Greatest Hits Volume 1 tape saw a huge development in The Cat Band, when my youngest brother Andrew joined the band’s line-up full-time as a drummer, at the age of 13. Around this point, the band began phasing out the names of the fictional cat members (such as Larry Cat and Mongo Cat) and began playing under their own names. They refashioned themselves as the world’s first harmonica-keyboard-drum trio, with Tom still on lead vocals and harmonica (around with writing all the lyrics), Bill on keyboard, and Andrew on drums. In the spring of 1999, they began writing, rehearsing and recording new material, in the hope of releasing a new album entitled Off-White. By this point, the band had gone from recording songs in Tom and Bill’s bedroom and had relocated to the basement of our parent’s house, where a small DIY studio was set up (though the trusty Toshiba boom box was still employed for recording purposes: it would eventually be replaced by a four track machine, though).

The first of the songs created by this line-up is the classic “Blue Cat,” which quickly became one of their standards. Bearing no relationship at all (aside from the name) to the song Tom and I recorded in Easter of 1996, it was one of the band’s most accessible songs to that point, with Tom doing lead vocals and harmonica, Bill playing keyboard, and Andrew doing the drumming. Shortly after this the band did another new song, the poppy “Magic.” A few months later, in June, the band recorded the jazzy “Watch Your Back Jack,” easily their most conventional and accessible song yet in terms of structure and style.

That same year, the band began to play and record a series of supposed “live shows,” pretending they were touring the country as the opening act for Hootie & the Blowfish (of all bands). In reality, these “live shows” were all recorded in our basement, with the “Audience” sound effect on the keyboard again being used to simulate the sound of a real audience. All of these shows were recorded on tape, and sometimes at the end of each “gig” the band would play a few seconds of a Hootie song before fading the sound away, to complete the illusion. Originally, this tour was supposed to be very extensive, with gigs all across the USA, but in the end, only 9 or so of these gigs were actually recorded: Seattle, Vancouver, Boise, Salt Lake City, Los Angeles, Portland, Chicago, Phoenix, and Dallas. The gigs tended to last anywhere between 20-30 minutes (though the Chicago show lasted almost 40 minutes), with the band typically playing 5 songs. They would start their set with “Blue Cat,” then “Watch Your Back Jack,” then a new song entitled “Soviet Union.” Sets would usually end with another new song, “By The Way.” Other songs that would sometimes be played “live” included a short track named “Chewy,” another one called “In a Box,” plus “Bad Luck Song,” “The Drug Dealer Song,” and “Medley.” Sadly, the tape that contained the live shows that had “Chewy,” “The Drug Dealer Song” and “Medley” on them is warped beyond all recognition, and as a result I was never able to record those to computer.

On Halloween in 1999, they played their first official live show, at a friend’s costume party, where they performed four songs: “Blue Cat,” “Watch Your Back Jack,” and “Rocketman,” ending off with “Super Mario” as an encore. Tom was dressed from head to toe in silver tin foil, while Bill wore a hat with a giant Styrofoam ear taped atop it and Andrew dressed as a pirate. The show was a hit with the audience. Sadly, no recordings, either audio or visual, exist of this live show. My mom did take a photograph of the band prior to the show, but sadly it appears to have gone missing, otherwise I would have used it here.

The band’s Fifth Era began sometime in the summer of 2000, shortly after they recorded another new song, the pop-orientated “Yours to Keep.” It was decided that the band should incorporate bass and guitar into the sound. So Bill purchased his first electric guitar and Tom got a bass guitar. At this point the harmonica and the keyboard began to become less prominent in the band’s sound as well. The band’s first true friction began to come into play at this point: in late September of 2000, Bill temporarily considered quitting the band, threatening to take all his songs with him (a problematic notion, as to that point Tom had still written almost all the lyrics, and the music on many of the older songs was completely improvised anyway). In response, Tom wrote a song called “Passionless” attacking Bill’s own attempts at songwriting, though this song was never recorded. Eventually they all reconciled.

In November of 2000, the band did one of their most iconic songs, the muscular “Harlem.” When I first heard that the band would be incorporating guitar and bass into their sound, I was very skeptical, but changed my mind when I first heard them play “Harlem.” I thought it was the most exciting song they had done in awhile, and liked its raw punk energy: it even had turntable scratches and an honest to god guitar solo. Other punk-rock songs they did in this era included “Racist Cop” and “Last Rock ‘n Roll Star.” On the other hand, they also did “Evil Man is Coming,” a rock song done in the style of something from Jesus Christ Superstar that I wasn’t crazy about at all.

2001 was a bumpy year for The Cat Band, however. The planned album was failing to materialize, and by this point creative differences were tearing the band apart. Bill had begun writing songs of his own and he and Tom had different ideas about what direction the band should go in: Bill wanted a more polished and mainstream pop-rock sound (similar to a band like No Doubt, the music of which all three of my brothers enjoyed), whereas Tom (who was becoming more influenced by punk rock groups like Rancid and also hip-hop acts such as Eminem) wanted to retain the band’s quirky sound: Andrew, being less attached to the band’s original material, privately wanted the band to adopt a more conventional sound as well, but not wanting to rock the boat, kept his feelings to himself. The band did two official live shows during this year, first at a Battle of the Bands gig at Woonsocket High School (our old alma mater) in April (where they performed “Evil Man is Coming,” “Watch Your Back Jack,” and “Harlem,” disappointing some of the old school fans who were hoping for “Rocketman” and “Super Mario”). This performance was recorded on audio and was included as a bonus at the end of the 3rd Cat Band anthology. Then there was a show at another friend’s Halloween party later on that year, in what many could call a fairly disastrous gig (how disastrous? They covered both a Fastball and a Weird Al song). Both of these live shows were videotaped (in fact, I myself recorded the second Halloween one). These unsuccessful live shows served to only further the band’s strife: at the end of the Halloween one Bill was starting to think that a female lead singer and a string quartet was what were needed to get the band back on course.

Following the second Halloween gig, the band’s output rapidly dwindled. One of the only new songs they did in 2001 was “Crestfallen,” a ponderous soft-rock style track that I strongly disliked: it was also one of the first Cat band songs to feature Bill sharing lead vocals with Tom. They also did an extremely poppy song that was almost entirely recorded on keyboards entitled “Right Here Right Now,” that sounds kind of like a spoof of the Backstreet Boys songs then so popular at that time.

In 2002 The Cat Band all but ceased to exist. They decided to do a final “live show” once again in our basement, pretending to open for No Doubt, and they played many of the classics such as “Magic” and “Blue Cat” along with a few surprises, such as “Goods in the Hood” (the only song they ever did that was recorded on computer rather than tape), and a new punk rock version of “Living on the Edge” that bore little resemblance to its 18 minute predecessor. And that was the end of the Fifth Era.

(“Goods in the Hood,” which was recorded on my computer around the years 2000 or 2001, also was the only post-First Era Cat Band song that featured an appearance by myself, in this case playing percussion with a pencil. It was included as a track on the 2008 Mauve Zone Recordings compilation album A Dream as White as the Death of a Seagull, which can be downloaded here).

The fourth Cat Band anthology was meant to contain only songs from the 4th Era, but in the end I decided to incorporate 5th Era material as well. On this anthology one can find the original studio versions of “Blue Cat,” “Magic,” “Watch Your Back Jack,” “Yours to Keep,” “Harlem,” “Crestfallen,” “Last Rock & Roll Star,” and “Racist Cops,” along with some of their “live” Hootie tour songs such as “By The Way,” “Soviet Union,” “In a Box,” and “Bad Luck Song.” As a bonus, I also tossed in the ultra-rare cover they did of The Kinks’ “You Really Got Me,” a Third Era song that also features Andrew and our dad on backing vocals. It can be downloaded for free at this link, or you can just listen to the songs on the embedded playlist below.







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(for the cover art for the 4th anthology, I used an old illustration that Tom had drawn back in the day as possible album cover art for the Off-White album, with some text added to it on computer by myself).


The 5th Cat Band anthology was to have been their final live show, but I’ve yet to record and release that one. One day… though part of the reason why I haven’t done so yet is simply because it’s not one of the band’s better performances.


POSTSCRIPT

Following their final live show in 2002, Tom, Bill and Andrew decided to start a new band and begin work on a new album, and began searching for a new band name: some band names they considered at various points included Les Freres Heureux (which is French for “The Happy Brothers”: this was the name of Frasier and Niles Crane’s restaurant on the TV show Frasier) and Mermelman (the last name of Steven Wright’s reoccurring character on the TV sitcom Mad About You). But they never could come up with a new band name that stuck, and once again, the album (which at one point was to have been named Sockronaissance) failed to come together.

As it was, as the years went by they began to phase out the older songs from the new tracklisting, until at one point the only two songs left from the old days was “Harlem” and “Crestfallen” (and even “Harlem” was eventually cut). In their place came new, more conventional songs, with extremely bland titles such as “Moving On,” “The Way I Look at You,” “I Will Wait,” “Don’t You Cry,” and “See the Beauty Agonize.” The plan was for Bill and Tom to split lyric writing duties, but as the years progressed Tom just stopped writing lyrics entirely and began to lose interest in learning Bill’s songs as well. They began to rehearse less and less, and in the last few years have only rehearsed a handful of times.

