'Gentlemen, I have done it. I have found a way to go slower than was ever thought possible.
'You may remember from a few threads ago I made a vintage cars that used all the object data on the largest map possible - The Wheel Of Life And Death. The slowest ride with the longest possible track. at the time time i though this was the slowest you could go but I found a way to go slower.
'When a roller coaster travels along a track of constant height its speed exponentially decays towards zero but never stops
'With this in mind I build a spiral track on the biggest map. The train comes out of the station and hits breaks with slow it down to 4mph. then it travels along the track, always losing speed but never stopping, until it gets to the center. where it rolls back and does the spiral again until it gets back to the station. Calculations show that it would take 210 days to finish. not in game days. real life days.
'Kairos - the slow
'Just for comparison. Mr. Bones takes about - 70 minutes to complete. Wheel of life - 60 hours (3600 minutes) and Kairos - 210 days (303383 minutes).” -- unnamed 4chan user
'RollerCoaster Tycoon is a strange game. It was programmed by one man… in assembly language. The originals have stood the test of time in ways only the best 90s and early 2000s PC games do, even after a few sequels. That’s thanks not just to its solid foundation, but a creative fanbase that continues to output feats of engineering genius, from perfect roller coasters to viable microparks, but also, occasionally, an unrelenting doom coil of a ride that takes over 3,000 in-game years for unsuspecting guests to complete.
'At first glance, Kairos might look like a spiraling descent into the underworld, but it’s just the isometric perspective fooling you. The actual ride is built on the largest map in the game, with tracks wrapping flat around the perimeter and spiraling into the center of the level. From there, the cars are supposed to roll back, complete the spiral a second time, and reach the initial station at the start. Brakes at the beginning of the ride slow the cars down to 4 mph, making for some painfully slow speeds throughout as that number decreases.
'There’s no footage of Kairos outside of this Tumblr post documenting it, but you can see The Wheel of Life and Death, another creation by the same player, below—a fever dream of interlocking tracks like an eternal pattern in some abstract medieval hell.
The Wheel Of Life And Death
'The first roller coaster as torture device creation, and the most infamous of all, is probably Mr. Bones Wild Ride, popularized on a 4chan thread that first introduced the madness of its 70-minute duration through a series of screenshots.'-- Motherboard
Mr. Bones' Wild Ride
'On March 26th, 2012, an anonymous 4chan user started a thread in the /v/ (video games) board, which included several screen captures from the amusement park management simulation game Roller Coaster Tycoon 2. The images showed a 30,696 foot roller coaster track with 38 riders that took four years of in-game time to complete. The original poster (OP) provided greentext descriptions of the images, explaining that passengers were constantly yelling “I want to get off Mr. Bones Wild Ride.” After the coaster ended, the passengers walked down a large path leading to another entrance to the ride, where they were greeted by an installation of a skeleton with a top hat and a sign reading “The ride never ends.” Prior to being archived, the thread accumulated over 325 responses.
'After the 4chan thread was posted, a creepy pasta surfaced about a user visiting the Busch Gardens theme park while on vacation, where he discovers a strange ride as he wanders the park. After getting on the ride, he notices a giant skeleton tipping his hat next to a sign which read Mr. Bone’s Wild Ride.
'On March 28th, 2012, Redditor lessonplan submitted a post to the /r/gaming subreddit titled “One does not simply get off of Mr. Bones’ Wild Ride,” which included several screenshots from the 4chan thread. Prior to being archived, the post received over 4,250 up votes and 225 comments. On April 3rd, FunnyJunk user SweatyAnReady submitted the same set of screenshots to the Internet humor site, which received over 19,500 views and 323 up votes within the next six months. On May 10th, a Facebook page for Mr. Bones’ Wild Ride was created, receiving 150 likes within the next five months. On May 22nd, a Mr. Bones thread was created in the /v/ board on 4chan, which received over 875 replies prior to being archived.'-- Know Your Meme
Etc.
Turkeyslam RollerCoaster Tycoon 2 - Euthanasia Coaster
This is the product of my friend and I getting hammered on strong booze. When I found out that the Twister Coaster allows launched lift hills.... we had to. This coaster is ten miles long and probably has strong enough G-forces to knock out and kill a whale.
PenguinCoastersProduction Roller Coaster Tycoon 3 - Wooden Rainbow Death Coaster
maciozo Here's another one. This time, everyone dies.
