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Enterable contest, winnable Dennis

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Back in in the early 00s, a fine gentleman and writer named Don Waters, who has been known to comment occasionally on this blog, masterminded a project wherein a number of music artists whom he and/or I liked were solicited to contribute songs and pieces of music inspired by my books that would be gathered together on a limited edition CD.

It took a few years for the project to come to fruition, but in 2006 the CD, entitled DENNIS: story - song, was released in an edition of 500 copies, 42 of which were signed by me and numbered. The package featured cover art and internal images by the LA sculptor/artist Amy Sarkisian, who is a great favorite of mine, and it included a booklet containing what was at that time a brand new short story by me called 'The Ash Gray Proclamation'.

The edition sold out quickly, and it has been nigh on impossible to buy or even hear since that time because the music on the CD has never been uploaded onto the internet as far as I know. Among the artists who have songs and/or music pieces on the CD are Robert Pollard, Xiu Xiu, Richard Hell, Fentin Quentin, Pig Destroyer, Eddie Ruscha (Secret Circuit, Medicine), Stephen Prina (w/ lyrics by me), Peter Rehberg (w/ spoken word by me), Jeremy Gloff, and others. In some cases, their contributions have never been released anywhere else. So, that's the CD in a nutshell. You can see images of it above and below.

When I was in LA recently, I happened to find a small number of copies from the signed, numbered edition, and I thought it would be fun or cool to share one of them with the readers and contributors of this blog. So, I'm holding a little contest, and the winner will receive a copy of DENNIS. Here's what you have to do: You should have a pretty good handle on my interests and enthusiasms from the blog posts that I choose to make, and of course from reading my work. To win the CD, I ask you to either imbed or copy and paste a link to something or some place that you think would really excite or interest or delight me into your comment today or tomorrow. Only one link suggestion per commenter, please. Anyone is welcome to enter the contest, whether you comment here regularly or have never commented here before.

A friend of mine will copy and paste the links you choose sans attributions into a document so I can click them without knowing who suggested them. The link that leads me to the most exciting or rewarding or whatever site, page, place, or thing will win the CD. The deadline is your bedtime in your time zone tomorrow (November 13th) night. Once the 'entries' are all in, I'll investigate them and announce the winner, probably on this coming Friday. Is all of that clear? If not, feel free to ask for clarification. May the canniest or luckiest reader and/or d.l. win.










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p.s. Hey. So, yeah, are you game? I can't imagine that anyone reading this lives in Poitiers, France, but if you do, the first 'Them' performance is tonight at 8:30 at TAP, and, if you live here, I guess you know where that is. ** David Ehrenstein, Hi. Ha ha, yeah, I had a mental list of artists I decided to try to not include because they were so obviously appropriate, incl. Nico, Joy Division, and a few others, and a couple of them slipped into the list anyway, but not Nico. I figured someone would compensate and add her from the comments arena, and viola! Thanks for the Ray Davies link. Always a pleasure. ** _Black_Acrylic, I actually looked for a suicidal disco song to include as a challenge to myself, and no luck on my end, and kudos/thanks to your end. Cool, excited to watch the video! Everyone, here's _B_A with a boon for you in general and an add to yesterday's gig: 'Lewis Den Hertog's 2013 AGK-winning video seems quite apt: "The Future" by Leonard Cohen is here.' ** Sypha, Hi. I don't know that Madonna song, I don't think, but I'll wander into it, thank you. ** Bill Porter, Hi. I came a hair's breadth from including that Silverchair song. I'm actually a big fan of theirs, but not of the early 'Frogstomp' era so much, though. Daniel Johns was, at one point, going to write the score for a film based on a short story of mine that never happened. I was excited and then crushed. I like Jason Molina. I don't know his work thoroughly, but I've always quite liked what I've heard, and his death was very sad. If I know 'Blue Factory Flame', I've forgotten the title. I'll go find out. Thanks, man. No it's not too long at all, no. I just keep overestimating the amount of time I have here to not be working on the performance piece. I should be fully up to speed, i.e. to the end by tomorrow, I guesstimate. Uh, my description made you want check out Lloyd Cole? That was an accident, ha ha. But, no, yeah, see what you think. ** Misanthrope, It was Veterans Day yesterday over there? That's weird 'cos it was Remembrance Day over here in France. Must be a WWII-based thing or something? ** Zach, Hi. Yeah, Suicide was on that mental list I mentioned to DE of people I tried not to program in the gig as a challenge to myself. But yeah, for sure, duh, totally. Your thesis sounds really fascinating. 'The panoramic novel', wow, yeah, nice. That's a really cool category. I'm going to spend some time reading up on that. The GM novel is really good, and he's a really good guy. Need I even ask how amazing MBV was last night? Talk about guaranteed mind blows. ** Steevee, If you ever successfully rescue those tapes, do let me in on the results. I don't really like Metallica, so I guess that's why I didn't think of them. I'll check out that Geto Boys track. I don't think I know it. Cool. ** Keaton, Me too, on the confusion thing. Oh, good, you get my strangeness. That's good. Better to know than not. How'd the story go? ** Etc etc etc, Hi. I didn't get to read your piece yesterday due to performance prep busyness, but today should be open-ish. Excited. Gotcha about Rimbaud. So much baggage and off shooting and stuff. He is as great as they/we say though, I say. Completely changed my teenaged and then forever life anyway. It is true, I think: what you say about the openness of the non-literary periodicals, relatively speaking. Or, yeah, maybe it was. The whole periodical context has been so upended and reoriented by the internet's cornering and both diminishing and enlarging of the nature of the periodical. In a way, I think the online context encourages and allows for more experimentation 'cos the volume of the volumes is so open, like what happened to music albums post-vinyl. First performance is tonight, so we'll see. We haven't done this piece in a year, so the doing of it and the response feel more unexpected in advance. And thanks about the scrapbooks. Wolves in the Throne Room is a nice add, thanks. Yeah, they didn't come to mind when I was curating the gig, and that track is a dead ringer. Good day to you. ** Chris Dankland, Hi, Chris. Oh, man, I'm so sorry. I didn't know that Victoria Selavy had died. I think I read work of hers, and, no I know I did, and followed her a bit. God, that's terrible, I'm so sorry. Yeah, I mean, suicide ... or the possibility of it in her case ... you know, there's hardly a day that I don't think about George Miles. And there've a lot of suicides in my life by people I've known well and in many cases loved. It's just unspeakably confusing and hard. Hugs, my friend. ** Torn porter, Hi. That video you threw into the mix is 'not available in (my) country', damn. What was it, for the record? And I'll investigate that ARF link when I get this done and have more time. Give Ratty my major kudos! The first of the two performances is tonight, so we will see. I'll let you know. Getting ready for that is pretty what's going on with me at the moment. Lots of projects and stuff waiting for me to get back to them. Oh, I see, yeah, I probably can understand that liason-related freak out, emotionally or psychologically or something. I'm glad you're entering the clear, at least. Best to you, and peace too. ** Okay. So, now, if you feel like trying the contest, I hope that doing so will be, you know, interesting. Thanks. I will see you back here tomorrow.

Varioso #32: m, BB, AoM, SS, S, H, CDS, RR, PP, BH, aUs, dch, K, VE, CA, PH, frp, RJ, R, MPL, TE, SK, GtN:aS, LM, GL, b, hrc, APRaCQN, p, RR, K, JB, MM, OmBMb

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How to synchronize metronomes






Everyone begins an outsider. At birth, there is no inherent set of rules of what can be. Children's art is perpetually impressive in its ability to seem moving, because we, too, have all seen people as masses of scrawl, felt sun like a strong gold eye with countless tiny arms. There's something of a madness in the interpretative ability of someone like a child, working outside the frames of expectation or the desire to be recognized by anyone beyond the act of creating in itself.





Altars of Madness





















The Sunset Strip in the Mid-1960s







We are now at Clark and Sunset, the world-famous friggin' Whisky A-Go-Go. This is it. When I first came here, the building was red, and there were little awnings up there all over the windows, and it looked like a French discotheque. Mario used to stand there, forever---always a fixture. The first time I was in the Whisky, I was hanging out right here; it was raining. It was either Moby Grape or Janis Joplin---somebody like that was playing inside---and I didn't have the money, and I was huddled here listening. And Mario was over there and he yelled at me, "What's the matter, don't you have any money?" I go no. He goes "Get inside." That was Mario for ya. Great guy. People say Bill Gazzari was the godfather of rock, but I think Mario was the godfather. He watched us all grow up here. I remember nights I'd come here, he'd grab me and say, "You look like shit. What are you on? You haven't eaten in a week!" Drag me over to the bar and say, "Give him a hamburger ---and you sit down and eat it!" The best. Nobody does that---who does that anymore?





Home














cool theme song i had stuck in my head, so i decided to try it out.







Whatever I wrote was surrounded by rays of light. I used to close the curtains, for I was afraid that the shining rays emanating from my pen might escape into the outside world through even the smallest chink; I wanted suddenly to throw back the screen and light up the world.





Anywhere, anywhere out of this world















the sleeping mechanical bird clamours for a kind of blue







I actually work with mood modeling sideways :-). Many improvisers I've worked with prefer not to make a lot of direct references to affect/mood, since it can be pretty subjective. We tend to talk about musical materials in a more abstract way, but still try to be sensitive about the non-musical references that may be evoked in listeners (or performers). I've studied some mood modeling research papers, and basically pulled some concrete musical aspects of their results to use in my work. For example, I work explicitly with tempo, loudness and timbre, which are the 3 main musical parameter classes that are used in mood modeling. But I don't go beyond that to try to come up with a description of the mood of specific musical materials. That can be tricky especially for music that does not sound much like pop or traditional classical music. For example, my father said after one of my gigs that we sounded "so angry", when that was not how we felt at all!





Abandoned Ukrainian sanatorium, once so famous















Artist turns his dead pet into flying helicopter after it is killed by a car







The Orvillecopter, half cat, half machine. Named after the famous aviator Orville Wright. He was killed by a car. After that he received his propellers posthumously. This is Orvillecopter's first test flight, Soon to be flying with the birds. Oh how he loved birds. He will receive more powerful engines and larger props for his birthday. So this hopping will soon change into steady flight. For the catlovers: it is a tanned hide, just like the shoes you're wearing. For the RC lovers: it's a Lotus T580 (still).





Is Kieron Britain’s most exciting painter?













An Argentinian town has re-emerged after being underwater for 25 years







The unbuilt is characteristic of those arts whose realization requires the remunerated work of many people, the purchase of materials, the use of expensive equipment, etc. Cinema is the paradigmatic case: anyone can have an idea for a film, but then you need expertise, finance, personnel, and these obstacles mean that ninety-nine times out of a hundred the film doesn't get made. Which might make you wonder if the prodigious bother of it all–which technological advances have exacerbated if anything–isn't actually an essential part of cinema's charm, since, paradoxically, it gives everyone access to movie-making, in the form of pure daydreaming. It's the same in the other arts, to a greater or lesser extent. And yet it is possible to imagine an art in which the limitations of reality would be minimized, in which the made and the unmade would be indistinct, an art that would be instantaneously real, without ghosts. And perhaps that art exists, under the name of literature.





Puppet Heap











Floating Record Player







Korean designer Rhea Jeong says she's been astounded by the amount of interest in her conceptual Void LP record player. One look at the design and you can see why it's made so much noise without even uttering a sound. Close your eyes and imagine a little red globe spinning around on top of a vinyl record emitting sound from speakers inside it. The record itself is suspended in mid-air above a simple black base unit - no strings attached, no wires holding it up and definitely no safety net. The imagery is quite simply jaw-dropping. But can such a thing really work?





Making a future with Robot















Keep Mellow Pages Library alive







Getting here, let's say, at 11. Or, if we are particularly hung over, at noon. We usually have a package waiting for us, which is a result of the attention the bookstore has received. A lot of people who read about us have either published work for small press or run a small press. We come in, process our new inventory, take a picture, and post it on our Facebook and Tumblr. During the day I think it all depends on work schedules, so for people who don't have 9 to 5 jobs, they'll stop by. A couple of friends will come and hang out for a while. A lot of people who come to this building don't necessarily come for the library—it's a pretty well known art studio, so they'll poke their head in, assuming we're another studio. We could get one person a day or 25. It really swings.





The End




















It's Cool, I'm Good







As a performer, I think our ability to laugh at a thing is connected to our ability to cry about a thing. Humour requires a certain amount of empathy (or as Freud would argue, embarrassment and shame.) I learned quickly that if you give an audience permission to laugh right up front, they become more open to heavier material later. When pathos and humour come together, an alchemical kind of comprehension is possible for me; it’s psychic, visceral and intellectual all at once. It’s the most powerful and poignant way I’m able to understand the world. Improvisation is like another chemical element. Improvisation is where we dip into a more unconscious place while being intently present. It’s the trap door that can open and let in the unknown. And when the viewer/ audience know it’s unplanned, another layer of bonding happens: we’re all in this together. This isn’t all purely cerebral and calculated. That’s the thing about comedy. You’re either funny or you’re not. Like Jerry Lewis said, you either have funny bones or you don’t. I move through the world finding humour in situations and that helps me manage shitty-ness, and also gives me a lot of pleasure.





Gil the Nihilist: a Sitcom











POETRY IS NOT DEAD







Her sleep in those days was generous to a fault. But she would wake up and feel herself felled by the clarities and definitudes of the new day. Then to work, in the afternoons, in a windowless basement office in an overchilled building on the outskirts of town. There would sometimes be too rational a cast to her mind, and then sometimes she nodded off, but it was an ungiving, dream-free species of sleep and did not want her in it. There was nothing to be made of it, either. It left no residue.





Those eyes in the end! Every once in a while I come back just to look into them, like looking into an endless depth....





















Indiana Man Turns Backyard Into Mini-Roller Coaster Park






The title ‘Amusement Park’ contains of two words- ‘Amusement’ and ‘Park’. The word amusement is derived from the key word ‘amuse’. And the ‘park’ itself is the key word. These verbs refer to actions that provide pleasure, especially as a means of passing time. Amuse, the least specific, implies directing attention away from serious matters. Amusement is the state of experiencing humorous and usually entertaining events or situations, and is associated with enjoyment, happiness, laughter and pleasure. Amusement may also be experienced through the recollection of events which have given rise to amusement in the past. Park is an area of land set aside for public use, as: a. A piece of land with few or no buildings within or adjoining a town, maintained for recreational and ornamental purposes. b. A landscaped city square. c. A large tract of rural land kept in its natural state and usually reserved for the enjoyment and recreation of visitors.





Amusement Park Rides as Closed Queueing Networks












Rare footage of Frank O’Hara, Allen Ginsberg, and Amiri Baraka reading in 1959







the candle end of a miser,/ For a flat-headed drawing pin on its own/ With its point in the air; — in Switzerland, at the bazaar, for an eyelash,/ Curved escapee from a soft eye, the black horn/ Of a chamois; — a warming pan after it’s been hung on its nail,/ For a motionless pendulum, called back to life;/ — In a rickshaw just as it's being readied,/ The puller’s degrading harness, for a pair of braces;/ — At a lewd woman's house, a pleasant lace-fringed pillow,/ For an unused pincushion with a merry flounce;/ — A mask put aside by a tired fencer,/ For an eye protector to be placed over the glasses/ Of a stonebreaker; — the clearly wrinkled temple/ Of an old man, for the upper part of the underside of a fist;/ — For the hair-touselling black cloth of a photographer,/ That with which, generating a breeze, four people cover/ A coffin; — an album of portraits, if, to open it,/ You have to overcome one or two fasteners, for a parish register;/ — For a lowly button hook, the hook, almost a part of his body,/ Whose noble fate is to stand in for the five fingers of an armless man;/ — An arm sling, for the scarf in which a much enlarged/ Cheek is hidden on a day when it's inflamed;/ — When he's making iron hot enough to be bent,/ For a pair of/ hearth bellows, the bellows used in a forge;/ — For that which someone with a cough shows to a throat-doctor,/ An arched cavern, reddened by the setting sun,/ With a solitary stalactite; — a lake of blood that appears/ In a dangerous district, for the treacherous spittle/ Of a consumptive; — at a saddler’s, the tether/ From which an empty stirrup gleams, for the broken fastener/ Of a yellow umbrella; — for the perfidious, sworn-at bit of shot/ That an eater of game spits aside, cursing it to the devil,/ A cannonball cleaving the air…





Kindertrauma












Ten Skies







I have an interest in exploring space-time relationships through film. There’s real time, and there’s how we perceive time. Time affects the way we perceive place. That’s where I get this idea of “looking and listening”. In my films, I’m very aware of recording place over time, and the way that makes you understand place. Once you’ve been watching something for a while, you become aware of it differently. I could show you a photograph of the place, but that doesn’t convince you, it’s not the same as seeing it in time. I’m very interested, now, in how much time is necessary to understand place. In my films, I tend to work with 100-foot rolls, which is about 2.5 minutes. That way I can have a little control over the window on the place that I record. I’m not convinced that 2.5 minutes is the proper amount of time necessary to understand landscapes but it is a manageable amount of time. I like to think I’m being democratic – each shot gets the same amount of time. It’s just a strategy. It’s important to watch for a period to choose the right time. I think that length is a manageable time for audiences. I also feel that it’s a bit like going back to the beginning of cinema, using the whole roll.





Martin Manufacturing



















One man Black Metal bands




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p.s. Hey. Anyone who wants to enter the contest and hasn't yet, remember that the deadline is your bedtime in your time zone tonight. I'm in a really low mood today, and that'll surely effect the p.s., and I apologize in advance. ** Timmy Reed, Hi, nice to meet you. Thank you for coming in here and for the entry. ** kidinawell, Greetings, welcome, and thank you a lot. ** Gary gray, Thanks for the entry. Sucks about the Halloween photos, but it's well worth waiting for. Acid's ambitions are always too much to live up to in some way, usually a big way, or they were for me. ** David Ehrenstein, Hi, David. ** Kevin Killian, Hi, my pal. It's always a boon when you choose here. Alec, yes, a truly lovely and super smart guy. I'm glad you and Sypha will be meeting. Take care, K. ** Matty B, Thank you, Matty. ** Cassandra Troyan, Hey, Cassandra. Thanks for giving the contest a try, and it's really nice to see you. ** Don w, Ah, Don. I owe you a huge bunch. That project was so great and humbling. Thank you so much! ** Angela, Angela! It's cool how the contest is pulling people in here whom I miss, like especially you. I hope you're doing great. ** Scunnard, Hi, man. I had to make my eyes do a trick to not see what your link was, and I think I did so successfully. Thank you. ** Sypha, Hi, James. One of the dancers played the new Gaga album during warm ups yesterday. There was nothing more than a handful of very mildly interesting moments there for me, sorry. ** Thomas Moronic, Thanks, T. ** Bollo, And thank you, Jonathan. ** Bill, Probably not, and thanks a lot. ** Torn porter, I'll look around see if I can find a video for 'Shivers' that isn't blocked. I think the performance went well. The response had all the earmarks of appreciation, I think. ** Marilyn Roxie, Thanks a lot, Marilyn. ** Etc etc etc, Yeah, the packaging is sweet. Thanks for the contest entry. I think it came off last night as hoped, as far as we can tell. ** Chris Goode, Hi, Chris! It's so nice to see you, my friend! And thanks a whole bunch for wading into the contest. I look forward very much to hearing how you're doing and what you've been up to. ** gucciCODYprada, Thank you a lot. I wonder if you're who I think you might be. ** Misanthrope, I'm spared the pleasure/shock going to some dark, crazy place, eh? Oh, maybe the holidays are coordinated. That's interesting. ** Steevee, I'll check it out for sure, thanks. ** Zach, Thanks a lot for the link to the Ian Duncan thing. I'm pretty sure I don't know that. That'll hit the spot today, thank you, man. Happy to hear that MBV did their incontestable number on you. I did a skid/stop on your second comment lest I attach your name to the link when I look at it. Successfully. That Jake Evans thing looks totally bizarre or very interesting or both. I didn't know anything about it. Thanks. The second link didn't work, but the internet where I'm staying is very dodgy and temperamental. I'll try it again in a bit. ** Chris Dankland, Thank you very much, Chris. Sure, of course, about the hugs. It's really, really, really hard. Obviously, I'm so glad that you're listening to and enjoying GbV. That's really sweet to know. ** Bill Porter, Silverchair's later album 'Diorama' is kind of a masterpiece. Beckett, yeah, insanely good. Intimidatingly good. Thank you for the entry. ** J. J. Morr, Thank you very much for taking the time to come in here and entering the contest. It's good to meet you. ** Mark Murphy, Hi, Mark. Thank you very, very much! ** Okay. I haven't done a Varioso post in well over a year. It's weird. I hope there's something of interest in it for you. See you tomorrow.

102 drops

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p.s. Hey. Thanks for all the contest entries. The detached links and I will be sequestered today, and I'll announce the winner tomorrow. Oh, and I want to give you a slightly early heads up that the blog will be holding one of its occasional Writers Workshop posts on this coming Saturday. Please plan ahead, if needed, to devote some time to reading the short work that will be presented to you in the workshop and then giving the author, Bill Porter in this case, your feedback, whether it be a brief reaction or much more. Thank you! ** Scunnard, Hey. Your trick resulted in nothing but an eyeful of education, so no problem to say the least. I'm good. Busy doing what? ** Gary gray, That new Sean Patrick is terrific. He's terrific. I hope you can figure out how to make that sigil writing experiment payoff in transcendent story form. I worked my ass off trying to make a similar experiment work at one point, and I still can't tell if it did. Tricky trick. Your description was really juicy, nice. Yeah, I saw that the new Death Grips has arrived in the world when I first woke up this morning, and I'm about to go give myself the gift of it. Exciting! They're so great. Thanks! ** David Ehrenstein, Hi. Glad you enjoyed that footage. That was definitely a cool find by someone. Thanks for the entry. We will all know if you've won by tomorrow. Best of luck until then. ** Kyler, Hi. Was it astrological? My tendency is to blame myself. Maybe it was a combination. Thank you for the entry. ** Lee, Hi, Lee. That is a pretty Borges story, it's true. Hunh. Nice, thanks, man. ** MANCY, Thanks a bunch for the link. Hope you're good. ** Bollo, My blog is so phone unfriendly. Does that mean it's old fashioned. Maybe. Weird. The announcement for that show is beautiful. I hope it gets photoed. Have fun, and let me know what Creed decided to do. The artist, not the band. ** Angela, Hi, Angela! Uh, when my particular sprits dip, I just think everything I do or try to do is worthless because I am, so my concentration feels like decadence or something. Thanks for the well wishes. I'm shaking it off. And thanks for the sweet stuff about the blog. You rule. I hope I'll get to you again soon somehow. Love, me. ** Zach, Hi. That Wikipedia thing was very interesting indeed. I am interested to see the article, yes, definitely, if it's easy to hook me up and if you don't mind. Big thanks for intro-ing me to that. ** Thomas Moronic, Hi, T. I'm glad you approve of the Varioso's return and of the form it took. What's your friend's show? I hope your pals get to meet your new pal. You sound good. It's a cool sound. ** Torn porter, The Shivers ... mm, I don't know, maybe I don't know them. But that's one of those names that blurs into other names so easily. I'll google and listen and find out. How did the pix-taking session work out? Do you have particular strategy for shooting bands amidst their sets? That always seems like it would be a challenging gig. ** _Black_Acrylic, It's your birthday tomorrow? Wow, an early happy happy! 34 is a great age, don't sweat it. Those disco lyrics are kind of really good, yeah. I'll follow them. ** Kiddiepunk, Hey, M! Thanks, buddy. I hope to see you straight away. ** Etc etc etc, Hi. Yeah, that Silverblatt transgression essay is really nice. One of the very best early attempts to define transgressive lit. He is a super smart guy, that Michael. Thanks a lot for dipping me back into it. Best to you! ** Chris Goode, Chris! Thanks and thanks again. I want a catch up, etc. from you at some point of your choosing in the not too distant future, remember. Lots of love from the place I call home. ** Steevee, Oh, right, I can imagine the load yesterday was a drag given that I was using so many different types of time-requiring things. I like what I know of DJ Rashad, yeah, but I haven't heard the new one. I will. Thanks, Steve. ** Sypha, Yeah, I don't know, I think you have to already be on Gaga's train to think the station she's stopped it in this time is all that different from the last station. But what do I know? Nada. ** Misanthrope, I think maybe she's playing with her wad the way a little will play with his food hoping he can make it look more delicious but he forgets that it's also getting cold while he plays. But multi-millions of buyers and/or fans can't be wrong or whatever they say. Thanks for the good wishes, but don't worry about me. I'm fine. Were those links your contest entry? I can only accept one as per the rules. I guess the first one since it was the first. But I'll look at them all. Am I going to get fucked up? Probably, right? But that's good, right? ** Bill Porter, Hi, Bill. Excited for the weekend! Another vote for an astrology-based explanation for the mood thing. God, maybe, right? Who's to know, ultimately? It seems to be waning, in any case, which is very good. Long story short, thank you. ** Bill, Hi. You're performing a lot these days. That's so awesome. So happy/proud to have had your wonderful piece in the array. When I made that post, I didn't know that 'Home' was already sold out. Urgh. No, I don't know the Another Timbre label's Anonymous Zone. I will go look at that as soon as I click the Publish button today. Thank you, Bill. ** Chris Dankland, You're really into Stanya Kahn! Awesome! She's so great, that's very cool. Thanks, great, that you liked a bunch of the Varioso's stuff. Oh, ha ha, the match up of the teenaged mugshots and the robots link was kind of a spontaneous poetic association that made intuitive sense to me only or something. Maybe it was also a little bit of a test to see if anyone was paying detailed attention to the post too. So, yeah, no connection other than poetically. ** les mots dans le nom, Hi. Thanks for the commiseration. I'm okay. It was just some weird conspiracy of something bad or other that got ahold of me or something, but I'm easing back up. You feel better. ** Okay. What's today ... oh, image stack. Hope you like it. See you tomorrow with the contest winner's identity in tow.

'i am ready to do anything that means anything for you gay guys': DC's select international male escorts for the month of November 2013

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AGoodBoyWithABadHabit, 20
Budapest

Everybody is good! I come from birdcall dragon. I'm not playing basketball since I was traumatized when I was young. I used to drink lambanog when I was 5yrs old. I am interesting about intelligent men. The wind that blows the dove is the wind that blows my love. If you want help me, write!

Dicksize S, Cut
Position Bottom only
Kissing No
Fucking Bottom only
Oral Versatile
Dirty No
Fisting No entry
S&M Soft SM only
Fetish Sportsgear, Skater, Underwear, Boots, Uniform, Formal dress, Sneakers & Socks, Jeans
Client age No restrictions
Rate hour 100 Euros
Rate night 300 Euros



___________________




EXBOYFRIEND, 22
Vechta, Germany

Hi! i'm your ex boyfriend

http://www.xvideos.com/video5965073/he_wants_it_bad
http://www.xvideos.com/video934545/young_twink_terrorized_by_old_grandpa

Dicksize XL, Uncut
Position Bottom only
Kissing Consent
Fucking Bottom only
Oral Bottom
Dirty No entry
Fisting No entry
S&M Soft SM only
Fetish Underwear, Formal dress, Worker
Client age Users between 45 and 60
Rate hour 80 Euros
Rate night ask



___________________



Nothingonyou, 23
Suva Central, Fiji

I may be the only 23year old white boy bold enough to decide to be a Gay Escort around in Fiji but even if there were/are any, I definitely would be the best for your pleasure, enjoyment and experience in Fiji no doubt!

Great at giving bjs with no teeth to hurt you, just the warmth of my saliva and mouth and my tongue and lips to work on you.I have never been bottom as I feel that I will only be bottom for the man of my dreams if he happened to be a top guy!

I'm not going to come over and give you a handjob for 20 dollars. That's not me.

Dicksize M, Uncut
Position Top only
Kissing Yes
Fucking Top only
Oral Versatile
Dirty No entry
Fisting Active / passive
S&M No entry
Fetish Leather, Sportsgear, Rubber, Underwear, Skins & Punks, Boots, Uniform, Formal dress, Sneakers & Socks, Jeans, Worker
Client age Users younger than 45
Rate hour 80 Dollars
Rate night 300 Dollars



_______________________




Sisi, 24
Prague

Dear customer or tourist,

I appease not only your sexual desires, NO, I like to entertain you at a delicious dinner, stylishly dressed in your fancy restaurant. I have a bachelor's degree in business administration. Furthermore i have knowledge of wine, food, politics, business or culture and I got the authority of good manners.

In order to that, i will be pleased to accompany around the world, even in front of your friends. With this profession, I have realized my dream into reality. As an escort, I accompany many men to the most beautiful places in the world. A sensual journey ..... Spend good money to buy good things.

Kevin

Dicksize No entry, Cut
Position No entry
Kissing No entry
Fucking No entry
Oral No entry
Dirty No entry
Fisting No entry
S&M No entry
Fetish Leather, Sportsgear, Skater, Rubber, Underwear, Skins & Punks, Boots, Lycra, Formal dress, Techno & Raver, Jeans
Client age No restrictions
Rate hour 100 Euros
Rate night 500 Euros



_____________________



boy_on_go, 21
Brussels

I am "UNKNOWN"
I am here..
u know y...

I don't know many things but i know what i want from this life i am serious
I am a big crook whit bigt dick and extream thight ass for funy
want to try my clean and extream thight ass...?

then confide in me...
but don't ask me questions
I am "UNKNOWN"

Dicksize XL, Cut
Position Versatile
Kissing Yes
Fucking Versatile
Oral Versatile
Dirty WS only
Fisting Active
S&M Soft SM only
Fetish Leather, Sportsgear, Lycra, Formal dress, Jeans, Drag, Worker
Client age Users between 18 and 54
Rate hour 100 Euros
Rate night ask



______________________





Fuckingababe, 19
Monte Carlo

I like cars and yacht and man between 20 to 30 year & should be handsome & muscular. I would describe my self as a confident, romantic, understanding, sensual, caring, skinny, young Twink with an average shape but incredible knowledge of my body that loves oral sex. Get down on your knees in front of me, look straight in my eyes, hold on to my hard cock, forget the time, leave everything and suck.

Dicksize L, Uncut
Position No entry
Kissing Yes
Fucking No
Oral No entry
Dirty No entry
Fisting Passive
S&M No entry
Client age Users between 20 and 30
Rate hour 130 Euros
Rate night 10000 Euros



______________________





youngandsmart, 18
Louisville

You Can Trust me , i really good at BED, i suck your Cock Very nicely till the moment you say "WOW" thats for sure , also you can Fuck ME Hardly i got a nice lovely tight Hole with great body structure , being fucked when fucking somebody is rather rare as longer as i am my self a bottom in a first place , but don't rim me CUZ it freaks me right the fuck out.

Dicksize M, Uncut
Position Bottom only
Kissing Yes
Fucking Bottom only
Oral Bottom
Dirty WS only
Fisting No
S&M Soft SM only
Fetish Leather, Sportsgear, Rubber, Underwear, Boots, Uniform, Formal dress, Sneakers & Socks, Jeans, Worker
Client age Users younger than 44
Rate hour ask
Rate night ask



____________________





hobby-escort, 23
Lyon

always doing ma thing, always ready to do what i like, keep it cool and real low.have fun and get the deal done

Dicksize L, Uncut
Position Versatile
Kissing Consent
Fucking Versatile
Oral Versatile
Dirty Yes
Fisting No
S&M Soft SM only
Fetish Sportsgear, Skater, Underwear, Skins & Punks, Techno & Raver, Sneakers & Socks, Jeans
Client age Users between 18 and 20
Rate hour ask
Rate night ask



_____________________




AnaLLLFuCkeRxxl, 24
Madrid

hi for everybody i am a nice Brazilian young boy. meet and do not mind it I promise. i like sex because i'm smart student, and because i like sex verry much i want to have this escort experience. i am not the tipical boy that put a clock on the table. i am only a young boy in the mood for crazy sex. my cock is ready to fuck all time. what do you think? try to talk about it. because you obviously don't care if you dont.

