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The World’s Worst Theme Park Guide Maps
'Theme park maps have to be practical since their primary purpose is navigation. Even beyond just showing pathways, queue entrances, and rides, they have to show and label the locations of restrooms, first aid, guest services, and other necessary structural locations. Even if many park enthusiasts know their favorites like the back of their hand, most visitors actually need the map.
'So maps are treasure troves of information for the average guest, sure. But they’re best when they’re beautiful. The location of the nearest restroom is important, but tons of visitors collect park maps for their artistic style. Like the parks themselves, they’re idealized and dreamy little miniatures of the wonders within. Maps are like billboards, highlighting key rides and recreating the park’s signature architecture.
'The best park maps are a balanced blend of style and substance. And when one starts to overcome the other, bad things happen. Here, we’ve got a few examples of maps that either forfeited all practical usefulness to focus on artistic representation, or maps that left any artistic style behind in favor of bland realism.
'Problem: Alton Towers is one complex park. Having grown organically over the last century, the park has expanded and re-adjusted its layout many times as it’s changed, leaving it with a sprawling and sometimes chaotic layout that can defy intuition. The whole thing is made a lot worse by the 2011 park map (above). Finding your way from Point A to Point B may be practically impossible with the confusing and cartoony map. A fine collector’s item if you’re into the style, but not exactly practical.
'Problem: A wave of visual disaster swept across US parks in the early 2000s during which maps became exaggerated, comic-book style representations of parks. Busch Gardens Tampa in Florida was one of the worst offenders, plunging its park map into an outrageous disaster of a situation that looks more like a child's seek-and-find book than a guide map. With rides and animals co-mingling along twisting and diverging paths, the park map might just induce nausea if you look too long.
'Problem: Contained on an island, Thorpe Park has had a most unusual explosion into the public consciousness. Existing as a simple family park with a petting zoo, 3D theater, and collection of family flat rides for decades, the park got supercharged in 2002 under the guidance of Merlin (owners of Alton Towers). Since 2002, the park has added five massive steel coasters and re-branded itself as the nation’s thrill capitol. Maybe, but the 2013 park map did no favors in guiding guests from thrill to thrill. Click the map to open a much larger version, then tell us: Can you spot the vomiting rider? How about the one with his arm cut off?
'Problem: This unfairly overshadowed German park is perhaps one of the most impressive of the parks stuck in Disney’s shadow. Its realistic themed lands and collection of incredible family and thrill rides set it apart and earn it a spot in Europe’s most attended. Problem is that for many years, its park map was practically useless, drawn in a fish-eye orientation that highlighted only a few paths and grouped the park’s many rides into an odd corner.
'Problem: Like its Floridian, Africa-themed sister, the European-themed Busch Gardens in Virginia has a storied past archive of park maps trying to make sense of its complex layout. The park is located in the dense forests of Williamsburg with extreme climbs, bridges, and very intense stairs connecting its many country-themed lands. In that same unfortunate style of the early 2000s, the park’s map was more comic book than guiding aid. It was full of exaggerated architecture and mangled paths that resemble a seek-and-find book, with little help on how to actually get anywhere or what landmarks might actually look like.'-- themeparktourist.com
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Maps of dead parks
The American Adventure, Derbyshire (1987)
Busch Gardens, Los Angeles (1972)
Sofia Land, Sofia, Bulgaria (2003)
Fantasyland, Gettysburg (1979)
The Great Escape, Lake George, NY (1984)
Boblo Island, Detroit (1987)
Worlds of Fun, Kansas City (1989)
Story Land, Glen, New Hampshire (1990)
Neverland Ranch, Los Olivos (1990)
Hard Rock Park, Myrtle Beach (2010)
Six Flags New Orleans (2003)
The World of Sid and Marty Krofft, Atlanta (1976)
MGM Grand Adventures, Las Vegas (1997)
Land of Oz, Beech Mountain, NC (1974)
Opryland USA, Nashville (1987)
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A Study into Theme Park Maps: Thorpe Park
'Thorpe Park is an English theme park established in 1979 which has recently undergone a marketing transformation due to its 1998 purchase by Merlin Entertainments. Prior to the park's Merlin ownership, the attractions within Thorpe Park were predominantly typical family-friendly attractions; including a farm, educational centre, model museum and a varied selection of rides. However, Merlin Entertainments’ purchase of Thorpe Park in 1998 meant that the company now owned two family-based theme parks within extremely close proximity; as they also own Chessington World of Adventures, located merely 16 miles from Thorpe Park. The two parks needed to distinguish themselves from each other and offer unique experiences to their collective pool of visitors to each maintain popularity.