Watching the band’s slow dissolution was kind of a bummer (writing about it has been kind of depressing as well). I think a band often needs a person in charge, and for many years that was Tom, but as he lost control of the group it seems the band just lost their heart. And brothers and bands can sometimes be a volatile mix: just look at Oasis, for example. When you have three different people with three very different ideas as to what direction the band should go in, there’s bound to be dissent. Not helping matters is the fact that both Bill and Andrew are skilled musicians (they both graduated from Providence College with degrees in music), whereas Tom has never had any musical training at all. I just feel that the band’s earlier efforts have a kind of innocence and purity that the later songs (such as the mock-rock bombast of a song like “Evil Man is Coming” or “Crestfallen,” which sound as if they were written with an ironic smirk) lack, and to see them go from singing about cats that can play basketball and loving odes to the Super Mario franchise to just another band that cranks out boring love songs was kind of a bitter pill to swallow. But they were all younger when they recorded those old songs, and probably it would be impossible to capture that kind of magic again: a few years ago Bill tried to do a song in the old Cat Band style, but found that he simply no longer could. For better or worse, The Cat Band grew up.

As to what the band members are up to today:


James Champagne

In the year 1999, I became obsessed with industrial music and bands like Throbbing Gristle and Nine Inch Nails, which inspired me to create my own one-man electronic act, which came to be known as Sypha Nadon. Since the year 2000, I’ve recorded hundreds of songs, many of which appear on my Mauve Zone Recordings netlabel (more recently, I released the album Canadian Atheist). I was never involved musically with The Cat Band again, though in the summer of 2001 I did start a side project with Tom and Andrew, a trashy lo-fi punk band we called The Mute Ants: Tom played bass and sang, Andrew played drums, and I played guitar and some keyboard. We rehearsed a bunch of times and made plans for a whole bunch of albums, none of which were ever actually recorded. We did, however, play a live show in April of 2004 at my old high school, which was my first (and, to date, last) time playing music before a live audience: I had a blast! However, when all is said and done, my Sypha Nadon project is just a fun diversion: I consider myself a writer first and foremost.


Tom Champagne

As early as the year 2000, Tom had begun to make plans for doing a solo album on his own, but though he wrote many lyrics and even recorded a few songs (such as “Mr. Metal in the Morning,” “Raucous” and “She Lives in a Fantasy”), he never quite did record that solo album. He was involved with many side projects, though: aside from The Mute Ants, he also formed two bands with Andrew: Liquid Squid and Tinphony. The former was a kind of shock rock/metal type band that did songs with titles like “Bob the Blowjob Blob” and “Whack Off,” though they were always more of a joke band than anything else (and they only ever actually recorded one song, the somewhat anemic “Lions & Tigers”). Tinphony requires a longer explanation.

In the late 1990’s, my brothers and I were big fans of the classic Nintendo 64 game Goldeneye (which, as you can assume, was based on the James Bond film of the same name). We especially enjoyed playing the 4-player battle round/death match, and because there were 4 of us, we always had enough people for a proper match. In these battle rounds, you could choose different characters from the James Bond films to play as your avatar. Our brother Bill would often play as Valentin Zukovsky, the ex-KGB agent portrayed by Robbie Coltrane in the film. Because the Valentin character is slightly shorter than some of the other characters you can choose in the battle rounds, my brothers and I would often have trouble hitting Valentin with bullets during the matches, which so annoyed Tom and Andrew that they eventually formed a band designed for the sole purpose of insulting Valentin (or “Tin,” as they liked to shorten his name to). For the band name, they took the word “Symphony” and changed it to “Tinphony.” For this “band,” Tom did lead vocals and acoustic guitar/harmonica while Andrew played drums and also did lead vocals. They recorded two albums, Bad Rear Day (a play on Weird Al’s Bad Hair Day album) and More Songs About Shitting, Feces, Puke, Urine, Etcetera (or some variation thereof: they never really created an officially canon name for the second album). For those two cassettes, they would take then popular songs from the radio and change the lyrics to scatological ones that insulted Valentin. For example, the Third Eye Blind song “Graduate” became “Smellerate,” Everclear’s “Father of Mine” became “Farter of Time,” and the Village People’s “YMCA” was transformed into “Why is Tin Gay?” (no one ever said it was the most sophisticated of bands).

This, then explains that cryptic passage in my first novel, Confusion:

    “Meanwhile, Sypha and Keith were talking with Bob Baker, who was dressed in an elegant black and white tuxedo with a black bow tie. He was with his fiancé, a Hawaiian woman named Tina. She was a short woman with long blonde hair and dark brown eyes. She was wearing a Cat Band t-shirt with the words “Blue Cat” on it in huge blue letters, next to a picture of a large blue cat. Bob had just introduced her to Sypha and Keith.
    “The Cat Band? They’re hot right now,” Sypha remarked, sipping his punch.
    “Yeah, I loved their new single ‘Magic,’ it had a really catchy chorus,” Tina nodded.
    “I thought the drumming sounded like a typewriter on that one,” Bob said, scratching his bald head.
    “I heard some members of that band are working on a side project called Tinphony,” Sypha commented, finishing his punch and tossing his cup into a nearby recycling bin.
    “What is… Tinphony?” Keith wondered.
    “It’s about a Russian man named Tin,” Sypha explained.
    “How outré,” Bob said.

-

Although Tom has lost interest in writing lyrics and recording music over the years, he still keeps involved with his books. Since 1995, he has handwritten over 25 novels, and some of these novels are quite long (one of them is over a thousand pages). He has also begun typing two books: one of them is a shorter novel for teens that he hopes to get published for real, while the other is a book that will be over 1,600 pages long, and that he’s writing simply to claim that he has the longest book in the house (as his original handwritten 1,000 page book has since been surpassed by one of Andrew’s typed novels and my own Trinity fantasy novel). Tom’s novels are so bizarre they really deserve a day of their own: maybe I’ll do that some other time. Amazingly, he still writes books by hand as well: he’s currently working on the 9th book in his long-running Magical Fantasy series, which he began all the way back in 1995.


Bill Champagne

Bill still writes, plays and records his own music, and hopes to one day do the score for a video/ computer game, to say nothing of composing a score for a film, as John Williams is one of his idols. More recently, he has completed a novel of his own, to the surprise of all of us: Oddly Connected Dissonance, which he has described as a cross between The Perks of Being a Wallflower and Silver Linings Playbook (two of his favorite books/films). He hopes to get it published one day, and is currently planning a sequel.


Andrew Champagne

Of the four of us, Andrew has been in the most bands: The Cat Band, The Mute Ants, Tinphony, Liquid Squid, plus at one point he played drums in a band with some of his friends, this band being named Down Burden Chef. Down Burden Chef has to date only done one (unreleased) album, Victory Garden, on which Andrew appears in two songs. In addition to that, he also writes music under his own band name, Atlantis in Autumn. However, these days he focuses more on writing novels, like Tom and I. Since 2008 he has typed out 5 novels: In November We’ll Burn (2008: over 500 pages), Brigit (2010), Sam’s Port (2011), The Verifiers (2012), and The Seven Hearts of Abby Leigh. He is currently at work on a sixth novel, and is re-editing Brigit in the hopes of getting it published.


* * * *


Will The Cat Band ever reform and ride again some day, and finally record an album for real? Only time will tell…


Photographs

Instruments

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The Casio CA-110. The Cat Band’s first official keyboard. Used primarily during the years 1996-1997)


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The Al Hambra acoustic guitar that the band used for various songs on their Second Era. All of the strings are missing on it now.


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Toy echo mike used by Tom and I during various songs in the Cat Band’s First Era.


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The Casio CTK-601. The band’s second keyboard, mainly used for the recording of The Cat Band’s Greatest Hits Volume 1 tape, along with being used on the Hootie tour.


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Tom’s bass guitar, purchased during the band’s Fifth Era.


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Tom’s second bass guitar.


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Andrew’s drum set.


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Bill’s first guitar, purchased during the band’s fifth era.


NOT PICTURED: Tom’s harmonica, the Toshiba boom box (both of which have gone missing)


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Two photographs taken by our mother of The Cat Band playing live at Woonsocket High School in April of 2001. From left to right: Bill on guitar, Andrew on drums (somewhat obscured), Tom on bass.


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The closest thing The Cat Band ever had for an official logo. Designed by Tom on May 28, 2000. A larger version of this logo was drawn on cardboard, then inserted on the front of Andrew’s bass drum.


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Tom’s original handwritten lyrics for “Apply Your Skills.”


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Tom’s original handwritten lyrics for “Why is the Cat the Best Ever.”


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Tom’s original handwritten lyrics to “Living on the Edge.”


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Tom’s handwritten tracklisting for his own personal copy of The Cat Band’s Greatest Hits Volume 1.


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Tom’s personal copies of the Cat Forever and The Cat Band’s Greatest Hits Volume 1 tapes.


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Illustration of cat drawn by Tom.