Fucking no
Oral active / passive
Watersports active / passive
CBT active / passive
Fisting active
SM active
Bondage active
Dirty active
Kissing no
Massage active
Safer Sex always
Rate / Hour 150
Rate / Night 600
Rate / 24h 0



______________________





cumtomeandfinalhappy, 20
Munich

hi,i m here for those senior cityzen who have lots of money but no partnar ,.....................iwill be their always.

i like to sex v much....like kissing,tounge kissng..deep lickin n al....like to suck wid toungue n saliva.....if u wan fuck me...first u hav to seduce by licking my body..toungue kissing n al....licking my breast...after gettng me hot...i m totaly urs.i will do as u say...i m bottm with seal n smooth ass...like to get fucked in ddeppp n very deep...cum on nw..drill my ass hole...fuck me as hard u can...in life its not jus moneey,most is that u feel gooodddd about what u spent monneyyy.

Dicksize M, Uncut
Position More bottom
Kissing Yes
Fucking No entry
Oral Versatile
Dirty Yes
Fisting Active / passive
S&M Soft SM only
Fetish Leather, Rubber, Underwear, Formal dress, Sneakers & Socks, Jeans
Client age Users older than 40
Rate hour ask
Rate night ask



____________________



useuse, 20
Orlando

Hi. im available. Escort. Callboy. i have many problems with me mentally but thats a different story. i am ready to do anything that means anything for you gay guys. Hire me.

Dicksize L, Uncut
Position Versatile
Kissing Yes
Fucking Versatile
Oral Versatile
Dirty WS only
Fisting No
S&M Soft SM only
Client age Users between 18 and 50
Rate hour ask
Rate night ask



_____________________




Superboy_likesyou, 23
Lahore, Pakistan

You take a dick and you get it wet and then you put it someplace tight—lol. Dicks most of the time look and taste the same, it's the performance and how I will treat you where I excel.

I love to hang out with Old fat males. I love to hang out with Old fat males. I like big bellied fat male.

Dicksize L, Cut
Position Versatile
Kissing Yes
Fucking No
Oral No
Dirty No
Fisting Active
S&M No
Fetish Skater, Skins & Punks, Formal dress, Sneakers & Socks
Client age No restrictions
Rate hour 50 Dollars
Rate night 300 Dollars



______________________





fuckme, 19
Fráncfort del Meno

I am Escort and you are John.
therefore never long at the same place!
But listen to what you tell my soul

I touch your heart,
now where I am going, I feel your pain!
I'd Like you to often look into my beautiful brown eyes,
built like a common future with you!!!
Often lay awake at night, no customer, touching myself
and thinking of you!
Your 50.000.000 million kisses are so hungered,
your cock approach my airport bulging and hard!
You make my naked body as hot as a volcano,
you draw out my lava like a magnet!
You eat the mess I make like my janitor!!!
I would to like too keep you forever in my arms,
and with my little prince manage the time!
Nothing remains as it was,
because you know I have to go unfortunately!
Now in Barcelona.

Dicksize No entry, Cut
Position More bottom
Kissing Consent
Fucking Bottom only
Oral Bottom
Dirty No entry
Fisting Active / passive
S&M No entry
Client age No restrictions
Rate hour 50 Euros
Rate night ask



______________________




SnuffEscort666, 24
Poznan

***READ*** URGENT HIRING (SERIOUS)

Use me up. Serious.

Nothing special on me. Hire for 50000 for all the way sex.

But if you love me, so do I.

May the odds be ever in your favor.

Dicksize L, Cut
Position Bottom
Kissing Consent
Fucking Bottom
Oral Top
Dirty Passive
Fisting Passive
S&M Yes
Fetish -
Client age No restrictions
Rate hour ask
Rate night 50000



______________________



plavcik1, 23
Prague

hey

I am 23. I'm from Las Vegas and would like to fuck regardless of payment or without

I love it when one of my body, face, ass injection

Short (in height) yet doesn't mean I can't go wild. Not that big but doesn't mean I can't be as terrible as you imagine

I am here for only very very rich and high class hot chicks but remember I am too costly so only rich can buzz me nobody else

Don't even think of cheat me because you will be in trouble if you do so

Report to

Dicksize M, Cut
Position Versatile
Kissing Yes
Fucking More bottom
Oral No entry
Dirty No entry
Fisting No entry
S&M No entry
Fetish Sportsgear, Underwear
Client age Users between 18 and 34
Rate hour ask
Rate night ask



_____________________




extratattoo, 21
Dusseldorf

hi im a refugee into heavy sm tt cbt d f ff bc bondage rape i can go to you can have sex to you bat have money for me ok

Fucking passive
Oral active / passive
Watersports passive
CBT yes
Fisting yes
SM yes
Bondage yes
Dirty yes
Kissing yes
Massage passive
Safer Sex never
Rate / Hour 100
Rate / Night 450
Rate / 24h 750



_____________________




MecJardinier, 24
Plainpalais, Switzerland

I love plants and I am ready to work on your balcony, terrace and also your garden. I am slim-built all around with a bubble butt that is driving me crazy and wants to get filled with the cum. It's rare to find an escort whose mind is even more intriguing than his enigmatic body. I specialize in sex with animals. I like the things that I want. This is a little taste of the man that I am.

Dicksize L, Uncut
Position Versatile
Kissing Consent
Fucking Versatile
Oral No entry
Dirty No
Fisting No
S&M Soft SM only
Fetish Leather, Sportsgear, Skater, Underwear, Skins & Punks, Boots, Uniform, Formal dress, Techno & Raver, Sneakers & Socks, Jeans, Worker
Client age Users between 18 and 60
Rate hour 100 Dollars
Rate night 500 Dollars



____________________



SuckMyFreak, 22
Glasgow

SUCKING my HUGE DICK would INCREASE YOUR LIFE EXPECTANCY of 10 YEARS.

It's weird how people who are the least close to me or who've never even met me purport to be experts on the real me; and then, sadly, there are those who could be in touch with me but prefer to gossip with strangers about me instead.

CALL NOW TO BOOK.

Dicksize M, Uncut
Position No entry
Kissing Consent
Fucking No entry
Oral Versatile
Dirty No
Fisting No
S&M No
Fetish Sportsgear, Skater, Underwear, Uniform, Formal dress, Sneakers & Socks, Jeans, Worker
Client age Users between 30 and 99
Rate hour ask
Rate night 700 Pounds




*

p.s. Hey. So, judging the contest was really hard, no surprise, and it came down to the arbitrariness of my mood at judging time, no surprise again, I guess, but we have a winner. The winner is ... torn porter. Since his entry was a video, I'm imbedding it at the bottom of the p.s. so everyone can attempt to share in its winning qualities. So, torn porter, please send me your mailing address, and the 'Dennis' CD package will go in the post to you as soon as I receive said information. Thanks for being game for the game, everybody. Finally, heads up that the Writers Workshop begins tomorrow, so ready yourselves for that your own, inimitable fashions. Thank you. ** David Ehrenstein, That's, like, classic Freud or something, isn't it? New Wes Anderson! ** Gary gray, Hi. Yeah, my first new Death Grips listen was super exciting. It's going on repeat today. No favorite track yet due to my single dawning listen. I was still blinking. My mood is creeping upwards. It's starting feel like someone or something put a curse on me while I was in Poitiers rather than being something I caused and deserve. That's better, unless I did cause it, in which case I'm settling into denial or something, which is not good. ** Steevee, I look forward to reading the review. Everyone, here's Steevee's review/crit of 'Dallas Buyers Club', and do go get his always valuable take, yes? That's the only good U2 album? I remember listening to 'Boy' a lot when it first came out, but then again I listened to some now-dreadful stuff a lot back in the heat of the freshness. ** Bill Porter, Hey. I really like magical thinking. Where would fiction writing be without it? It's good to know when thinking is just magical, through. That can be tricky. I have a terrible fear of heights/falling, which is why I gave that image stack's theme a college try. And the stacking and juxtaposing did make the fear turn into a component of aesthetic judgement or whatever, which was interesting. Nice thoughts on the phenom and your part in it. ** Tosh Berman, Nice to find out that the falling fear isn't my private hell. Sorry, man. Rome! When? Rome is so nice, one of the fave European cities, I mean for me. Nice. ** Zach, Great, thank you a lot for that, Zach. I'll luxuriate and learn stuff via it at the first opportunity. ** MANCY, Thanks so very much for saying and meaning that, man. ** Scunnard, Oh, I think I will indeed be interested in the Phd stuff. That alley is one from which I usually feel notable gravity. Then add your brain to the mix and ... whoa. I'm good other than emotionally but even my emotions are getting with the program again. Thanks for catching me up, man. ** Bollo, Did the dent go away? Asses aren't like cars where you have to re-sculpt the dent out of the thing, I imagine. I'll go look for the pix on FB. I'm sporadic there and miss a ton. Cool. ** _Black_Acrylic, Hi, Ben. Looking forward to the bumper-ness. Everyone, here's _B_A: 'There's a bumper haul of quality photos taken by the YNY team at last Saturday's AGK bash here on my blog.' ** Tender prey, Hi, Marc! Yeah, the drawings had a weird quality, no? King Krule is a very odd, interesting talent. Also, if you know what he looks like, that voice seems interestingly misplaced in his face or something. Thanks a lot again about the fairytale experimenting. Wow, so happy that my query got you to update your blog. The new work looks spectacular. And the installation shots are pristine in the most exciting way. And the collab work with Paul looks just amazing and like the most enticing puzzle. A related post would be manna from heaven, if you guys ever get that together. Thank you for even considering that. Everyone, d.l. tender prey is also the artist Marc Hulson, and his visual work is supremely beautiful, as some of you already know. He has updated his blog such that it now provides a look at some of his recent works as well as visual evidence of a recent collaboration he undertook with fellow d.l. and amazing writer Paul Curran. Your clicking of this link is very highly recommended as a result. Take care, Marc! ** Misanthrope, I think her wad was fully exposed quite a while back, if you ask me. I was being ... whatever, facetious, about the millions of fans thing, as you probably know, you occasionally facetious guy. That link/entry of yours was really nice. I'm going to scour it in near-time. I've never seen a second of 'Glee', and I don't think I ever will. 'X Factor' will never see my eyes, if I have anything to say about that. ** Robert-nyc, Hi, Robert. Mm, no plans to hit NYC re: 'The Weaklings (XL)' or hit anywhere, as far as I know. Maybe someone will want me to do something somewhere, you never can tell. I'm glad the Bluestockings reading went well. No surprise there. Yeah, nice store. I wish I was there right now. Or after one more cup of coffee and a shower. ** les mots dans le nom, Hi. I liked the tension between the word 'drop' and the human figures. It is a really good word. The vowel/consonant combo is a sharp, effective one. Thank you a lot for thinking about my work briefly. Speedy is okay. I get speedy here all the time, which I hope is okay. Good day to you. ** Right. It's our monthly escorts day here. Imbibe. And there's the winning contest entry just below these words to check out as well. A fucking treasure trove or something. See you tomorrow.


Torn porter's winning contest entry

DC's Writers Workshop #14: Bill Porter's Visit

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Welcome back to DC's Writers Workshop. This is the fourteenth in a series of days on the blog where writers who are part of the blog's community present work-in-progress in search of the opinions, responses, advice, and critiques of both readers who don't normally post comments here and local inhabitants of this place. I ask everyone to please read these works with the same attention you give the normal brand of posts here and respond in some way in the comments section below. Obviously, the closer your attention and the more you're able and willing to say to the writer the better. But any kind of related comment is welcome, even a simple sentence or two indicating you read the piece of writing and felt something or other about it would be helpful. The only guideline I'm going to give out regarding comments is that any response, whether lengthy or brief, praise filled or critical or anywhere inbetween, should be presented in a spirit of helping the writer in question. I'll be responding to the work too in the Comments section towards the end of the weekend. So, I guess all of that is probably clear. Giving support to the artists of different kinds who read and post on the blog has always been a very important aspect of this project, and this workshop series represents an opportunity to make that aspect more formal and explicit. This weekend's workshop features a short fiction work by the writer and d.l. Bill Porter. He asks for any thoughts, support, or criticism you can give him. I thank him greatly for entrusting his work to us, and I thank you all in advance for your kind participation. -- D.C.


*



Visit
by Bill Porter

    The house was for sale, the truck was for sale, I think the car was for sale. I ask forgiveness for not keeping track as well as I should have of which parts of my life I was meant to discard. It can take time to scrub yourself off of things. I ask forgiveness of the airfarers for the airfare, for the frenzy of expenditure that whirled all the anxious beneficence up to my door. I ask forgiveness of the business travelers for having been business. You guys didn’t need to do that. I see now how easily I might have unwound your organizer. I could have done it with a note:

    Dear Bert,

    Thinking of you. I affirm my continuing consent to play the part of your father in the usual Mary Poppins-ish way.

    Love,
    Dad

The only charge against me while that chance was coming and going was that I sounded like a zombie on the phone. Later I was accurately accused of worse.

    To go back:
    I met my son at the airport. When we pressed ourselves into the meaty hush of our hugging, I felt the swelling insistences of other people’s money behind him. On the drive home, suspecting a rescue mission, I sounded his handyman urges with the radio. Traffic and taxes, war and bodeful weather: he bubbled with solutions for them all.
    His siblings’ money? My brother’s? My father’s? My children’s mothers’?
    When the answer was revealed, when they all showed up to pitch their pennies into my well, I found myself interested less in the word from my sponsors than in the sudden unfolding of a funny picture: I saw a sign, WORRIED ABOUT DAD, and under the sign, a special shortcut through airport security, an expedited course through the seeing machinery just for those who could produce for the authorities, along with their drivers’ licenses, the churchy murmuration, the sanctified gabble of fretfulness that had engulfed me.
    More strictly:
    My son Bert came, he stayed two nights, and on the night before he left he led a gathering of my friends and relatives, which he had secretly organized in advance, in a kind of communal admonishment against my self-neglect. An intervention may be the word, although to me it felt as though the thing came not between my trouble and me but on top of it, riding me down.

    Without going too much further I should say that I, the broken voice, am the hero of this story and I take my own side. My sympathies remain with the weakness in me that I agreed to extinguish. My son has always been my son. I have seen him claim life, motion, and speech. He has a grip on my lens. Yet in the forlornness of deepest thought I deny him. I lose him among hateful shadows. He is one of too many such sons. They are full of techniques for grief and healing. They shine with faith in clean getaways. A hundred of these flying invaders must be aloft in America right now, or driving rented cars, working cases worse than mine. So my allegiance is to the Dads—the worried-about, the very worries themselves, failing without fuss in their hundred peaceful houses.
    I was subsiding into shabbiness amidst the rattling husks of my old cell phone chargers when my son and his rehabilitative bunch arrived. They bought me a gym membership and a storage unit. But they cannot choose how my example will instruct them.
    I was ready to be cheered up by Bert. I was ready to let him buy a couple of meals. I’m saying we could have done the rest later. It was his first visit as a citizen, an equal substance. There was time yet for him to grow into the role of my teacher and corner-man. I suggest that he overdid it a little.

    I recently suffered a period of acute backstorylessness. My memory failed. I was seen to halt among cubicles with a notepad. I was heard to speak in half-thoughts. At home, I was known to visit cruelties upon dogs. A nice way of putting it would be to say that I became very careful about what I chose to acknowledge as real. Justice allows that I was overprescribed. What matters is what my employers thought, which was, not enough. One Wednesday my truck and I washed up in my driveway with some cardboard boxes and nothing else to do forever. I called Bert from there and told him about the security escort.
    Since then, my wife had been supporting us—ourselves, and my housemates and fellow eaters, her sons—with a job I discovered I knew nothing about. Frances. I asked her once as she was leaving for work: You know when I think about it I guess I don’t even know what ceramic is? I expected no answer and received none, because she was in her car when I said it, and I was whispering it, or less. I don’t suppose, I whispered, it’s the same ceramic they make mugs out of.
    She was an accountant for a company that manufactured ceramic insulators for computer processors. I sat at home and tried very hard not to spend her money.

    In this difficult time I received many phone calls from all of you. Thank you. First, sweet purposeless condolence. Then there was an argument that I appeared to lose, over and over, about the unending welcome that the world holds out to honest people. There were other jobs, as you all knew, and at churches and community colleges and in the frightening Spartan buildings tucked among trees in the municipal parks there were health-giving and affordable stimulations. I bought a few hours’ worth, such as a fitness walking class I enrolled in to win an argument with my wife about whether I still owned a pair of white socks.
    Bert is my first son, my first child from my first marriage. That marriage and my second marriage gave, including him, six children. Bert was a real phone-caller. His siblings were not. (The relative silence of the rest of this half-jury of descendants would not, however, deter the intervenors' presumption to represent them. All I wish to say for now about these other kids is that the versions of them invoked against me like hungry ghosts, wasted with cares and dull-eyed from praying, were trinkets of rhetoric, a backfire. Think of your children! Believe me, I did. The actual ones were better, and they cared about me less.)
    The children of Frances are two boys, Brian and Max, fifteen and twelve. My new employment was to watch them more closely than I had before. They were passing through a period of vagueness, like baking bread hidden by its own steam in the oven window. I picked them up at baseball practice and they fell asleep on the way home. I wondered whether they were befriending the principle of their formation. I learned not to trust or accuse them. Stepsons: I had sprung Playboy on them once in friendship and it got back to the wrong people. Their father was a firefighter.
    At my fitness walking class, I got lapped by two tanned twists of gristle, men as old as my father. I asked them as they passed if they wanted to get some frozen yogurt with me. One gave me a companionable scolding look and meaninglessly touched his nose. It was a resistible kindness. If I can talk then you can, I said. I stopped with my hands on my hips. I coughed for the time it took the old men to sail another half of a lap. Then I took my keys from my pocket, unlocked my truck from a hundred yards, and cut straight to it across the infield.
    If I had had more questions about myself, or more specific dissatisfactions, the world that presented itself to my new condition might have felt more abundant to me. I knew of people who were learning things they wanted to learn.

    At dinner on the first night of his visit I grew fond of the notion that Bert had come to ask my advice. Perhaps he was soon to enter upon marriage or battle an illness, and believed that I could help him prepare. Maybe he only missed me. I have visited people for that reason.
    I did my best to keep my grip on these few charitable doubts, but from the moment our important salad was served, the jutting edges of the redemptive design jostled me, like the corners of a coffee table as large as life. We were eating steamed kale with almonds and a squash thing. I was shown how to chew it while smiling.
    I said: Arrhythmia, as in rhythm but wrong. Hyperglycemia, as in like sugar or something but hyper. See, if you can do a two-piece jigsaw puzzle in Latin then you know just what to do.
    I scooped salad until the bowl was empty.
    Bert asked if the police had been back.
    Brian, I said. Max. It’s weird that you’re eating this.

    Later, Frances was loading the dishwasher, and I was watching the news and speaking to it. Bert perpetrated current-events quizzes during commercial breaks, saying higher, higher while Brian and Max and I guessed at the number of people our government had killed here and there. Bert had studied the latest estimates. A commercial for one of the drugs I was taking came on. It showed a man walking in a park. Bert then suggested a walk in the park, and under the circumstances it was tricky to refuse. On the screen, the man squatted on his haunches and scratched a golden retriever behind the ears. I pointed at him and said I could do anything he could do. Ask your doctor about Voxadryn, said the television. I already did, I yelled. My brain crackled with meanness and error.
    We took the truck to the park and walked there for twenty minutes. I sweated like some demon of lust. The terrible sucking of my breath carved my vision away from the edges until my eyes were locked in a tube. After scarcely a mile I hugged a tree, more or less, though not for the tree’s sake, and said we had to go home.
    You OK? Bert asked.
    —me just piss on this tree, I said.

    One day not long before Bert’s visit, I arrived home from the pharmacy to find a cop-car parked in our driveway.
    I held an empty cardboard cup in my right hand and a plastic spade. To slurp the last drops of melted yogurt I had ventured nose-first into the cup and pressed its sticky rim to my forehead, leaving an arch of scabbed sugar with a foot in each eyebrow. My tongue, exhausted by rapture, was a puffed husk, turning sour. I had no thoughts about the cop-car at first, I only liked it and wished that it were mine. I had to sit there a moment, very still, towletting the crust of dried yogurt from my forehead, composing my mood. I remembered the what-seems-to-be-the-trouble tone of the abashed opportunist: rueful, grudging, but honorable about getting caught. What I was caught for I didn’t know.
    The officer was reading a newspaper spread over the hood of the prowler. He was pale and thin, mole-specked, splotch-flushed, purple at the eyes: a smoker, with a wet orange stain in the floor of his moustache. He had a slack, low-slung little paunch that clung to him as modest as a dewdrop. He promised to have a frightful mouth. I readied for a look into it as I walked up the drive with my yogurt cup. It was pink, an angering color. I did not feel well.
    Mister, pause, question mark.
    That’s me, I said. I gave the policeman my name. His teeth were better than I’d expected, but I was right about his voice: a clucking stink at the fringe of every breath and vowel.
    Now so as it’s out of the way right now, I want to tell you you’re not under arrest or anything like-at OK, he said.
    Well yes, I said. I mean of course not.
    Thing is you got too many dogs for a property your size. Now I checked into it and it’s true. I’ve never issued a fine for a deal like this and I hope I don’t have to.
    I felt worse and worse. I tried to burp and it didn’t help. I was attending, with growing fear, to my interior situation. I retired to a vision of my inwards as a tenebrous, somehow shuddering cathedral. Between my head and the invisible height of the ceiling, the surrounding darkness hung heavy and close. I peered in, or perhaps out, or down. I heard my egresses whispering. There was something churning the texture of the gloom. The smoke that the darkness wore at its edge was stirring.
City ordinance, said the policeman—LEE, by his badge. No more than X number of dogs per X number of square feet. From an enforcement standpoint I can’t say it’s normal, but you see you got a neighbor who likes I guess calling us on the phone a little bit.
    The thing was swiftly rolling toward me across the nave, a foreshortened somersaulting boulder of affliction soon to proclaim itself in parts of my body known for their inflexible demands.
    You have four dogs at this property sir?
    My wife had dogs, I had dogs. There were dogs in the house called her dogs and my dog. We respected distinctions of possession in order to divide responsibility for their offenses. Whereas her two principal dogs were sometimes guilty of excesses of affection, and another of looser affiliation chewed things and leapt upon the bed, my dog was a wormy stump rotting in the shed.
    Benjamin the dog: he was a comfort to me because he inhabited the one chunk of inarguable space in the universe where my defenses against reality generally outlasted those of others. When my wife asked about my day, my best efforts at reply tended to tell about Benjamin’s day instead: the color and thickness of his fluids, the tally of his emissions, the psychology of his wheezing, the faint manifestations of his will, the butterflies of his acquaintance, his melting teeth, the ghosts of his enthusiasms, his sad conference with the tennis ball of his youth, the plagues of his skin, his exasperating contraindicative contempt for ticks—above all, the persistence of his mysterious refusals (to complain or cry or give voice, often to eat or drink, to walk or stand, to seek joys like a living dog), and his abiding example of unbitterness, his accidental monumentality. I was alone in the house since my job and I had lost one another, and Benjamin offered the one variety of fellowship we knew we could go on affording.
    Sir. You have four dogs at this property is that correct. Well next week one of them’s got to be gone, don’t ask me how I couldn’t tell you, but that’s how it is. I do wish truly that I could tell you there’s a fine or a penalty or something like-at but what they tell me is that in this kind of deal what happens typically is they, meaning we the city, we I’m afraid will take the animal away from you and we will destroy the animal.
    Up the street, a garage door hummed open and my neighbor appeared with a green hose. He attached it to a spigot and commenced to water his driveway. He hosed down his concrete driveway. He washed the speechless stone. He did it with care. He waved to us as he did it. Officer Lee and I waved back.
    That’s the gentleman that called in I believe, said Lee.
    He pointed up the street to the brown house. A bib of scorched lawn, six cars and a boat, birds in the gutter, wincing boyfriends who came calling in basketball shorts, bringing the wrong kinds of dogs, and toys in the grass like they had thrown them there, and not as far as they’d meant to. I suppose the man with the hose who lived there was my enemy.
    It’s such a beautiful part of the country, I said. Why does it seem like we’re running out of things to do?
    In the last interval before the disaster, Lee thought on this. Evidently the particular manner of my inconsequence had left an impression on him, or else he was one of those ever-musing good sports who to please you will make profoundest riddles out of half your thoughts. I enjoyed the sight of him puzzling out whatever, with his top lip indrawn, his bottom teeth riffling his sooty whiskers, and his gaze looping through the mystery like a boomerang, flying home to the image of his next cigarette. I had long enough to engender a hope that Lee might produce a memorable and fine answer to my question. Then I fell to the malady that had caused me to ask it.
    I could tell I was sick when I caught myself casting about for a perception to congratulate myself on. (There it was: I couldn’t see, which is a hard thing to notice.) I staggered toward Lee, raising my hands to keep my balance.
    He hopped back smartly and lowered his hand to his belt. He had weapons there. He warned me not to come closer.
    I said: No, I’m sorry. I need to. See. Mind if I just.
    There: the clutch of sharp fire. The thousand-pricked blurt of perspiration over all my skin. The electrification of my scalp, and the sense originating there that my heavy soul, the actual weight of what was I, was rising, lifting and rising. I turned with a yelp and ran like a dog for the front door. Officer Lee shouted, but I was not running from him. Within two strides there was pee, I was peeing. Or, I wasn’t yet, but I was straining without avail against a peeing, a dear trusted sufficiency had resigned. Presently I peed as voluntarily as a man can. I flung out my gear with a roar of shame and then I let it all go out of me.
    I wept and laughed. I sang a low sigh in my best natural note. I burned in the drowning beam of mercy. There was a little too much relief then to think of continuing to reside in my person, so for a moment, off I went about the landscape, riding a curl of ribbon out of my head. Perspectives wheeled by, and in several I recognized the figure of the fat man pissing in the dirt, the sick suburban interloper fouling his own den. To the hawk up on the telephone pole he was a heaving blot of wrong colors too big to kill. For the large-holed face in the neighbor’s window, to whom he presented the three most informative quarters of his profile, he was a man abandoned to trash. What was he to the breathless policeman with his pepper spray? I feared that I would not get back soon enough to where I was needed. The policeman and he were both screaming. Any further evolution of events along the present course might block a non-policeman’s exits. It’s bad to scream with a cop.
    My wife came out of the house, and she was screaming too.
    Please don’t please don’t. (There I was.)
    Oh my God, etc. (My wife.)
    I am not dangerous, we are not dangerous, I blubbered, as Officer Lee pointed his pepper-spray canister at me and then at her. I showed him my harmless hands. Unaimed, my three volumes bucked and swung. I pissed on my shoes with every appearance of deliberation.
    I’m just having a kind of ordinary accident, I said.
    You’d better tell me what’s going on fast, you running away on me like-at.
    Can I ask is it against the law to pee on your own bush. I mean I guess there’s indecent exposure or I don’t know.
    Public urination, said Officer Lee.
    My wife said: Is that a question?
    Honey, please, I said. You’re being a little too courageous.
    Folks, help me out, said Officer Lee. Just one of you say something helpful.
    (New treachery in my body now. A trembling in my legs that had begun with the first fears of uncontrol had developed into a loony jerking in both knees, like a deracinated swimming stroke. I was a creature plying the wrong medium. My hands shook. The pissing was as prodigal as ever, and I received strange and wistful intimations of some parallel version of this act, in which my flailing limbs and errant fluids witnessed to my joy of life.)
    With pepper spray it’s the same with any tool, Officer Lee continued. Once you have it in your grasp it has a way of making its own demands. I just could use a little help from you that’s all.
    He has diabetes, said my wife.
    (Of course I did.) Of course I do.
    I fell to my knees in the grass, pitched over in my own puddle, and fainted away.

    After that I started to sound like a zombie on the telephone. I slowed the delivery of my favorite joke:

    SETUP [misc.]: Very sorry to hear you lost your job. Heard you lost your job, that’s real tough. Did you lose your job? I heard about it, scary. (Ad lib.)
    ME: Thanks, but I have a pretty good idea of where it is.

    I declare that I will no longer allow you to get away with that joke, Bert said.
    I think that joke shows optimism. The point isn’t whether I endorse it. The point is that it’s alive, it’s in contention.
    It’s disconcerting to hear that joke in a voice barely above a whisper.
    Maybe barely alive. That’s fair. But still: the silver-lining detector, the apparatus—
    I can’t even hear you right now.
    I’m still choosing a survival technique here. Believe me, bright-heartedness is something you have to sneak up on.
    I’m coming to see you. Next weekend.
    Frances says she’ll help. We’ll tape up Hallmark cards all over the walls. Every time you turn a corner in the house, boom, an infusion—
    Dad, I’m worried about you.

    Later, in my living room, it would be a popular opinion that this was all happening too soon. But no one would say how much too soon.
    The truth is I’ve had all the vitality I can stand. I can’t separate a concept of health from that of prowess, of bare lethal potential. I am not robust, fast, or beautiful, but I have lived for years and years amidst creatures I can kill. I have bathed my children, I have lain down beside sleeping women. The infant Bert had a neck as paper-crisp and yielding as a toad. In defense of illness I would say that its imperatives are essentially pacifying.

    The morning after my walk at the park, I awoke sopping with pains and lay in bed awhile, brewing the black coffee of indignation in my heart. A bubble in the gorge, a scent of stirred blood in the depth of the nose. Today I would tell Bert to get out of my house and go sleep in the street, if he wished to teach me something. We could continue my lessons in autonomy from there.
    What kind of son was he, when he was a son and not a houseguest? I wish I were worse at remembering him. Retrospection in its fastidious cruelty reveals unwelcome meanings in everything. When I led him into the house, he appointed a stage. When I led him into his room, he unpacked a costume. In the last act I would sit in the armchair and he on the same sofa that he had stopped to squint and mumble at upon his entrance. He would wear the green oxford of special power, the first shirt he had taken from his suitcase, the one which he had hung, alone, from the back of the guest room door.
    I rose, washed, and took my pills before the mirror. My face took on different shapes of anger until I found the one I was looking for. Why pick on me? I wasn’t a theorist, I had no immodest beliefs, the fraying of my life was not a defense of an idea. I could state my view of personal well-being in full by remarking that I flushed with a feeling of positive action and judicious force as I took my pills each morning. I liked to count them. There was one for each thing in me. It gladdened me to account for myself. Most mornings I could look through the mirror far enough to borrow an impersonal kind of blessing for whatever I saw there. I figured that if I ever needed more than that I’d ask for it.
    Bert got up and came to the kitchen like some camp counselor, sheepishly haggard and full of positive programming. He suggested a drive to the botanical gardens. I gave him dogkeeping duties. We brought the dogs in and fed them. We let them out and spoke to them to make them run around.
    The fact was that neither of us was ready to live the way we were living. In myself I felt an openness, a readiness to join in laughter with him over it all—it was a good enough joke that I was fat and peed on things, and if we worked together we could forget here and there that it had been played on us. But he was still shocked and sealed and hoping to harden.