'While the changes in Thorpe Park have appeared gradual since 1998; in 2009 Thorpe Park began to apply risky strategies to appeal to a specific audience of thrill seeking young adults. It is an unlikely tactic for a theme park to voluntarily depict itself as being unsuitable for families and children; yet Thorpe Park proceeded in this by building horrific looking attractions based on 18-certificate horror films; and harbouring a collection consisting mostly of intense rollercoasters which young children would not match the height requirements to ride. In 2010, their discouraging mode of address towards families was evident in Thorpe Parks reimagining of the theme park map, which was based upon a Where’s Wally style depiction of teenage debauchery.
'Interestingly, the self imposed limitation upon Thorpe Parks target audience for 16-34 year olds helped the theme park to grow, as visitor numbers rose to 1.87 million in 2010. Through semiotic analysis of the 2010 Thorpe Park map, we can examine how changes in the map reflect changes in the parks audience; and deconstruct the language of the theme park map to uncover its connotatively veiled issues of audience representation and reality construction.
'In semiotic analysis of the Thorpe Park map we can uncover the evaluative elements within the text – examining the ways in which its signs and codes contain pre-formed judgements on their interpretants; and how they aim to construct a specific audience appeal through signifying ideologies of youth and pleasure.
'Roland Barthes theory of ‘Mythology’ is also fitting, as the entire theme park experience is built upon the simulacra of worldwide cultures. Thorpe Park for example, has themed areas with synecdochal signs of particular cultural identities, such as the “Canada Creek” area; wherein the visitor is surrounded by wooden buildings, logs, country music and cowboys; and thus gets immersed in the parks construction of an unrealistic, tourist view through the parks’ stereotypical imagining of Canada.
'The power of Semiological analysis is that it demonstrates how latent ideologies do not exclusively belong within artefacts of high culture; as, when deconstructed, texts of popular culture can prove themselves to be a goldmine of sociological issues and insights. The theme park map can be viewed as a textualisation of Baudrillards ‘hyperreality’ (1988); in the sense that the signifiers in the map; i.e.: depictions of rollercoasters, are also signifiers, not signified things, within the park itself. For example, Thorpe Parks’ rollercoaster entitled ‘Saw The Ride’ signifies a horror film franchise; based upon simulated experience of a blockbuster film, it “appears to be more true than the real experience” (Eco, 1976); yet the film itself is a simulated experience of macabre torture. Through these constructed layers of simulation it is almost impossible to trace our way back to reality.
'Several psychoanalytic theories were also applicable in analysis of the Thorpe Park map. For instance, it could be said that the maps depiction of wild, young crowds encourages regressive behaviour – reassuring visitors that it’s ok to act like a child for the day within the confined of the group. Or the violence and blood depicted in the map can be explained using Kleins theory of ‘sadistic phantasy’; as it implores visitors unconscious desires to harm. The exaggerated depictions of the ride attractions, coupled with the grimaced faces of those depicted onboard the ride; create a sense of danger in the experience. The appeal of the dangerous experience could be explained as a manifestation of the “death instinct”, a Freudian concept based upon humans desire to self destruct and return back to an inanimate state.
'Representation of audience in the Thorpe Park map could be viewed as insulting. The behavioural signs depicted include cartoon images of visitors fornicating behind a bush whilst being spied on by an older man, visitors wetting themselves, being sick, digging graves, flashing, throwing themselves out of windows and drinking alcohol. There are also depictions of violence towards visitors; such as a visitor having his arm ripped off on a rollercoaster, a visitor getting eaten by a shark and a visitor with her hair set on fire. While alluding to the typical sense of teenage debauchery, the behavioural codes are based upon a level of fantasy danger. A rebellious behaviour which often does occur within the park, such as smoking drugs in the queue lines, has tellingly not been depicted. And while it appears on the map that a visitor could throw up or have their arm ripped off on one of the rollercoasters; a more realistic danger, such as brake failure on a rollercoaster , has not been included in the map.