Selected Lyrics

Here then are a collection of lyrics from many of the Cat Band’s songs, both official and unofficial songs, arranged by the date on which they were written. A few songs are unrepresented, either because the lyric sheet in question was long lost, or because they were never written down in the first place. I’ve tried to capture the spirit of the original lyrics by keeping in most of the unorthodox grammar and punctuation/capitalization, though in a few cases I did fix some of the spelling typos (in “Duty Free Shop,” for example, the word “Duty” was spelled out as “Doody”). All songs written by Tom Champagne, with the exception of “Crestfallen,” which was co-written with Bill.


Apply Your Skills (written September 3rd, 1997)

VERSE 1: Around your home, it is a mess,
Full of junk and little insects.
You have the talent, you have the tools,
You even lay around when the air is cool.
Your relationship is on the brink,
You have parasites living in ya’ sink,
But do not be displeased,
It all can be fixed with a little ease.

CHORUS 1: So, you gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta apply your skills,
You gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta get off those pills
When the pets aren’t mean,
And your toilet is clean,
You go down to the basement to build another machine.

VERSE 2: You have no job,
Your only friends, all work with the mob,
Where is your money,
Your life is quite funny,
Funny, mad and really sad.
Maybe a cardboard box isn’t looking so bad.

CHORUS 2: So, you gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta apply your skills,
You gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta get off those pills
When the pets aren’t mean,
And your toilet is clean,
You go down to the basement to build another machine.

VERSE 3: When your running the house, trying to catch a mouse,
Don’t expect no, calls from Publisher’s Clearing House,
The walls aren’t painted, and your girlfriends fainted
Your fantasies of fame were just flushed down the drain

CHORUS 3: So, you gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta apply your skills,
You really, really, really have to scrub the window sill,
When the pets aren’t mean, and your toilet is clean,
You go down to the basement to build another machine.

VERSE 4: Your future’s abysmal,
Your credits have fizzled,
The TV is trashed,
And your lightbulbs are smashed.
But you have nothing to fear,
Living like a spud on your favorite rocking chair.

GUITAR SOLO

CHORUS 4: So you gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta apply your skills,
You better, better, better, better get off those pills.
So you better, better, better, better apply your skills
You better stop snacking on roadkill.
When the pets aren’t mean, and your toilet is clean,
You go down to the basement to build another machine.
So you gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta apply your skills,
You will never, never, never be the King of the Hill.

You gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta, Gotta!

Apply your skills.


Duty Free Shop (written September 3rd, 1997)

At the duty free shop,
You can buy some books, you can bump into crooks,
At the duty free shop…

At the duty free shop,
One dark-light day, I went the wrong way
At the duty free shop,
I found lot of sweets, and assorted meats,
On my journey, in the duty free shop…

I once got lost,
At the duty free shop.
I spoke to the boss,
Of the duty free shop.

I took a glance, at a couple’s dance,
On the floors,
Of the duty free shop.
When my plane arrived,
It crashed with a nose dive,
Right about near…
The duty free shop.

So I was alone,
At the duty free shop.
I called my friend,
All the time he spends,
At the duty free shop.

My hands were full
With magazines and a glow in the dark skull,
All a night’s work,
At the duty free shop.

On the ride home,
From the duty free shop,
I asked my friend,
What “Doody” was.
He laughed at my words,
He called me absurd,
For “Doody” was nothing,
At the Duty Free Shop.

Oh, I like to shop at the duty free shop.


Why is the Cat the Best Ever! (written September 14th, 1997)

VERSE 1: Meow! Meow!
Some say I’m the best
They are all right
For I am the greatest
Ever to step in the light
Look, at the basket down there,
It is wide open with square
I shoot this little ball,
Into that hoop with a swish, with a swish, with a swish, swish, swish, swish, swish

CHORUS: Why is the Cat, the best ev-everr,
One day I shall tell you, Beweedoto,
But for now he’s the greatest,
To me and to you

VERSE 2: I am the greatest,
Look at the stats,
Look it’s a basket,
I will make the ball in,
Thus, I never miss,
When was the last time I bricked,
But I’m the greatest,
Oh, yeah I’m great,

HARMONICA SOLO

CHORUS: Why is the Cat the best ever,
One day I shall tell you.
But for now he’s the greatest,
To me and to you.

HARMONICA SOLO

VERSE 3: You see I’m the best,
I am so grand,
I am spectacular
I’m just the best,
Beweedoto

CHORUS: Why is the Cat the best ever,
One day I shall tell you, Beweedoto
But for now he’s the greatest,
To me and to you

KEYBOARD SOLO

VERSE 4: You see I am grand,
I am spectacular,
The crowd stands and rises,
They cheer & yell,
But I am so cool,
They cheer and cavort,
I look around,
And then end it off with a laugh & a snort

CHORUS: Why is the Cat the best ever
One day I shall tell you, Beweedoto,
But now he’s the greatest,
To me and to you,
Why is the Cat the best ever
One day I shall tell you, Beweedoto,
But now he’s the greatest,
To me and to you,

HOOS & HUMS

CHORUS x4: Why is the Cat the best ever,
One day I shall tell you, Beweedoto,
But for now it’s a secret,
To me and to you.


Living on the Edge (written September 19th, 1997)

VERSE 1: When the lights are blazing,
When the fires raging,
The world is solely staging,
For your downfall,
You got an ultimatum,
You gotta liberate ‘em,
You always see the glass
Only half full.
You gotta impress us,
You gotta entertain us,
Use your tricks and your skills,
Send us all the thrills.

CHORUS: When your living on the edge
Living on the wire,
Living on an edge,
Waiting for the fire.

VERSE 2: When your hero doesn’t show up,
And your girl has left you,
You’re looking like a circus act,
All dressed up in hatred.
You even go to the lengths,
The fires never relent,
So when the demons show up,
You take it to the streets.

CHORUS

VERSE 3: Sometimes-the-wind-blows-west,
And you continue, to go left,
And the clowns handle the jokes,
And the fire-eaters blow out smoke,
And the joker pulls the ace,
Spits it back right into your face,
And the joker pulls the ace,
Spits it back right into your face,

CHORUS

VERSE 4: But the slaves never protest,
And the merchants never sleep or rest,
When the Jesters recite speeches,
And the jugglers juggle leeches,
When the King loses freedom,
And you’ve got an ultimatum,
Those Angels always show around,
When your feet raise off the ground,

CHORUS

VERSE 5: The spirits all rejoice and sing,
The doors are locked and the hornets sting.
Living alone remains a farce,
A sane human being is very sparse,
Heretics crowd the streets,
The city pollution isn’t too sweet,
A lawyer sings a prayer,
While the Joker wins praise.
The centaurs and goblins ponder,
While the gambler ends the stanza,
The options fill a lonely sky,
Evolution could make you cry.

CHORUS

HA, HA, HA, HA,
Watch those fires blaze
HA, HA, HA, HA, HA,
Watch those fires blaze

Hot Shots (written October 4th, 1997)

CHORUS: Hot Shots! Can you feel the heat?
Hot Shots! Can you rhyme the beat?
Hot Shots! Could you cool my feet?
Hot Shots! Could you stop my fleet?

VERSE 1: Wrecking all the neighbors
And feeling all the warmth,
Sucking all the hoses
And living in the swamp,
Fire in my eyes don’t
Ever wear out, the contacts eat
My soul and throw screams or shouts,
We’re the hot shots, we’re the
Best, we make the humor and
Throw out the jests,
A power of mine is always
Conceding, a heart of flames is
Slowly breathing…

CHORUS

VERSE 2: Memories of a rainy day,
Jade stones melt by harbor bay,
Memories of a sunny day,
Clouds and all inhabit their stay.
Oh, yeah, don’t heat my flames,
Don’t resent or play memory games,
This story has only begun,
The icicles melt and the winters done.

CHORUS

VERSE 3: Power possessed by merchant slaves,
Shots of jealousy, fits of rage,
Living in an animal’s cage,
Jumping back from stage to stage,
I’m smoking, fire shoots from my finger-tips,
Jump over ledges and take lotsa risks,
Walking over endless hills,
Never knowing when to apply your skills.

CHORUS

Rejoice, the part’s over,
Get your gifts and fuel the motors,
Hotshots, the stanzas ended,
Don’t run back feeling all offended.
You can succeed the greatest of flames,
Don’t make me part of your memory games,
The centerfold circle is becoming chilly,
The hot shots freeze, now wasn’t that silly.

CHORUS


When We Live (written October 12th, 1997)

VERSE 1: The forests must always smooth our souls,
Lift our spirits and live untold,
Heroics of a brand new world,
Melt as fast as a Jell-O mold.

CHORUS: When we live,
We must forgive,
When we live,
We must forgive,
When we live,
We must forgive,
For we have to cleanse our bodies, of our sins.

VERSE 2: Down beside a murky beach,
You retain a merchant’s speech,
Living large is playing the game,
Of a ruler without a name.

CHORUS

VERSE 3: Our lives remain in jeopardy,
Grazing forests not meant to be,
One word seems to claim the peace,
Looking back for the Golden Fleece.

CHORUS

And we have to lead our lives, with open eyes.

CHORUS

VERSE 4: One world seems a little too much,
Reasons of hostility proclaim such,
The neutrals and the rebels join,
Fate determined by the flip of a coin.
Why must we live in a world of smog,
Dressed up for our daily jog,
The answers lie all in our hearts,
Bashful heroics are all for not.