    We went to dinner that night—Frances, Bert, and I—and Bert’s intervenors arrived at the house while we were out. They were set up in the living room when we came in, the finest chair waiting for me.
    Four on the sofa, too many for it to hold: my wife, my son, and her sons. Four on kitchen chairs set against the wall: her parents, her brother, my friend. One seated backward on the piano bench: her friend, the decoy, the cookie-arranger, the one I would be allowed to attack. Three dogs in a fuddlement of arousal. An empty chair for my brother, whose plane was late. Every face a flake of courage. Even in recollection I find the prickle of a choked protest upon me like some inexpressible sneeze.
    Let’s talk! First, greetings to all and sodden commendations. And then who are you, and why are you here? We went down the line. Once three people had spoken there weren’t any answers left—

    I’m here because Bert asked me to be here.
    I’m here because I feel a duty to be here.
    I’m here because I care about this family.
    I’m here for the same reason as Larry.

—but then, that doesn’t embarrass anyone but me.
    Here because he felt a duty to be here was Maxwell, my wife’s father. He spoke in such a way as to suggest that this duty of his might be a home to anyone who didn’t want to get caught wishing for the worst. He had heard that the problem was that I was alive and at large as myself, and so to him the solution was obvious but awkward to hope for.
    We are all family, he said. I believe that means being there when things go sideways.
    I found him artful. He loved me less than anyone I knew.
    His grandsons, my wife’s sons, my stepsons, sat with Maxwell, deepening their distance from me.     My health was to be the instrument of his patrimony.
    I asked him: How close is this supposed to be making us feel? (Maxwell: changeless. I was making this too easy for him.) Because I feel sort of half-in-half-out. I got an internet church’s preaching certificate and did a wedding ceremony for my two friends of mine, and that was similar. It was a mistake. We sort of stopped speaking after that.


    Part of my trouble here is that I’m not sure that the thing I had a run-in with was a real social form. Was it possible to have an intervention against the mere state of being fat and sad? From the soaking boredom that had fallen on us, as though we were suffering together through a bad dinner prayer, it was clear that there were others discomfited by the squishing of this question. It wasn’t my privilege to hold up the production, and I felt I owed it to my intervenors to behave as though they knew what they were doing. Nevertheless a conversation in which it was somehow irrelevant for me to mention that six other people in the room were as fat as I was, was ipso facto one that had gone down the wrong track. Moreover the sum of encouragements, wishes, warnings, grocery lists, threats, recipes, parables, condolences, and exercise tips might not have amounted to a coherent and practicable program of action. Even now I suspect that I was not properly asked to do anything, other than to behold an invisible sculpture of myself.
    There’s a lot of—let me put it like this, there’s a lot of medicating of symptoms going on, and not enough of the kind positive change that can really get to the root, Bert said. Let’s talk about that. Who wants to go first.
    I watched him presiding. I wanted to go first. Questions: Where did the money come from? Could this be done twice? I’m an obedient man, but what if this doesn’t work?

    Around eleven o’clock, a stopping point that must have been negotiated in advance, I was offered a chance to plead exhaustion and I took it. (You must be tired: not even a question, exactly.) My stepsons, who enjoyed food-work and seemed to belong to the silence of it, helped my wife parcel out the carnage of the uneaten snacks. Old yogurt containers with mismatched lids came out of their unruly and neglected cupboard and received scarred heels of cheese, gored olives, brownie tatters and nut rubble. I went outside and got a cigar out of the truck, along with the noisy stapled paper bag containing my pills, and a candy bar I’d been hiding. I went to the backyard to smoke.
Puffing and smacking, I stood aside, as I loved to do, while my whole mind crowded into the fierce blossom of corruption in my mouth. I have said all my life that I smoke cigars when I want to think, and never once, while smoking, thought one thing.
    Through the kitchen windows and the patio doors I watched the dumb show of the house, with me out of it, mellowing its mood. There was a rinse of demure and solemn happiness that brought the people back to themselves and their relations by gentle ways. A smoothing humor flowed among them and I was touched to see it. Maxwell draped a dishtowel over Max’s head. Brian impassively aimed a fake punch at Maxwell’s jaw. Veronica, my mother-in-law, performed the first large laugh, and after a doubt as to its propriety startled her—eyes popping, hand flying to her lips—others joined her in it and redoubled it. Frances, standing at the sink, bobbed in this laugh. She had been given solitude within some business with the dirty dishes, so that she might live a little longer with the feeling that we were fixing this. The characteristic gesture of fellowship among just, sound humans busy corroborating each other’s rights to pleasure and health is a light touch of two fingers inside the elbow. In the living room, phones showing pictures of new boats, beaches, and the triumphant young athletes of the family were handed around.
    I could hear them better now, as they resettled their free and natural movements, than I had when they had spoken, when what was more necessary to detect than any word was the extent of its distortion by the ghost, the curse, the sickness, the threat, the ill presences in me that had evoked it.
    I’ll buy the truck, Maxwell said. I’ll take Benjamin too, he can live out his days up at the farm with us.
    We’ve gone in together on a storage unit so you can clean out the house and the garage and sell the house, Veronica said. Here is the key to the storage unit right here.
I’ve got a good friend who’s a personal trainer, said Marla, the decoy, eating a cookie.

    Bert leaned out through the patio door to report the sleeping arrangements. Maxwell and Veronica were headed home and would see about Benjamin and the truck later in the week. My brother Phil sent a text message from Atlanta: delays upon delays, he’d sold his seat for the points.
    My flight’s at seven. So I figure airport by six, leave by four thirty. Up by four.
    Dinner tonight was nice, I said. We all deserve credit for it. A head start on the healing. You’ll have noticed I ordered fish.
    You should sleep. Four’s early.
    Though now I know what that candlelight-melancholy look was all about. You were regretting that you couldn’t just hop from the men’s room window into a plane. I believe you ended on the wrong note.
    Good night, Pop.
    He went in.
    When I finished my cigar, I unwrapped my candy bar and went to the shed. Benjamin rose from his blankets toddled up to me at the workbench. I broke the candy bar into two pieces. I rubbed the oily fur behind his ears. I took the pill bottle from the bag and ten pills from the bottle. He lay down again. I plugged the pills into the soft center of one half of the candy bar. He yawned.
    I sat down beside him.




*

p.s. Hey. So, I've pretty much said this in the introduction at the top of the post, but please devote some time and thought to Bill Porter's story this weekend, and give him your feedback, whether it's in the form of a short acknowledgement, if that's your style, or, of course, ideally, something more in depth and detail-oriented, if you can and don't mind. Basically, please show your support for Bill's writing and for his kindness and courage in entrusting it to us. I'll add my thoughts at the end of the weekend. Thank you all very much in advance! ** Torn porter, Cool, I'm stoked too. Oh, right, my email. It's dcooperweb@gmail.com. Just send me your mailing address, and it'll get the prize in the mail asap meaning, I guess, on Monday. Yeah, I guess I was partly wondering how you or one deals with having to work in the firing line or cresting-wave-like space between the band and the crowd. In theory, the restriction there seems exciting, but I would definitely be shy or something like you, but, unlike you, my photos would likely suck. Concert reviews are a real toughie, or they always have been for me. Even describing a concert situation in a fiction context is extremely hard to pull off, and I don't think I've ever managed to do that. Writing reviews of movies, art, things, theater, is so much easier. I guess maybe because the crowd is so important to the music show, and so inseparable from the show's aesthetic and effect/success, and the reviewer is both part of the crowd and removed from it to a more violent or distinct degree than with other events or something. I don't know, blah blah. Congrats to you again, man, and have a swell weekend. ** David Ehrenstein, You see why, yes? Your entry was pretty cool too, sir, and completely unexpected. ** _Black_Acrylic, Hi, Ben. Shit, I forgot to wish you happy b'day on the day itself. The plans you made for it sound quite sweet. I'm guessing it was, right? Thanks about the goody bag. You're too kind. ** Etc etc etc, Hi. Wow, interesting: the connection to the Thieves Like Us videos. I'd never seen them. I kind of like them. There's some kind of atmospheric stress in or around the 'cute' thing that's interesting or melancholy/fascist or something. Hm, I'll have to watch them again. Yeah, why is it that 'Beats' fiction movies inevitably suck. Suck generally in a particular way. It's so true from the ones I've seen. Don't think I'll try 'KYD'. Theoretically, it seems like you could make a decent or even pretty damned good movies from/about the Beats or their texts. Maybe it's that directors always give the movies way too much shape. Too much hourglass and not enough sand. And the movies' tempos always seem very imposed and unfaithful and wrong. Or something. Anyway, interesting. Ha ha, the 'Munich' comparison ... yes, I'll stay far away from that film, thank you. New Death Grips is crazy great, like they have the formula for exhilaration or something. Lovely weekend to you, Casey. ** Gary gray, You think about the truth in denial? Well, there's truth in everything and everything/nothing in truth, I guess, or something. Calm, interesting ... I'll go revisit them and think about that. It's interesting that the tenor of those posts can change from month to month since I'm always at least consciously just gathering the ones that seem the 'best' in the same way as always. It would be weird if they were somehow about my state of mind or something. I don't want to think about that. That would ruin it. ** Tender prey, Hi, Marc. Fuckme was a good one, yeah. I don't think I had a favorite one this month. I thought that for some reason this month they were most effective as an ensemble rather there being one or two or three stars and the rest forming their back up band or something. Your new work: sublime, man. Awesome that the M&P post is a goer! Wolf! Tell Wolf hi and give her a just-this-side of a back breaking hug from me. And my love too, if the hug wasn't a fill-in communicator. ** Bill Porter, The man of the hours! I hope it goes really well this weekend, and thank you again so much! Robust, interesting. I never fully know what their collective effect will be. Maybe I should do an Escorts Post Workshop post or something. Too square, you? What?! Perish the thought. If you're square, so am I, and, huh, I think I probably am, come to think of it. Anyway, enjoy. How was Jonathan Richman? I haven't seen him live or even listened to him in, gosh, ages and ages. Weird. ** Sypha, Glad you liked the batch, and thanks on their behalf. Sounds like a super fun day you had there with Mr. K and Lee. Why is one not allowed to take photos of HP Lovecraft's grave? That's weird. I've never heard of a such a rule in a graveyard setting. 'Bedrooms Have Windows', that's a score right there. Yeah, I think it and the 2nd edition of 'Idols' with that even more ludicrous than original cover were contemporaries. Have a fine weekend, James. ** Bill, I think if you're an escort in Fiji, you must need every advantage you can get. You're in Brooklyn? You're even more on-the-go than I am. Wow, you're doing the thing with my text this weekend? I hope my thing serves you well. That's so cool. Tell me what happened. And break not only your leg but mine too. If I wake up in the late-middle of the night on Saturday with a charley-horse, I'll know you were the hit that one would fully expect. ** Steevee, Tell me more about the amusement park ride sexual fetish thing/program, if you can. That's really fascinating to me, unsurprisingly, and ... wow. ** Misanthrope, I figured you knew I was being facetious, I just wanted to cover my bases or something, who knows? If 'Glee' made Dave Grohl seems like a paragon of virtue, it must be pretty fucking bad. France has an 'X Factor'. I've never watched it. No, wait, I did stop on it once just to see what happened to that format when French people were inside it. Nothing much happened to the format other than the accents. Excellent weekend, G! ** Right, Now, please turn your full attention to Bill Porter's story if you haven't done so already. I'll add my feedback to yours when late-ish Sunday my time rolls around. Thank you again for your time and concentration this weekend, everybody! See you in the comments arena ere long, and then from the vantage point of my proper place (here) on Monday.

Galerie Dennis Cooper presents ... Eddo Stern

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'Pay a visit to Eddo Stern's office at UCLA and you'll get a sense of why he's become the poster child for one of the art world's heated debates: should video games be considered an art form? The floor-to-ceiling shelves and the long tables that cut across his large studio are piled high with the stuff of many a working artist: paper, glue, cardboard, museum catalogs and art books. But you'll also find boxes upon boxes of computing manuals, monitors, routers, and all kinds of electronics equipment. Here is an artist with an obsession for technology who spends much of his time making games.

'Much of Stern's work is about the tensions that exist around technology as a form of simulation that lies in contrast to realism, authenticity, and objectivity. In his early work, Stern was a pioneer of what became known as machinima, short form videos created from real-time footage captured from video games. Today the company Machinima.com in West Hollywood has the second most popular channel on YouTube, but when Stern was doing machinima the term had barely even been coined. In "Sheik Attack" (1999/2000), he used footage from computer games created in the mid-to-late 90s to recreate and critique his experience serving for the military in Israel where he grew up. He used military simulation games created in the U.S. -- Command and Conquer, Soldier of Fortune -- to make what amounts to both a documentary piece and a piece of appropriation art. In "Sheik Attack" he seems to critique Israeli ideology on the one hand, while exposing the games industry on the other. "A real problem for games and the games industry is that they want to capitalize on political tension and fantasies of war while never being held accountable for a specific point of view since everything is abstracted into fantastical versions of reality," he says.

'A central theme that wraps the entirety of Stern's work is the paradox between people's desire for technological mediation and a yearning for real, direct experience as well. "People want technology to do more and more things for them," he says. "They increasingly want to spend time in mediated realities, yet they also yearn for unmediated experiences that are more real, more direct, more true, more honest." For Stern, the central claims of technology -- the very fantasy of technology -- is that it will make things more real. One of his chief obsessions is the paradox that this can be achieved through more and more mediation and more layers of artifice.

'Stern's project in an on-going stage of development is a sensory deprivation game called "Darkgame" (2009/13), which is about to go into its fourth iteration. Projected onto a wall, the game requires players to wear physical headsets that provide haptic feedback allowing them to sense where they are in the game at any given time. The whole game design is premised on subverting the idea of role playing; the notion that you leave yourself behind when you enter into the framework of a game. What's innovative here is that the attributes in the game that usually belong to your avatar are split between you as a human player and the avatar that you play. There are six resources in the game and three of them directly affect the player's physical experience of the game. The players vision, hearing, and tactile senses can be dialed up or down. If you enhance your abilities as a player, your avatar's abilities will be severely diminished and it can become fickle and unreliable. Or, vice versa, you can play the game by hardly being able to see, hear, or feel what you're doing and your avatar will become a very powerful, almost autonomous super character. A year and half ago Stern started working with the Braille Institute in L.A. to develop a version of the game in which visually impaired players can play together in a network environment with non-visually impaired players. Stern is interested in using immersive technology to probe its own possibilities and limitations.'-- KCET



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Further

Eddo Stern Website
Eddo Stern @ Cargo Collective
Eddo Stern @ Postmasters Gallery
Eddo Stern @ Facebook
Eddo Stern @ The Influencers
'Eddo Stern turns viewers into players'
'Eddo Stern makes art-games about game-life.'
'Games Without Frontiers'
Video: Vernissage TV: Eddo Stern
Eddo Stern interviewed @ Unedit my heart
Eddo Stern reviewed @ Artforum
'Machinima By Eddo Stern'






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Darkgame

'Around 2005, Eddo Stern began work on Darkgame, a virtual-reality game that uses haptic technology, which incorporates players' sense of feel. Players wear a headset with small motors embedded into pressure points, giving them tactile feedback, allowing them to sense, for instance, that someone is following them. As you play, you can either gain or lose sense of sight, hearing and touch. The first headset Stern designed included a black head-covering, because images of John Walker Lindh, the "American Taliban" who was famously transported with a hood over his head, had seared their way into his memory (though the new headset includes no such covering).

'Players who are already hard of hearing or unable to see can opt to give up hearing or sight from the start, in exchange for other heightened senses. The latest version of the game debuts in his Young Projects exhibition, and Stern has been testing this version at the Braille Institute in L.A., where few of the sight-impaired volunteers have ever played multiplayer games that involve a joystick. Games like that, which dissolve the differences between the senses, just don't exist. But this game has a life outside the screen.'-- LA Weekly













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c-level

C-level is a cooperative public and private lab formed to share physical, social and technological resources. Its members are artists,programmers, writers, designers, agit-propers, filmmakers and reverse-engineers. Part studio, part club, part stage and part screen; C-Level islocated in a basement in Chinatown Los Angeles and plays host to various media events such as screenings, performances, classes, lectures, debates, dances, readings and tournaments.

Who's in c-level: Karen Lofgren, Christina Ulke, Cyril Kuhn, Eddo Stern, Jason Brown, Jessica Hutchins, Mark Allen, Michael Wilson, Marc Herbst, Peter Brinson










_______
Interview
from Game Scenes




What is your relationship to videogames?

Eddo Stern: I started playing and making computer games on an Apple II+ in the early 1980s. I was a member of the Be'er Sheva computer club, cracking games and doublesiding floppies with a round hole punch till someone built a square floppy disk nibbler. Some of my more memorable game playing experiences were with Autoduel, Timezone, Castle Wolfenstein, Aztec, Ruski Duck, Utlima, Zork, Drol, and Karateka. I've been interested in and studied math, philosophy and then art. In trying to combine all three, games eventually became the solution, a new “gesamtkunstwerk”. My earliest art work was installation focused. After that I worked with pretty high end VR for a few years - but VR seemed so stale compared to gaming culture, and I really like low tech tinkerering. I am very interested in total immersion but not in a strictly visual or haptic way - and I think my approach to gaming reflects this.

Were you a member of the now legendary collective C-level? What was the artsitgic fulcrum behind this highly influential group? And how did it start?

Eddo Stern: C-Level was both a group or people and an artist run space. I started with a few friends right after graduate school. The initial idea behind C-level was to create a space and working environment outside of school that mirrored the Integrated Media Lab at CalArts which most of us had shared. C-level was supposed to be a workspace that broke from the tradition of the segregated artist studio. In the beginning C-level was just that - a space where we worked and shared equipment, an artist co-op. Eventually things shifted and C-level became a public space which produced and hosted events, and soon after become more well known as gaming lab and often miscatagorized as an "artist group" as a few of the gaming projects become well known (Tekken Torture Tournament, Cockfight Arena and Waco Resurrection), but there was plenty going on at C-level that had nothing to do with gaming.

Do you see any difference working with machinima and a more traditional style of video art?

Eddo Stern: I think it depends on the context of the video and what you are trying to say or do. Many Machinima works are self referential - in the sense that they exist in the same cultural context as the game(s) they are using. My choice of specific games for my Machinima are determined by something else I want to say. My subject matter is not much concerned with self references to game culture (you'll notice that most Machinima is comic in nature) as it is to a wider cultural context for the intersection of history, violence and simulation. So to answer your question I do think that presenting work as Machinima assumes a context of game culture (and a more mainstream / lighthearted expectation from the work). Whereas presenting the same work as videoart in a museum / gallery brings a noter set of expectations and another set of viewers, likely not familiar with the game culture context and likely used to a shorter non-linear viewing experience. Showing the same work in a film festival brings with it yet a noter set of expectations and viewing practices. For my Machinima films I find that film festivals have often offered the best viewing context - not unexpectedly in terms of migrating the visual experience away from the computer screen which is something that is important to me when showing my Machinima. I was inspired to make video by a piece called "Dial H-I-S-T-O-R-Y" by Johan Grimonprez. Unlike many works of video art which document a performance or offer footage of repetitive goings-on, Dial was an intensely entrancing immersive experience, and yet did not rely on conventional narrative to achieve its immersiveness.

As an artist experimenting with videogames, what is your relationship with the art market?

Eddo Stern: My work exists in various art/economic contexts. Some of my works are free, some are editioned, some are one of a kind objects, some are distributed, some are self published, some are sold, bought and shown by galleries and museums.


____
Show



Level Sounds like Devil / Baby in Christ vs. His Father (2007)
'In June 2006 BabyInChrist, a Taiwanese teenager, living with an adoptive American Christian family posts the question to the online Christian forums: “Is World of Warcraft Evil ?” The Community helps him reckon with the moral and spiritual dilemmas of reconciling his life in World of Warcraft, with the strict edits of his father and the challenges of following his faith. As a synthetic fantasy world begins to encroach on the territory of established religion, the inner workings of faith, truth and the boundaries of reality begin to unravel and intertwine.'-- ES









Fort Paladin (2003)
'Keywords: Tolkien, Christ, Your Empire and Your Desktop

'Fort Paladin is a medieval computer castle automaton trained to kill and master the American army 's recruitment training game "America's Army" using elecro-mechanics and a custom written expert system.

'GodsEye is borrowed from the computer gaming term God's eye perspective which positions the player as a God/General/Wizard floating above the world - awarded total control over cities, armies and minions. GodsEyecosists of several computer sculptures that make up a techno-/neo-medieval landscape built around the functional hardware elements of a computer desktop environment: keyboard, mouse, monitor, tower, etc. Formally, it draws from the subcultures of custom computer case modifications, hardware hacking, computer game modification and sampling.'-- ES












Landlord Vigilante (w/ Jessica Hutchins, 2006)
'Landlord Vigilante tells the story of a Los Angeles cab-driver-turned-landlady, who has nothing in life except for her fierce belief in individual freedoms and the marketplace.'-- ES












Enter the Lotus (with Steven Seagal) (2007)
'[Stern's] ... kinetic shadow sculpture uses a mash-up of documentary material from online forums, clip art, youtube videos, midi music, electronics and hand made puppets. It mines the online gaming world at its paradoxical extremes: on one hand, an untenable perversion of everyday life spent slaying an endless stream of virtual monsters, on the other, an ultimate mirroring of the most familiar social dynamics. The struggles with masculinity, honor, aggression, faith, love and self worth are embroiled with the game world’s vernacular aesthetics.'-- Postmasters












Crusade (2002)
'Keywords: Tolkien, Christ, Your Empire and Your Desktop

'Crusade - a mechanical windmill desktop spins on its axis looping a posse of medieval avengers and a MIDI sample of Led Zeppelin's "Kashmir".

'GodsEye is borrowed from the computer gaming term God's eye perspective which positions the player as a God/General/Wizard floating above the world - awarded total control over cities, armies and minions. GodsEyecosists of several computer sculptures that make up a techno-/neo-medieval landscape built around the functional hardware elements of a computer desktop environment: keyboard, mouse, monitor, tower, etc. Formally, it draws from the subcultures of custom computer case modifications, hardware hacking, computer game modification and sampling.'-- ES










Money Making Workshop (2012)
'Money Making Workshop is a role playing game for 2 to 4 players. One player plays as Genius and the others play as Pistons. The game lasts 13 rounds, about 25 minutes. Genius plays against the Pistons. Be aware that completing the game is going to be a challenge, but be assured that all of your hard work will pay off in the end.'-- ES













Hatewave (2004)
'A clan of templar, farmers and champions gather to greet the future

'A mechanical crowd does the wave

'Their giant prays'-- ES










Fake Portal #4 (2012)
'Wood. Electronics. Video Loop.'-- ES









*

p.s. Hey. An early-ish heads up that I'm going out of town and will be blog-impaired on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday of this week, so there'll be reruns plus brief, non-interactive p.s.es on those days. ** Gary gray, Hi. Very beautifully written and put. You're a sharp cookie, as my mom and I guess many moms used to say. Yeah, if you get really down to it, there's some level of denial in everything we think and/or say, sometimes because what we're denying is too huge or abstract to understand, so to deny denial is unnatural or something. Anyway, that sentence of mine was the opposite of beautifully written and put, so hats off. ** Thomas Moronic, Congrats to your friend! I got kind of achy with wishing that I could have seen it due to your lustrous description. Sure, it's super scary and daunting. Are those adjectives not the definition of importance? Or something? I'm very good, thank you. Enjoy everything ongoingly. (Spellcheck keeps insisting on changing 'ongoingly' to 'longingly', which I guess works too.) ** David Ehrenstein, Oh, I want to see 'Nebraska'. I like Payne's films. How is Bruce Dern in it? This late-in-the-game celebration of his crazy talent is such a sweet thing. I'll pass along your 'must-see' tip and give it my all when I get done here. Everyone, Mr. Ehrenstein thinks you really should see this, and if you need more incentive than his seal of approval, know that it's entitled 'Orgasm Wars In Japan Features Gay Man Trying To Make Straight Man Climax (NSFW VIDEO)' ** Bill Porter, Hi, Bill! Oh, great, I'm so happy that workshop experience was a really good one. These are some very good, sharp, generous people around here, you majorly included, and it was great to have a situation where that was forefronted. Plus, your story rules, man. Thank you again! ** Steevee, Wow, that's such a good story. I need to see that doc. I'm working on these rewrites of HC Anderson's fairytales, re-situating them in amusement parks and making the rides sentient, etc. for Zac's and my Scandinavia book project, and that story is like a premise useable for the stories, and I might just swipe/change yours a bit. So, thank you! Death Grips for the porno soundtrack, now that's a thought. Huh. That's too bad about 'Faust' but good to know when I get my chance at it. ** Grant maierhofer, Hi, Grant. 'Prisoners' ... I've seen or saw posters for that in the metro here, and the posters had a decent je ne sais quoi, but that's extent of my knowledge. Hm. ** Cap'm, Hi, Cap! That was a great, lush, luscious response to Bill's thing, man. Totally stood on its own. Thanks as ever, sir, buddy. ** les mots dans le nom, Hi. That Fourier observation is incredibly beautiful, wow. It made my brain glide. Thanks a lot. ** Paul Curran, Hi, Paul! That's so great about the M&P collaboration post! I'm very excited, thank you! Not to mention getting to gaze at the cover. How's Tokyo? ** Kyler, Hi, K. Thanks a lot for your very thoughtful words to Bill. I hope you're doing great. ** Bill, Howdy. Where are you until Wednesday? NYC? Cool that the doing of the piece was fun. Obviously, if you ever make any evidence of it, I'm all ears, eyes, jangling nerves, etc. Thanks so much, Bill. ** Pilgarlic, Hi, man. Yes, the porno might get made. I think I'll have a better sense of its future or not after the out-of-town trip I mentioned up above because it's being undertaken largely to see if the project might actually have the means to happen. We -- I'm making it with my friend Zac, who will direct and who co-rewrote the script with me -- haven't thought too far about the soundtrack yet. I think we want to see how realistic its chances of being made are first. We have an idea of a band that we would love to do its theme song. We have an idea of a band that we would love to appear in it in a scene that involves a band playing a gig. But those remain daydreams, and that's as far as the sound/score has been thought out, so far. Thanks for asking, sir. How the heck are you? ** Etc etc etc, Thanks a whole bunch for the great response to Bill's story, Casey. Much appreciated. How's your writing going? What are you working on? ** _Black_Acrylic, Low-key and enjoyable are so often married or engaged to be married. Nice. I'll have a look at Lauren's show, thanks! Everyone, _B_A, like me, has an art show to entertain you with today, if you like. Here he is in his own words: 'To the Generator last night for Here Bianca, a solo show of work by the sculptor Lauren Gault. I took a few photos and here they are.' ** Dennis Cooper, Did you really hug Minnie Mouse, or was that Photoshop magic? ** Chris Dankland, Hi, Chris. Oh, yeah, I actually saw that Zach German video on Neato Mosquito and promptly grabbed and posted it on my Facebook wall. Yeah, it's great. Really exciting to hear new work by him. I think he's such a fantastic writer. So thank you for making all of that possible. Ditto re: your various projects! ** Misanthrope, Oh, I don't know. Dave Grohl ... I really have no feeling about him one way or another. No interest in Foo Fighters. They just seem like mediocrity and standard fare rock central. His Nirvana drumming was effective enough. Seems like maybe he's a nice guy maybe or maybe not and maybe he just smiles a lot which makes him seem nice or something, I don't know. I think trying too get famous by singing other people's songs is completely acceptable. A singer's voice and interpretive gifts can be easily as great as the song he/she sings, and even much better. The problem is when the singer just sings acceptably or slightly better than acceptably in a style that people who are already famous sing with, and I assume that's the X Factor problem. Familiarity gets mistaken for talent. I don't know. Nice stove at least? ** Okay. We start the week with a galerie show featuring the video game-influenced art of the very awesome Eddo Stern, a fave of mine. See if you get where I'm coming from when I say that. See you tomorrow.

3 books I read recently & loved: Renee Gladman Ana Patova Crosses a Bridge, Heiko Julien I Am Ready To Die A Violent Death, Eugene Lim The Strangers

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'My feeling about English is that the subject-verb-predicate order enforces a pattern. Having the body as an extra means of communication is one way of addressing that limitation, but the body still imposes another kind of order. You age and can’t communicate because you can’t spend three minutes in a backbend or whatever. I really wanted to place the sound of the language in an Eastern European space, that felt important, a heavy consonant presence, I’m really drawn to that. I also started speaking this language, before I called it Ravic, aloud with a friend, so I could only say what my voice would allow me to say. Because of English and because I studied Spanish there was a lot of vowel presence I had to get rid of. With a name like Luswage Amini, syllables get pronounced the way a black Southerner speaks. It’s like Lu-SWAGGE, kind of slow, drawn-out. I wanted that to be there. It’s still this black girl who’s writing about this place that’s far away and not necessarily in conversation with her culture. One of my “Calamity” essays is about how I think black people and Eastern Europeans should have a conversation about possible overlaps between their experience, and what if I were to call myself an African American Eastern European, or is it an Eastern European African American, because I think about that. ...

'I came up through poetry, but I am a sentence writer. I don’t know if it’s so much creating narratives as narrative space. I’m interested in time and experience and the sound of telling a story as opposed to the story itself. I have a love and deep interest in fiction, especially fiction in translation, so I teach that. But often in my workshops now I’ll bring in texts that are hybrid, cross-genre works. It’s useful as a way to get students to take more notice of language. I have students read poetry and then enter it from a sentence space. ...

'Fiction is interested in a certain kind of unfolding or sequence of events. Time is more intact in fiction. Prose, I think, introduces the element of the awareness of yourself in language as you are unfolding things in time and allowing yourself to be distracted or interrupted, allowing yourself to question the difficulty of what you’re doing and be stalled, not to move. I want more fiction to do this, because it changes the way we read and understand story. With fiction that repairs all doubt and interruption and experiment by being fluid, coherent; what we expect doesn’t leave much room for me as a reader. But I think the more you talk about these categories, their distinctions, the quicker they break down. Ultimately, what I want is for there to be a blur over everything.'-- Renee Gladman, triple canopy









Renee Gladman Ana Patova Crosses a Bridge
Dorothy

"ANA PATOVA CROSSES A BRIDGE is the third volume of Renee Gladman's magnificent, melancholy series about the city-state of Ravicka, or about the architectures of its absence. It is tempting to read the Ravickian books as an extended allegory—of architecture itself, perhaps, except that architecture is already half-allegorical, its every element raised to prefigure whatever meanings can make their way to them. If any can. In Ravicka, meanings—indeed most contact of any kind—remain in abeyance, building, in absentia, the constitutive negative spaces of the narrative. There is a plot; it lays out zones of sheer ambience. Experiences, of which there are many, unfold as a redolent lingering in the structures of immateriality, the radical realities of the insubstantial. Gladman is a philosopher of architecture, though not that of buildings. Rather, she thinks (and writes) the drifts, partitions, and immobilities of identity, affect, communication, the very possibility of being human. Profound, compelling—haunting, even—the story of Ravicka is astonishingly ours."-- Lyn Hejinian


Excerpt

Hausen wrote a book that everyone
was reading. It went that way with men,
and yet this was a book that meant a lot
to me and led to a book of my own.
Hausen wrote a book in the time before
the crisis and people carried it around
in their back pockets; it was mass
produced. In the book, a man walked
over a bridge and entered a building,
where he jumped into a pool with a
mineral-green bottom. He swam back
and forth. He did a breast stroke, he
worked from his back, he banged his
body against the water, he sang, he
shouted. He climbed out and exited
the building, leaving a trail of water. The
book described the water as text; the
drops were signs. They doubled the story
of Hausen’s character. He was a man
who swam at night in empty buildings.
The man went home to someone who
did not seem quite like a woman, but who
also was not identified as a “man.” The
man coming home lay on top of this
person and swam and told a story, which
was a confession, and the body gasped,
but we did not know if the man’s story
was causing this gasping or whether the
cause was his writhing. The reader couldn’t
hear the story, but Hausen had the language
around the story crack and drop heat on us.
And the body writhed on top of the other
body and whispered to it about something
done and undone in the city, something
sitting under water, something terrible.