'In the maps representation of audience; there are only two old people depicted. One is a preacher repenting with a cross beneath a group of teens screaming on a thrill ride; the other is an old man spying on a couple in the bushes. Both characters have an air of desperation to their behaviours and appear out of place. The connotations of these images suggest disagreement and exclusion towards those younger or older than the parks target 16-34 age group. In another form of intertextuality, Thorpe Park was used as a setting for teen comedy TV programme “The Inbetweeners”; wherein the crude sixth form characters went accordingly “nuts at the nations thrill capital”; arguably inspiring plenty of its 16-34 year old audience to do the same.
'The reality constructed by in codes of the map is not grounded in realistic representation. The images which signify the parks thrill rides are disproportionate; depicting the rides as larger, steeper and in a closer proximity to each other than they really are in the park. These exaggerations don’t just shape the visitors sense of significance toward the thrilling attractions; they also hide the less enchanting reality for visitors of walking around all day to get from one ride to the next.
'Another real experience of Thorpe Park that isn’t depicted in the map is the long, winding queues for the attractions. This deliberate lack of representation of an imminent part of the theme park experience, is due to the maps function as a souvenir. Visitors can look at the map and be reminded of the fun experiences they had, but not be reminded of the 2 hour long queues they stood in all day. The maps mode of address is also unrealistic in its crass informality; the signs are used to play up to ideas of Thorpe Parks’ bad reputation; and therefore discourage families from visiting. It is, however, assumed that target 16-34 year old visitors will be able to distinguish the difference between the inappropriate behaviours depicted in the map and the appropriate behaviours expected of them whilst in the park.
'The chaotic semantics of the Thorpe Park map; coupled with its lack of depiction of its car park and surrounding roads; demonstrate a narrative where the visitor is in equilibrium before entering the park; which is then disrupted when the visitor is inside Thorpe Park; then the visitor returns to the equilibrium of the outside world upon leaving the park.'-- Serena Cavalera, coasterforce.com
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Growth Maps
Alton Towers
Alton, England
1986
2001
Blackpool Pleasure Beach
Blackpool, England
1998
2003
Busch Gardens, The Old Country
Williamsburg, Virginia
1976
1983
1987
1997
2003
Cedar Point
Sandusky, Ohio
1980
2000
2007
2010
Chessington World of Adventures
Chessington, England
1987
1995
2003
Darien Lake
Darien Center, New York
1988
2007
Disneyland
Anaheim, California
1964
1980
1989
1993
2001
2004
Six Flags Magic Mountain
Valencia, California
1986
2000
2002
2006
Six Flags Over Texas
Arlington, Texas
1961
1991
2008
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Thoughts on Theme Park Map Design
'The majority of theme/amusement park guests explore parks naturally without consulting the map. The majority of guests won’t even pick one up in the first place, unless specifically handed one. Of those who do pick them up, most immediately stuff them in their pocket. The map might make an appearance during a queue when the guest is bored. Some people may open the map up to find food outlets, (in fact, I'd wager the majority of guests seeking out a map later in the day are looking for food options) or a toilet and fewer still for directions to a specific attraction. But the majority of guests will ask a member of staff instead of consulting their map, or rely on signposts, because people want instant answers. Besides, most maps are single, large sheets of paper. They feel less like a guide or souvenir and more like your dinner placemat to be disposed of.
'I’ve worked at a park and that's what I've observed. I’ve been that member of staff bombarded with direction questions. You will rarely see guests around a park with a map open actually using it to navigate, yes it happens occasionally, but it really is quite rare.