CHORUS x3


Kick’ em in the Shins (written November 30th, 1997)

CHORUS: Punch ‘em in the mouth,
Knock ‘em to the ground,
And you kick ‘em in the shins.

VERSE 1: I don’t like your company,
Spit it back at you,
I’m gonna drop kick ‘ya,
With my super big shoe,

I think you’re the worse,
I gnaw at your soul,
I know it’s gonna hurt,
Getting kicked by my soles.

This is my motto,
This is my creed,
Your wrongful false judgment,
Another kick you don’t need,

I’m nobody’s fool,
Can’t you take a hint?
Make another U-turn,
And kick ‘em in the shins!

CHORUS x2

VERSE 2: You’re a lousy freak,
You have no friends,
The trouble you seek,
Your heels will never mend.

The thought of your pain,
Is nice & sweet,
But you should’ve understood,
Not to provoke my feet.

I am a nightmare,
I dress in black suits,
Look at what is coming at you!
My big bad ol’ boot!

Never insult me,
It’s your greatest sin,
You better run away,
Or I’ll kick ya’ in the shins!

CHORUS x5


Fear in the Bedroom (written December 17th, 1997)

VERSE 1: You open up your eyes, at the very start of dawn,
You see an open door, and think that we all are gone.
But one amusing soul, keeps working every day & night
To keep your eyes in place, to never flow back in sight.
This is from a friend, you’ll listen and it’s over then,
I want to help you now, them keep working on your scowl
Please listen to this note, or else you’ll miss the boat.
The crowd will laugh at you, and you’ll miss your chance to gloat.
I am your only friend, so take me very seriously.
Like every other note, it closes with “sincerely.”
The party starts at eight, so come by with a plate of cake,
It’s at your favorite school, you’re being watched by another ghoul.

CHORUS: Sing it, sing it, whoah, hohohoho, don’t scare me when those lights aren’t on,
whoah, hohohoho, don’t scare me when those lights aren’t on,
The game has just begun, don’t scare me when those lights aren’t on,
Again, the phone has rung, don’t scare me when those lights aren’t on,
They say that we’ll have fun, don’t scare me when those lights aren’t on,
The bedroom’s where they come, don’t scare me when those lights aren’t on.

VERSE 2: They say that this is life, then stab ya’ with another knife,
They call you every day, in their nonchalant way,
But the truth will always remain, you’ll never know the name,
A shame that they have come, ruining all your fun,
They say the parties at nine, time to commit another crime,
Although it’s at the ridge, look! Another burning bridge,
Hello, the nice boy says, you couldn’t settle for less,
He leads you back to home, and calls on your table phone,
What he wants is cruel, for he’s coming after you,
I’d warn you right now, but it wouldn’t be fair to the crowd.

CHORUS 2: whoah, hohohoho, don’t scare me when those lights aren’t on,
I see you coming fast, in this world you’ll never last,
I laugh at your face, just scare me when those lights aren’t on,
I’ll put you in your place, just scare me when those lights aren’t on,
You really have no case, don’t scare me when those lights aren’t on,
Tonight is the long race, to see if you can pick up the pace,
Set… your clocks for eight, don’t scare me when those lights aren’t on,
I’ll wait, so hesitate, just scare me when those lights aren’t on.

VERSE 3: See me coming now, at a 50 on the fast lane,
Keepin’ comin’ at ya’, I couldn’t keep my mind sane,
The party can’t start, without you, please come through.
Always going, collapsing, on my favorite red balloon,
You sit by the set, decorating your own head.
Setting up the stage, while you’re coming onto age,
Only my enemy, has to be my friend,
The parties now at nine, all the invitations sent,
We cannot go on forever, so please remember me.
You’re the life I’ve followed, bargain to the plea,
Please understand that I’m the only one for you,
Even the obvious sometimes can be true,
Even in this world of hatred, there’s things we never knew,
The world spins on an axis, while we keep on paying taxes,
The messages sent are done in faxes, this is how we pay those passes,
Throw our money in Christmas baskets, sprucing up but remains lavish…
Remains lavish, always garish, remains lavish…

CHORUS 3: whoah, hohohoho, don’t scare me when those lights aren’t on,
You’re sitting there with cries, Don’t scare me when those lights aren’t on,
Even the best saint lies, Don’t scare me when those lights aren’t on,
Never realize true demise, Don’t scare me when those lights aren’t on,
The creature’s minds are spies, Don’t scare me when those lights aren’t on,
Don’t follow trusting eyes, Don’t scare me when those lights aren’t on,
I’ll leave you otherwise, Don’t scare me when those lights aren’t on,
You’ll never compromise, Don’t scare me when those lights aren’t on,
The facts we never realize, Don’t scare me when those lights aren’t on,
There’ll shrink you down in size, Don’t scare me when those lights aren’t on.
whoah, hohohoho, don’t scare me when those lights aren’t on,
The parties at nine o’clock, Don’t scare me when those lights aren’t on,
It’s around the corner block, Don’t scare me when those lights aren’t on,
The room is dark & black, Don’t scare me when those lights aren’t on,
You’ll have to take some slack, Don’t scare me when those lights aren’t on,
You now deserve a whack, Don’t scare me when those lights aren’t on,
The parties done, you’re not coming back, Don’t scare me when those lights aren’t on,
whoah, hohohoho, don’t scare me when those lights aren’t on,
whoah, hohohoho, don’t scare me when those lights aren’t on,
The party is at nine, Don’t scare me when those lights aren’t on,
Send chills down your spine, Don’t scare me when those lights aren’t on,
whoah, hohohoho, don’t scare me when those lights aren’t on,
whoah, hohohoho, don’t scare me when those lights aren’t on,
whoah, hohohoho, don’t scare me when those lights aren’t on,

Fear in the Bedroom, Don’t scare me when those lights aren’t on x6

TRIVIA: as noted above, this is actually one of Tom’s earliest songs, conceived even before “Apply Your Skills,” even though it took him awhile to finally commit it to paper. A canon Cat Band song, it was nevertheless never rehearsed or recorded.


Super Mario (written sometime in 1997)

VERSE 1: Mario is very cool
King Koopa is cruel,
Mario has friends to the end
Mario can fight and defend.

He can clean and fix your drain,
His awesome moves will dazzle your brain.
Mario is very great, he’s awesome, destroys hate
He is the one to get, Super Mario is the best.

VERSE 2: When these plumbers arrived in Mushroom Land,
Under false pretenses and circumstance,
They found feathers and mushrooms,
And fire flowers that always bloomed.

When they arrived at the palace,
The King was full of malice.
For Koopa, that evil reptile,
Brought the Princess to exile.

VERSE 3: Mario flies to the top,
Luigi a feather, he gives Koopa a stomp.
And the Princess is saved as well,
The Mushroom Kingdom is quite swell.

Mario celebrates with a bowl full of pasta,
Ziti, spaghetti, lasagna and matza,
Princess smiles and gives him a grin,
And the plumbers return to Brooklyn.

They will fight Shy-Guys and Thwomps,
Wigglers, Bloopers, Urchins and Bob-ombs,
Koopa Troopers and Charging Chucks,
The Bullies are all out of luck.

Mario is a plumber.
He is Super Mario.
He is Super Mario.
He is Super Mario.

TRIVIA: It is unknown exactly when this song was composed, other than at some point in 1997. It’s notable not only for being one of the few Cat Band songs that doesn’t have a chorus, but also because the lyrics are sung to the melody of the Super Mario theme song.


Our House (July 13th, 1998)

VERSE 1: Forest grove,
Sunny lane.
Running by the shore, and ripping in the tides
Losing all the action and closing all the doors,
And living in the sanction of inner city drugs.
Cosmopolitan sunshine and little dust remains,
On the suits of fraud and raging on the streets,
Opening in the windows and breathing in some air,
While you spittle on the sidewalks and taken little care

CHORUS 1: Our House, in the middle of the room, Our House
Where the showings are the room, Our House,
When you’re living on a broom, Our House,
Things are always at the room…

VERSE 2: Little rocks, big stones alike, riding ashtrays
And living on the edge, of a really dark place
Where the light goes dim and caring on a
Dark rave of caring while you sing, and
Craving the cats and the rain that’ll fall,
While you Bam, Bam, see it falling like cats and dogs.

Buying endless pennies and working endless
Hours, at a deadbeat place where you liken
All the flowers and caring for the rugs and the
Window panes for catchin’ all the codes
And getting colds for sneezin’ is a shame
And things are getting insane

CHORUS 2: Our House, in the middle of the room,
Our House, things’ll come in around soon,
Our House, where the radio’ll boom, Our House,
In that little cramped room, Our House,
Things’ll get better soon, Our House, where
The over(?) things maroon, Our House, scrubbin’
(????) in the room, Our House, what a, what a,
What a room.