* *

The city that existed ran like a film
playing in a small movie house on a
forgotten street in the blown out part
of the city we swore never to enter,
never to grace, because of some tragedy
no one remembered but which haunted
our movements in the “safe” parts of
the city, which counted for most of
Ravicka. It was too imbalanced: that
there was this block of streets, off limits
to our living, and within this block
breathed the real body of our city, the
one that existed rather than painted itself
to exist, the living one, at least as I came
to think of it, though I had never seen
that film. I tried to arrive at the movie
house, but got turned away each time.
It was the film of the decade and would
tell me how to live and would open into
new streets, where bodies were possible,
where architecture exceeded itself and
took care of the environment, brought
the park into itself, danced around the
canal, where water ran next to and
summer bodies floated by. It wasn’t a
utopia playing there but the real built
environment, the one that went with the
language you spoke, that could handle
the verbs of your language. It was the city,
but was unreachable, was violent, without
victims and without perpetrators, and
violent, though there were no crimes.

* *

Every time I wrote a sentence something
disappeared, and after many thousands
of sentences, some of which I didn’t keep
or didn’t like, I began to look for those
vanished things. I also wondered whether
it was more that they were invisible than
vanished. I thought writing had something
to do with invisibility and the world tried
to show you this as often as it could, but
disappearances seemed to have more to
do with not writing, from the way things
looked in the city, among my friends and
acquaintances. You were losing hope if
you weren’t writing, which isn’t the same
as things going invisible. You were losing
hope, too, if you were writing, but it was
a different kind of loss, because there was
always something you had more of when
you were done writing, even if it was
sentences that you hated. I wrote
sentences about how men sleep and my
wooden spoons vanished, or perhaps
were no longer visible to the eye. Most
of the sentences I wrote I did so without
thinking of the consequences of objects
going missing. I was often trying to write
about the crisis, which was hard and
took everything you had, which was
almost all your language for that day.
One day I stopped writing and asked
after the vanished things; I wanted to
know where they were. It was strange to
have had them go away so silently. I
asked into the room where they were
and wondered about the thing and all
the things that replaced it. Would they
all come back at once?



Renee Gladman Reads


Renee Gladman at Georgetown University


Renee Gladman Reads 2




_____________________




'In I Am Ready To Die A Violent Death, Heiko Julien presents to us a kaleidoscope of images, ranging from the suburban, to pop culture references, memes, and the internet, presented through a meditative narrator questioning everything they see, while at the same time doubting what they are saying. Ironically the writing is both positive and self-deprecating at the same time, mirroring the multi-faceted life we inhabit online through different personas; we are both the nice, tolerant and compassionate person, and we also want to die a violent death, alone, so we can feel something that is real in a physical sense, not just through social networking.

'What strikes me first of is that these pieces began as either self-published e-books, Tweets, or Facebook posts. This way of sharing ‘content’ online seems to be central to ‘Alt lit.’ Heiko has already begun a dialogue with his audience before the book has been published; I had read most of these pieces online before coming to read this book. This is quite a unique trend that is happening in the publishing world; there isn’t one way of ‘being a writer.’ And the idea of publishing itself has become quite flexible. I feel that Heiko is aware of this, and the writing in this collection reflects the continued dialogue he has with the Alt Lit community, which he seems to be a major part of.

'For Heiko, as well as others in the online community, memes also constructed through online ‘brands’ or ‘personas’, where ones identity becomes a meme. This feels like one of the central themes to not just Heiko’s writing, but to the ‘genre’ of Alt Lit. What makes Alt Lit a unique genre, however, is that it feeds into the aspects of an online community members and environment which Heiko references a lot in his writing, and the online community all construct different personas, or identities, through different social media outlets. In this way, Heikos writing puts a mirror up not just to himself, but the community he responds to. The writing does not just reflect the community that is Alt Lit, however, it also stems from something else, something more ‘human,’ or ‘natural‘, whatever that may mean in the ‘internet age‘ that we all live in. Social stereotypes become crystalized through online media, which in turn become memes, and a part of the online language that Heiko channels in his pieces.'-- Rhys Nixon








Heiko Julien I Am Ready to Die a Violent Death
Civil Coping Mechamisms

“I have huge admiration for Heiko Julien’s I Am Ready To Die A Violent Death. Prose that actually feels like the 21st century. Rare. Exhilarating. I love this work.” -- Mark Leyner

“Heiko Julien’s prose pieces, poems and fragments are where the Buddha meets the internet—the trope of the shark, the void and the triangle in a state of simultaneous orgasm with the holes we feel we need to fill, the terrifying reality, the wanting to be a man of the people (but slightly better than the people) and the fear. Julien is a writer who never says ‘or’ only ‘and.’ This book is non-duality at its most neon.” -- Melissa Broder

“What’s constant in Heiko Julien’s work is that he’s engaging directly and nakedly with his experience of being a human being. He’s a poet in the old sense: he’s trying hard to find wisdom and truth, like Socrates or something. That’s an important aspect of literature to keep alive as we move forward into the forms of the Internet. Heiko Julien is a model of someone who refuses to live an unexamined life.” -- Steve Roggenbuck



Excerpt


c h a p t e r 1

My zen so fresh don’t never catch me not being real no no.

Our ideal western courtship begins:

See me inventing new yoga moves in the McDonald’s Playplace. Ask me out to dinner at a different McDonald’s.

Save the date for our Fast Food Wedding.

Preacher wears the drive-thru headset.

Ring bearer rolls up to the second window and delivers the ring.

Bride and groom’s families in the main dining area.

Kids in the ball pit.



c h a p t e r 2

I want straight up bliss. Want you to pour warm water down the back of my shirt while I’m at work and I’ll pretend to get mad and then we go home.

Push me off a cliff, and here’s the twist: The inside of the canyon is full of the stuff dreams are made of. Talking every Nirvana CD down here.

Human beings will be back in the forests sooner than we think, ripping bark off of trees and crushing skulls on rocks. It’s a comforting thought. Stick with me and I’ll show you everything I know about how to make cool jpgs on the computer and also true love. I will take care of you even though I don’t believe in that sort of thing.

The Native Americans used to use every part of the buffalo.

Including the pink slime.

Just wander out into a cornfield and eat some corn.

This is America.

This is God’s country.



c h a p t e r 3

Pitching a TV pilot where I teach kids how to live cool lives by learning to enjoy common things like putting their shoes on slowly and drinking water in real-time.

Like to think I could pull off a certain post-9/11 Mr. Rogers vibe. Fancy myself an otaku Captain Kangaroo. Steampunk Mr. Wizard and all I want from you is actual friendship.

But I’m still.

Real Life Bart Simpson.

Yeah I’m throwing cats into a basketball hoop by their tails.

Haha. pizza for breakfast.

Turtle power.

I’ll never die.












____________________




'Comedians are sometimes called stand-up artists. I always liked this idea of the job just being a person standing up and talking. Especially I like that this rather personal, almost quaint occupation survives — and in fact thrives (in comparison to the personal, almost quaint occupation of the novelist) in an era of entertainment defined as visual spectacle. In addition, and maybe more importantly, this novel is structured as a series of monologues. A monologist is a particular type of character, trapped by the sound of their own voice and in the deep gravity well of their own point of view. One goal of the book was to show a long series of these moated, solipsistic monologues (which we sometimes trade with one another and then dignify the exchange with the term conversation) as a rendering of everyone’s dazzling alienation. I thought a “stand-up artist” might be a good one to start off such a series. ...

'When I first moved to New York, in the late 90s, one of the highlights of my week was reading J. Hoberman’s film criticism in The Village Voice. He’s terrific, a giant, and much of the cinema ideas in the book owe a debt to him. The totalitarian state in the novel probably comes equally from reading about the CIA’s so-called “enhanced interrogation techniques” and Abu Ghraib and the incredible kidnapping and escape story of Eun-hee Choi and Sang-ok Shin. I’ve never been on a cruise ship. I’m not sure where all the elements in the book came from, but I can say that I wanted the sections to be complete and whole in tone and style yet disparate from one another. And then the odd sections are placed next to each other with just a few, vital threads holding the pieces in place. ...

'Continuity is a (useful) illusion. And I think we experience it something just like that. It’s an illusion we allow ourselves to be convinced by. However, semi-secretly from ourselves, parenthetically, we know it’s a utility, not reality itself (or if so, then only one aspect of it). I wanted the book to operate somewhat like that as well. Within a section I aimed for it to have its own physics and sense of unity and be an integrated whole. However each would then be placed next to another equally whole narrative. Could they survive the juxtaposition? Lines of poetry can. Elements of a collage can. Our senses of self do.'-- Eugene Lim








Eugene Lim The Strangers
Black Square Editions

'What an astonishing book! Beautiful, original, with delicious surprises lurking at the heart of sentences, of events, of all the engines of communication.'-- Harry Mathews

'THE STRANGERS is like a cabinet of curiosities put together by Georges Perec and Andrei Biely, hilarious and utterly seductive, a sharp commentary on the social and political architecture we cling to at our peril. And yet, while pulling the rug out from under the reader, Eugene Lim’s book is a total pleasure.'-- Susan Daitch

'Beautifully written, so precise and accurate to real life that it is (fantastically) convincing, Eugene Lim’s THE STRANGERS, with its multiple interwoven strands, reveals one surprising character and relationship after the next, and culminates in a skilfully devised and satisfying resolution. A fascinating and engrossing tale.'-- Lydia Davis



Excerpt

It’s when the cop is punching my face that I make the decision. I decide to go look for my sister. My whole life I’d indulged in a stupid thrill, a very risky habit. In the middle of the night I’d sneak through the town and deface posters of the beloved president. Sometimes just a mustache over his beloved pudgy face. I kept it scatological or primitive. For fifteen years I’d done this and never got caught.

The cop is working me over pretty good. I’ve never taken a punch before. I worry about my brain and whether he’ll bust something inside me and I’ll die slowly as things that aren’t supposed to meet mix inside my sloshy guts. I’m a wet animal and I’m weeping like a child and very ashamed that I am and I’m scared.

He beats me up and then lets me go.

One of the twins is me. They’re playing a game of hide-and-seek together, which—with only two people—is also tag, capture the flag, and hot-and-cold. We didn’t call our game any of those.

This is when we’re eight. The war is looming but we don’t know anything at all about that except an exhaustion familiar already in our bones and a subdermal panic that shimmies constantly up and down our backsides.

Even though I know now all kinds of impossible things about the bomb that is about to destroy our home, it always surprises me. For instance I know that the engineer who perfected its targeting system so that it can fly around corners was a Haitian educated in Canadian universities and now retired happily to Nantes, France. I know that the casing is coated with a polymer most commonly used today in plastic wrap and discovered accidentally by a Dow Chemical worker, that the nitroamine in the bomb was developed for the US government by the son of Jews escaped from the pogroms and that this explosive was, at the time, one of the most powerful in the world, used to begin fission reactions in nuclear weapons. The government that launched the bomb was an invading nation fighting another invading nation in our soon-to-be divided poor sap of a country in a ridiculous contest called a proxy war. Does it help to know your maker? I think they were aiming for a bridge a half mile south of us.

The girl I’m playing with is older than me by fourteen minutes. We share our father’s analytic nature—he was a factory engineer—and our mother’s depressive seasons. She’s better than me at fighting, which embarrasses me since I’m a boy. I’m the better drawer and it’s a tie when it comes to sums. Right now she’s doing a slow count to ten with her eyes closed and her forehead pressed against a tree. I’m hidden behind a big rock that fell into the ditch that runs along the road to town and which we’d often use as a landmark to visitors. (“At the big pink rock in the ditch, turn left through the woods,” we’d say.) When she gets to four, the bomb explodes our home and kills our parents.

(more)



Eugene Lim reads from Fog & Car


Eugene Marten reads from Waste at the Ellipsis Press launch party


Watch Eugene Lim read at Apexart here




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p.s. Hey. ** Torn porter, Hi. Your prize goes in the mail to you today. Hopefully the French mail system won't be its sometimes procrastinating self on this first leg of the journey. Thanks for letting me see the pix. They brought it out really well, I think. Oh, it was in-store gig, no? That Shivers song is kind of nice, yeah. I'm going to Berlin for a mostly business/art-related quickie. ** David Ehrenstein, Marvelous is a good adj. for Stern's work. Oh, that's good news about the Spike Jonze. I'm very intrigued and hopeful that he can make a really good film without Kaufman, because I thought 'Wild Things' was abysmal. ** Sypha, I'm really sorry about your grandfather. It's really tough. Hugs, James, and I certainly hope your Canadian friend can tough out his kidney's disloyalty. Fingers very, very crossed on the friend's and your behalves. But, of course, the news on the finishing of your story collection is very good news! Big congrats to you and, eventually, to us! ** Cassandra Troyan, Hi, Cassandra! Gosh, thanks about the blog's recent run. Very cool about the LHB thing! Do, do hook us/me up please! Your email ... yes, I'm just way behind on opening my 'letters'. I'll go open and read it as soon as I get out of here. Sorry for my slowness. ** Scunnard, Hi, man. I don't know why Stern is news to you, but he's a great one, I think. Often is the answer to your query about whether I have non-working brain days. Uh, there are several homeopathic brain sharpener pills and so on out there. I've tried a couple. One of them maybe subtly worked, although, who knows? I don't remember its name. I'll find out if you want a earthy helpmate that might or might not help. ** Steevee, I'll go search for that. Seems like the right search terms should get me it or at least similar type things. Thank you so much again. Very interesting about the new Coens. I'm generally a fan of theirs, and I'm especially excited to see this one based on what I've read, and your report is certainly encouraging. Thanks greatly for sharing your thoughts, S. ** Brendan, Yeah, me and Minnie were the perfect couple, at least on film, kind of. Awesome to see you, buddy! I was just talking to a friend about how one Melt Banana gig that I saw at the old Spaceland was the most hearing destroying gig I ever attended, but I don't regret a thing. I'm good, quite good, thank you. What are you up to precisely within that 'always are' thang. ** _Black_Acrylic, Love to read about the percolation of Art 101. Your words seem all coked-up with your excitement. Nice contact high. ** Flit, Flit! Hey, pal! Yeah, I was briefly/lengthily fucked up in the head and emotions for a spate just the other day. That went the hell away. Yours will. I'm counting on it. ** Etc etc etc, Hi.  Oh, great that you're sending out your novel. Chilly/Jeff has a great brain to pick. Happy to add my two-cents or make my head bouncy for your ideas if you like. We could Skype or something if you like. Bret is starting a podcast? No, I did not know that. That's interesting, that's an unexpected turn. I'll go find out where it is. And keep me apprised either way, yeah, if you don't mind. I have a slew of projects that I'm in the middle or early stages of, but my novel writing is always at the center of what I do, and it's growing steadily, and I'm excited for it, and thanks for asking. It's very, very not like 'TMS', although I learned some new things while writing it that I'm definitely employing in a different way. Film's future being like 'Holy Motors' is such a good idea. Let's hope. ** Kyler, Hi, K. Really glad you liked it. ** Paul Curran, Hi, Paul. Tokyo sounds yum. I'm really hoping to get there in January, and hoping to get that cemented in place this coming weekend. Of course, man, about my words on the book. Let me know the when, how, etc. ** Chilly Jay Chill, Hi, Jeff. I had this thought that you might particularly like or get something from Stern's work, I don't know why. Great that rehearsals went so well, and cool re: the mysterious venue. I so wish I could catch that version of the Mike Kelley retrospective. The reason -- or one of the reasons -- that it's notably different than the Stedlijk one is because the Pompidou's very edited, very poorly presented squib version of the show angered a lot of the people who'd leant works to the retrospective, and a number of them subsequently withdrew permission to use the works in the show's tour after that. Interesting about the Shawn play. He hasn't spoken about why he made that change? The new novel goes very well, I think, I hope. It's growing steadily in the way that I think it needs to grow. I'm doing things I've never tried to do before, and so there's a lot of experimenting and trying to ace the technically unfamiliar, which is exciting and which also requires a lot of patience and concentration, which is what's happening, I think. Thank you a lot for asking. Otherwise, the porn film may be about to become a definite or not, so that's preoccupying. And the beginnings of new Gisele theater piece are all on my shoulders at the moment, and it's the toughest thing to figure out and write that she's ever asked of me, but I'm slowly getting that started. And the Scandinavia book is, I think, progressing but in fits and starts. ** Grant maierhofer, I'll keep my eyes on HTMLG today just in case. DFW/Fugazi is a strangely conducive combo somehow. Great, fingers crossed, about the possible pub. of your short fiction book. I'm good, thank you. Guy Picciotto is awesome. He's the only Fugazi member with whom I've ever met and talked, and, yeah, he seemed like a super great guy in addition to the mega-talent and all that. ** Misanthrope, Well, yeah, that's why I don't watch those shows. Granted, they're less omnipresent here, although more and more of them are encroaching on the French airwaves. Skip them, man. The phenomenon of them is a billion times more interesting than them, and you only need to experience a few episodes to get the phenomenon's illustration, right? Cooking, cool. How is your mom doing? ** Bill Porter, Hi, Bill. Really glad that the Eddo Stern work tweaked your brain. I'm a big fan of his, obviously. I've never played any Eddo's actual game-artworks all the way through. I've fooled around with them, and I've seen a number of his works in gallery and museum shows. I was lucky enough to include his work in a gallery exhibition I curated a while back -- the 'windmill' piece -- and I went to a few of the C-Level events and watched those 'games' being played and participated in them in the onlooker capacity. Bon day. ** Bollo, Hi, J. Yes, Buche de Noel time is fast approaching. I've begin gathering the candidates for this year's DC's Buche Beauty Pageant, and it should go up here soonish, as soon as most or all of the candidates have been declared. ** Right. Up there are three books that I very highly recommend to you. Check them out. Not a one of them will make you sorry you dug your nose into them, I promise. See you tomorrow.

121 tunnels

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p.s. Hey. As I mentioned a couple of p.s.es ago, I'm heading out of town this evening for a few days, and I won't have time while away to do my usual blog duties/pleasures, so you'll be getting older, revived posts tomorrow, Friday, and Saturday, and I'll be back with new stuff and fresh p.s.es beginning on Monday when I will catch up all the comments that accumulate between now and then. ** Torn porter, Hi. That Gladman book is just terrific. It's part of a trilogy of novels that I'm starting to make my way through. Just colors re: the Eddo Stern? Huh. The P.O. Box address seemed like it would swallow a small package, so I sent it there. Should be good. Take care while I'm off and away. ** Bill, Hi, B. Eddo is kind of really brilliant, I think. Glad his stuff intrigued you. I got the 2013 Buche Parade post set up yesterday, and it'll happen next week. I did enjoy what your friend sent, or started to do so just now, and I'll let it flow a bit later. Thanks, Bill! ** David Ehrenstein, A bracing, lovely West Coast morning to you, sir. ** Sypha, I hope everything goes as well as can be, which I guess would be meaningfully (?), at the wake and funeral. William Bennett on Lady Gaga?! This I guess I have to read, thanks. I wonder if I'm imagining he would say is what he said. ** _Black_Acrylic, I didn't know that was happening, but go France, sure! I did wonder why the street and the cafe just up the road were clangier last night than usual. Best of luck to Dundee. I haven't seen your newsy late breaking comment yet, but it's, uh, 8:30 am at the moment, so maybe I should refresh the comments and see what's what. Intake of breath. Nope, still no word. But I did one last refresher before I posted this and ... sorry, Ben. Hugs to Dundee. And you're absolutely no doubt right about how that contest works. Still, sigh, grr. ** les mots dans le nom, Obviously, I always love the books that I say I do, but that was an especially strong trio of books yesterday, it's true. I suppose there was some dry humor in my smile in that hugging Minnie photo, but it looks like joy was the winner of my lips or eyes or both. You enjoy your week and weekend too, please. ** Paul Curran, Yeah, really good books yesterday. It was the first time I'd read Eugene Lim after hearing a lot about him, and, yeah, no kidding, he is really, really good. Great about the pdf! It's looking pretty good for Japan in January. Hopefully Zac and I all be ticketed up by the next time I translate myself into a p.s. ** Creative Massacre, Hi, Misty. I'm very good, thank you. That was a pretty nice day you had, yes. Pretty in the sense of the word's full, main meaning re: beauty and not in the way it just means 'sort of' when employed as an adjective a la its use in that sentence I just wrote. Enjoy the good Doctor's take over! ** Steevee, Oh, God, dentists. Yuck. I was supposed to have a broken tooth of mine extracted and replaced with a fake one about three years ago, and the dentist was amazed at the time that I wasn't in terrible pain from the broken tooth, and I still don't feel a wisp of pain from it, but, yeah, I should have gotten it removed, etc. So I guess the wise thing to do is to do what the dude says? ** Chilly Jay Chill, Hi, Jeff. Yeah, really good book threesome. Tight bunch. The Pompidou's excuse for doing a crappy version of the Mike Kelley was budgetary concerns, but that's bullshit, really, given the expensive shows they've been doing before and after. I think it was probably an ego thing. Rumor has it that the P. at first didn't want the Kelley retrospective, they wanted to do their own MK retrospective instead. The MK Foundation supposedly said, no way, take the retrospective as is or nothing. The P. was pissed off, and took the retrospective begrudgingly and punishingly. That's what I hear. I don't know. Anyway, despite the great work in the Paris version, it was half-assed and very disrespectful, and it was a bad decision because no one was happy. I'm early-working in a scrapbook page. Thanks, J. Wow, that paragraph about 'Period' and the Cycle is a dream come true or something. I hadn't seen that and, yeah, thanks a lot! That's really, really nice to read and very heartening, obviously. Cool. I hope the rest of your week and -end go splendidly, man. ** Misanthrope, Hi, George. Well, I guess that, all in all, that's a good diagnosis as diagnoses go since it'll hopefully get her to do what she should do anyway. Is she? Man, sorry about your horrible day. Fill in the awful blank when you're rational, yes, please. Shit, I'm sorry, buddy. At least Le Petit Show will be there to distract you by the time I see you next. Give him a hug or a pat on the head or whatever feels respectful yet affectionate from me, yes? ** Etc etc etc, Hi. Yeah, Leyner blurbed his book, so that makes total sense. And, yes, the Jon Leon comparison makes sense too. JL is great. I'm jonesing for more from him. Sunday for Skyping should be okay for me, I think. Write to me and we'll sort it out. My email is dcooperweb@gmail.com. CCM and LF are great suggestions. Michael Seidlinger is a complete sweetheart and quite the excellent writer too. I made it through about 14 minutes of the Bret/Kanye podcast before I got bored and bailed. Yeah, I think Bret maybe needs to get over nervously saying way more than he needs to say, for one thing. He probably will as the show continues. And hopefully he'll book guests whom he's less awestruck to have on the show. I too thought that 'Pacific Rim' thing was the most interesting moment of the chunk that I listened to. Prose is so huge. I've been writing prose for forever, it feels like, and always looking for a new way to go and a new way to get there, and there's always a way and a way. Pretty magical stuff. Great week and weekend to you, my friend! ** Okay. I've been in a stacking state of mind recently, so here's another one for you. Hope it suits whatever it is that you expect from this blog. I wish a very fine rest-of-the-week and weekend to those of you to whom I haven't already wished such a thing. I hope you enjoy the reruns, and I'll see you back here on Monday.

Back from the dead: 5 of God's mysterious ways (orig. 08/23/07)

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The Painful and Immaculate Heart of Mary

SAINT DENIS DE LA REUNION, France: Police on the French Indian Ocean island of Reunion have arrested a suspected cult member accused of kidnapping a 12-year-old boy. Twelve-year-old Alexandre Thelahire was seized at his home in the capital Saint Denis on Friday by four suspected members of a local Catholic cult, whose guru Juliano Verbard claims to receive regular visitations from the Virgin Mary. Verbard, 25, has been on the run from justice since 2006, when he was convicted of raping a 13-year-old boy.

One of the suspected kidnap gang members was detained on Saturday at the home of a cult follower. Three other people were held for questioning, including a woman who rented the car used by the kidnappers. Police said the suspect admitted his role in the abduction and directed them to the spot where the boy was being held, but that the place was empty by the time police arrived. Road blocks have been set up across the island to try to recover the boy and steps taken to ensure he cannot be taken out of the country.

According to Alexandre’s mother Catherine – who is related to a member of the cult – four masked men broke into her home on Friday, bound and gagged her and bundled her son into a waiting car. She says cult members believe Alexandre is destined to take over from Verbard as their guru, and that they took him from his home once before, on July 9, leading him to a nighttime mass before returning him the following morning.

Verbard created the cult, “The Painful and Immaculate Heart of Mary”, in 2001 after seeing an “apparition” of the Virgin Mary. He is thought to have around 40 followers. Sued by cult members who accused him of molesting their teenaged children, Verbard jumped bail ahead of his conviction last year to 15 years in jail, and has been a fugitive ever since. – AFP
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The Spiral of Friends Church

Daily Sentinel (Grand Junction, CO)

James Randazzo, 64, once the jaunty, self-assured leader of the Spiral of Friends Church who fought fire with a barrage of legal threats against government investigators, quietly told state parole board members he was remorseful for his actions and guilty of even more than he was charged.

Questioned as to why none of the charges against him were for violations against children while he was in a position of trust, the heavyset Randazzo, sporting a ponytail of white hair reaching down to the middle of his back, said children who were exploited by him indeed had been entrusted to his care. He was known for his insouciance, hopping out of limousines in tailored, three-piece suits to attend hearings and his trial.

"I was the top dog" of the Spiral of Friends Church, he said in a barely audible voice. "I know I was in a position of trust." In one instance of abuse, Randazzo acted as director of a 104-minute video of his wife, Colleen, having sex with a 16-year-old boy. The Randazzos said they had hoped the experience would prevent the youth from committing suicide. The youth and his mother later testified the youth had suffered no harm from the experience.

Randazzo had sought to defend himself against charges related to that incident using a "choice-of-evils" defense, saying that to do otherwise might have contributed to a suicide attempt, but that legal maneuver was rebuffed by the judge. At the time he was sexually assaulting children, Randazzo said, he believed he was doing good. "I thought it was educational for them," he said. "I was dysfunctional."

The Spiral of Friends Church has survived Randazzo's incarceration and its current head, the Rev. Cathryn Ivie, told the parole board she and her husband were prepared to be responsible for him at the church, which now is based in Phoenix. Children no longer are part of the church, Randazzo told the board members.
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Colonia Dignidad

Paul Schaefer was a medic in Hitler's army during World War II. After the war, he set up an evangelical ministry and a youth home, purportedly to care for war orphans. But he was charged with sexually abusing two boys - and in 1961 he fled to Chile, reportedly accompanied by some 70 followers. There, in a lush valley in the Andean foothills, he set up Colonia Dignidad. The colony near the city of Parral, some 350km (220 miles) south of Santiago, grew to about 300 members - mostly German immigrants, or their descendants, but including some Chilean followers.

The 137-sq-km (53-sq-mile) Colonia Dignidad boasted a school, a hospital, two airstrips, a restaurant, and a power station, and reportedly made millions of dollars through a diversified range of businesses, including agriculture, mining and real estate. It won over local people by offering jobs and free schooling and hospital care. Details of life in the colony are hard to verify. Some visitors have described a scene from 1930s Germany, with women wearing aprons, with their hair in pigtails, and men in lederhosen.

"Defectors" from the camp paint a sinister picture. His accusers say Colonia Dignidad was Mr Schaefer's fiefdom, where he was worshipped as a god. They say residents, who are never allowed beyond the gates of the camp, are kept strictly segregated into genders - so much so that the birth rate of the camp is extremely low. Residents are taught to shun sexual desires - with electric shocks administered to the genitals of young boys, former residents say. And they accuse Mr Schaefer of the almost daily sexual abuse of young boys. Horror stories have emerged of the young sons of poor local families "disappearing" within the barriers of the compound.

But Mr Schaefer's story is not confined to the perimeter fence of the colony - topped with barbed wire, studded with searchlights, and overlooked by a watchtower. It goes right to the heart of the Chilean state during the iron rule of Gen Augusto Pinochet in the 1970s and 1980s - a period with which Chileans are still struggling to come to terms today. The son of Manuel Contreras - the head of Dina, Chile's now-disbanded notorious secret police - has told the Los Angeles Times his father first visited Colonia Dignidad with Gen Pinochet in 1974. He has spoken of the warm relationship that grew between his father and Mr Schaefer.

Former political prisoners of Gen Pinochet have testified to a warren of stone-walled tunnels under the colony where, after being selected from among their fellow prisoners by members of Coloniaq Dignidad for their youth and physical attractiveness, they were taken to be tortured with electric shocks to the strains of Wagner and Mozart. And despite decades of allegations concerning the sexual abuse of boys within the compound, charges were not filed against Schaefer until 1996 - six years after Chile began its return to democracy.
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The Family / The Children of God

The Family International was founded by claimed prophetic leader David Berg in 1968 in Huntington Beach, California, USA. It sprang from the Jesus Movement of the late 1960s, with many of its early converts drawn from the hippie movement. Due to its unusual emphasis on total commitment, it triggered the first organized anticult group (FREECOG), and the unconventional sexual practices which soon followed within the Children of God solidified its place among the movements prompting the cult controversy of the 1970s and 1980s in the United States and Europe.

As The Family grew and expanded around the world, so did its message—salvation, apocalypticism, spiritual "revolution" against the outside world they called "the System"—and resultant controversy. During the early to mid 1970s, the group initiated several radical methods of evangelism, including Flirty Fishing—using sex to show God's love and win converts and support.

Today, The Family's leadership is headed by Berg's widow Karen Zerby, under whom the group has both bowed to several reforms and initiated additional unconventional doctrines, including the "Loving Jesus revelation" which encourages members from the age of 14 to engage in a sexual relationship with Jesus. (cont.)



Cult Killer: The Rick Rodriguez Story


00:00

Text on screen: Cutting Edge

Rick Rodriguez: Well hey everyone, this is Rick and I am making this video.

Text on screen: January 7th, 2005

Text on screen: This is rick's suicide note

Rick: I want there to be some record, my ideas, just who I was really

00:32

Text on screen: Rick was born into a religious cult

Rick: Hope I don't fuck up and do something stupid and blow my nose off instead of my fucking head.

Watch the documentary
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Kiril Cherkov

Death Lovers Club
Pravda/November 23, 2004


There exists rather unique organization in St. Petersburg. Its members claim suicide prevention to be their main occupation. Nevertheless, many consider the organization to be nothing but a mere sect.