GamingVerified Roller Coaster Tycoon 3: Death Ride
guavagirliee Roller Coaster Tycoon 3 Crash
RIP innocent minions :( creativity at its finest~
*
p.s. Hey. ** Liquoredgoat, Thank you again so much, Douglas! It was one of the best, liveliest weekends around here in ages, and all the credit is yours, bud. Shit, I hope that wasn't my fuck up about the missing video. I apologize if it was. I only just saw your comment, otherwise I would have slipped it in while the weekend was current. I have done some Leve posts, well, at least one concentrated fully on, hm, maybe 'Autoportrait'? Wait. Yes, here. 'Suicide' is great too. Everything by him is very, very good to read. ** James, Hi, man. Huh, the possibility that the post would trigger the dirty old men inside viewers never even occurred to me. I must be getting ... something. The head cold is still hovering, but luckily just on the other side of becoming full-blown and destructive. What kind of low-wattage brain would rename a bar Apollo's. ** Kyler, Hi. Thanks for the link. Thanks to it, I now suspect that there might not be enough money in the world to get me to have a drink at Ramrod. ** David Ehrenstein, Ha. No Shia LaBoef for me. I'm a vegetarian. ** Flit, What? Thank you! I was just the forklift. It is kind of really great to see everybody talking and interacting and stuff here this weekend. Keep it up, if keeping it up is something one can will into being the case. ** Steevee, Hi. I don't know those Clipse songs. I don't think I've ever heard anything by him, come to think of it. You think I should, yes? ** Aaron Mirkin, Hi, A. I hope my head cold stops flirting with me. I'm not interested. 'The Missing'? Hm, I'll investigate. Oh, nice, about him doing the Xiu Xiu cover. No online video evidence, I take it? Still, a man of sinuous taste, obviously. ** MANCY, Hi, Stephen! I got your book! It's so incredibly beautiful! Thank you so, so much for send it over to me. It's amazing! Cool, I'm glad my list encroached. I saw the TMT list, but the Quietus one. I'll head over there. Ha, it's true that there has been some weird, kind of vaguely interesting side-effect on my body. Not sure I can put my finger on it. I did find myself addressing some friends like I was a stand-up comic and they were 'the crowd' the other night. That was disconcerting. ** Sypha, I assume that was a rhetorical question, ha ha. Nope, haven't seen the new 'Stars Wars'. I'm not a 'SW' person, although I have seen all of the previous ones in one circumstance our another. If a friend wants to go, I'll go along. Otherwise, it'll be waiting for me in the menu on my next plane flight. I quite liked 'Looper'. I didn't see 'Brick'. Hm, yeah, the new 'Star Wars' sounds very star-wars-y in your review. Which is a good or at least comforting thing or something, I guess? ** _Black_Acrylic, Top of the morning to you, Benster. ** Bill, Hi. It was a sweet yearlong gigs list. Mine could fit on a few fingers, weirdly, and Stephen O'Malley would be involved in at least a sub-few out of the few. Trip? Oh, it's Xmas, right. I keep trying to forget, ha ha. Where to? To where some portion of your family is, right? Such powers of deduction. Where's my gold star? My weekend was very work-y, but it paid off. Thank you. ** Etc etc etc, Hi, Casey. Well not speeding exactly but speed-inching maybe. 'The Ventriloquist Convention' is very close to being set for an October '16 NYC engagement. I personally am not going heavy on Xmas, and barely even weakly. I'll give out a couple of presents and eat a buche. Otherwise, I have ongoing work deadlines that'll compensate. But I am trying to wander about in the decorated and be-lit city in the night hours while I can. I am indeed very glad to hear that you're testing out gif workage, yes! Would love, naturally, to see what you do if it's something that goes public. I don't think I've ever been more than a casual fan/reader of Pound, although, yeah, it's great stuff, obviously. Maybe there's something heavy and thick about the tone and style of his poems that doesn't sparkle for me. I don't know. I really like willfully obscure stuff. That's definitely not a problem re: him at all. Well, yes, I second your idea of coming back to Paris, of course. ** Misanthrope, Hi. I know, interesting and great about how the comments arena got all friendly and stuff this weekend. Breakthrough? We'll see. Very happy that NYC and you guys got along so well. Well, I saw her dancing in the clips Lg included. I always scour every guest-post. Yeah, I admired her dancing and her. ** Okay. Cool, you guys. Here's hoping that today's post doesn't push your mute button. Have at it, please. See you tomorrow.