SOLO

VERSE 3: Sensations filled, promises made,
And running around with your head
Tied back, and living on crack, while
The trash is exhausted and going all
Berserk as you, run around the corner,
Heh, heh, Getting all the things are free,
And making all provocative, reading digests
And journals and singing all dem carols…

CHORUS 3: Our House, in the middle of the room,
Our House, my Girl, things will come all soon,
Our House, rackin’ up all the brooms, Our House,
When the reach is far come noon, Our
House, in the middle of the room,
Our House, And the cinemas are cool, Our House,
Things are showing up at noon, Our House,
When the light changes to doom, Our House,
In the middle of the room, Our House,
In the middle of the room, Our House

TRIVIA: although this is considered a canon Cat Band song, the band never recorded (or even rehearsed) a version of it, perhaps because the chorus is highly derivative of the song “Our House” by Madness.


New to You, New to Me (written August 30th, 1998)

VERSE 1: Clocks turning the winds/ winding so loud/
Humming those things/ singing aloud/
Crimson carnations/ sunny ball rooms/
Past presentations/ Violent moons/
Luck of the Irish/ wings of the dove/
Things you can relish, hug, kiss and love/
Roads you can take/ versus roads you can diss/
Sunny park lake compared to carnage you missed/
Chris Elliott’s the guy/ He loves his movies/
He’s cool like Superfly/ He’s Dom Wooginowski/
Every part he plays/ will encertain our faith/
To always be together/ to always be great/

CHORUS 1: If it’s new to you/ than it’s new to me/
Living with fame/ outside of Hollywood/
Count 1,2,3/ we’re closer to free/
It’s new to you/ then it’s new to me/

VERSE 2: Oh, running, out of time and the/ pressure’s on your head/
But, nothins’ workin’ out/ so you try to get ahead/
Do the right thing/ and cut a few corners/
People can’t complain/ when you’re one of them mourners/
You got a, heart of steel/ and a passion for good life/
But your/ taste is sold/ so you grab the knife/
Come check out/ see what the hypes about/
You can, try to read the papers/ and, um/ learn some more/
Become a/ docta docta/ and a, semi charmed hypester/
The/ clock on the wall/ won’t budge till you/ give it a try…
Till ya give it a try/… try/ try/ try…

CHORUS 2: If it’s new to you/ than its new to me/
Livin’ on the fire/ Is the place to be/
Count 1,2,3/ we’re closer to free/
Is news to you/ is news to me.

Gonna heat things up/ and go nighty night/
Gonna call a bluff/ and grab a Sprite

VERSE 3: Things going round and round/ and round and round/
Going in circles/ and ol’ Downtown/
Cracking the city/ like your knuckles/
Traffic is gritty/ causing some chuckles/
Real world seems/ so far away/
Living alone/ those nights away/
Kissin’ off/ them joker’s cries/
Lyin’ bout/ their big blue eyes/
Teach me how/ to be the rainmaker/
Toss me into/ that big wide sha-ker/

CHORUS 1

CHORUS 3: If it’s new to you/ than/ it’s new to me/
Do the right thing/ so let it be/
Count down 1,2,3/ yeah, closer to sweet/
New to you/ new to me…

If it’s new to you/ than it’s new to me
And we’ll all be in the center
Joining hands for harmony

One step closer to harmony…
Come experience what it has to be

TRIVIA: this song was originally entitled “What’s News to Me, is News to You.” The Chris Elliot lyric is a reference to the character he played in the film There’s Something About Mary, which my brothers had watched that summer.


As They Go (written November 11, 1998)

Lightning strikes,
Shootin’ powder,
Kissin’ storm,
Faithful mourn,
Lousy show,
Striking hard,
Lion roared,
And ya’ watch em’ go.

Show me money,
& show me green,
Show me remedies
And show me mean,
Give me a show,
Give me praise,
Give me a raise,
Hartie Hartie Hartie Ho.

Evolution,
High on glue,
Revolution,
Skys ‘em blue,
Crying shoulder,
Yellow moon,
Arriving soon,
All as they go.

3 past noon,
Crazy lights,
Final fights,
In dancing rooms,
Ugly ammo,
Big machines,
Men in green,
All as they go.

Mean streets,
Armed forces,
Street wars,
& wicker seats,
Anti hero,
Pistol Pete,
Placid streets,
All as they go.

Nuclear attacks,
Clever time,
Bad pick up line,
At tips of hacks,
Light shows,
Acid rain,
Human pain
All as they go.

TRIVIA: though this isn’t a canon Cat Band song, I’ve added it in here because I find it amusing.


Lucky Hand (written December 13th, 1998)

Once, twice, 3 times fold,
Quick to judge, slow to hold.
I’ve never been one of those backstreet guys,
But with Lady Luck we can compromise

With a gnome,
A gnome,
And a car side thief,
A backstreet lady and a shady brief
And an upchuck, roar, and a downside pipe,
With a hearing blown over stereotype

Cheating dissolves a hairspray can,
With Pantene on your shoulders, and a helping hand,
And an up-up cause and a down-down slide,
And the race for humanity will hi-hi-hide.

So it’s once, twice, 3 times fold,
Summer’s hot, while winter’s cold,
I’ve never been one of those season guys,
But give me a jacket & I’ll be safe on all sides
And it didn’t roll, it didn’t roll, to keep me shady,
Oohhh…

Dagger prints, and a clever edge,
But a dull numb spot will keep it from that ledge,
And a sharp-sharp honey from the Miami Beach,
Will keep your eyes in place, too nimble on the feet,

So it’s once, twice, 3 times fold,
The mansion’s looking good yet it is sold,
I’ve never been quite the fix-it-guy,
But I’ve proved my worth as a hitman spy,
You know it didn’t help, it didn’t help, it didn’t help, save that cat,
And it didn’t roll, it didn’t roll, on a surface flat

SOLO

Keeping a distance,
Running the lanes,
Preserving the helpless, and raising the stakes,
Fold if your o-out, and put back that man,
Spin if your lucky, you lucky h-and
Half and, half and, half and, whoah!

So once, twice, 3 times fold,
A loser’s riding on a pot of gold,
I’ve never been one of those romantic guys,
But give me a try and step to the side
You know it didn’t help, it didn’t help, it didn’t help to win that game,
And it didn’t roll, it didn’t roll to clear my name.

Once, twice, 3 times fold,
The wise man said winning is foretold,
And I’ve never been one of those faithful guys,
But with a smoke in one hand I can change those v-ibes…

Once, twice, 3 times fold,
Quick to judge, too slow to hold,
I’ve never been one of those backstreet guys,
But with Lady Luck, we can compromise…

So once, twice, 3 times fold,
Fight for silver, fight for gold,
With an upchuck here & an upchuck there,
We can only try to save it with a rising cheer…

A loser’s heart can be a pot of gold

TRIVIA: again, this isn’t a canon Cat Band song.


In Time (written February 16th, 1999)

VERSE 2: Ohh, 1962 was the years- of the years,
For the catcherman, stand-in-tan, tanning
Bed fan, for the super and the natural and the
Communistic wars, for a sedative, rock
Broker for the kinds of many jobs.
Fisting here, and fisting there, a happy meal
For you, with circus clowns all on the ground
And Friday night for two.
For the game rocking, steal-sharking, book
Larking hero kinda gravedigging, gold
Clicking, bad-ass kinda might, for a tentative,
Rock-super, super scary, kinda fright.
Hitch a ride, get a job, slogan’s all for
You, natural, realistic, spiced up kinda soup.
Where every singles got a purpose and it’s
All done just right, so fisting up a storm,
Key shades twenty times a night.

CHORUS: Oh-oh, once in a time we played
Those drums, once in a time we had some
Fun, once in a time made cracks at you,
Once in a time, candlelight for you

VERSE 2: Chain-chomping, dildo hopping kinda fuckin’
Atmosphere, where yer barking up a tree
With no branch, scent, or alla trees.
Lanes a churning, hose a squirting
Snitching kinda guy, for the revolt
Serving, bellhop turning vista towards
The sky. Say ‘buenos dias’, welcome-hello,
Greetings earthlings too, and a pow, bam,
Karate jam, ‘nother planet down the tube.

CHORUS 2: So once in a time we banged those
Drums, once in a time we had some
Fun, once in a time served wine for two,
Once in a time said I love you.

REFRAIN: Oh (prolonged), what a journey, what a light show,
Played it all for you, clapper ready hats
A steady flinging kinda troop. Standard
Fist and racing, just a crazy foolish
Shit… oh, running round a football field the
Size of Greenland, no. Card sharkin’
Be-bopping steady kinda hog a ready, churning
Teddy, inspiring semi-creep, goes drip-drip
Down to a stick and beeped horn over
T’you.

HARMONICA REFRAIN

BRIDGE: Racing temples, grass still growing,
Rocks a turnin’, shows still showing.
What a time, what a time, carnival deluxe,
What a time, for a fuckin’ show, steady wit them fucks,
Taking shit on sticks for twice too many years,
Cheering on through heckler’s jeers.

BUNCHA REFRAINS

TRIVIA: yet another non-canon Cat Band song, though of historic interest as it’s one of Tom’s first songs to employ the use of profanity. Also of interest is the fact that at one point Tom was originally considering adding it to the tracklisting of The Cat Band’s Greatest Hits, though it was eventually cut (most likely because it was never even recorded).