The organization was founded by celibate priest Grigori (Vadim Lurie). The 42-year-old Lurie is a professional chemist; he attempted to become a monk but did not stay in the monastery for long. He began studying the Bible and later was at the head of the congregation. His reputation within the church circle isn"t good at all. Some consider him a snob. As for the Russian Orthodox Church, many religious members consider that Orthodox principles do not go together with the suicidal ideas and principles of Nietzsche advocated by the celibate priest. As for Lurie himself, he calls his teaching punk-Orthodoxy.

According to Russian newspaper "MK", many factors in the work of Mr. Lurie appear strange and even evil. The newspaper also states that the suicide rate in the so-called "Death lovers club" equals six deaths per 6 months.

The newspaper has followed a life of one of the boys who was connected to the organization of father Grigori. In Fall 2002 Kiril Cherkov has left for Kharkov State University to continue his studies. He then phoned his mother and explained to her that father Grigori had asked him to work for him on an Internet.

The celibate priest has really made Kiril a work offer through the Internet. The initial agreement was such that the young man was supposed to construct an internet site focusing on helping teens to cope with suicidal problems.

In January 2004 Kiril Cherkov has disappeared without a trace. It wasn"t until June of this year that two bodies were discovered nearby Roschino village of Leningrad"s region. One of the bodies was that of Kiril's and the other of a 19-year-old suicide cult member Dima Romkin. Both corpses were located not far away from father Georgi's country residence. Investigation determined that both had been poisoned by psychotropic substances and brutally sodomized before and after death. Grigori was requested to be tested for DNA for comparison with the DNA found in the young men's bodies but his religious affiliation freed him of this requirement.  No criminal charges had been filed.

"MK" writes that suicidal teenagers used to gather at Kiril's apartment. Most of the time, up to 15 young people inhabited the flat. The priest paid all the expenses. At the first, the idea seemed to be quite noble. Female psychologist by the name of Alice, who was also hired by Grigori, had to assist the teenagers in coping with their personal problems.

The following is a short description of a typical day in the apartment, as told by Alice. "Typical day of a suicidal teenager: sleeping till 2-3 pm. Afterwards, just sitting, walking around, smoking non-stop in the kitchen. Alcohol consumption is more than welcome in unlimited quantities. Sex is encouraged by Grigori including forcible sodomy of the male teenagers. Lack of any occupation; hatred. What Lurie does to children is horrible.". In the course of his entire stay with Lurie, Kiril used to send daily e-mails. Nowadays, these e-mails serve as the only evidence in still non-existent criminal case against "Death lovers club", reports "MK". The letters clearly indicate the way Kiril's mental health has been deteriorating.

Kiril's mother considers father Grigori responsible for her son's death. "I am willing to sacrifice my own life just to see this man held responsible for what he had done to my son. It is he who is responsible for the death of my son, because he is the founder of the god damned club," says she.

According to father Grigori, his is a non-profit organization which exists on donations only.
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p.s. Hey. I'm not physically here today. I'm elsewhere. Today's old post is tagged 'back from the dead' rather than 'rerun' because it dates from the days when, for reasons that I do not remember and which seem bizarre to me now, I used to divide the daily posts into a stack of individual pieces/mini-posts. No big problem in the moment, but it made them impossible to find and see in their totality in the future via google search and so on. So, I'm going to start piecing the best of those posts back together into whole entities and launching them here once in a while whenever I go away on one these blog vacations. Enjoy, obviously, hopefully.

Rerun: Scared boy, angry man, sleeping dog (orig. 01/14/10)

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p.s. Hey. The idea is to play all three videos in each grouping simultaneously. That's what I was hoping you would do, not that you need to do that. It's just my suggestion. Thank you. I'm still out of town/blog, and I will be until Monday. How's everybody?

Rerun: Sypha presents ... The Ultimate Whitehouse Day (orig. 11/30 - 12/01/07)

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“The listeners of these records will always enjoy the most intense reactions of all.”
(-old Come Organisation slogan).

Introduction

“this album marks the beginning of a second coming- the nascent dawn of electronic music as fathered by throbbing gristle and cabaret voltaire in 1976 until now electronic music has lacked two things- firstly aggression and force- it has always been laid back, unashamedly muzak- secondly it has lacked feeling intensity and relevancy whitehouse is a three piece group who are violently uncompromising both musically and lyrically while possessing a new sense of direction in the spectrum they have very little in common with the common crop of electronic pop bands and this album should not be confused with such”
(original sleeve notes from Birthdeath Experience, Whitehouse’s debut album, 1980)

Whitehouse is an experimental, avant-garde musical project pioneered by William Bennett, that specialize in extreme electronic music. They are often lumped into the noise, industrial, or power electronics genre (in fact, it was them who first coined the phrase “power electronics”). Founded in 1980, they released nine albums during the years 1980-1985, all released through Bennett’s very own Come Organisation record label (which also released albums by other influential artists such as Nurse With Wound, Maurizio Bianchi, and Sutcliffe Jugend). During this time period they also played many infamous and legendary concerts (or “live actions” to use their phrase for it). However, they were shunned by the music press at large and their albums were reviled by many. Come Organisation closed down in the mid-80’s and many of Whitehouse’s albums went out of print, where they soon became very expensive collector’s items. At the end of the 80’s Bennett formed a new record label, Susan Lawly, which he runs to this day, and Whitehouse began releasing albums again. In addition, Susan Lawly also began re-releasing a lot of the old Whitehouse albums and other Come Organisation releases in digitally enhanced CD format. Since 1990 Whitehouse have gone on to release a further ten albums, most recently Racket which came out earlier this year. In contrast to their heyday, they are now a well-respected band in many intellectual circles, and if anything are more popular now than they were back then. Whitehouse have inspired whole generations of other noise artists, not to mention the whole Japanoise scene in Japan (such as Merzbow). In the old days Whitehouse’s music consisted of harsh white/pink noise, water sound effects, double feedback, piercing synth tones, subsonic bass, and heavily distorted, screechy vocals. In the 90’s the band began moving away from analog noise towards more of a digital sound. More recently, they’ve begun experimenting with “unconventional acoustic rhythmic elements” (they call this style “Afro-Noise”). In any event, they’re one of those bands that just get better as they age, and they’ve always stayed true to the idea of experimentation, always trying new things, refusing to fall back on old ideas. Even the topic of their lyrics have changed, from the earlier themes of serial killers, Nazi genocide and sexual violence to more recent explorations of Scientology, fast seduction “forbidden” patterns, Dark NLP, metalanguage, and so forth. With this Day I introduce you to the key players of Whitehouse, a detailed timeline of the band, their discography, ten essential albums, a sampling of the band’s lyrics, some live clips, links, and so forth. Whitehouse fans are some of the most fanatical fans I can think of (there was even a fan club in Japan called the Fanatics who put out a few Whitehouse singles in the early 90’s) and with this Day I hope you will see why this is so.

In 1979, William Bennett, then at the age of 19, formed his own record label, Come Organisation, inspired by other small labels such as Industrial Records and The Residents’ Ralph Records. He began releasing music under the name Come, with himself on guitar and vocals, Mute Records founder Daniel Miller on synth bass, and one or two other studio musicians. Come released a single (Come Sunday) in 1979 and an album (Rampton) in early 1980. In 1980 Bennett formed Whitehouse and made that his primary project, though Come did release a second album, I’m Jack, in 1981. Annoyed with the commercial direction that many of the pioneering avant-garde electronic groups were heading in at the time (such as TG and Cabaret Voltaire), he decided that Whitehouse would fill the void left by those bands. Steve Stapleton of Nurse With Wound exposed Bennett to many experimental musicians that would go on to have an influence on the early Whitehouse sound, such as Robert Ashley, Alvin Lucier, Throbbing Gristle, early Tangerine Dream, Yoko Ono, Cromagnon, John Cage, and more. As William Bennett recalls in an interview in issue 282 of The Wire (August 2007):

“In the early 80s, the things that were happening in the experimental and underground scene were really diverse, people doing all sorts of things. We saw ourselves as coming out of a classical avant garde tradition. Through Steve Stapleton of Nurse With Wound I was exposed to things like Karlheinz Stockhausen and Robert Ashley. His record collection was the major collection of the age and he had a huge influence on me. He really opened my ears to so much music that I had never previously heard of. Yoko Ono’s Fluxus period was another massive influence, the way she used her voice as an instrument. I would be inspired by things like the weird vocal delivery of stage hypnotists. We were all experimenting in all sorts of different ways and directions, both in content and form.”

Regarding the Throbbing Gristle influence:

“Throbbing Gristle were certainly the main inspiration for me at first. But it was more to do with what they didn’t do, what they didn’t achieve, than what they actually did. It was like, why are they trying to move into the mainstream? Why are they trying to make music? It was because they finally learned how to play their instruments that they got to that stage. But I was moving in the opposite direction. I could already play. I was a classically trained guitarist but I was deliberately moving away from that.”

More recently, on Bennett’s blog, he went into more details on his thoughts on P-Orridge:

“Simon Reynolds' much-feted Rip It Up And Start Again is an entertaining but ultimately shoddily researched book about what he describes as 'post-punk'; he has far less grasp on the literary and artistic cultural references he bandies about than he and his band of nostalgic mostly fortysomething readers might like to think. But that's rock writers for you. Anyway, enough of that.
--------On a personal note, it's irritating how Reynolds' included unverified quotes from Neil Megson get lazily regurgitated in various quarters, and once again, in this month's Wire magazine, Megson eagerly jumps at the opportunity tossed in his direction. And before I continue, I should state for the record that I admire both Chris and Cosey, nor do I have a problem with Sleazy (despite not being especially familiar with his latter-day work).
--------Hippie Megson has been playing the numbers game since the early 70s, trying his luck at almost any thing in the hope of hitting the big celebrity jackpot that, like the grapes to Tantalus, so sadly seems to keep eluding him. And despite the bold bulimic rhetoric he utilises in conversation, Megson in all that time - with the assistance of his trusty sidekick, the Oxford Rhyming Dictionary - has not managed (in my opinion) to write one single half-decent set of lyrics. His continual griping and posturing and bitching and rationalising and whingeing and namechecking and boasting says a lot more about him than it does about anyone else: a subtext of why he doesn't get the recognition and public love for everything that, at least in his own addled moral worldview, he feels he's invented or achieved, and donated to the world.
--------The ironic and disappointing truth is that he's not a man in drag at all, I really wish he was. He's Nicholas Fairbairn with piercings.”

(In the afore-mentioned Reynolds book the writer claims how Bennett would often go to Amsterdam where he would buy specialist porn magazines with titles like Tit Pulp and Shit Fun. This information came from a Nurse With Wound interview, but Reynolds was obviously unaware that it was just Steve Stapleton joking around. Though Reynolds’ book is very good it was obvious that he was very lazy in terms of researching Whitehouse).

In particular Bennett didn’t like the 20 Jazz Funk Greats album that Throbbing Gristle
put out in 1979, which he saw as a sell-out record. With Whitehouse, Bennett wanted to take the extreme elements of Gristle’s earlier sound (as seen in songs such as “Slug Bait”) and push it towards even greater extremes, to take it to its logical conclusion. In short, to create the sort of albums that the Marquis de Sade would have probably made, to create “the most repellent albums ever recorded.” The Sound of Sadism. At the very least, this was Whitehouse’s primary motivation back in the early 80’s. For his part, P-Orridge doesn’t mention Whitehouse much at all, but he did have this to say at the end of Wreckers of Civilization: The Story of COUM Transmissions & Throbbing Gristle:

“We’d left a rather unhealthy residue of people and ideas, albeit because people had chosen to misunderstand what we were saying. It got into this thing of who could shock each other the most, SPK doing videos of dead bodies and Whitehouse for example, who I instantly and totally despised. Making a hole for those kind of people to crawl through was quite scary.”

It should be noted here that perhaps a big reason why Genesis hated the Come Organisation was because he was credited as the writer of the sleeve notes for the Come Org release The New Order, which in fact he didn’t write at all.

On the origin of the band name Whitehouse:

“The name is a play on words: Whitehouse is both the name of a British sex magazine and the surname of Mary, an English activist, now deceased, on a constant crusade against the alleged proliferation of 'filth' on TV and other media.” -William Bennett


Whitehouse: The Principal Players

William Bennett


(William Bennett today)

Age: 47
Gender: Male
Astrological Sign: Pisces
Zodiac Year: Rat
• Industry: Arts
Occupation: Animal Response Technician
Location: Edinburgh : Scotland : United Kingdom
• Founder of Whitehouse, Come Organisation, Susan Lawly

Interests
• arthouse film, burlesque, method acting, Spanish, hypnosis, clothes fetish girls, Girls in uniform, 50’s fashion, contemporary art, Japan, noise, chimpanzees, wolves, philosophy, cats, white sharks, Africa, the bizarre, The uncanny, linguistics, magic, Italy, handwriting, mango, djembe, Israel, writing, erotic photography, mythology, Haiti, NLP, EST, chocolate, sacrilege, massage, French, poetry
Favorite Movies
• Process, A Woman Under The Influence, The Baby, Saw III, La Peau Douce Nostalghia, The Birds, Festen, The Five Obstructions, Sympathy For Lady Vengeance, Manhattan, Dogville, Project X, La Dentellière, Being There, Fire Walk With Me, Memento, Tokyo Story, Los Olvidados, Babe 2, Adaptation, Dead Ringers, Blue Water White Death, The Incredible Journey, Audition, La Cérémonie, The Notebook, Glengarry Glen Ross, L'Amour L'Après-midi, The Bridge To Terabithia
Favorite Music
• Kronos Quartet, John Dowland, Incapacitants, Fela Kuti, Yoko Ono, Leonard Cohen, John Coltrane, Tujiko Noriko, Survivor, Stella Vander, Scott Walker, Albert Ayler, Patrick Cowley, Shannon, JS Bach, Bob Dylan, Italo Disco, J-Pop, Stockhausen, Talk Talk, Angelo Badalamenti, Alvin Lucier, Colt, Stevie Nicks, Donna Parker, Bohren, Britney Spears
Favorite Books
• Straw Dogs, The Incredible Shrinking Son Of Man, Impro, Juliette, Catwatching, Women Who Run With The Wolves, Elvis: The Last 24 Hours, American Psycho, Casino Game Protection, Lolita, Dangerous Men And Adventurous Women, Jane Eyre, The Hanged Man, My Voice Will Go With You, Next Of Kin


(William Bennett in 1984)


Philip Best



Dirty Word Specialist
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Astrological Sign: Gemini
Zodiac Year: Horse
• Industry: Arts
Location: Bristol : United Kingdom
• Did his doctoral thesis on: "Apocalypticism in the Fiction of William S. Burroughs, J.G. Ballard & Thomas Pynchon". University of Durham, 1998.

Interests
• national geographic, the uncanny, victorian photography, shamelessness, wartime diaries, joseph conrad, indonesia, daimohk, Seahorses, rope
Favorite Movies
• the serpent's egg, sauve qui peut (la vie), lipstick, andrei rublev, onibaba, il deserto rosso, juvenile court, melody, l'enfant sauvage, no direction home, le chagrin et la pitié, vivre sa vie, opening night, vertigo, shoah, hitler: ein film aus deutschland, prova d'orchestra, the innocents, stevie, pickpocket, possession, echos aus einem düstern reich, le locataire, tenderness of the wolves
Favorite Music
• robert ashley, scriabin, parmegiani, bootlegs, albert ayler, sun ra, roland kayn, fela kuti, magma, hijokaidan, scelsi, ensemble unicorn, benjamin britten, cecil taylor, 80s tangerine dream, bayle, bob dylan, alice coltrane, ocora label, charlemagne palestine, Conrad Schnizler, Crass, Deathprod, Stella Vander, Corrupted, Band of Gypsys, La Monte Young
Favorite Books
• sanctuary, the driver's seat, lolita - annotated edition, faerie queene, besy, victory, lexicon devil, one more minute for courtney please, blood meridian, intercourse, the unconsoled, the lost ones, sin suffering hope and the true way, the notebook, raised by wolves, genie: a scientific tragedy, gravity's rainbow, the brutality of fact


Peter Sotos



Pornographic writer, perhaps best known for his arrest on obscenity and child pornography possession charges in the mid-80s. Writer of the Pure fanzine which is much beloved by many members of the power electronics community. Was an important member of Whitehouse’s live shows for many years up until 2002. Some of his text was incorporated into many of the band’s lyrics, and at one point his audio collages were also worked into the band’s albums.
Kevin Tomkins
Founder of the noise band Sutcliffe Jugend, later on joined up with Whitehouse around 1982. Was a member of many of the live shows during the 1980’s. Later on quit the band in 1985 and supposedly got married, sold all his albums and music equipment, and had a religious conversion (Tompkins denies this last rumor, claiming in a recent interview to having always been an atheist). Reformed Sutcliffe Jugend in the 1990’s and put out a few more albums. Recently released another album under the Sutcliffe Jugend name in 2007. Still going strong.
Steve Stapleton
Founder of Nurse With Wound, and a good friend of Bennett in the 1980’s, before they had a falling out in the early 90’s. His record collection introduced Bennett to many obscure, experimental artists who went on to inspire the Whitehouse sound. Stapleton also did the cover art for a few of the Come Organisation’s album releases (most notably The 150 Murderous Passions, a collaboration between Nurse With Wound and Whitehouse and an album picked by Jim O’Rourke as one of the ten best noise albums of all time), and played with Whitehouse at their very first live action.
Steve Albini
Noted Chicago producer/musician who produced many of Whitehouse’s albums during the 1990’s.
Stefan Jaworzyn
Member of the bands Skullflower and Ascension. Played one live action with Whitehouse in the 80’s, plus three more gigs in 1990 when the band started doing shows again. Also contributed to the Twice is Not Enough album.
Jim Goodall
Played seven live shows with Whitehouse alongside Bennett and Sotos during the band’s 1993 American tour. Also appeared on the Halogen album. Don’t know much else about him, other than he was also a drummer for the band Medicine at one point.
Glen Michael Wallis
Founder of experimental 80’s band Konstruktivists, he played in some of the very earliest Whitehouse live actions, and also three more gigs when the band began doing live shows again in 1990.
David Tibet
Co-wrote the song “Thank Your Lucky Stars” while vacationing with Bennett in Madrid in 1987. Other than that, hasn’t done much else with the band at all, though he did hang out with Bennett and Stapleton quite a bit in the 80’s.
John Murphy
Played in a few of the very earliest Whitehouse live actions. Appears on the Psychopathia Sexualis album on that record’s live extract.
Peter McKay
Engineer at IPS, contributed to many of Whitehouse’s Come Org albums. Whereabouts unknown.
Paul Reuter
Contributed as a musician to the first three Whitehouse albums. Never played with the band live.
Andrew MacKenzie
Don’t know much about this guy at all, other than that he played one and only one Whitehouse live action, the band’s very first one, and that was it. I think he also might have been editor of Kata, which was the Come Organisation newsletter.
Trevor Brown
Noted artist who contributed many album covers for Whitehouse during the 90’s, such as Twice is not Enough, Halogen, Quality Time, and Mummy & Daddy, along with the cover for the Just Like a Cunt and Dictator singles and the Another Crack of the White Whip compilation.
Daniel Miller
Founder of Mute Records, friend of William Bennett. Played synth bass on the Come single and album under the alias “Doctor Death.” He’s the guy who introduced Bennett to IPS studio.
Alan Gifford
Does the graphic design for many of the Susan Lawly products.
Denis Blackham
Masters pretty much all of the current Whitehouse albums, also handled the digital remastering of many of the old Come Organisation releases.
George Peckham
Did the original LP mastering for pretty much all the old Whitehouse/Come Organisation albums, at Porky Prime Cuts.
Judith Howard
An associate for Susan Lawly who wrote the texts for the Extreme Music From Women and Extreme Music From Russia CD booklets. Has also done quite a few interviews with William Bennett, all of which are posted on the Susan Lawly website.
Stefan Danielsson
Swedish artist who did the cover art for recent Whitehouse release Racket. Very influenced by the art of Africa and Haiti.
Miguel Angel Martin
Cult Spanish comic book artist who illustrated comics for some of the Whitehouse Katas in the 1980’s. Also contributed the cover art for the band’s Tokyo Halogen live album.
Jordi Valls
Whitehouse’s manager in the Come Org days. Also linked to the Genesis P-Orridge/Psychic TV scene.

Dark NLP: Forbidden Seduction Patterns (from Wikipedia)

--------In the Seduction community, there are certain Neuro-Linguistic Programming Patterns which are said to be "Forbidden". These patterns have been developed by the major students and teachers of the Speed Seduction school, and are vehemently protected from the public eye by those who know them. This is because the inherent manipulative and insidious nature of these patterns make them, according to these 'Gurus', morally unacceptable as public knowledge.
--------The 'October Man Sequence' is one of the most sought after of these patterns.
Originally developed by seductionists In10se and Swinggcat, the October Man Sequence is so sought after because it is said to be the single most powerful NLP routine made for use in seduction, and, one could argue, because of the fact that it is touted as a big, bad 'forbidden' secret, known only to the best of the best. The usefulness and functionality of the sequence sparks heated debate within the community, and this could be for a few reasons.
--------Firstly, many are skeptical as to whether any NLP 'pattern' could create the results proponents of this particular sequence claim to. It has been touted as achieving "15 minute lays", insinuating that users of this pattern have gone from meet to intercourse within 15 minutes. Whether one pattern could achieve this sort of result is debatable.
--------Secondly, many of the current generation Pick Up Artist's were introduced to the community through Neil Strauss's book The Game, which presents an unfavorable view of NLP and Speed Seduction. This results in many of the current day seductionists being wary of NLP patterns, and automatically dismissive of Speed Seduction teachings.
--------There is much debate from among who don't possess this pattern as to what the pattern actually accomplishes. Some suggest that it installs in the target an unconscious compulsion which anchors every thought outside of the PUA with pain, and every thought involving the PUA to pleasure.
--------Others stipulate that it simply installs an anchor for good feelings when the PUA pulls the target in, and bad feelings when the PUA pushes the target away.
--------However most PUA's will not learn this particular technique, but more techniques with even greater claimed power could easily be created by someone with the will and time to absorb NLP information from other sources, to equip them with the information needed to make their own patterns.
--------These sorts of "instant control" techniques, though, usually appeal to those wanting a quick fix to their perceived shortcomings, and those who desire an unhealthy appetite for control of others.
--------While not verified by either in10se or Swinggcat, the October Man Sequence is said to consist of the following three patterns:
--------‘The Hospital Pattern'. This pattern serves to fractionate the subject from intense feelings of pain to pleasure, and swing the subjects emotions like a pendulum. The pain is anchored to something away from the PUA, while pleasure is anchored directly to the PUA. This technique not only emotionally distorts the subject into a state of feeling disoriented with the outside world, but also creates a feeling of safety within the PUA's presence, building a disorienting semi-dependency.
--------'The Gemini Pattern'. This pattern is designed to create two subconscious identities in the subject. One being the socially adhering, conservative identity, the other being the sexually free, socially uninhibited identity. Once these two identities are built, the desired identity is brought out of the subject, replacing the identity not desired (by the PUA) as the major source of personal direction for the subject.
--------'The Rising Sun Pattern'. This pattern installs the idea of a 'shadow' within the subject, which harbors all of the subjects natural (read - sexual) desires and fantasies. Once the concept of the shadow has been installed, the concept is enlarged, until the idea becomes tangible and real to the subject. The PUA will then guide the subject into stepping 'into' the shadow, and assume its dominance.
--------These three patterns serve to not only anchor a multitude of desirable feelings to the PUA, but fractionates these with the painful and undesirable feelings anchored outside of the PUA. It then builds a new sexual identity within the subject, and allows this identity to gain dominance. The effect is then reinforced with a post-hypnotic guiding of the subject into the concept of a 'shadow' which holds all the subjects repressed desires and fantasies, inducing the subject to act with greater sexual recklessness.
--------The patterns themselves should generally not be posted verbatim for mass consumption. Those with a found understanding of Neuro Linguistic Programming would be able to create patterns using the guide above, but those without a thorough understanding of NLP may misuse the patterns if they were posted word-for-word.
Although, the counter-argument to this being, those without a thorough knowledge of NLP would likely not be able to perform these sorts of patterns as proficiently as needed to induce the sorts of changes aimed for within the subject.
Retrieved from "http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Mathmo/October_man_sequence"


Whitehouse: A Timeline

This timeline is divided into two segments. Part one deals with the band during the Come Organisation days, while part two deals with the more recent Susan Lawly era.




(Come Organisation Logo)

(Note: Nearly all Whitehouse/Come Organisations released during this period were recorded at IPS studios in London, where many Nurse With Wound albums were recorded also. All Whitehouse albums were put out by the Come Organisation).
1977: William Bennett, age 17, discovers the writings of the Marquis de Sade while as a university student in Glasgow, Scotland.
1978: William Bennett acquires the Grove Press editions of de Sade’s books. He also begins collecting books on serial murders (which were scarce at the time) and on the second world war. Essential Logic, a UK post-punk band, forms. For a short period of time, William Bennett would play guitar for Essential Logic (he was a classically trained guitarist). It was during this period that Bennett began to conceive the Whitehouse sound. From the Whitehouse website: "While I was playing guitar up onstage with Essential Logic as an 18-year-old back in 1978, I often fantasised about creating a sound that could bludgeon an audience into submission. At that time Essential Logic toured with The Normal (Daniel Miller) and Robert Rental with whom I became friends. Daniel inspired me and helped me to do it while Robert sold me an uncontrollably vicious beast of a synthesiser which subsequently became the heart of the Whitehouse sound."
1979: Essential Logic release the EP “Wake Up” which features Bennett as a guest guitarist. William Bennett forms his own record label, the Come Organisation. Their first release, the “Come Sunday” single, is released in September. It receives airplay on John Peel’s show.
1980: William Bennett forms Whitehouse in February of this year. In March Come Org releases the Come album Rampton. In April, Whitehouse records their first album Birthdeath Experience. In August, they record their second album, Total Sex (before the first album has even been released!) Birthdeath Experience is released in September. In October, the band record their third album, Erector.Total Sex is released in November. Original copies of the album featured handmade sleeves that contained extracts from de Sade’s 120 Days of Sodom, but due to censorship these sleeves are withdrawn and new ones are made.
1981:Erector is released in February. The following month, Whitehouse record their fourth album, Dedicated to Peter Kurten, Sadist and Mass Slayer. The album is released in May. In July, Whitehouse record their fifth album, Buchenwald, which is released in September.
1982: Philip Best, age 14, joins Whitehouse after running away from home. This same year Philip Best starts his own record label, Iphar, and his own magazine, Intolerance (of which there are five issues). He also starts his own band, Consumer Electronics. William Bennett begins corresponding with Peter Sotos. In January Whitehouse record their sixth studio album, New Britain. In February of this year Whitehouse plays their first few live actions (for the first show, the line-up was William Bennett, Steve Stapleton, and Andrew MacKenzie). New Britain is released in March. In May, Whitehouse record their seventh album, Psychopathia Sexualis. The album is released two months later, in July.
1983: Whitehouse embarks on their first USA tour in April. Sutcliffe Jugend and Consumer Electronics fold as Tomkins and Best join Whitehouse. Peter Sotos completes the first issue of Pure shortly after the USA Whitehouse tour. That same April Whitehouse record their eight studio album, Right to Kill, which is released in very small quantities in June.
1984: Philip Best disbands Iphar. Whitehouse record their ninth studio album, Great White Death, in November. Whitehouse embarks on a second US tour this year.
1985: IPS studios sadly closes down. Around the same time, Whitehouse releases Great White Death in February. It is to be the last Whitehouse album for a few years. William Bennett, following Whitehouse’s final live shows in Madrid, returns to the UK only to find his flat robbed of all possessions. So he decides to move to Madrid and start a new life there.
1986: Nothing much happened this year. Come Organisation gradually fizzles out.




SLOGAN: Susan Lawly - exclusive label for Whitehouse and Extreme Music series:  we produce exquisite and extraordinary works of music and art whose comprehension will violently challenge to the fragile core of a naked soul

(Note: All Whitehouse’s albums during this phase were released on Bennett’s new label, Susan Lawly).
1987: In September of this year, Whitehouse reactivates. They record a new album during this month at Steve Albini’s studio in Chicago (at this point Albini and Sotos had become good friends). The album is called Thank Your Lucky Stars.
1990: In April of this year Whitehouse do their first live action since early ‘85. They also finally release Thank Your Lucky Stars in July. Throughout this year in 1991 they also work on a new studio album, Twice is not Enough.
1991: Whitehouse continue work on Twice is not Enough.
1992: In January of this year Whitehouse release their 11th studio album, Twice is not Enough. In April Whitehouse records a new album, Never Forget Death, at Von’s Studio in London. In September Whitehouse release Never Forget Death.
1993: Whitehouse returns to Albini’s studio in Chicago in December to record a new album, Halogen. Sotos starts a new magazine, Parasite. Best starts playing live with Whitehouse again.
1994: Whitehouse’s 13th album, Halogen, is released in April of this year.
1995: Peter Sotos discontinues his Parasite magazine due to his mail being watched. Whitehouse begin recording a new album, Quality Time, in September of this year, at Albini’s studio in Chicago. The album is released in November.
1996: Whitehouse release the “Just Like a Cunt” single.
1998: In February and March of this year Whitehouse record their 15th studio album, Mummy & Daddy. It is released in April.
2000: Whitehouse begin work on a new record, Cruise.
2001: Whitehouse complete the recording of Cruise and release it in March.
2002: Whitehouse record Bird Seed at various recording studios in Edinburgh and Bristol. In October it is announced that Peter Sotos is no longer a part of the band.
2003: Whitehouse release their 17th studio album, Bird Seed, in February of this year.
2005: Whitehouse record Asceticists 2006 in various Edinburgh recording studios.
2006: Whitehouse release their 18th studio album, Asceticists 2006, in February.
2007: Release of Whitehouse’s 19th studio album, Racket. During a live action in Belfast in September William Bennett falls off the stage and has to be ambulanced to a hospital, where his injuries (mostly broken ribs) force the band to cancel all further 2007 live actions and appearances. He also announces that he will no longer perform vocals on albums, preferring to focus on writing lyrics, doing production, and the music itself.

Negative Review #1: Great White Death (by John Gill, Time Out 1985)

“Most concerned liberal writers have given Whitehouse a wide berth, but I think it’s just about time we organized a lynch mob for these sickos. They emerged in the middle of the avant/industrial electronics era taking the ironic influence of Throbbing Gristle to extremes that were stupidly schoolboyish but nonetheless repulsive, hymning mass murderers, rapists, sexual violence and vicious misogyny. They produce albums, dozens of them, like this- 40 minutes of a baboon playing with an amplified generator accompanied by some twisted middle-class kiddie ranting on about slicing up women. Intellectuals from de Sade through to Genesis P-Orridge might justify such confrontationist but Whitehouse transform such dubious theory into sickening, undereducated fact. Why do I write about them? Their output puts the lie to the ignore them and they’ll go away theory, and I want to stop them. One individual tainted by their ideas Is one far too many.”
(-reprinted from the Great White Death Liner notes).