'A common problem of theme park maps is representing attractions closely together that may well be in real life, but their entrances are far apart. When guests do use the park map for navigation, they don’t follow pathways like with regular maps, they use them to get an idea of the general direction. Even clear maps suffer in this scenario. But by warping the layout, using heavy stylisation and graphics, or by placing the ride’s logo near the actual entrance, you can partially overcome this issue. What I hate about these styled maps is they are just so void of personality. Looking at them fails to excite. How anyone could make a park so crowded and exciting as Hershey look so lifeless and empty is beyond me. It's a talent, for sure.
'Alton Towers is well known for it's complex layout. At around 800 acres, it is the largest theme park in the world, and it's been brewing a sprawling mess of pathways, foliage, architecture and attractions for well over a century. It's no surprise then that Alton's guests have trouble navigating the place and so extremes have been explored attempting to solve that "problem." Cue a unique and highly stylised map style that lasted a a few seasons and reduced Alton to the bare essentials...
'The problem with this is that it is so fundamentally out of character. Anyone who's been to Alton knows how that weird gothic magic feels... It feels like damp, dark woodlands and strange abandoned spaces, not phone Apps for kids. The absolute rejection of Alton's personality is one thing, but the way in which this map reduces the park to so few attractions is another. It's reminiscent of faux naive illustration that's trying to be innovative simply by rejecting a history of of knowledge and understanding. It is my opinion that there was no problem to be solved in the first place and that guests will get "lost" at Alton Towers no matter what map design they're provided with - firstly because most of them won't even have a map, secondly because most people are too stubborn and impatient to use one and thirdly because it is a vast space with a maze of paths.
'Phantasialand is a park made up of narrow streets and tall themed facades. It is, I would argue, the world's most intense themed environment. I've always wondered how a park like this would cope on a very busy day, because the park itself doesn't feel very large. A very literal, practical map is kind of required with Phantasialand's network of streets and quirky attractions. Instead, it has an unusual and beautiful, but completely useless map that resembles conceptual art more than it does a usable map. The peculiar sketch seemingly drawn in real media fails to show much at all.
'Maps are not necessary, and they are not used by the majority of guests, but what they are is a convention of a theme park visit. An expected - free - souvenir. They can help to define the brands (the rides and their themes) in a park by giving them illustrative content. That's why ephemera is special - this tactile thing that usually gets thrown away, but represents memories of a fleeting event. The best maps are those that both stylistically match the atmosphere and brand of the park they represent, and successfully provide visual and written information about the many attractions and facilities within. Navigation is not their primary purpose.'-- Theme Park Thoughts
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Maps to Imaginary Theme Parks
Science Fiction Land
Babylon Theme Park
Bookworm Gardens
Gotham City Batman Park
Chichi Jima
Danger Zone
First Nations Theme Park
Garbage Dump Theme Park
Itchy and Scratchy Land
Super London Theme Park
Middle Earth Theme Park
Music Land
Neverland Kingdom
Potential City Theme Park
Rik Smits Theme Park
Star Wars Experience Park
Muppetville
Mystica Theme Park
The Ruin Theme Park
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p.s. Hey. ** Keaton, Hi. Thanks a bunch, man. Your thoughts on 'ZHH' are really great. The 'Repetition' comparison is interesting, yeah. That wasn't in my mind, but it totally makes sense. I always felt like living in Paris was my destiny when I wasn't living here, so maybe the wanting is the free ticket. Anyway, yeah, thanks a lot, man. Love, me. ** Jeffrey Coleman, Yeah, seriously, that was it. Wack. 