Blue Cat (written 1999)

VERSE 1: He’s a cat,
A blue cat.
Washed in blue
He will cry for you.
He purrs away,
All through night and day,
Oh what joy,
Give this cat a toy.
He’s a cat,
Washed in blue,
He will cry for you,
Until he’s through.

CHORUS 1: The rain will pour and will make him blue,
He’s a blue cat.
Live in dirt, you hear a crying purr,
He’s a blue cat.
Oh, what a lonely sight,
He’s a blue cat.
Even on the coldest night,
He’s a blue cat.

VERSE 2: Oh, with whiskers limp,
He stands, two legs a gimp.
Oh, with his collar gone,
Singing his blue song.

CHORUS 2: Watch him jump to a higher level,
He’s a blue cat.
See him strong, in his fragile state,
He’s a blue cat.
Oh, he’s still your friend,
He’s a blue cat.
Even to the end,
He’s a blue cat.

BRIDGE: When the traffic is long,
And the fire’s all gone,
Never spotted the heater,
As he pulled the trigger.

CHORUS 3: Oh, alone at peace,
They said that it would take weeks.
But the cat is now happy,
Oh because he’s free.

CHORUS 3: The rain will pour and will make him blue,
He’s a blue cat.
Live in dirt, you hear a crying purr,
He’s a blue cat.
Oh, what a lonely sight,
He’s a blue cat.
Even on the coldest night,
He’s a blue cat.

The rain will pour and will make him blue,
He’s a blue cat.
Live in dirt, you hear a crying purr,
He’s a blue cat.
Oh, what a lonely sight,
He’s a blue cat.
Even on the coldest night,
He’s a blue cat.

TRIVIA: the exact date for this song’s composition is unknown, but it was most likely written sometime in-between March/April of 1999. At the very least, it was written before “Magic.”


Magic (written April 16th, 1999)

VERSE 1: City walls made, hot spots and shade, all a big part of the plan
Becoming of age, taking a page, someone other than that man,
Rabbits in hats, mongrels in packs, pulling their ropes into traps,
Cheerin’ you on, guilt by some fun, oh no, they’re goin’ away.

Travel visits, habits and bits, life on a farm where he sits,
Holding a cord, feeling so bored, while technology comes in hordes,
Feeling so dumb, what you’ve become, only to realize it’s done,
Robots and trends, fashion depends, on the only road that bends

CHORUS: Oh, oh, oh, oh, it’s magic, oh, oh, oh, oh, it’s magic, oh oh oh oh oh oh oh,
Oh, oh, oh, oh, it’s magic, oh, oh, oh, oh, it’s magic, oh oh oh oh oh oh oh,

VERSE 2: gra-ass and weeds, strange ancient beads, worlds with adventurous deeds,
Gla-assy eyes, slicing box tides, lights flash and the-en resides,
People in chains, growing back pains, all just an excuse for shame,
Taking the shots, stupid robots, All of the world corrupts…

Rain pouring down, sliding to ground, drowning and floods all around,
Wild young faces, the future erases, remembering those awkward places,
Planets rotate, California earthquakes, all of the things bakers bake,
Slow miracles, yeah they’ll happen, they’ll happen when you least expect it…

CHORUS

BRIDGE: Feeling so harsh, Like a bridge and a rock
And a hard place where you can’t go far,
So it’s war, and it’s here, and it can’t run,
So you are stuck, in a rut, by your gut,
Where you are between it now…

SOLO

CHORUS

VERSE 3: Oh, playing a game, feeling the same, all just a part of the plan,
Feeling so right, when you feel so wrong, why does this drag on so long,
Cruel encounters, shows with masters, like a special kinda treaty,
When you are down, rem-edy found, like the final puzzle piece…

CHORUS x3

TRIVIA: this song was inspired by a word spoken by noted Japanese actor Mako Iwamatsu in the role of Sam Tanaka on Frasier season 1, episode 22 “Author, Author” (skip ahead to 10:50 on the video): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KpR0BIfqKGQ


Soviet Union (1999)

I went to the Soviet Union
I saw things that will shake your skin,
I went to the Soviet Union
I had to, I had to

I had to go to the Soviet Union
I saw gray clouds in the Soviet Union
I saw things that will change your life
And never want to see again
Things you don’t want to see twice
They’re a world of compromise
I don’t want to go back there
I had to, I had to

I went to the Soviet Union
I saw Yakov
He was telling filthy jokes
Craziness, craziness
I saw Valentine
He called me a defector
I had to, I had to, I had to
I had to go to the Soviet Union
I went to the Soviet Union

Communism
Can’t help it, can’t help it
I’m stuck here, I’m stuck here
Forever
I had to, I had to
I had to go to the Soviet Union

TRIVIA: this was one of the songs the band tended to play during the “live” shows of the Cat Band’s Hootie tour. The lyrics were never actually written down (in fact, Tom often changed them for each version), but this is a transcription of one of the versions. For this song, Tom would often adopt a stereotypical Russian accent. The “Yakov” lyric is a reference to the Russian comedian Yakov Smirnoff: though we had never seen a set of his at that time, we had seen that skit on The Ben Stiller Show where Ben Stiller spoofed Yakov’s act. The Valentin lyric is, of course, a reference to the Valentin Zukovsky character from the Pierce Brosnan James Bond films. For some reason Tom has always had an interest in Russia: many of his books often feature a character whose last name is Kremlin.


Federal Express Person (written October 8th, 1999)

VERSE 1: I was here
And there
Here & there
Like Times Square
Like a bored and lonely person
With all my packages
And all the brown cardboard,
And all the puffy tissue paper,
I-I-I felt stuck in a caper…
Door-to-door, door-to-door
Floor-to-Floor, Floor-to-Floor
Aw-Aw-Aw-Aw-Aw
Can’t get nothing, I’m a something,
Feel some rotten luck,
No exception, no reception
I still look at you.

CHORUS: Say it to my face
The Federal Express person is me
Say it to my face
The Federal Express person is me

VERSE 2: Can I have a glass of water,
Can I have a cookie too?
How about a 30 cent,
Stuck to my tongue with glue,
Wind, rain or shine
365-24-7
Should I have a place here,
Like a mail carrier’s heaven…
Door-to-door, door-to-door
Floor-to-Floor, Floor-to-Floor

CHORUS

TRIVIA: though considered a canon Cat Band song, the band never recorded or even rehearsed a version of this song.


The Drug Dealer Song (written sometime in 1999, exact date not known)

VERSE 1: Caught in the border
Caught in the border
Stuck between the metal & the tears
I don’t cry, I just try, to be someone spry,
Irrelevant to the picture as a whole,
Stuck in, stuck in,
A portal, involving the fight of the gods…
Every strike is tight…
Here comes number one…
We sit on the beach, counting the stars and spotting the dipper,
She’s quiet, looks at me, pulls down the zipper,
We are the beach now, the crab that shuffles the sand,
Hold the hand, hold the hand…

CHORUS: I feel things, tickle me… you are going away…
The apparition… I see… makes me look, makes me stay

VERSE 2: Behind my back, she goes to the counter, pulls out the box,
I sit attentively, scoping out my TV box,
Hold my drink, very light, no rocks, she is calm,
I know she’s up to shit, smoking pot, that’s the start…
Dragnet jumps in her eyes… it’s a psychedelic joy ride,
She goes on the couch, sits by my side…

CHORUS

VERSE 3: Same ol’ same ol’, cops flood in,
Big head, big head, burn the skin,
Back to the slammer, black & white.
She is so good, they don’t think she did the crime,
I’m so fuckin’ stoned now, still a blur…
I still miss it, but I don’t know what,
I feel grown up, like a skyscraper… Yeah,
Oh, & I’m cool, I’m cool… the drug dealer,
That’s another story, altogether…
His eyes are bloodshot, watches too much hockey…
I stumble, trip on my own tongue, feel rocky…

CHORUS

VERSE 4: I’m fucked… Like someone craving a high…
I’ll go to the height of extremes- They say they all die…
So I don’t give a fuck, she comes out of jail,
Shit, she tells me no more pot…
I say, ‘Yeah, I trust ya, like a snowball in Hell,’
So we part, strike two, tells me over the phone,
Got a part for you, make it well,
I don’t got fuckin’ time… so the cops come to me…
Wanting answers, blah,blah,blah… shit…
I tell her- she’s in the ghetto… Doing whatever the fuck she wants to…
It’s politics… It is all that…
I see her… craving the pot again…

CHORUS

VERSE 5: Yeah, so she pulls me away by the collar, say it in the eyes…
Picture is still work a thousand words…
She says, ‘bugs are crawling up my skin’…
And I’m like, ‘I don’t have the ‘get out of jail free card.’
But we go back, I know the dealer, she makes it so
Obvious… so true…
She concludes one thing, she needs the pot,
So it’s a start, she is so fuckin’ smart,
I bust my ass, to get ahead… Fuck…
The dealer comes in, says he’s gonna take my life…
So I owed money… How tragic…
She says it bright, she’ll take that bullet… pulls out the
Knife…
Stabs the shit out of him… still a bullet fired…
Dammit… so blood is there… I fear… Yeah…
Two fucked up lives, strike 3… Donate the organs…
Make another penny…
Take the ashes… spread ‘em in a pot

CHORUS x2

VERSE 6: Hey, the way to play is to create the safe,
Spread the magic like a fairy, with pixie dust,
Shuffle-duffle stickle-pickle ohhh…
Anything for everyone is old…

TRIVIA: a canon Cat Band song, though a version of it wasn’t recorded to my knowledge: it was supposedly once played “live” during the Hootie tour, though. The laughably “gritty” thematic content was inspired by the New Radicals song “I Hope I Didn’t Just Give Away the Ending.”