Whitehouse Discography

(Studio Albums)
1. Birthdeath Experience (1980)
2. Total Sex (1980)
3. Erector (1981)
4.Dedicated To Peter Kurten (1981)
5.Buchenwald (1981)
6. New Britain (1982)
7. Psychopathia Sexualis (1982)
8. Right To Kill (1983)
9. Great White Death (1984)
10. Thank Your Lucky Stars (1990)
11. Twice Is Not Enough (1991)
12. Never Forget Death (1992)
13. Halogen (1994)
14. Quality Time. (1995)
15. Mummy And Daddy (1998)
16. Cruise (2001)
17. Bird Seed (2003)
18. Asceticists 2006 (2006)
19. Racket (2007)

(Live albums)
Tokyo Halogen (1995)

(Singles/12”)
Thank Your Lucky Stars/Sadist (1989)
Still Going Strong/Ankles & Wrists (1991)
Dictator 2 (1994)
Just Like a Cunt: William Bennett vocal mix (1996)
Cruise (2001)
Wriggle Like a Fucking Eel (2002)

Scientology L Rundown
L10 2D LIST 1
(After each valid answer ask "Who would make you guilty for that")

Name: ______________________________
Date: ______________________________
01. Has somebody embarrassed you sexually? _____
02. Has sex with someone been boring to you? _____
03. Has someone persuaded you to engage in a sexual activity when you didn't want to? _____
04. Have you ever felt degraded about a sexual experience? _____
05. Has somebody seduced you? _____
06. Has somebody used sex with you to obtain favors? _____
07. Has somebody led you on sexually? _____
08. Has somebody withheld sex from you? _____
09. Has somebody invalidated you sexually? _____
10. Have you ever been heartbroken? _____
11. Have you ever bragged about sexual experiences? _____
12. Has somebody lied to you about their sexual past? _____
13. Has somebody used you sexually? _____
14. Have you ever been raped? _____
15. Has somebody degraded you sexually? _____
16. Has somebody drugged you for sexual purposes? _____
17. Has somebody flirted with you when you didn't want them to? _____
18. Has somebody been unfaithful to you? _____
19. Have you ever daydreamed about anyone sexually? _____
20. Has somebody told you that sex was bad? _____
21. Has somebody pretended to enjoy sex with you? _____
22. Was somebody mean to you as a child? _____
23. Did anyone perform sexual actions with you as a child? _____
24. Were your parents mean to you? _____
25. Did you have any sexual withholds from your parents? _____
26. Were your brothers and sisters mean to you? _____
27. Has somebody rejected you sexually? _____
28. Have children ever bothered or disturbed you? _____
29. Did someone try to abort you? _____
30. Did someone want an abortion when you didn't? _____
31. Were you ever neglected as a child? _____
32. Were you ever abused as a child? _____
33. Did you ever hate your parents? _____
34. Has a sexual partner been cruel to you? _____
35. Was anyone cruel to you as a child? _____
36. Was another child favored over you? _____
37. Were you spoiled as a child? _____
38. Did you feel that a brother or sister was spoiled? _____
39. Were you mishandled as a child? _____
40. As a child did you ever destroy your toys to get even? _____
41. As a child did you ever destroy another's possessions out of revenge? _____
42. Have you been forced sexually? _____
43. Have you been implanted with sexual compulsions? _____
44. Have you been implanted with sexual inhibitions? _____
45. Have you been implanted that sex was evil? _____
46. Have you been implanted with sexual pictures? _____
47. Have you been given any false data about sex? _____
48. Do you feel the effect of anything about sex? _____
49. Do you have any opinions about sex that you find hard to express? _____
50. Is there anything concerning sex that you have a withhold about? _____


Whitehouse: Ten essential albums



Birthdeath Experience

The album where it all began. When I first started getting into Whitehouse, I initially ordered five of their CDs. This was one of the five. It was the first Whitehouse album I ever listened to, and to this day it’s one of my all-time favorites. Like most Whitehouse albums, there are only 6 tracks, and the album itself is under 30 minutes, like many other Whitehouse albums. It contains some classic tracks such as “Rock and Roll” (which is one of the few old songs the band still plays live today) and “The Second Coming.” The last track on the album, “Birthdeath Experience,” is nothing but silence for over five minutes. On this album, the personal included William Bennett (on vocals and synthesizers), Paul Reuter (on synthesizer) and Peter McKay (effects and engineer). Equipment used included 2 EDP Wasp synthesizers (one of which was modified by TG’s Chris Carter, ironically enough), ElectroHarmonix Memory Man, and a Tone Generator. The album doesn’t sound nearly as harsh as the ones that follow, but is still an enjoyable listen. Kind of hard to describe the sound: lots of flanged vocals, bursts of static noise, high-pitched tones, gurgling synths, etc.




Erector

Aah, one of my all-time favorite Whitehouse albums. Released in 1981, this was Whitehouse’s third album, and according to William Bennett, one of the first Whitehouse albums to have a sense of direction. This album is perhaps best known for its infamous cover art, which is that of a spotlit prick designed by Steve Stapleton off Bennett’s concept. Many presses refused to do the cover art so the band resorted to photocopying the cover art themselves and attaching it to the sleeves manually. This was the last Whitehouse album to feature Paul Reuter. From this point on, it was mostly William Bennett and Peter McKay for the rest of Whitehouse’s Come Organisation releases, with the exception of Right to Kill and Great White Death. The album consists of four tracks: “Erector,” “Shitfun,” “Socratisation Day” and “Avisodomy.” Sonically, these songs were much more brutal than the ones that had been on the previous two albums, with lots of feedback, high-pitched synth tones, explosions of noise, and deranged vocals. A masterpiece, and an album that influenced many future noise bands, especially in Japan.




Dedicated to Peter Kurten

In terms of sheer brutal noise, the obvious candidates would be either this one or New Britain. And while I love New Britain, I still prefer Dedicated to Peter Kurten. With this, their fourth album, Whitehouse took the extreme power electronics sound they discovered on Erector to even greater heights. Another classic 1981 Whitehouse album that was just as influential as the one that preceeded it, this one is something of a departure for Whitehouse as it had ten tracks as opposed to the usual 4-6, and none of the tracks are all that long, many only being barely over two minutes, giving the album a sort of punk intensity. It also introduced some new sounds to Whitehouse’s sonic palette, such as the trickling water sounds heard on “Pissfun” and “Dom.” It also features new versions of older Whitehouse songs such as “On Top,” “The Second Coming” and “Her Entry,” just done in the new style. Highlights include “Prosexist” and the title track, “Dedicated to Peter Kurten” which is one of the most abrasive songs I’ve ever heard in my life, I love it…




Right to Kill

To be honest, I think that, among the Come Organisation era, that albums such as Total Sex and New Britain were superior to this one. But because this is perhaps the most infamous Whitehouse album, I think it deserves a mention. Recorded and released in 1983, only limited quantities of the album were pressed (only around 300, according to Bennett). So even back in the day it was rare and hard to come by. It also has the honor of being one of two Whitehouse albums never released on CD (the other one is Psychopathia Sexualis). The latter hasn’t been released on CD because the master tapes are lost, while Right to Kill hasn’t been released on CD because: “Right To Kill was originally released in a very limited number (approx. 300 copies) as it was of a particularly clandestine nature. The label feels that to preserve its original intent is of great importance, despite an obvious desire to be able to widen its availability in the new digital format.” (off the Susan Lawly FAQ). Needless to say, there is a great demand to hear this album. It has been bootlegged, and it’s easy enough to come by using such programs as Soulseek, though because these are bootlegs the sound quality isn’t that great. As it is, the album is almost kind of a sequel to the Peter Kurten album, in that it’s also dedicated to a serial killer (in this case, Dennis Nilsen), has a lot of short tracks, and deals with very violent subject matter. Indeed, the songs on Right to Kill are among the most violent the band ever recorded, the track titles saying it all: “Cock Dominant,” “Prorapist,” “Bloodfucking,” and more. It Is also the only Whitehouse album to feature Bennett, Kevin Tomkins, and Philip Best on the same record. In fact, many of the songs on this album were originally Sutcliffe Jugend songs, such as “Queen Myra” and “New Sadist.” The most famous song on this album is probably “Tit Pulp,” a Philip Best track that the band still plays live every now and then to this day. Before I started collecting Whitehouse albums I first heard some of their songs on MP3.com years ago, and the first Whitehouse song I ever heard was “Tit Pulp” so that song will always have a special place in my heart.




Great White Death

Another of the original five Whitehouse CDs I ordered, this is another classic album. Perhaps the most professional sounding of the Come Org Whitehouse releases, it contains some of the band’s best known songs, such as “You Don’t Have to say Please” and “I’m Comin’ Up Your Ass.” At the time it was promoted as both the first and last Whitehouse album, and for awhile that was true. So popular that it was the first Whitehouse album reissued on CD. It’s also the only Whitehouse album to include both Tomkins and Sotos in the credits. Sonically not as harsh as, say, New Britain but still a very unique sounding album. Most of the lyrics on it were inspired by Linda Lovelace’s book Ordeal.




Mummy & Daddy

This is the album where Whitehouse began leaving behind their analog roots and began embracing a more digital sound. Has the classic track “A Cunt Like You” which could be one of their most intense songs ever. Also, the epic “Daddo” which sounds gloriously fucked up. After four songs, ends with a long 20+ minute Sotos audio collage. Oh yes, the Trevor Brown cover art is simply to die for.




Cruise

Another stunning album, released a few years after Mummy & Daddy. Opens up with “Cruise (Force the Truth)” possibly one of the band’s best songs, pure digital aggression. Plus the frenetic rapid-fire “Princess Disease”, the lovely noise blast that is “Movement 2000,” another Sotos audio collage, and so on.




Bird Seed

Another great post 2000 album, and also the last one to feature Sotos (in the form of yet another audio collage/ “drum solo”, his third and last one on a Whitehouse album… Bird Seed was released a few months after he was kicked out of the band). Features two of Whitehouse’s all-time greatest songs, “Wriggle Like a Fucking Eel” (a personal favorite) and “Cut Hands has the Solution.” Also one of the first Whitehouse albums to feature rhythms and acoustic instruments. A departure from the digital sound that had been showcased on their last two albums, pointing to an exciting new future.




Asceticists 2006

This is their 18th major studio album. And man, oh man, does it pack a wallop. I’ve been listening to it non-stop recently and it gets better and better each time. While not as sonically harsh as their earliest work, it displays a much more ambitious sound then their older albums, and lyrically, it takes the band to new heights. Whitehouse, now a duo of band founder William Bennett and the slightly younger Philip Best, have taken their game to a whole new level. This could very well be my favorite Whitehouse album.

Asceticists 2006 began as a William Bennett solo album called “The Asceticist” that originally was supposed to be released in 2005. Eventually, it was decided to combine material from that album, a solo album Philip Best was working on, and combine what they had into a new Whitehouse album. And by jove, it works! Tracks 1-2 and 6 were from Best’s project, while 3, 4, 5, and 7 are Bennett’s, and the two styles create a very diverse listening experience. Having said that, Best does most of the lyrics on the album, while Bennett doesn’t contribute as much vocals as he usually does… which is too bad, as I love Bennett’s high-pitched shriek. Still, Best is a very good vocalist, and can yell like a motherfucker. Asceticists 2006 continues the African vibe that the band began to explore on their last album (2003’s classic Bird Seed). For example, the cover features words with three colors: Red, Yellow, and Green, while the CD label itself is decorated with what looks like a voodoo veve that could have come right out of the Voudon Gnostic Workbook! In keeping with this African style, most of the tracks feature a sort of random tribal percussion style. This style was somewhat explored on their last album, but here it comes front and center. So much for Bennett’s claim back in the 80’s that no one would ever hear a beat on a Whitehouse album!
--------The first track, “Dans”, kicks off with a noisy barrage that sounds like an army of birds having a psychotic fit inside of an amplifier before changing to a synth-bass heavy sonic attack over hectic drumming, with Philip Best’s rabid vocals distorted to a deranged degree as he spits out the usual vitriolic words, these ones being about child dancers, terrorist bombings, and what not. Intense, his delivery on this track almost reminds many of that of Hitler. Even better is track 2, “Language Recovery”, which starts with a blast of static before abruptly changing into another hectic djembe beat that sounds almost like a galloping horse. Best does vocals on this one too, and the lyrics appear to be an attack on former band member Peter Sotos, who split with the band a few years ago (and who has been trashing them in books and interviews as of late). What we have here, then, is the power electronics equivalent of some sort of hip-hop feud. Some of the lyrics might not make much sense to newbies of both artist’s work, though “ignorant goatish greybeard cunt” is kind of an obvious reference. William Bennett does the lyrics to track 3, “Guru”, which alternates between what sounds like a stentorian insect hum and a malfunctioning machine being operated by lunatics from an insane asylum. Bennett begins whispering his lyrics before raising his voice and going off into a usual tirade. Hypnotic.
--------Smack in the middle of the album is a short instrumental called “Nzambi Ia Lufua”… “beautiful” isn’t often a word I use to describe Whitehouse songs, but it’s a word that fits here… A mournful sounding song (it almost sounds like machines singing an unearthly harmony) laced with what sounds like manipulated air horns imitating the dying moans of pierced souls. So beautiful, yet so loud… and harsh! Just the way I like it. It’s followed by “Killing Hurts Give You The Secrets”. Bennett muttering what could almost be described as motivational lyrics over a low, thumping beat. Then the beat stops, and rising out of the silence like a spirit from Hell is a pulsating, accelerating noise that gradually gets louder and louder. Then the thumping beat comes back like a heartbeat, Philip Best starts ranting, then Bennett takes over the lead vocals again, and the song slowly and slowly becomes more and more intense until finally it grinds to a halt. Breathtaking.
--------Concluding the album are two shorter tracks, both heavily beat-orientated like the first two tracks on the album. “Ruthless Babysitting”, another track featuring Best on vocals, over cool tribal sounding drums. The last track, “Dumping the Fucking Rubbish”, is one of the album’s best. Beginning with a metallic beat that sounds like it could have come off SPK’s Leichenschrei, it also features a long bass synth drone that sounds like the dying gasp of an ancient synthesizer. Over this Best spits out more vitriol, before Bennett takes over the mike and sings the album’s last few lyrics.

Further thoughts on the album (taken from a 2006 entry on my MySpace blog:

--------So much of life is compromise. We live in a society that is constantly trying to beat us down with the mechanical, routine banality of everyday life. And all too often, we're eager to play by their rules, rather than to follow our own dreams. And I really do think that achieving your dreams is perhaps one of the greatest acts of rebellion you can enact. So many people are afraid to follow their dreams, however. And I'm not really sure why.
--------I really love the lyrics in the album Asceticists 2006 released by the noise band Whitehouse earlier this year, on Valentine's day actually. The final song on the album is called "Dumping the Fucking Rubbish," and I find deep meaning in the ending verse: "Rise up, rise up now, kill this fucking nightmare, living inside you." I love the idea of a philosophy that involves "dumping the rubbish", that is, getting rid of anything that's ever been holding you back, that's been keeping you from both realizing and actualizing your dreams... be it the religion you grew up with, the political viewpoints that have been enforced on you, conditioning that your parents provided you with when they raised you. Sometimes you need to THROW that all away.
--------On the aforementioned album there is another track, called "Killing Hurts Give You The Secrets". Again, some great lyrics:
"Do some fucking introspection/ Look down inside/ Explore the very essence of who-the-fuck you are/ and I don't know if you'll notice/ Just how fucking kept down and empty you are/ So alone/ So void/ So fucking lonely/ Explore that place/ You only find clouded memories of pathetic failures/ Pathetic limp needy frustrations/ and ridiculous missed dreams/ Ask yourself/ So this is it?/ This is what I've been grinding out?/ What an empty life/ Your miserable fucking life in general/ That miserably fails to address/ That deep longingness inside you/ That deep painful void."
--------And also:
"Like many go on living from one day to the next/ Pits of despair, hells of loneliness/ Squalid 2 Thousand fucking mile stares/ Fucking headbanging scum/ with some foul remnant taste of passers-by/ With feeling some lame passing taste of non-achievement/ Yet deep down inside/ There's this hole inside of them/ Empty, hollow, vacated"
--------I spoke earlier of compromise. It sickens me that I live in a world where people put a higher premium on money then they do anything else, that I'm forced to live in a world of bills and taxes, a world that pretty much forces you to have a job just to survive. Everyday at work I see people who are empty, hollow and vacated (not my co-workers, mainly the doltish customers we have to serve). People that Whitehouse lead singer William Bennett sees ss atrophied children: "Bitter, uncreative, closed-minded, frightened, unimaginative and often hostile individuals permanently scarred and internally damaged by their education and upbringing." I made the choice long ago to never end up like them: Boorish, rude people who, unable to follow their own dreams, do their best to bring down those of us who aspire to greater things in life, rather then to just lead some kind of banal, middle-of-the-road, routine existence. Which is why this year I made the choice to finally publish a book, and I hope that it is the first step to bigger and better things, a way to escape from the situation I find myself in. I think it's better to fail doing something ambitious than to succeed at mediocrity.
--------Final words of wisdom from Whitehouse, again from “Killing Hurts”: "People looking for that elusive it/ To fill deep void and emptiness inside/ Whatever this is that one thing/ That will make you feel a sense/ of wholeness, of completeness, of peace?/ Of happiness/ And when you have it/ When it's right in front of you/ Only then can you begin to: Feel that/ Or perhaps that feeling filling you up completely/ That's when you know that you've found/ That piece of you that was missing all along/ Though whatever that happiness truly is/ It's elusive/ You have to strike/ Once you find the slightest chance/ The slightest window of opportunity/ You'll have to grab it/ And you might just find it slipped away/ And you'll be left only holding thoughts/ Of what could have might have should have been/ The construct of regrets/ So when you do find it right in front of you/ Now do fucking take it."




Album title: Racket
Catalog #: SLCD029
Studio album #: 19
Release Date: May 31, 2007
Day I got it: June 9, 2007

Cover art: created by Stefan Danilsson. Very impressive. Looks almost like the kind of cover you'd see if you'd take some old CRASS albums and remixed them with some African/Voodoo imagery. In the past, Whitehouse has usually been known for their very minimalist, deliberately unarty covers, usually just text over a plain one-color background, and the only exceptions from this rule were the couple of albums that Trevor Brown did for them back in the 1990's. So it's kind of nice to see them branching out in this direction. In fact, of their CD releases, this is easily the best cover they've had, along with the one that Brown did for "Mummy & Daddy" (back in 1998). The dominant colors this time are brown and black, giving the booklet/back cover an almost cardboard appearance (though in fact the actual pages are glossy paper).

Booklet: 16 glossy brown pages with black text. Lyrics and credits are given for all of the songs. In addition to this, there are also two stunning full-color photographs of the band's primary members, William Bennett and Philip Best. These photographs are taken from a Whitehouse live action and are the work of a friend of mine from the DC blog, Melissa Musser (she also had a short story in "Userlands", so in that regard we're allies). Bennett is identified as an "Animal Response Technician" while Best is dubbed the "Dirty Word Specialist." As he's done for the last few Whitehouse releases, Bennett is listed as the album's producer. The booklet also lists the instruments used in the creation of the album. Now, in the past, Whitehouse has often been very vague about the instrumentation used, often just listing "instruments, Sony, Roland, Yamaha", and so forth. Here, however, they provide a more detailed list: Djembes, Doundouns, Ksings, Microphones, and Computers. This list gives the listener one of the first clues that this new album is more acoustic than electronic (another clue is the warning on the back cover, which states "Extreme Acoustic and Electronic Music"... the word "Acoustic" coming before "Electronic"). Many of the instruments listed are African in origin, which ties in with the album's cover and the group's new sound in general (indeed, Bennett is a Djembe player and has used the drum on the last two Whitehouse albums).

Tracks: Seven in all, just like their last album (Asceticists 2006). Seven tracks might not sound like a whole lot, but given that most Whitehouse albums usually have no more than six (indeed, many of the early albums they did back in the 1980's often had around 4 songs), this is more than usual.

Running time: Slightly under half an hour, again like Asceticists 2006. Kind of short, but I don't mind... it takes me about half an hour to drive to work anyway, so that allows me to listen to the entire album on the way up.

Track analysis:

1. Fairground Muscle Twitcher

The album kicks off with an instrumental track which serves as a sort of introduction. Bennett is listed as the creator of this track. At a little over two minutes, it provides a good opening. What sounds like a looping harmonica/air raid siren, sounding kind of like the backing noise on the song "Philosophy" (from their album "Bird Seed" back in 2003).

2. Mouthy Battery Beast

The second track is also the album's first vocal track, and is credited to both Best and Bennett, though Best handles all the vocal chores (a task he's been doing to a greater and greater frequency with each Whitehouse release). Of all the tracks on the album, this one seems most like one off A2006. In fact, the background beat sounds very much the same as the one used on "Language Recovery", only this time it seems a little less electronic, sounds much more acoustic. You can almost actually hear Bennett's hands striking the surface of the djembe! Over this racket Best shouts out his lyrics in his "Dans" style, only less distorted this time. Most of the lyrics seem to be extracted from "poems" that he sometimes posts on his blog (http://philipbest.blogspot.com/). And, as always, his delivery is priceless, especially when he sings "Of... Of... Of? Of Cat's Urine, Of Canine Stink, Of Rotten Animal Inheritance?" Also as usual, I don't have much of a clue as to what the fuck he's going on about, but I like a bit of mystery... At the moment, however, on first listen, this may be the weakest track on the album, but maybe my mind will change. I do like how in the second half of the song there are no vocals at all, just accelerating shards of noise over the hypnotic beats...

3. Dumping More Fucking Rubbish

Another vocal track, again credited to both Best and Bennett, with both of them sharing vocal duties. The track is an extended version of "Dumping the Fucking Rubbish", which was the final (and very brief) track off A2006. If anything, this version is even sparser and more stripped back than the original, mainly just a very erratic, stataco, hollow-sounding drum beat, with some weird noises going on in the background now and then. Best's vocals sound even more rabid than usual here, as he shouts out lyrics that are actually modified questions taken from Scientology security checks (such as "Is sex degrading to your body?" and "Been implanted with sexual compulsions?") In the song's second half Bennett takes over on vocals, and his screaming takes on the deranged aspect seen in older Whitehouse tracks such as "Wriggle Like a Fucking Eel" as he shouts "Rise up/ Rise up now/ Pull Yourself together/ And Kill This Fucking Nightmare/ That is Inside You/Now". When he chants "Dump the Fucking Rubbish" you just wish it would never end but, sadly, it does. These lyrics are better than any self-help book out there on the market IMO. The song end on a quiet note, much like it's predecessor, with just a simple cymbal-sounding click, obviously some sort of African instrument whose name eludes me.

4. The Avalanche

The album's midway point is a second instrumental, again credited to Bennett. This song has been played at many of their live shows, and was to have been on the tracklisting of last year's A2006 before it was replaced for "Dans." But Bennett promised back then that it would be on a future release and now here it is. An icy, arctic-sounding song, like Pan Sonic with teeth, lots of stuff going on in the background, very alien sounding. In the track's distance one can hear what sounds like a sort of rumbling, like an avalanche perhaps? H'mm. Anyway, cool song.

5. Bahnhof

Another track credited to both Best and Bennett, with Best doing all of the vocals again. This is the shortest track on the album, being under two minutes long. Again, the lyrics seemed to be cribbed off of Best's blog. This is one of the most acoustic-sounding tracks on the album, with a kick-ass rattling beat, as if they're drumming on skeleton bones or something. Short and sweet.

6. Dyad

The album's last vocal track, written by Bennett, with vocals provided by himself and Best. In this song, like "Rubbish", Best again sings on the first half while Bennett sings on the second half. And as always, the vocals are great. This track has some of the best instrumentation on the album, with what sounds like a stuttering beat and other weird sounds, what sounds like someone flipping through radio stations rapidly. Very interesting lyrics, with more Scientology references again (much like their last two albums). The final lyrics of the album are "I'll give you this/ I'll give you this one last time/ I'll give you this one final chance/ To see who the fuck you really are/ One final chance now to fucking get it." I wonder if this could be the final Whitehouse album? Bennett has mentioned starting a new music project this year, "Afro Noise". Could "Racket" then be seen as the transition from one project to another? The end of Whitehouse and the birth of Afro Noise? I guess only time will tell.

7. Bia Mintatu

The album ends as it began, with another Bennett instrumental, this one nearly seven minutes long, the longest track on the CD. Words cannot describe how cool this song is. An ominous plodding beat, weird noises, beeps, drones, high tones, what sounds like horns, gongs, and so forth. One of the most diverse Whitehouse songs I've heard in years, someone on the Susan Lawly message board said it would make great battle music should anyone ever decide to make a movie of World War Z. A stunning climax.

Conclusions:

Well, another Whitehouse album come and gone. To be honest, I'm surprised how quickly this one came out after A2006, as in the past there would often be long gaps in between each album. In any event, this is perhaps the most experimental, wildly diverse Whitehouse album yet, expanding their sonic palette and pointing towards a brave new future. More than any album they've done yet, this one really does bear the influence on the "Congotronics" project, a group that Bennett has actually admitted he likes, and it is certainly Whitehouse's most "African" album to date, from the cover art to the instruments used to the music itself. I guess when a band's been around for about 27 years one shouldn't be too surprised that after awhile they're going to try out new sounds, but it's funny how a band which shunned any sort of acoustic/rhythmic instrumentation whatsoever has embraced it this late in the game. All in all, a remarkable achievement (though I wish that Bennett had provided more vocals as I really love his singing style... I had this same complaint with A2006). Who knows what the future will hold for Whitehouse? I can't wait to hear what they'll do next!


The Void Pattern

By Kevin Kupal. Mindlist: off the Fast Seduction website:

--------"Doesn't it sometimes make you stop and think how some people, despite having everything, just feel lonely and empty and severely lacking? Well, I was reading about the life and times of John Belushi... he had it all... the fame, the fortune, the houses... the women... but it appears that he was just so lonely. So was Marilyn Monroe... on top of the world, with millions of men swooning over her...she just felt so alone and left out.
--------I think it's really a common thing. Like, lots of people (point to her) just go on living from one day to the next like a robot... perhaps getting amused, perhaps feeling some sort of achievement, but deep inside, there's this hole inside them (point to her chest)... empty... hollow. It's like, you ask yourself, "Is this it? Is this what I've been living for? This is it?"
I think that people, Jenny, are looking for that elusive "IT"... to fill the deep void and emptiness inside them... whatever that is, it's the one thing that will just make you feel a sense of wholeness, of completeness... of peace... ha-penis...
--------And when you have it, when it's right in front of you (you're in front of course), only then can you begin to feel that wholeness and peace... or perhaps... that ecstatic, filling delight... filling you up completely... making every pore of your body ooze with delicious, ecstatic pleasure... that's when you know that you've found that part of you that was missing all along (point to self). You are happy and complete.
--------But whatever that ha-penis (point to self) is, it's elusive... you'll have to GO FOR IT (point to self) once you find the slightest chance... the slightest window of opportunity... you'll have to GRAB IT. Or... it could slip away and you might just find it gone... and you'll be left only with the thoughts of what could have been... the stuff that regrets are made of.
So...when you find your ha-penis right in front of you... Grab it! Right away!"

anna k's letters from anorexic-rec

"So, I'm 23, I'm living by myself, and I've been dealing with my weight for the last 15 years. And I feel like sharing my thoughts, I write them out every day anyway, and this web site seems like a good place to put them. I don't want a "sympathetic" ear, that's ONLY what I get in food-related forums and newsgroups, and from "friends" and family. I don't have a "problem," it's a life-style, it's a method. And somehow, it's just too exotic or distasteful or SOMETHING to just talk about. So here, kind of anonymous, I am.

Yesterday, I went 43 hours without food. Only coffee, cigarettes, and Tropicana Grovestand Orange Juice. I wasn't hungry at all...see, food calls to food. When you don't eat for 20 plus hours, you don't NEED food. It's when you start swallowing solids that you need more.

Yes, I AM proud of my lack of need. Because, I can SEE it now, I can see how what's considered "typical" is EXCESSIVE. I see people continually opening their refrigerators, again and again, looking with a hunger that has nothing to do with food. They are forever rooted in this pattern, this ridiculous circuit, up from the chair to the refrigerator to the table, then again, chair and refrigerator and table, etc.

43 hours, then this morning, at my mother's house, a bagel and cream cheese, she kind of forced me, and I just fell into the table routine, I still wasn't hungry, and I just ate it. And later, on my bed, I felt the stone of it in my stomach, it weakened me, I had this momentum, this living off the burn of my own body, and then this nuts inside me. But, my digestion is fast - after 2 cups of coffee, I'm a tube of toothpaste, I squeezed it out in one spurt. I looked in the bowl, I always check to see that it's ALL out, and...it was clear, like a squirt of hair gel. I kind of splashed around the water, frantic, a terror in me, and then, the reassuring brown again. Long tubes are nice, it's my digestion re-carving me hollow.

And that's this afternoon. There's more, and later, I'll send it.
Like, lately, I've been "feeding" pot to my bong with a plastic spoon.

Deke is always asking me for pictures, so I'll take some more, soon. My body's look is my work, I don't mind sharing it.

I like to lose weight, but I know there is a threshold, like anything, like doing cocaine, you have to KNOW where the peak is, and STAY there. You don't try to keep getting higher, because you simply can't; PAST that peak is only downhill. If you know yourself, then nothing is dangerous."
----

----
Whitehouse Live

“The way the sets are structured, that song (cut Hands has the Solution) has to be in the middle of the set because if it was at the end it wouldn’t be so effective. That’s where you have to dismantle the personality, access their vulnerability, tap into this vast ocean of possibility this person has, where anything is possible, where anything can be thought of. Like when you dream, there are no rules when you dream at night. Nobody is controlling you, anything goes. Really you want to take the person to that deep level of their own unconscious. That’s why for people who start to appreciate it on this level, it’s actually very hard to go back to other kinds of music. Because it doesn’t touch you in that way and there is a need to be touched in that way. Where you most want to be touched. People have these ideas of what they like and what they find fulfilling, but there’s a difference between what a person thinks they find fulfilling and what they really do find fulfilling. We carry these illusions around with us all the time, rationalizations and superstitions. But beyond that there’s a vast ocean of possibilities. Anything can happen, anything goes, there are no rules and regulations. And this is what we’re trying to explore, this is the level we try to work on. And if you’ve been to any of our shows you can witness these amazing transformations, because yes, there is this hectoring approach and a loud, abrasive sound, and it goes on, it’s continuous, it doesn’t stop. But in the last ten minutes or so, people have been through all of this and guess what? At the end of it they have got these incredible smiles on their faces.”
(William Bennett, from The Wire interview #282).

Early live actions were very experimental affairs, with much improvisation and, in the very early shows, the showing of films, such as the showing of Un Chien Andalou (set to Wagner music), The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and Paul Hurst’s Comedome film. This was eventually abandoned in favor of playing sets with actual songs. Most of their early sets were very short, due to the fact the power was often cut by the management of various clubs who didn’t agree with the group’s actions, so as a result the band often had to refer to themselves as a Human League style electro-pop group to get gigs. During the eighties, Whitehouse live was most often Bennett and Kevin Tomkins, with Sotos as the third member during the USA tours and Best as the third member for the European shows. During much of the 1990’s, the live shows were done by Bennett, Sotos, and Best. This changed in 2002 when Sotos was kicked out of the band. Since that time, Whitehouse live has just been the duo of Bennett and Best.