'Boogie on Reggae Woman'? Whoever programs those captchas must be my age at least. Uh, I don't know about the Torrent thing. I guess that's up to Kiddiepunk. I'll run that by him. Super curious about the new Stokoe. Hyphens are weird. I kind of feel weird when I use them. They're like shrapnel or something. I hope the training has some kind of bonus side to it, whatever that would be. I sort of like detailed studying. ** Gary gray, Every guess is a mystery or something, right? I don't know. I aim to inspire, I think, so, cool, thanks. The drugs-related loss of your ways will wear off. You should have seen me back in my drugged out 'prime'. A erotic gay comic adaptation of Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam? This I'll have to see, so, yeah, do that. Good idea. Imaginable and yet fogged. Post your cleverbot convos, yes, excellent idea. ** David Ehrenstein, I never met the Kuchars, but I know people who studied with George in SF, and everybody adored him. Oh, very cool to see your Fandor piece. I'll go read it straight away. Everyone, Mr. David Ehrenstein has written a piece called 'Oscars 2015: Based on a ‘Truthiness’ Story' over on the awesome film-related site Fandor, and it is undoubtedly a thing that will improve you in some way, so please click this link and go have a luxurious read. Still haven't seen the new Dolan. I fear it's probably post-theaters by now, but I'll have a look. ** Dan, Hey, Dan! Thanks. Carrie was on vacation, yes, but I spoke with her a few days ago, and she said she would get on that right away. Hopefully you'll hear from her very soon, but, if you don't hear very soon, let me know, and I'll nudge her again. ** Sypha, Well, you could put it on a memory stick, and then you could put the memory stick on your shelf, I guess? A bookstore called The Shire is so charmingly quaint. Oh, cool, a 'Frisk' hardcover. Nice that it's still floating around out there. I don't think I know of the film 'Palo Alto'. It's new? I'll keep an eye out. I know Palo Alto, assuming that title refers to the city. Yeah, it's kind of student-y, if I'm remembering right. ** Kier, Hi, hi! Oh, don't worry about having exciting things to say about your day. I've been dulled out to hell in that regard myself lately, and you haven't even been dull. Just get yourself healthy as a horse -- what a weird saying that is; are horses especially healthy creatures or something? -- that's the only main thing. My day wasn't much again. For reasons too complicated to explain, the restart of the film editing has been delayed until Monday. So I was left to my own devices again. The producers-related shit storm seems pretty inevitable. It's just the size and shape. I sent them an email yesterday on Zac's and my behalves that will either raise the storm to tornado strength or de-energize it a bit. I'm waiting to hear back from them and find out which it is. On the good news front, the electronic music artist we hoped would agree to let us use two of his tracks in the film finally gave us the hoped-for yes yesterday, so we're psyched. But I'll keep his identity under wraps until the contract is signed and all of that stuff. Yesterday was kind of cool because 'ZHH' is getting an amazing response and tons of downloads, and it's seriously 'trending' all over the place, as they say. I've never had anything of mine 'trend' before, so that's weird and exciting. What else. Oh, there was 'suspicious package' found at the Gare de l'Est across the street from me yesterday, and they evacuated the whole train station, and it was overrun with military, and they blew up the package, which turned out to be nothing. That was initially a bit scary and then kind of fun. I worked on random stuff. I made a couple of blog posts and started others because I don't know when I'll have much free time again to do that, and the blog is again in danger of going into reruns. It was really gloomy outside, in a good way, but I was feeling strangely glum yesterday for some reason, so I couldn't feel objective about the gloomy outdoors. But now that I'm de-glummed, I have a fondness for yesterday's weather, which has dissipated into sunniness and chill of a rather standard nature today. I think that's all I scaniphon out of my yesterday. Are your feet back to supporting you with all their might? Any weekend plans? What happened? ** Steevee, Hi. I've not listened to Sun Kil Moon that much. I really liked Red House Painters, but when he shifted to SKM, I wasn't so into the first stuff he released under that moniker, but I hear the project has gotten sharper, so I should try 'Benji', and I will. Yeah, he's very good and intuitively great with language. I've heard about that Kuchar book, but that's all. Should be great, no? Cool: your review. Everyone, Steevee has reviewed Denis Côté's film 'Joy of Man's Desiring'right here, right now. Go read it, yes? ** Thomas Moronic, Hi, T. Thanks about the shitstorm. It would extremely good if it doesn't develop. I hope Morrissey doesn't cancel. Doesn't he cancel most of the time these days? Anyway, knock on wood, and that's a great b'day gift, obviously. ** Kyler, Hi, Kyler. Oh, that's cool. It's a scalding day in Antarctica when Lambda Literary even mentions something I've done, so that's saying something. Thanks a lot for letting me know! ** Okay. I thought I would let you ponder the particular pleasures afforded by theme park maps this weekend. And that's exactly what I've done. Have great Saturdays and Sundays, and I'll see you back here on Monday.