Stand on Your Feet (written October 11th, 1999)

VERSE 1: Skip the basics, move to step one…
Forget the rhythm, just have some fun…
Skip the basics, move to step one…
Forget the rhythm, just have some fun…

Below the ocean,
Crested with treasure, and fear
Watch the forbidden,
The Caribbean Atmosphere,
A Luxury cruise,
With lights and a chandelier,
Elegant seating,
And we don’t even care,
The moon is the apex,
The stars, scattered here and there,
That I hear you so far,
So far out there somewhere…

CHORUS 1: So stand on your feet,
You’re the star I can’t meet,
You’re the race I can’t beat,
So rise to the top,
We can shop till we drop,
Isn’t it worth a shot?

VERSE 2: You’re my sunshine,
My light and my heaven,
You’re my sunset,
Just I don’t know where you’ve been,
My own nucleus,
The core of my heart again,
Holding my hands tight,
And soon our own children

CHORUS 2: So stand on your feet,
You’re the star I can’t meet,
You’re the race I can’t beat,
So rise to the top,
We can shop till we drop,
An Angel striking the Harp.

SOLO

VERSE 3: Fading away,
An image soon becomes light,
Now letting go,
A star that is far less bright,
A cruise to the islands,
I know you’ll meet that guy…
Atop the ocean,
We still had our own one night…

CHORUS 3: So stand on your feet,
You’re the star I can’t meet,
You’re the race I can’t beat,
So rise to the top,
We can shop till we drop,
An Angel striking the Harp.
So stand on your feet,
You’re the star I can’t meet,
You’re the race I can’t beat,
So rise to the top,
We can shop till we drop,
An Angel striking the Harp.
So stand on your feet,
La la la la la, la la la la la
So stand on your feet,
La la la la la, la la la la la
So stand on your feet,
La la la la la, la la la la la, oh yeah-yeah
So stand on your feet,
La la la la la, la la la la la laaaahh…

TRIVIA: though considered a canon Cat Band song, a version of this one was never recorded. Later on, when Tom was considering doing a solo album, this was one of the songs he planned to have on it.


Macha (October 27th, 1999)

VERSE 1: Everything has a reason, a beginning & an ending.
A purpose for everyone now…
Everybody has a problem, every road so grows rotten,
That I can’t listen to you all…
At a creek, or some type of river, like a grown man eating a liver,
Ain’t got sliver anywhere…
Everyone’s so cold but healing, every star is just so revealing,
So I have a motto for us all…

CHORUS: I ain’t got time for everybody’s mind, there ain’t no fooling around…
There ain’t a market, for filling people’s pockets, now won’t you please go away…

VERSE 2: Cross-hatched, inner beginning, new world, never forgiving,
That we are all stuck in here…
Squirrel bites, likes some more acorns, devil screams, can’t get an angel,
Like a classic confrontation,
So scared, oh so shrunken, buried treasure, it’s all sunken,
We still have regards…
Everything has a reason, a beginning & an ending,
A purpose for everyone now…

CHORUS x2

SOLO

CHORUS

VERSE 3: Oh it’s a world, a world of peace, like people, slipping tricks,
For everyone of us, convey its truth, & all of us retreat, & all of us retreat…
And all of us retreat…
That’s macha, that’s macha, that’s macha, that’s matcha

TRIVIA: this cryptic song (even by The Cat Band’s unusual standards), though considered a canon Cat Band track, was never rehearsed or recorded by the band.


Racist Rabbit (December 12th, 1999)

CHORUS: And the Racist Rabbit can’t break the habit of,
Being a bigot every minute making laughter of,
Every race from every place to us, oh…

VERSE 1: Sitting pretty watch your TV with your favorite toy,
See a sign can’t go blind, try to throw your joy…
Good ol’ Bugs, lots of love? Better take a closer look boy… Oh…
See that gray bunny, who thinks he’s funny, for just in case,
Watch out, fall out, all those who exist of another race,
Ice cream in a grenade, bam! He calls you monkey face!

CHORUS

VERSE 2: Now there’s the duck, outta luck, pickin’ all the cotton,
Black in color, like a brother, means he’s doomed to sin,
Damn I say, to the racist way, it’s just the color of his skin, oh…
Popeye, that guy, with all the spinach tells us
No American, no vote’ll count like ya got the curse
Or sometin’… well the only sap’s the sailor cap guy screaming conformist! Oh.

CHORUS

VERSE 3: Ya mesmerized, so surprised by what the TV had to say,
Go out, shout ya mouth at all whom’re black & gay…
So yer the cartoon, so soon, no one can break your bigot ways…

CHORUS

SOLO

CHORUS X2

SOLO

TRIVIA: this song, which has some of Tom’s most amusing lyrics, was one of The Cat Band’s first protest songs: a pity they never recorded it. It was inspired by a book I came across in the Rhode Island College library entitled Forbidden Animation: Censored Cartoons and Blacklisted Animators in America by Karl F. Cohen, which analyzed racist imagery/content in old Disney and Warner Brothers cartoons, a concept that so fascinated Tom that he apparently felt the need to write a song about it. The “ice cream in a grenade” lyric is a reference to a scene that occurs in the 1944 episode “Bugs Bunny Nips the Nips,” in which Bugs says the immortal line “Here’s one for you monkey face” while giving booby-trapped ice cream bars to Japanese stereotypes (see the 6:18 minute mark in the video below):




Yours to Keep (August 15th, 2000)

VERSE 1: The wise guy…
Is a shy guy…
He’s your smooth guy…
But not your bright guy…

The business man,
Is a keen man,
He’s your money man,
But not your happy man,

The exciting fella,
Is a daredevil fella,
He’s your action fella,
But not your best-bet fella,

CHORUS: They’re yours to keep,
They’re yours to have,
But you can just choose one, on your Friday night…
They’re yours to keep,
They’re yours to have,
But you can just choose one, on your Friday night…

VERSE 2: The cool dude,
Is a ‘happening’ dude,
He’s your show-off dude,
But not your forever dude…

The movie star,
Is a big-time star,
He’s your famous star,
But not your shooting star…

The ladies’ man,
Is the all-around man,
He’s your prince charming man,
But I call him phony man

CHORUS

So decide right now,
From all these jerks you see,
It’d just be easier,
To just choose me.

CHORUS


Last Rock & Roll Star (written August 29th, 2000)

CHORUS 1: I’m the last man standing with a metal edge,
I’m the last man trying to impress critics,
I’m the last man doin’ squat but sex and drugs,
I’m your last Rock & Roll star.
I’m the last man done by a dying ear,
I’m the last man programmed by a radio dial,
I’m the last man alive without a brain,
I’m your last Rock & Roll star.

VERSE 1: Well, the critics start thinking you’re a cut above,
But your talents on just another blow where it hurts,
I could care less how many arenas you’ve filled,
To me you’re just burned out.

VERSE 2: Because you rely on sales and reunion tours,
And your substance is poisoned by your bad blood,
I don’t listen, block my ears, for a little while,
Cause you’ve lost your touch…

CHORUS 2: I’m the last man rockin’ with a thousand scars,
I’m the last man riding on a coupla hits,
I’m the last man smashing my guitars and laughing,
I’m your last Rock & Roll star.
I’m the last man making more cash than Gates,
I’m the last man attracting the weak minded,
I’m the last man relying on the name of fame,
I’m your last Rock & Roll star

BRIDGE/SOLO

VERSE 3: Well I pity your fans cuz they’re not too bright,
And I pity you too because you’re a nasty sight,
Your face looking wrinkled night after night
And you still think this is right?

CHORUS 1 REPEAT


Passionless (written October 1st, 2000)

Never wanted to
Hear from you,
You got a tin ear,
You can’t even sing,
Your songs sound the same,
Your lyrics are a shame,
Can’t stand to hear your voice,
Your direction makes me sick.

You don’t give me orders,
You don’t tell me what to write,
Every idea I granted you,
You whined ‘I can’t even play that!’
So you say my writing sucks,
You say you are the king?
Well try to match this song,
You couldn’t play a thing…

You always had a back-up,
Some other shitty band,
All dumb as granite,
All too insecure to make something good,
Your music is irresponsible,
It’s written for dolts like Gump.
Your ‘new’ lyrics are uninspired,
Any fuck can write a song about a fishbowl.

You’re poseur of the year,
No trophy, just shame for you,
Your songs ain’t about life,
They’re about things around the house,
Think about it fool,
You just might of missed your chance…
You settled for your shitty album,
But this babies going platinum.

TRIVIA: as previously noted, Tom wrote this song about Bill when Bill was threatening to leave the band. Not truly a canon Cat Band song, it was never even rehearsed (or possibly even finished, as there appears to be no chorus of any sorts). The lyric to “some other shitty band” is a reference to another band Bill was in at the time, formed with one of his friends in high school: both Tom and Andrew detested this other band, it must be said.