Notable live actions (descriptions taken from the Susan Lawly website):

live action 22
01jul83
roebuck - london, uk
william bennett, kevin tomkins, philip best

right to kill, bloodfucking, anal american
notes: audience 80 / support groups are ramleh and bushido (featuring glenn michael wallis and gary levermore) at low volume / steve stapleton gets arm cut after flying glass during whitehouse performance / police raid in large numbers midway through anal american / many arrested in chaos / whitehouse manager jordi valls spends night at police station for barring access to police

live action 26
12oct83
morden tower - newcastle, uk
william bennett, kevin tomkins, philip bes
t
rapemaster, penis supreme, anal american, i'm comin' up your ass, queen myra, bloodfucking, right to kill, new sadist
notes: audience 30 / support groups are ramleh and new blockaders / venue is small chamber in 14th century castle / halfway through the set william bennett insults (nb: not in an in any way racist manner despite what nigel ayers has attempted to allege, ayers was not in fact present at the concert), then lightly slaps a girl in the face in ritualistic fashion / the girl becomes extremely hysterical and attacks william bennett, hitting him in the eye / dave tibet and whitehouse roadie hold her back and drag the girl kicking and screaming from the venue / the rest of the entire audience decide to leave in solidarity with the girl and also in disgust at the group’s provocative performance / whitehouse continue playing to only one person left in audience by the end / whitehouse subsequently banned in newcastle record shops for many years after incident / LA 26 tape contains 2 versions - one stereo in audience, the other mono from on stage

live action 29
06apr84
helmholtz - bonn, germany
william bennett, kevin tomkins, philip best

great white death, rapemaster, cna, i'm comin' up your ass, shitfun
notes: audience 125 / played at local high school in front of students/ support is pop group facon facon / amid chaos sound is turned off by school headmaster expecting ‘human league’-style group / eventually, whitehouse and fanatics forced to flee school / live action videoed

live action 41
29jun84
tropicana - olympia, usa
william bennett, kevin tomkins, peter sotos

rapemaster, you don't have to say please, ass-destroyer, shitfun, queen myra, bloodfucking, cock dominant
notes: show interrupted by christian fundamentalists outside venue who invade the club / club management ignore their complaints / william bennett provokes some of them even further / christians subsequently call olympia police / police arrive in numbers and break up performance

live action 65
04nov94
shelter - tokyo, japan
william bennett, peter sotos, philip best

dictator, my cock’s on fire, i’m comin’ up your ass, movement 1994, the second coming, death penalty, shitfun, tit pulp, halogen
notes: audience 100 / entrance fee on the night is about £40 (¥6,500) / philip best uses new yamaha synthesiser for first time replacing the toy yamaha keyboard used since LA47 / philip best sings tit pulp for first time since early eighties to great effect / audience reaction varied during the set and swings from politeness and passivity to utter pandemonium / peter sotos finds keyboard table removed by members of audience during chaos of shitfun / sound engineers are dismayed as the inevitable beer flies all over the front monitors - they spend hours after the show dismantling them and drying them with hairdryers / support group swamp terrorists

live action 95
28sep02
batofar - paris, france
william bennett, peter sotos, philip bes
t
tit pulp, wriggle like a fucking eel, thank your lucky stars, rock and roll, dedicated to peter kurten, movement 2000, bird seed, cruise (force the truth), a cunt like you, princess disease
notes: audience 200 / support fred nipi / Sotos’ final live show with Whitehouse

live action 135
02jun05
se1 club - l
ondon, uk
william bennett, philip best

ruthless babysitting, grozny, cruise (force the truth)
review and pictures: FAIL
notes: ATP Festival curated by Russell Haswell / other artists aphex twin, mark stewart, yasunao tone + hecker et al / concert was curtailed after about 13 minutes by bottles and cans thrown on stage / audience 2,000 / live action videoed

Bands/artists who have either opened for or been on the same bill as Whitehouse over the years:

Neo-Naturist Cabaret, Consumer Electronics, Flux of Pink Indians, Will to Power, Function Disorder, William S. Burroughs, Drunk Alcholics, Debt of Nature, Modern Torture, Malfunktion, Ramleh, Bushido, Family Patrol Group, The New Blockaders, Pure, Facon Facon, Dark Carnival, A Feast of Friends, God, Intrinsic Action, Deadworld, Candin, Seemen, Fuckface, Killdozer, Outhouse, Swamp Terrorists, Bum Gravy, Swob, Sinister Cloaks, Guapo, Xum, Anenzephalia, Suicide Commando, PAL, Josep Manuel Berenger, Dachise, Kraang+Wertham, Rectal Surgery, MMVP, V.O.I.D., Genetic Transmission, Con-Dom, Fred Nipi, Russell Haswell, Surgeon+Regis, Nad Spiro, Cat Hope, Sonar, Merzbow+Russell Haswell (as Satanstornade), Aphex Twin, Bruce Gilbert (as The Beekeeper), Devotion, Brighter Death Now, Pita/ Hecker/ Russell, Wok, Dol, MAZK, Cat on Form, DJ Franz Ferdinand, Earth, Bear Faced Boy, Motorboy, Andy Fogary, AMM, Boredoms, Ikeda, Paragon Ensemble, Cosmos, Damo Suzukis Network, Incapacitants, Doog, Aube, Odioterz, Coil, Chris & Cosey, Slayer, Costes, Dolores Dewbery, Noriko Tujiko, Living With Eating Disorders, Sunn0))), Das Fleisch, Mark Stewart, Yasunao Tone, Broken Bone, DJ Andrea Parker, Savier, That Fucking Tank, Chris Cutler, Fire in the Head, Golden Serenades, Jessica Rylan, Teatro Satanico, D.B.P.I.T., Malato, Thurston Moore, Duck, Psychic Paramount, Josephine Foster, Andrew Ortmann, Haptic, Chris Connelly, Secret Diary, Karlheinz, AIDSwolf, Wolf Eyes, Pig Destroyer, Bloarzeyd, Pengo, All Have Numbers None Have Names, The Family, Holiday Stabbings, Fckin Bstrds, Praying for Oblivion, Odal, Lustrere.


Whitehouse Live Clips


Old clip of what was then one of Whitehouse’s very final live actions before it went on temporary hiatus. Live at 666 Club in Barcelona in 1985. They wouldn’t play live again until 1990.


Another extract from the same show. William Bennett is singing the classic song “You Don’t Have to say Please.”


Live at What Is Music? 2004 Festival in Brisbane, Australia. Clip begins with William Bennett singing “Cruise” while Philip Best provides the noise.


End of the afore-mentioned show. Many of Whitehouse’s live actions end like this, with Bennett and Best losing their shirts and striking poses while “Movement 2000” blares in the background.


Some footage from the Whitehouse performance at Oslo Marathon (BLÅ) in Oslo, Norway Nov. 10 - 2006. Filmed by www.nymusikk.no. The drum beat during “Cut Hands Has the Solution” is simply stunning.


Clip from a very recent Whitehouse live action. Begins with the end of “Dumping the Fucking Rubbish” before they launch into “Cruise.” I love when William Bennett screams “Rise up!” at the end of “Rubbish.”


Interesting Youtube movie someone made that juxtaposes live images of Whitehouse (past and present) to the song “Dans.”

This is a link to one of THE best Whitehouse live clips I’ve seen on the internet. Live at 2/6/2006 at Point FMR, Paris. Choice excerpts from that show. An overview of the 16 minutes:
0:00-1:06: Philip Best performs “Dans”
1:07-2:40: Best performs “Ruthless Babysitting”
2:40-5:20: Bennett leaves his laptop and joins in, doing his vocals for “Cruise.” Best does his own vocals for “Cruise” afterwards
5:20-6:28: “Philosophy” improv
6:29-7:08: Philip doing his vocals for “Cut Hands has the Solution”
7:09-8:10: Bennett doing his vocals for “Cut Hands”
8:10-10:29: More improv
10:30-13:14: Band performs “A Cunt Like You.” Bennett does the world’s coolest dance moves at around the 10:50 mark.
13:15-14:17: Bennett performs “Princess Disease”
14:18-14:32: Bennett and best perform “Why You Never Became a Dancer”
14:33-end of clip: “Movement 2000” instrumental ends the concert.


The Door Pattern: off the Fast Seduction website

--------This one is the "bad boy" of all patterns. Anyone who has studied SS and NLP and has come into contact with the Door pattern, has found it to be evil and cruel, playing on the fears and deep insecurities of women. To give you an idea of how bad this pattern actually is - even Ross Jeffries himself has denounced this pattern and says that he does NOT encourage anyone to use it.
--------So... as always with stuff like that... "for educational purpose only":)
--------The Door pattern originated by Alex Domnikov. Mindlist:
--------"Whereas most patterns are about getting a woman into bed, The Door is aimed at controlling her after you've started sleeping with her. Other patterns that you've used on her have anchored immense pleasure to you. The Door creates an anchor for the loss of that pleasure.
--------You've already had intercourse with the girl. The ideal setting for the power of the door, which is a power and control pattern, is right after you've had intercourse and you're in bed with the girl, and at this time hopefully you've set up the fact that you're also the man of her dreams and fulfill her emotional needs. You're fooling around in bed, you've already had a great time, and you go, "sweetheart, what's that over there?" and you point towards the door. And she'll say, "well you know, that's a door, silly." And you say, "yeah, you know.. I'm a real positive person, but.. I mean, can you imagine.. I mean, you don't know what can happen from day to day, when you think about it in your mind. I mean, what would happen if I walked out that door and the door closed and as the door closed, it slammed shut, and no matter what you did, you could not open the door and you knew that you would never be able to look into my eyes again and you'd never be able to hear my voice again and you'd never be able to feel my touch again." Ok, right here is where she starts going, "I don't like this door business at all." And at this time you just reassure her.. "ok, alright sweetheart, you're right. You really shouldn't think about the door and you really don't have to think about the door." So you go back to playing around with her some more. Have some more fun with her, bring her to another orgasm or whatever and say, "you know, a terrible thing happened the other day. My friend was hit by a truck. I mean, it was awful, by the time they got him to hospital he was dead. I can't believe it, you know? It's almost as if, it would be a horrible thing you know when you think about.." (point towards the door) "..that no matter even if you were to get that door opened and you were to search, that you could never find me again.." Then she starts freaking out. You calibrate more on that part of, "you will never be able to see me again, you'll never be able to hear my voice again."
--------"You'll never be able.. all that fun we had together, all those great times we had together, walking along the beach, hand in hand in the moonlight, we would never be able to do those things again and even if you were to open that door, you would search and you could never find." And she's at the point where she's saying, "no no I hate this door. Let's stop this door now, are you trying to upset me?" And you say, "oh, I'm sorry sweetheart, I'm just saying these are just things that are popping into my mind, ok?" So play around some more. Get her good and nice and hot again, fool around, have a good time with her, joke, and then then get back into the door and say, "you know, God, still you know, about life's tragedies.. I mean, I just keep on thinking how.." At this point you can already see that this is starting to make her feel uncomfortable. You want to create that sense in her that you can walk out and she'll feel terrible for the rest of here life. You want to anchor that response. I'll get up and she'll say, "well what are you doing?" And I'll say, "I'm going to the bathroom." I go up to the bedroom door and slam it. That right there will freak her out. Then I'll open the door and say, "oh, I'm sorry. You know, I'm sorry, I'm just playing with this door again. You know, you really shouldn't think about this door now and you really don't want to think about this door now."
--------Having anchored that sense of loss and pain to the door, you can trigger it whenever needed. Whatever negative behavior may come up that you want to stop, the first time you just get up and slam the door. Whether you walk out the door depends on the level of bullshit. On later occasions you can just indicate the door in some manner. The example Alex gives: If he's talking on the phone and getting any crap from her, and he knows the relation of where the door is to her desk, he says, "sweetheart, could you please turn right and take a look at what's over there.." and that was the end of the bullshit."


The Nazi issue

For a long period of time Whitehouse was often plagued by accusations that they were Nazis. This was due to a number of reasons. First of all, the Come Org logo looked quite a bit like a modified swastika. Second, the fact they gave their albums names such as Buchenwald and New Britain (not to mention the fact they named one of the Come Org compilations For Isle Koch). Also, there was an article that William Bennett wrote for Data magazine (which actually ended up appearing in the September/October 1982 issue of Force Mental magazine) called “The Struggle For a New Musical Culture”.

Bennett claimed to have submitted three articles to the magazine, one dealing with fascism (as seen above) and the other two in the style of communism and anarchism, and that all three were nothing more than satire and misinformation (though Force Mental claimed only to have gotten the fascist one). Misinformation was quite common in the early Come Org days as in the first Kata the symbol of the sickle and hammer appeared, causing many to wonder if the band were communists. In 1984 Bennett claimed that the band were libertarians, not fascists, and that he only found Nazi subject matter to be fascinating. He also claimed that in Hitler’s Nazi Germany, Whitehouse would most likely be one of the first people lined up to be shot, because he couldn’t imagine Hitler at home listening to a song such as “My Cock’s on Fire.”

Addressing the issue again in The Wire issue 282:

“Yes, the album Buchenwald is titled after a Nazi concentration camp, but when you scratch the surface of that record, there’s no content there at all. It’s almost an indication that what you’re doing is working effectively because people are saying all sorts of things about you, about your beliefs, but actually if you look at that album you’ve got four songs on there that are mostly instrumentals. There are almost no lyrics whatsoever and the lyrics that are there are incredibly innocuous. So ask yourself the question, how is it that that album is so controversial? When you really look at it closely, there’s nothing there that’s controversial other than the name. The reason people find it controversial isn’t because there’s an unpalatable content, it’s because it’s not rationalized. We’re not saying we’re doing this for any particular reason. We don’t give a specific reason one way or another. We’re simply not talking about it, why we’re making this record. Another reason is that there is no musical content for people to identify with on our records, no beats, no rhythms, nothing… In the early 80s, all sorts of bands were playing with this kind of stuff. Even in 2007 Throbbing Gristle are still using the picture of the Auschwitz gas chamber as their Industrial Records logo. You’ve got revered bands like Joy Division, New Order and The Skids, who all used Nazi imagery but because they’re operating within mainstream channels and fulfilling people’s expectations of rhythms, rock concerts, guitars, or because they’re attempting, even in their inarticulate ways, to rationalize it somehow, saying ‘It’s OK because this is our way of protesting against it’, even though that doesn’t add up in my opinion… Rationalisation is a sort of easy way of getting out of an embarrassing situation.”

Negative Review #2: Racket (by Nick Cain, from The Wire issue 282)

--------Right from their inception in the early 80s, in the days when they named albums after concentration camps or dedicated them to serial killers, and gave their songs titles like “Pro-Rapist”, “Bloodfucking” and “I’m Coming Up Your Ass”, Whitehouse have claimed to have no motivation other than to present listeners with extreme material to force them to confront their prejudices and value systems. They’ve been nothing if not consistent with this stance: the Susan Lawly Website stipulates that the group “have never had any agenda”, and in the liner notes for Racket, their 19th album, William Bennett is simply credited as “Animal Response Technician.”
--------It’s always been a dubious strategy. By stripping their endeavor of any conceptual underpinning other than the intent to offend, presuming that their music will continue to retain the same power to shock and assuming their listeners are unable to confront such prejudices of their own volition, Whitehouse willingly limit their music to the status of empty provocation, happy to deny it any enduring weight of meaning. Conversely, their refusal to provide any kind of context for their music had and has the effect of creating an excess of contextual discussion, endowing their albums with more layers of interpretation and resonance than they have ever deserved.
--------These issues plague Racket, a patchy, inconsistent album, inferior to last year’s Asceticists 2006, but one which suggests new developments in the group’s sound- developments which seem more drastic than they really are due to the narrowness of Whitehouse’s oeuvre and their tendency towards periods of extended stylistic stasis. The striking percussive polyrhythms that dominate “Mouthy Battery Beast” and “Dyad” (ludicrously dubbed “Afro-noise” by the label) apparently result from Bennett’s ongoing interest in African and Haitian music. Equally noticeable is the comparatively low noise quotient, with the scything frequencies and jackhammer beats and loops characteristic of recent albums distinctly absent.
--------The album’s best moments are all contained in three atypical, carefully sculpted instrumentals, comprising a scant 13 of Racket’s 29 minutes. But most of it is reserved for Bennett and Philip Best’s trademark misanthropic invective. It’s worth noting that the lyrics have improved since the tedious prurience of albums like Mummy and Daddy, Cruise and Bird Seed, shifting its focus from the sexualisation to the psychology of power relationships, abuse and violence. But because they’ve also become more verbose, in the process exhausting such subject matter, Racket’s prolix screeds sound comical and tawdry rather than confrontational and intense, regularly deteriorating into barrages of schlock hysteria. Denuded of noise backing and incongruously juxtaposed with acoustic rhythms, the pair’s vocals are even more bombastic than before. The delivery- gratingly shrill yelling and sneering- is by now so familiar that it borders on self-parody.
--------It’s difficult to see how anyone with any real experience of the group could find it remotely provocative. Whitehouse’s desire to develop their music instrumentally is commendable, but it’s sound can’t be considered in isolation from the context the group have generated, however much they believe otherwise. Feted by a new generation of noise groups, their back catalogue being reissued in deluxe vinyl editions, Whitehouse are enjoying an improbable vogue. But their modus operandi, unchanged after almost 30 years of activity, in 2007 adds up to little more than willful obtuseness and dead attitudes. Persistent shock tactics, a relentless pursuit of extremism for its own sake and a refusal to take any kind of responsibility for their music all combine to guarantee that their mode of expression remains as outdated as it ever was, while rendering their lyrical rhetoric close to obsolete.


The Sotos link

To many people, the name Peter Sotos and Whitehouse are invariably linked, despite the fact that Sotos has always insisted in interviews that Whitehouse was always Bennett’s project, and that he himself was just along for the ride. In fact, he didn’t really so much write lyrics for the band as Bennett would often pick out words and phrases he liked from Sotos’ books and incorporate them into Whitehouse lyrics (for example, the song “Told” contains extracts from Sotos’ book Special, while “Daddo” contains some lines from Playground Sex and “Cruise” uses some of Sotos’ writings from both Tick and Comfort and Critique). On the last three of their albums that he appeared on, all he contributed were his long audio collages, which he had made for his own personal purposes. It wasn’t his idea to put them on the albums, and he didn’t really even like the fact they were included on them in the first place. For the most part, Sotos’ most important contribution to Whitehouse was his presence at their Live Actions, where he would often rile the crowd up and, in some cases, protect the rest of the band from the more rowdy audience members.

It was to the surprise of many when the following announcement was made on the Susan
Lawly website on October 30, 2002:

WHITEHOUSE LIVE: NEW ERA
Some significant and important changes to Whitehouse live performance from now on:
- Peter Sotos will no longer be performing with the band live, and no replacement will be sought. More details at a later date regarding this.
- Future set lists will now almost exclusively be comprised of songs from Cruise and Bird Seed.
- New equipment is being used programmed with new sounds.

The band elaborated on the Sotos situation the following year, in a Judith Howard interview:

"Judith Howard: I know there've been an incredible amount of rumors and half-truths, but could you both in your own words finally tell us a bit about the departure of Peter Sotos?

Philip Best: Well, a particularly tumultuous show in Paris brought things to a head, but, for a number of reasons, things had been tense for a long time. Come to think of it, Leeds was pretty traumatic as well! Pete's a genius, end of story. And a genuinely funny and caring guy as well, as anyone who has ever met him can confirm. I owe him everything and still miss him terribly. But the bottom line, as I understood it, was that it was either Whitehouse without Pete or No Whitehouse full stop. So the choice was made. Sorry to disappoint all the assholes who hoped he had AIDS.

William Bennett: Yes, it's been very difficult. Paris was rough. Our friendship is a very very long one and then there're all those amazing shared experiences. Unfortunately, latterly, there was a lot of tension and a breakdown in communication - principally between the two of us - with regards to the live shows, and added to this I believe there's been a notable difference in lifestyle attitudes. Funnily enough, in a way, this made many of the later performances even more electric and intense - but sadly the tension before and after the concerts was not as enjoyable as it should be."

For awhile, Sotos himself was quiet on the subject. Until the publication of his book Selfish, Little in 2004, in which he wrote the following:

From page 71:
--------“I made the mistake of telling a friend about my lustful situation and he slowly started to mine a similar vein with a remarkably uninteresting woman. She had been a gymnast and my boorish friend liked to pretend that it was somehow relevant. I assure you, it isn’t.”

--------On page 76 of Selfish Little Sotos also possibly might have Whitehouse in mind when he writes “There are musicians who dilute and misunderstand my hard work. I’ve seen them turn these ideas into lowest common denominator pop sales.”

From Comfort and Critique (released in 2005):
--------“The motherfuckers who were tossing their beer from the front of the stage were the easiest to convince: I’d wipe the sweat and beer out of my bloated face, back up into my hair, and lean into the stare of one stupid dolt after another. Almost all of them would open their mouths and pretend to want the beer I could vomit down into them. Almost all of them backed away and let the disgusting bucket streams hit anywhere but their face. Except for the faggots.
--------I knew what it looked like. The idiot singer told me later that it was the worst thing on the video he watched. I stopped watching the videos over ten fucking years ago.”

--------The idiot singer referred to in this paragraph is most likely Bennett. On the next page, Sotos gets another dig at Whitehouse by referring to them as the Ronettes.

--------However, Sotos saved his most detailed comments on the Whitehouse situation for his book Waitress (a limited edition collection of interviews and writings that you could get by preordering Predicate). From his interview conducted by Jean-Francois Micard:

Micard: You work for several years with Whitehouse, then left the band, and we never have proper explanation for your departure, William Bennett just told in interview that it’s a reason different “lifestyles.” Could you elaborate on this?

Sotos: I agree with William on the changing lifestyles quote but I never would have been so tacky as to say it. But, since he did, yes, I agree, we don’t care much for each other’s lifestyle choices or art these days.

Micard: What role did Whitehouse have in your work, compared to your books?

Sotos: William Bennett was a tremendous influence on my life, as was Philip Best and Kevin Tomkins, but you won’t find much of them in my books. Philip, actually, had a lot to do with what I ended up writing about and inculcating in Index. I think I played a bigger role in their situation than they did in mine- I don’t consider what I did with them of much consequence, however.

In another interview that appears in Waitress, this one conducted by “James” from “Paedophile Gazette”:

Sotos: Can’t help but pick apart what I was doing in Whitehouse all those fucking years, then. The singer would tell some heavy metal magazine after I was out of the band that I was pandering to their audience. Trying to equal their base expectations or some-such.”

And:

“I just figured it was understood that most of the audience wanted this. My arguments from the stage almost always were with the cunts who decided we were wrong. Can’t tell you how many times the fucking singer asked me to go sort out some cunt who was causing him trouble. My head is always full of holocaust imagery, anyways. All the fucking time. Whitehouse was all Pure to me. And you have no idea how embarrassed I was at certain points, just like Pure.”

And:

“But, the thing is, I don’t really see that dealing with the subjects that both Whitehouse and Alice Cooper were playing with, now that is, still, could have been handled in any way except as providing a big fucking drunken good time for the audience. In the old-fashioned entertainer sense. It was no surprise that after my presence wasn’t needed, the advertising vocabulary they used included “improvisation,” “spirituality” and “soul.” What else could they do? Every rock band wants to hope they’re not doing pop songs. And that’s the truth of the matter, the unequivocal facts. My problems weren’t with the two old friends, no matter how sick they were of my bitching and complaining about their lifestyles or the way they sought to pretend that I was showing-off. It was the art. The situation had become pathetic. For the record, important to me only I suspect, I had wanted out of that situation for years. Well before things came to a boil with a label head in Paris. Last I remember is that the night of the show, I stopped one from attacking the other in a bar and the next morning, boss being inconsiderately cheap, dead wrong and lonely at a breakfast table in the hotel he and the other one stayed at. I stayed at a different joint that wasn’t paid for by the promoter or the band. I had been in Paris a week before they got there, had great drunken intelligent friends and was tossed out of Le Depot just the night before at around 5:00 AM. So my mood was far less than fucking great either. What finally broke the blister that was my relationship with the band had nothing at all to do with how our boys want to sell themselves now, or then, but basically that the singer and I couldn’t stand to be in a bar alone together. I knew a better time was elsewhere and so did he.”

And:

“As far as the band goes, I honestly can’t look at that stuff and find anything of me in there. I despise the assumption that I had anything to do with that work. It is very definitely not part of my oeuvre- which, by no means, is pristine to begin with. But all of that band’s output has to be seen in the context of what the guy who started it wanted. Including where he placed the Buyer’s Market collages that I made. I did those on my own, for myself, paid for by myself, because I wanted to hear them. It’s amazing to see them treated as drum solos now. As If I wasn’t saying anything more than that I was only the drummer to begin with… It’s just that it wasn’t my decision to put the drum solo in the place it currently sits. You shouldn’t complain about how boring the drum solo is but rather why it was placed there in the first place by those that needed it there. To fill up space or whatever. Maybe to make everything a bit more real or whatever- to take it away from just songs and lyrics and pose, perhaps? Whatever. I know why I did them and it doesn’t sit well with me either. My mistake, certainly. I’m not saying that I had any influence on that band either. The vocalist cherry-picked lyrics from stuff I wrote for reasons that had nothing to do with cut-ups or lyric ideas when I wrote them. I don’t won the words and don’t seek to control where they go. It’s often times depressing to have people think I wrote something like, “Don’t you know your god doesn’t exist?” So honestly, if you’re looking for me, look at the books. That other stuff is pulled from larger ideas. That’s all. Whitehouse has always been the singer’s band- he has an amazing voice, one that is completely without equal- and I really don’t want to sound like I think my position in that band has ever been significant. I’m not worried about the few gossipy minds that care about how I see the band, but I care very much that people will think my work is identifiable through the relationship I had as a friend, only. I wasn’t doing any music before I toured with the band in the very early eighties. And I feel like I have to explain this stuff because of the large amounts of text they used for lyrics- especially from Playground Sex and the rejected introduction I wrote for a Romain Slocombe book I didn’t like.”

Around the same time as all of this, on January 17, 2006, someone asked Bennett on the Lawly message board about why Sotos was no longer in the band. Bennett responded by simply reposting the answer he had given Howard a few years before. But after a few people (myself included) began posting some of the stuff Sotos had said about the band, Bennett gave a more detailed explanation:

William Bennett: “Sotos? What an unbelievable fantasist - his fiction is always full of it.

It's not a question of not mentioning the most real truth of desperately buying time, like Dworkin and the cakes she didn't talk about; and it's not even that of being a geeky heterosexual conservative in denial - it's not even understanding the difference between hangdog vanity and being a fucking liar. It's prurience dressed up as empathy; it's not being able to help yourself: it's numbered books and loose change.”


The Influenced

Of course, Whitehouse have influenced many artists over the years, originally noise acts such as Dominator, Deathpile, Taint, Ramleh, and the Japanoise genre, but also many rock bands such as Big Black and Sonic Youth refer to Whitehouse as an influence.

Whitehouse has also had a huge influence on my own art. A few of the songs I’ve released under the Sypha Nadon name have certainly been inspired by Whitehouse (for example, “Enter Horus,” “Scapegoat” and “Intonarumoni”). Also, a few songs I’ve done under the Boy Destroyer name have Whitehouse influences (such as the title track to the Rise Horus Rise album which utilizes a vintage 1981 era Whitehouse sound).

Whitehouse also influenced certain aspects of my book Confusion. In fact there are many references to Whitehouse in the book that probably went right over the casual reader’s head but I’ll mention a few of them here for those few who have read the book:

Pg. 52: Sypha mentions how one of his favorite bands is Whitehouse. He also says how one of his interests is “deviant risk taking” which is a reference to a lyric in the song “Language Recovery” off Asceticists 2006.

Pg. 66: The Whitehouse song “Rapemaster” plays in the background of this scene.

Pg. 80: Sypha and Veronica discuss their favorite tracks off Great White Death (which, in the book’s chronology, had just been released a few months before).

Pg. 123: Vinnie, in regards to the Miami Herald, complains about how negative the news is, making a reference to “ruthless babysitting” which is the title of a song off Asceticists 2006.

Pg. 147: Veronica plays the Erector album for James, in particular the song “Avisodomy.”

Pg. 151: During this long monologue Sypha recalls an incident in which he met William Bennett at a sex shop in Amsterdam where Bennett was buying magazines with titles like Tit Pulp and Shit Fun. Needless to say this is an in-joke to Simon Reynolds’ goof.

Pg. 169: In Veronica’s office there’s a poster of the album cover for Dedicated to Peter Kurten.

Pg. 170: There are a few scenes in the book where characters read off lists of people who will be attending a certain event. Bennett, Tomkins and Best are mentioned in a few of these, but on this particular page one of the people mentioned is Susan Lawly, which of course is a reference to the record label.

Pg. 181: Alan Fawkes’ ponderance of the “The Door” in this scene is a nod towards a lyric off the Whitehouse song “Philosophy” (off Bird Seed), not to mention “The Door” NLP pattern.

Pg. 226: Sypha’s vision of humanity “rising up” is a reference to the lyric “Rise Up” off the song “Dumping the Fucking Rubbish” from Asceticists 2006.

Pg. 279: The title of chapter 15 is “Dumping the Fucking Rubbish” which of course is named after a song title off Asceticists 2006.

In addition, back when this blog hosted Confusion day last year I mentioned how I pictured the character of Vinnie Hamilton to look like a cross between Tom Cruise and William Bennett. Also, Vinnie had a big interest in neuro-linguistic programming, which of course is a topic that greatly interests Bennett himself.


THE GEMINI / DARK SUN

Once in rapport.

Possible theme - 'Different places in the mind'

"You know, we've been talking for a while now and I feel that you're somebody who understands herself and somebody I can get an honest answer from" - Set up and Challenge

"Do you think that most men understand what women really want/need?"

Likely answer - "No"

"I agree, you see I've come to an understanding about women that a lot of my friends/a lot of men will never get, It's an understanding I've come to be really opening my mind...."

"...my understanding is, I actually think that inside every woman there are in fact 2 women"

"On one hand there is the culturally programmed woman, the one with all of the social rules and roles (give a couple of examples here - make it sound really oppressive and miserable - lol)."

"but then on the other hand there's the natural woman...that's the place where you keep you most exciting memories, where you ponder fantasies, daydreams, amazing possibilities...the kind of things you do if no-one were watching and the things you wouldn't even want your best friends to know that you dream about and long for..."

"...and oftentimes what happens is, because of the roles that society forces you to play, or maybe a relationship that you're already in that restricts you, a person has to lock those parts of them away and keep them safe...and yet they are still there...deep inside...just waiting to emerge"

***notice response here and anchor - if you wish*****

"So...2 questions that I like to ask myself are...

...what is it about the way certain people affect us that causes us to think of this person in that special place...to hear this voice...to see this face...to feel this presence in that special place...in such a way that no matter how much we try to deny that desire to act...it just takes on a life of it's own...compelling...vivid....REAL!....

...where that voice inside says YES, I want to step into this special place, with this special person and explore anything that we can make real together"

"and the other question.... (as if that wasn't enough - lol)

...what would it be like for a person, to just right now, feel all of those hidden parts and desires wake up.... ready.... willing...alive... right now, realizing that this is the main chance , the moment, a chance to move in a nude erection, and the thing about nude erections is that it's not enough to just ponder it, you've got to reach out and grab it and act on it right now..........................