Harlem: 1st version (November 18th, 2000)

VERSE 1: When I was a boy,
Pretty but pale,
I had a bright young future,
But not all real.
And easy to please,
Was my parents who teased,
I was too nonchalant,
So they lived overseas,
So I was stuck here,
And I learned to live,
Like a sailor adjusting,
To the seas during night,
And all the lights are real pretty,
I’m not lying at all,
There is no shelter though,
That would crease this wall… Oh…

CHORUS: Oh-oh-oh, Harlem is,
Oh-oh-oh, Harlem is,
Oh-oh-oh, Harlem is,
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Oh-oh-oh, Harlem is,
Oh-oh-oh, Harlem is,
Oh-oh-oh, Harlem is,
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

VERSE 2: A brick in the wall,
I knew it would fall,
So it was right now,
And I ain’t scared at all
I’m restless
I’m fearless
Courageous
Contagious
What sparks me,
Is that wild life,
Curved, & busted,
Believe me right,
Get ready for a fight,
I’ll be there, lights
You know the cameras,
Action, rations, oh

CHORUS

Ready and
Ready and
Ready and
Ready and
Ready and
Ready and
Ready and
Ready and

Ready and
Ready and
Ready and
Ready and
Ready and
Ready and
Ready and
Ready and

SOLO

CHORUS

TRIVIA: although this was the first version of “Harlem,” the final version had a different set of lyrics written by Tom. Sadly, the lyrics to this second finalized version are currently MIA.


Crestfallen (May 9th, 2001)

VERSE 1: I look to the faded skies
And watch my dreams fly away
Been lookin’ at the world through jaded eyes
Been livin’ in the yesterday

I’m feeling more alone here,
The world’s a giant space
How quickly life turns cold… somewhere near,
My soul, it’s still a warm place

Cuz I’m still waiting for the time
And place, where solitude I’ll find,
Well, I will, get over it now,
And you think I’m better off somehow

CHORUS: While every heart is trying…
Some just lie here crying…
While every heart is trying…
Some just lie here crying…

VERSE 2: I hear the songs of tomorrow
And I read the famous signs
I steal the smiles from everyone I know
I’m still reading through the lines

Enticed, by all the pretty things
Arranged, in little gray lines
I never could understand why rings
Are the cause, for a life to shine…

Cuz I’m still waiting for the time
And place, where solitude I’ll find,
Well, I will, get over it now,
And you think I’m better off somehow

CHORUS

Cuz I’m still waiting for the time
And place, where solitude I’ll find,
Well, I will, get over it now,
And you think I’m better off somehow

CHORUS


Rain (October 22nd, 2001)

VERSE 1: Politics
Dirty tricks
Heretics
Pick up stix

Not again
Fatal sin
Falling in
Loser’s win

Broken heart
Fall’s apart
Take a shot
Hurt’s a lot

50 bucks,
Not enough
In the rough
Failing crutch

CHORUS: It’s just another rainy day
It’s just another heart I’d break
It’s just another rainy day with you
Whoah… whoah… whoah…
It’s just another rainy day
It’s just another game I’d play
It’s just another rainy day woah

VERSE 2: What’d you say?
Can we play?
No you can’t
Not today!

Like a bird
Like a plane
Cannot wait
For the Rain

Irony?
Certainly!
Devil’s work?
Can’t you see?

Blind in sight?
Focus gone
If rebels live
Sing along

CHORUS

TRIVIA: “Rain” (sometimes known as “Rainy Day”) was one of the last songs written in the Fifth Era of The Cat Band.



Links

Well, to be honest, there are none. The Cat Band did have a website back in the early 2000s (somewhat cheekily entitled “The Litter Box”) but that’s long gone. A few years back I did do a brief essay on my blog about Tom and Andrew’s books, though, which can be found here. (though this info is now almost 5 years out of date)

Finally, to end it off on a cheerful and cutesy note, here’s a photograph of my brothers and I from Halloween night 1987. I’m on the far left dressed like a shark, Andrew is next to me dressed like a kangaroo, Tom’s in the middle dressed like a peacock, and Bill’s on the far right dressed as a penguin.


Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.




*

p.s. Hey. Consummate and legendary guest-post maker Sypha aka author/music deviser James Champagne is generously back this weekend to tip us in his wondrous, elaborate way to The Cat Band, a recording and performing unit whose place in the annals of rock music will hopefully be secured as of the moment I've pressed 'Publish'. Please take full advantage of everything that's in store for you up there. And where would DC's be without you, and thanks galore, Sypha! ** David Ehrenstein, Hi. I personally would trust him with my life, ha ha. Somehow I had thought MJP had passed on, so I'm awfully glad to hear he's still riding buses and doing things. I should do a post about him, and I might just. Oh, wow, you have a new essay up! I'll read that delightedly and thoroughly in just a few minutes. Everyone, Mr. David Ehrenstein has what looks to be an unsurprisingly superb new think-piece/essay up at Fandor called 'The Post-Gay Way', and, needless to say, you simply must scrub it with your eyesight, which I can so easily help you do by highlighting these words with a blueish glow. ** Sypha, Thank you again and 'face-to-face' ever so much for this manna-filled weekend, James! Well, I'll certainly be curious to hear how 'Hogg' sits with you. Oh, crap, how was your lengthy B&N stint? I read somewhere that Black Friday itself has become a less crowded aftermath-type of thing now that Thanksgiving itself has become a part, so did you get the benefits of that phenom? ** Thomas Moronic, Ah, great! Gorgeous and incisive and mysteriously beautiful to a one. Isn't it strange that there isn't a band or at least a parodic rock band or at least a Morrissey song called Volcanic Prolapse? Unless there is. I admit I didn't google before I said that. Thank you, maestro of the three-lines and infinitely more! ** Bill, Hi, Bill. My Thursday was perfectly okay and like any other day with slight differences, which was plenty. Black Friday too, although I did get crushed very flat by French Black Friday shoppers on the metro when the train stopped at the Galeries Lafayette station. I am absolutely positive to the point of making a theoretical bet involving some astronomical promised sum that those runny cheeses would have pleased me no end. Thank you for answering my strange, naive question about the 'faded' jpegs. That makes the most sense of all, yes. Old cameras with film in them, of course. And perhaps the strange taste in Russian porn of the early 00s to pose models against pale yellow and green backgrounds. I can enter the weekend with one less nagging mystery in my brain. Thank you! ** Keaton, Hi, Lazy? Interesting. How so? Lazier than photography? Interesting idea. Yeah, producing nervousness has become kind of a given bordering on a trope of contemporary art. Yesterday, I went with Zac and Jonathan Mayhew to see the big 'Sade. Attaquer le soleil' show at the Musee d'Orsay, which I think you might have really liked since it's 90% paintings, of which about 70% are essentially old paintings that were kind of the equivalent of snuff porn back in their heyday. It had way too many paintings for me, but there were some startling goodies amongst them. The show's trailer has been super controversial here 'cos it's ... well, here it is. Anyway, when I was strolling through the show, I thought of you. I sort like Xmas time, it's weird, a weird aberration. What's in a chef's salad, I forget? I like caesar salad, but I can't remember what's in it either. ** Damien, Hi. You into weird shit? Nah, I don't believe it, ha ha. Me too, bro, as far as I can tell. I have come across slaves whose thing is mud, being muddied, being forced to live in mud, being raped in mud, being smothered to death with mud, being force-fed mud, being given mud enemas, etc, etc., but, very strangely, I have yet to find a mud slave whose profile text is interesting enough for him to qualify for my slave posts. Weird, no? I am very picky, however. I do know about guro, yeah. I used to be all over gurochan, etc., although I sort of got out of the habit for reasons unknown. Vore, sure, yeah. That's a popular guro subgenre thing. Being eaten alive is hot, for sure. Yeah, as I think Misanthrope sort of said, I think Jesse Starr quit both over money issues and because he had some gigantic falling out with some other twink porn star who was his boyfriend and worked at the same porn company. You've seen post-career webcam shots? Huh. I'll go look for those. ** _Black_Acrylic, Yay for immersive installation type things! Morning, Ben! ** Misanthrope, Hey. Yeah, I think Bill was onto something with the film vs. digital thing, and I think you're totally right about the lighting and stuff. And maybe Photoshop was more primitive back then. Well, it must have been. It's like those Russian porn twinks were covered with a thin layer of powdered sugar or something. I'm glad your aunt has an implemented recovery plan, but, shit, the financial stuff. Is there a way to get her finances out of the son's control without spending the next portion of your life in court? Yeah, to get those scenes in shape is going to take a marathon of work, I think. We'll see. Zac is doing the basic stuff of ordering everything, and then we'll start working together on the detailing and actual editing early next week. Oops, sorry about your Cowboys. ** Hyemin kim, Hi. I am really happy with that food. I'm easy with food when it has sesame on/in it in general, but with noodles, wow. I hope your work goes well. You take care too. ** Okay. Please indulge heavily, luxuriously, wildly, meticulously, etc. in this weekend's great post, and talk to Sypha accordingly, and have good IRL Saturdays and Sundays too! See you on Monday.