Worth Seeking Out

Although Whitehouse has primarily released albums over the years, they have of course released other merchandise such as t-shirts, posters, and videos (in fact, many of their live actions can be ordered on DVD). One book they didn’t put out but is worth seeking out is The Whitehouse/ Come Organisation File (Aes-Nihil Books). It’s a huge book full of material from the Come Org days, and though it’s assembled in a fairly slipshod fashion it’s full of invaluable documents, such as most of the band’s early interviews, press releases, flyers from their live actions, lyrics, rare photographs, and, best of all, most of the Katas (Kata was the name of Come Organisation’s official newsletter, and it often contained news, lyrics, photographs, album reviews, and interesting articles on topics such as serial killers, avant-garde musicians/artists, and other esoterica. There were 20 issues in all). This book is very hard to find but worth it. Another good book is Whitehouse: Still Going Strong (Impulse Publications, 1993, edited by Mark Crumby). Not quite as comprehensive as the Aes-Nihil book, it does nonetheless have a lot of information on both Come Org and Susan Lawly, and it’s done in a slightly more professional manner than the Nihil book (though it’s much shorter, only about 94 pages compared to the Nihil books 300+ pages).

Power Electronics fans should also consider seeking out Miguel Angel Martin’s comic Psychopathia Sexualis. Martin is a huge Whitehouse fan, and some of his early comics, inspired by the band’s songs, appeared in a few of their later Katas back in the 1980’s (he also did the cover of their Tokyo Halogen live album). Psychopathia Sexualis is a collection of 19 very violent comics set in some sort of dystopian future, and many of the comics are named after old power electronics songs/albums (table of contents: Whore Cull, Foreplay, Right to Kill, Ultra Sadism, Desekration, Punishment, Mother Fucker, Screw Driver, Sexual Asphyxia, Kopro Lagina, New Sadist, P.I.E. (Pedophile Information Exchange), Neuro Habitat, Socratization Day, Cock Dominant, Shit Fun, Fist of Love, Death Room, Cunt Hunter). At first it was only available in Spanish, but in the 90’s an English version was released (translated by William Bennett) with an introduction by Peter Sotos. Needless to say this is a must have items for Whitehouse/Sotos fans.


Whitehouse Links

Official website of Susan Lawly, the indie record label founded by William Bennett in the late 80’s. Mostly they just release Whitehouse albums, though they also have an “Extreme Music” series (which has included extreme music from Japan, Africa, Russia, and Women). The best place to not only get up-to-date information on new Susan Lawly products, but also a great place to order Whitehouse albums in general.

Official Susan Lawly message board.

Official Whitehouse MySpace page, where you can hear the songs “Movement 2000” (off Cruise), “Wriggle Like a Fucking Eel” (off Bird Seed), “Dumping the Fucking Rubbish” and “Nzambi Ia Lufua” (off Asceticists 2006) and “Fairground Muscle Twitcher” (off Racket).

William Bennett’s official blog.

Philip Best’s official blog.

This was the first Whitehouse website I ever came across. It used to have a lot of good information on it, but sadly, it’s reduced in size now and barely ever updated.

Website that gives a lot of fascinating information on IPS studio.

Website with some old articles/discography concerning the Come Organisation.

Essay about the shock tactics used by some of the early Industrial bands. It was in this essay that I came across Whitehouse’s name for the first time.

Entertaining blog which contains a power electronics related story that was written by a friend of mine. Blog begins with a short history of the power electronics movement and small bios on some of it’s key players.

Interesting article about “Noise Music as Queer Expression.”

Really fascinating thread on the Susan Lawly message board that analyzes some of the outside influences on Whitehouse’s lyrics (for example, see the Void and Door patterns on the Fast Seduction 101 website, which inspired the lyrics to “Philosophy” and “Killing Hurts Give You The Secret.”)


October Man

Ok here goes..Are you familiar with Tension Loops? If you have Swinggcats book its about that story of the cat named girl-george...Pain/Pleasure/Pain Push/Pull kinda thing. That’s the General Patronage version, in the context of October Man, you have to amp up the pain and the pleasure. Everytime you talk about anything pleasurable you anchor it to you physically or just by special gestures, I do it by a unique stare...Everytime you go to Pain you anchor it away by gesturing, or just look away. Remember to really bring out her Pleasurable states by patterning or just Trance Hi-Jack or create that into filters, SRT just as used in the new SS model. Really work on the positive states, stack them up multi-modal anchoring, then immediately contrast it with something really Painful and terrible...Imagine a flaming ball of fire, then freezing it till it becomes ball of ice, then heating it up till it ignites, the contrast has to be that intense and RAPID FIRE, no fluff talk if possible... If your familiar with Fractionation, you'd have already noticed that at each pass YOU ARE BUILDING RESPONSE POTENTIAL on both polarities. Each pass you fractionate the pain so its intensifying, while also intensifying the pleasure back to you...Do multi Anchoring for pleasure states to be more effective i.e. simultaneous touch, tonality, stare etc....

Heres the part why they banned it. Their analogy is bringing nukes in a gunfight, its that powerful...Are you familiar with TimeLines, Change History Pattern or the "February Man" by Erickson? Same principle you visit her in her timeline, in the future or in the past and evoke the things that were painful then. Work it, then be like The Knight In Shining Armor, protector and how things could have been better if you were there to shield her, bring her safety etc. THOSE periods in her life she needed someone, and nobody was there... In the pleasurable moments, you can "steal" them and make them stronger or many times better had you been there..

If you’re gonna use this, please avoid the TimeLine part. The Tension Loop from hell is enough to get you fast connections. It time distorts them automatically and she feels safe with you... Don’t do this in situations with a lot of stimuli or distractions like clubs etc...

The hospital pattern below is an example how pain/Pleasure works. Try also the "Door Pattern" in the SS quick reference book i've attached....

The Hospital pattern:

a) did you ever know someone that went into a hospital and never came back?

b) its amazing how often people just go and never come back

c) If you like what we have, remember that I could leave you and never come back.

Now you just capture the pieces into a nice little story. If you can use touch or smell, the anchors are that much more powerful.

To lover:
Did you hear about (insert famous person or acquaintance) who went to the hospital for something (anchor here) and never came out?

By the way, I had a doggie that I loved and one day it just disappeared (use same anchor here with more intensity), {keep building value of doggie} she was so good to me, she would wait for me after school and she would just kiss me and knock me down ever so gently. We would roll on the floor and play all kinds of games.

We would chase each other, she would fetch for me, she even slept in my room (what could you do with this?) but then one day, I came looking for her and she wasn’t there. You have no idea what it feels like to loose someone like that (anchor). For days you look for her, you post posters, you post rewards. No matter what you do, its over, gone out of your life. (anchor).
____

Clearly, tonality, certainty and body language will have much to do with your results.
________

The last thing I remember was when I left and she kissed me, (anchor) and I never saw her again. I wouldn’t wish that (anchor) on anyone.
______

I sure enjoy you (fire anchor) and I am having a blast getting to know you. I know you'll miss me (fire anchor).
_____

The anchor will be set and you can use it anytime. The power of the pattern is in creating a solid story, use voice, touch and any other compound anchors that you can.

By the same token you can create:

The broken window pattern

The stolen art pattern

The solar eclipse pattern

The lost shoe pattern

The lost ring pattern

The final goodbye pattern

All of these are only limited by your imaginations.




*

p.s. Hey. Sypha is rightfully known and revered around here as a singular master of the blog post form. This weekend, you get to discover or revisit one of his massive and thorough creations from some years back. Everything you would need to know about Whitehouse in order to know -- or realize you should know -- this seminal music making outfit is right up above. I recommend you take advantage. I hope you will reward him with commentary of any type, shape, or form. Have excellent weekends, and I will see you Monday.

KJX3 presents ... Elisa Lam Day

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There are mysteries that are so eerie and strange that they boggle the mind for days on end. The case of Elisa Lam is one of them. In February 2013, this 21-year-old student from Vancouver, Canada, was found dead inside the Cecil Hotel’s rooftop water tank in Los Angeles. The L.A. County Department of Coroner ruled the death “accidental due to drowning” and said no traces of drugs or alcohol were found during the autopsy. However, there is much more to the story than what is implied by police reports. The first piece of evidence that needs to be considered is an elevator surveillance tape that recorded Elisa’s behavior only a few moments before she lost her life.















The four-minute video posted on YouTube shows Elisa pressing all of the elevator buttons and waiting for it to move. Seeing that the elevator doors are not closing, starts behaving extremely bizarrely. Here’s the video.





At first, Elisa enters the elevator and apparently presses all of its buttons. She then waits for something to happen but, for some reason, the elevator door doesn’t shut. She starts to look around, as if she is expecting (or hiding from) someone. At 1:57, her arms and hands start moving in a very strange matter (almost not human) as she appears to be talking to someone, something … or nothing at all. She then walks away. The elevator door then shuts and appears to start working again.

Right after the events of the video, Elisa apparently gained access to the rooftop of the hotel, climbed to its water tank and, somehow, ended up drowning in it. Her body was found two weeks after her death, after hotel guests complained about the water’s taste and color. Incredible.

Seeing the surveillance footage, most people would conclude that she was under the influence of drugs. However, Elisa did not have a history of drug use and her autopsy concluded that no drugs were involved. When one looks at the context and the circumstances of this death, things become even more mysterious.





Built in the 1920s to cater to “businessmen to come into town and spend a night or two”, Cecil Hotel was quickly upstaged by more glamorous hotels. Located near the infamous Skid Row area, the hotel began renting rooms on a long-term basis for cheap prices, a policy that attracted a shiftier crowd. The hotel’s reputation quickly went from “shifty” to “morbid” when it became notorious for numerous suicides and murders, as well as lodging famous serial killers.

Now on death row, Richard Ramirez, labeled “the Nightstalker”, was living at the Cecil Hotel in 1985, in a top floor room. He was charged 14 dollars a night. In a building filled with transients, he remained unnoticed as he stalked and killed his 13 female victims. Richard Schave, said “He was dumping his bloody clothes in the Dumpster, at the end of his evening and returned via the back entrance.”

Jack Unterweger, was a journalist covering crime in Los Angeles for an Austrian magazine in 1991. “We believe he was living at the Cecil Hotel in homage to Ramirez,” Schave said. He is blamed with killing three prostitutes in Los Angeles, while being a guest at the Cecil.

In the 50’s and 60’s the Cecil was known as a place that people would go to jump out of one of the hotel’s windows to commit suicide.

Helen Gurnee, in her 50s, leaped from a seventh floor window, landing on the Cecil Hotel marquee, on October 22, 1954.

Julia Moore jumped from her eighth floor room window, on February 11, 1962.

Pauline Otton, 27, jumped from a ninth floor window after an argument with her estranged husband, on October 12, 1962. Otton landed on George Gianinni, 65, who was walking on the side walk, 90 feet below. Both were killed instantly.

There was also a murder of one of the residents. “Pigeon Goldie” Osgood, a retired telephone operator, known for protecting and feeding pigeons in a nearby park, was found dead in his ransacked room on June 4, 1964. He had been stabbed, strangled, and raped. The crime still remains unsolved.

Elisa Lam’s case is yet another sordid addition to the hotel’s history and can lead us to ask: “What the hell is wrong with that place”?





The story of Elisa Lam is eerily similar to the 2005 horror movie Dark Water. Dahlia, the main protagonist of the movie moves into an apartment building with her young daughter Cecilia. Both of these names are relevant. Black Dahlia is the nickname given to Elizabeth Short, a woman who was the victim of a gruesome murder in 1947 – one that appeared to be particularly ritualistic. The case was never solved. According to LA Observed, it is rumored that Black Dahlia was at Cecil Hotel right before she lost her life.

In the movie, the daughter’s name, Cecilia, is, obviously, quite similar to the name Cecil Hotel. After moving into her apartment, Dahlia notices dark water leaking from the ceiling in her bathroom. She ultimately discovers that a young girl named Natasha Rimsky drowned in the building’s rooftop water tank, which caused the water to turn black. The owner of the apartment building knew about this fact but refused to take action. Elisa Lam’s body was in the water tank for over two weeks, causing hotel guests to complain about foul tasting “black water”.

The ending of the movie is also eerily relevant: The apartment buildings elevator malfunctions and the ghost of Cecilia’s mother braids her hair. Is Elisa Lam’s death one of those ritualistic murders that are synchronistically mirrored in a Hollywood movie?





Shortly after the discovery of Elisa Lam’s body, a deadly outbreak of tuberculosis occurred in Skid Row, near Cecil Hotel. You probably won’t believe the name of the test kit used in these kinds of situations: LAM-ELISA. That is hardcore synchronicity.





In one theory making the rounds on the internet, Elisa Lam never existed. According to the website Godlike Productions, known for its championing of lunatic fringe theories, "The LAPD put out the video, because her Facebook pictures didn't look like her. It wasn't her. Look up whoiselisalam.org. Look at the Illuminati card Eliza. Her FB page was started by military."









LA authorities ruled in June 2013 that Elisa Lam’s death was accidental and that she was “probably bi-polar”. That being said, some questions remain unanswered. How did Elisa, who was obviously not in her right mind, end up in the hotel’s water tank, an area that is difficult to access? Here’s a news report describing the water tank area.





As the reporter states in the video, the rooftop area is protected by an alarm system and the water tank is difficult to reach. How did Elisa reach that area? Also, how did she close the water tank lid?

As is usually the case for strange deaths, authorities have been incredibly secretive and non-transparent during this investigation. What truly happened here? Why are there so many strange coincidences? Why was Elisa Lam acting so strange in the elevator? Was there a ritualistic aspect to this death? Why is the Cecil Hotel a hotbed for these kinds of stories? Is there some paranormal stuff going on there involving dark entities? The mystery appears to be whole and authorities do not seem to be wanting to probe further.





A YouTube user recently claimed that the Elisa Lam CCTV footage had been slowed down and possibly edited. He makes a case that the tape was tampered with and that we have not yet seen the full extent of Elisa Lam’s final video appearance.





Obviously, more investigation would have to be conducted to confirm whether or not the video was actually slowed down and edited. The timestamp jump certainly does seem suspicious. But then again, everything in a conspiracy theory must, by definition, seem suspicious.









Comments

Netti· 3 weeks ago
its clearly ritual murder. God save us all from this evil.

Kathleen· 3 weeks ago
Habitual, grave sin opens one to the influence of the demonic.

The influence of the demonic is not limited to green pea soup spitting full possession. There are various degrees and types of diabolical influence.

Influence or infestation of these various types can impact entire families, over multiple generations, or buildings.

Lafite· 3 weeks ago
First of all, she pushed all floor buttons for the ghosts. As to the elevator door remaining open, it’s because there were too many ghosts in the elevator leading to the door not closing because it was overloaded, and her being squeezed to a corner of the elevator proves this point. Hopping and gesticulating by the door was her discussing the situation with the ghosts, asking some of the ghosts to get out of the elevator to reduce the weight. From this we can see, there will always be things that man’s science is unable to explain, or there really is another dimension. This is purely one’s point of view, if you don’t like it, don’t read it.

Patricia· 3 weeks ago
I don't know as I saw the elevator and the I sworn I saw the devil.if you look well and if you could see his horns inside the elevator its so weird that girl .something somebody possessed that girl's body.

Skegeeace· 3 weeks ago
Totally unnerving. Perhaps she was a ritual sacrifice infected with TB and dumped into the water tanks to contaminate others. Surely, it would spread all over the place- especially among the poor with their low-immunity from malnutrition and lack of access to health care/vaccination. (Skid Row is traditionally home to the poor, right?) And her NAME...being the reverse of the name of the TB testing kits?! If that's true, I definitely smell satan worshipers. They do lots of things in reverse for their black magick rituals.

People, your only defense is Christ Jesus and the Holy Spirit. If you're not under their protection, then you're susceptible to evil attacks. Some aren't that extreme, but this one clearly was.

Kim· 3 weeks ago
The way she moved her hands reminded me of the way my bearded dragon "waves" her arms. Same wrist-down, flat palm, fingers-up shape. That was the first thing I thought of. I don't think that is relevant at all, but it startled me how much she resembled a reptile with those movements.

Jordan· 3 weeks ago
When she pressed all the buttons, she obviously hit the "Door Hold" button as well. She doesn't have her glasses on. Come on people...

Dylan Barrett· 3 weeks ago
I wonder if the hotel staff are in on it, the fact that it seems as if the person doing security could see her on camera and probably hear her and held the doors for staff to get there.... the staff knew not to walk in front of the cameras..... there is no mention of why she was there or who she was with..... or why no one mentioned the taste or colour of the water on the news report..... if her clothes were off were they piled on the ground, thrown about the roof, missing entirely.... I wonder if some of the other deaths were of people who found out that staff might be running some secret underground stuff to keep them in business.... I woman staying there hears a lady scream finds out staff are helping elitist people commit ritualistic murders.... lady gets thrown out the window....... the whole thing is written up by crooked cops and payed off coroners as a suicide..... Elisa Lam was probably drugged and prepped for a ritualistic murder till she escaped and staff needed to keep things under control without getting caught........

Syrus· 3 weeks ago
Last time a lightning bolt struck one of the Illuminati's messengers while he was en route with their world domination plans, which were immediately found by the local authorities and that directly led to the group's official dissolution. I wonder what more it could take this time to really shut the Cabal down. I don't like these people.

aggelos· 3 weeks ago
Drowning is also used in ritual sacrifices, ie whitney houston...

Yaz· 3 weeks ago
I'm surprised that everyone has failed to see the most creepy part of the entire video!!!

2:57: the elevator door closes (and seems to work fine)
3:13: the elevator opens on a DIFFERENT FLOOR!!!, the wallpaper is different!

It seems like perhaps "something" in the elevator perhaps went UP a few floors, to possibly complete the sacrifice!!
Notice that it took almost 20 seconds, which means that the elevator either went far down or far up. It most probably is far up. I bet that if the elevator had gone down it would be at the reception floor - not likely after an incident like that. It was going UP!

And also, no one had pressed the elevator button, since no person was present on the other floor. That means that something inside the elevator pressed on something, perhaps what floor "something" wanted to get to.

Is it just me or is there a dark entity in the center of the entire video??

max· 3 weeks ago
I'm sorry but I am far more disturbed that people were drinking cadaver juice for weeks than the actually mystery of her death. That is vile.




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p.s. Hey. A silent reader of this blog who wishes to be known to one and all as LJX3 has brought the very weird death of Elisa Lam to bear on us today. It's a fascinating thing if you don't already know about it. Please solve the mystery or join the head scratchers as you see fit, thanks, and thanks largely and gratefully to our kind guest-host. Otherwise, I'm back from Berlin. The trip was terrific. It looks like the porn film project is a go. We'll see, but I hope to be able to make some kind of official announcement type of thing in the next few weeks. ** Wednesday ** Bill, Hi, B. The trip was great, very quick, but accomplished, I guess, and we saw some art and fun stuff. I just saw the email about your friend. Is he here now? Uh, I'll write to you, and hopefully we can meet up. Thanks! ** David Ehrenstein, Thank you, sir. ** Tosh Berman, Hi, Tosh. Oh, that's interesting. I'm most interested in things that scare me to some degree, but compel me just as much, so ... Like-minds or like-nervous systems? ** Steevee, That sounds like a solid theory to me. ** Dan, Hey! Yes, I was away and out of touch, but we're in touch now, and it looks like everything's getting solved and done, cool. Thank you so much! ** Bill Porter, Hi, Bill. Uh, no, I don't think I saw 'The American'. Cool sounding credits thing. I bet I'll get my chance on my next long plane trip, if nothing else. Plane in-flight movie itineraries love Clooney. How are you? What's going on? ** Etc etc etc, Hey, man. I'll save my 'great to talk to you' for the appropriate later weekend comment response. You know, I still haven't read 'IB', which has been staring at me from my book pile for ages, and I haven't seen 'The Canyons' either 'cos, I don't know, I just don't seem to be able to find an impetus to watch it. I'm with you on the 'Zero' to 'Lunar Park' straight flush. ** Jeffrey Coleman, Wow, hi, Jeff! Really great to see you! There was a tunnel or a drain pipe or something near the house where I grew up where I used to drug with friends too. Interesting. When I read what you wrote, I got a feeling of possible tunnel interest's origin bell ringing in my head. Anyway, yeah, how are you? I'd love to know. Take care. ** Thursday ** David Ehrenstein, Nice pix, thanks! ** Matty B, Hi, Matty! Believe it or not, you'll be finally getting a thing in an email from me today. You're painting again! That's awesome news! You gonna share what you're working on somewhere at some point, I hope? ** Brendan, A house? Serious. In East Hollywood? Nice. Where? How was Vegas? I was there a few weeks back. Stayed at the Bellagio. Did the rides atop the Stratosphere (or rather watched Zac do them due to my huge heights fear), did the Neon Museum, did 'Dig This!', did food, did walking, did the Turrells at that mall/hotel, blah blah. Miami, cool. What are you showing? No clue on the next LA trip at the moment. I was just there, albeit briefly, for Halloween spooky house exploring. Probably not for a while. When's your next Paris trip? ** Friday ** David Ehrenstein, Thanks for commenting. It would have been weird and sad and a first if the comments arena was totally empty that day. ** Saturday ** _Black_Acrylic, Hi, Ben. Oh, sweet about the card. So incredibly well worth the wait. Thank you! ** Sypha, Hi, James. Yeah, I thought I would surprise you. That was pts 1 &a 2 combined, yes. True, so many terrific artist possibilities for the cover art. Have you narrowed down the candidates at all? No, I don't think you ever told me that story about Rigby and Philip Best. That's pretty cool that Best knows about my blog. Share that pic if you can and don't mind. And thank you once again for the awesome post. ** Grant maierhofer, Hi Grant! Thanks a lot for your email. I just found it this morning. New Death Grips album is fantastic. They are so, so smart and interesting, those guys. The McQueen film isn't over here yet, but I'll see it, for sure. Fugazi! You have a favorite LP of theirs? I think mine would be 'In On the Kill Taker'. I haven't read 'YBARA' in ages, but I really, really liked it when I did. So him and yet so not the him we've come to know and complicatedly love. I'm good, great, really busy, but in the best way. ** David Ehrenstein, Hi. ** Rewritedept, Hi, Chris. Nice to see you. It's been a while. Sweet and congrats on the new computer. I was in Berlin. It was both successful as far as the intended mission went and fun besides. I need to get Body/Head. I'm so behind. Meetings? Like what kind? Yeah, talk soon, I hope. ** Creative Massacre, I don't think I've ever seen even a whole episode of 'Dr. Who' in any of its incarnations, which is weird since tons of people I know, like you, seem very into it. 'Geocaching', ... no. I don't know it. How do you play? GPS game ... how does that work? Is it an app or something? Sounds kind of quite cool. Take care, M! ** Steevee, Hey. Wait, how is McQueen the von Trier of the UK? Hm. Yeah, how? I like McQueen's stuff mostly, which means mostly his visual art, but you know how I feel about von Trier. I just read something about Penny Penny somewhere that made me in intrigued. In The Wire, probably. Huh, I'll check it out. Thanks much for the tip. ** Thomas Moronic, Hi, T! The trip was swell, thanks. I did hear the new Xiu Xiu. I like it a bunch. Very curious about the new album, for sure. What do you know or think about his 'quitting music' thing? ** Bill, Hi, B. Yeah, the trip was mostly about trying to nail down whether the porn film has a producer and a course of action, etc., and it looks like it does. Otherwise, mm, walked around, saw a big Anish Kapoor show, went to the Bless private sale, went to the Hamburger Bahnhof museum, ate quite good Mexican food, did one of the 'Berlin Underground' tours of the old bunker system, and this and that. Very nice. ** Etc etc etc, Hey, Casey. It was really great to talk yesterday, for sure. Thanks a bunch. Yeah, at some point I hope I'll feel ready to see if I can salvage anything from the failed George Miles novel. The wound is still a little too fresh right now. The impetus to write the Cycle for George was, no surprise, very complicated and big. I feel like it would be impossible to nail down without too much thinking and talking for the p.s. context. In fact, one of the reasons I'd wanted to write the filed GM novel was to try to explain that at length. It was both a hugely emotional decision to do the Cycle for him and a strategic one because putting him or his resemblance/essence at the center of the novels controlled my emotions and priorities and so on. The direct novel for/about George that I tried to write failed for so many, many reasons. I chose the wrong strategy to begin with, and I was so emotionally overwrought by writing it that I didn't realize my mistake until extremely too late. I couldn't find a way to convey him or our relationship. I always write from confusion and through confusion and about confusion, but that project was too confusing, and I could never find a way around how, since he's dead, and since no else has ever written about him, I would end up owning his memory, a thing that makes me extremely uncomfortable. I don't know. A lot of reasons why it didn't work. Too many reasons. That was the problem. Thank you a lot for wanting to know, man. Do send the bite-size piece when you can and like, thank you! ** Misanthrope, Hi, George. The trip was great, yeah, thanks. Very cool about the XboxOne's timely surprise arrival, and that you're obviously having a great time with LPS. Oh, shit, about the medication price increase thing. That's insane! Wtf?! Well, awesome, to say the least, that your doc found you a solution. Whoa, man. ** Okay. We're caught up. Please spend your local time poring over the post today, and thank you, everyone. And I will see you tomorrow.

Old Skull

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The Story of Old Skull (1987 - 1992)

'In the late eighties, hardcore punk was dying on the vine. Many of the great bands had decided that they'd rather play metal or reggae and so the scene was beginning to wither and crack. But the whole genre was given a shot in the arm by the unlikeliest of bands from the unlikeliest of places.

'The band was Old Skull and came out of Wisconsin, formed by the Toulon brothers, Jamie and J.P. and their friend Jesse Collins-Davies. The Toulon brothers were nine and ten years old respectively and Jesse was ten. The brother's father, Vern Toulon, was friends with Robin Davies, a member of respected Wisconsin band Tar Babies and Davies suggested his stepson form a band with the Toulon brothers. Once the deal was sealed, Old Skull came together about 1987. Quickly developing a reputation for their age and the subject matter of the songs, they managed to snag a deal with Restless Records and entered the studio with future Garbage member and producer Steve Marker and their fathers, the trio cranked out a noisy album of pre-adolescent hardcore entitled Get Outta School in 1989.





'The songs were a blend of speed and pure, youthful punk energy and the band were seen as either a complete joke or the real thing. They got write ups in Rolling Stone, Newsweek and People magazine and were seen on tour with The Flaming Lips and GWAR. But problems started as people began speculating that Vern Toulon had actually written all the songs and was pulling the strings behind the scenes. These questions were never given credible answers and so the mystery still surrounds.

'After a lineup change which saw Collins-Davies leave the band and a new drummer being brought in, the original version of Old Skull fell apart by late 1990 and the kids went back to school and the name went quiet. That is until 1992 when a new Old Skull album entitled C.I.A. Drug Fest was released. This album was produced by Vern Toulon and saw the inclusion of another set of brothers, Chris and Josh Scott on guitars and vocals. J.P. and Jamie had switched places with J.P. playing drums and Jamie singing. The resulting record is extremely difficult to listen to as a punk record. It seems like a lot of noise masquerading as songs. But it is worth to own just as a novelty.





'After a little touring in support of the record, the band disbanded for real and the members all began growing up and moved on with their lives. The Scott brothers dropped off the face of the earth entirely while the Toulon family as a whole went underground. During the band's initial early days, the Toulon's parents had divorced but the brothers kept going. Then sometime in the '90's, their mother was reported killed in a train accident but not much else was known beyond that. By that point, the world had forgotten Old Skull and the Toulon's began a very rough patch in life.

'In 2001, it was reported that Vern Toulon had passed away after years of alcoholism, an affliction that had gotten so bad that he was reportedly panhandling on the streets of Madison. The brothers didn't say anything regarding his passing and nothing further was heard of the Toulon's until a couple of years later when both of them reemerged in New York, squatting on the streets with what were called 'crust punks.' This group of punks were living on the streets of NYC and started making music dealing with their plights. Jamie in particular became a founding member of Star Fucking Hipsters, a side project of one of the more renowned of these bands, Leftover Crack. J.P. formed Planned Collapse and began playing small clubs around New York.





'In 2005, the brothers reemerged on stage at CBGB as Old Skull playing a show with some friends backing them up. It would be one of the last times the brothers would be seen playing music. About this time, J.P. began dealing with a pretty nasty drug problem, one that would land him in jail and rehab over the years. But by 2010, it looked like J.P. had beaten the habit and had moved in with his son in an effort to keep himself clean. But then on November 13, 2010, it was reported that J.P. Toulon had passed away. No formal cause of death was ever announced but it had been reported that he'd been hospitalized with pancreatitis in the preceding months. In an even sadder twist of fate to all of this was that J.P. died the same day as Jamie's birthday.

'The small community of devoted Old Skull fans were devastated and word went out all over the Internet in memory. Jamie Toulon, on the other hand, was struggling with depression and continued living on the streets, just barely getting by. In the summer of 2011, he somehow wound up in Lynchburg, Virginia, which is where this author went to college. Having graduated three years before and moved back home, I never had a chance to run into Jamie but I would like to believe it would've been interesting and might have made for a great interview. How he wound up in the same city where I found myself as a writer and as a person is something I'll always wonder about. Unfortunately, I never got to find this out.





'In June of 2011, Jamie committed suicide in Lynchburg, tragically bringing an end to Old Skull and the sad history of the Toulon family. It was incredibly heartbreaking for friends and fans of the band to hear the news. What made it even worse was that his suicide came seven months after J.P.'s death. With Jamie's death, fans made tributes and posted messages but in the mainstream, his death was not reported at all, as opposed to J.P.'s death.

'While the Toulon brothers met very young and extremely tragic endings, the other founding member of the band has led a very successful life; Jesse Collins-Davies is now a DJ in Wisconsin and has a very successful career going for himself. It has been over twenty years since the first Old Skull record and during that time, there has never been one definitive interview chronicling the band's career. Now with Collins-Davies the only surviving member of this teenage punk band, he might come out and do an interview and people will be more than ready to hear what he has to say.'-- Pete Crigler, Perfect Sound Forever





JP and Jamie Toulon, early '90s


My Life with Old Skull (1994 - 2011)

'When I was about 10 years old, my older brother Ben, who got me into bands like Minor Threat and The Dead Kennedy's, turned me on to a band called Old Skull. This was around the time they released their 2nd album CIA Drug Fest. At the time their 1st album Get Outta School was released, the members of Old Skull were between the ages of 8 and 10. I was immediately drawn to them. I did not care that they couldn't play there instruments. I knew that didn't matter. As a very rebellious child I thought there could be nothing cooler than having a punk band at such an early age.

'A few years later, my brother made some random decision to move to Madison, Wisconsin. A couple weeks after his big move (he was 16 by the way), I received a call from him, "Hey, I made some cool new friends out here. JP and Jamie Toulon. They're brothers and they where in Old Skull. After Madison got old, Ben and JP decided to move to NYC and be squatters together. Train hopping was involved as well somewhere within these years. Jamie ended up moving to NYC sometime in the mix as well.



JP Toulon (around the time I met him)


'JP was 15 when I met him, I was 13 I think. We ended up becoming good pals during the times that Ben would bring him up to visit. Mainly we just watched a lot of television together and would crack jokes. BB guns where a big part of our relationship as well. Jamie and I never got to close. He was a serious loner in most peoples eyes.



JP Toulon


'JP and Jamie's father had died of a heroin overdose at sometime or another. Their mother, hit by a train. This was probably a big factor in why they fell into deep dark drug addictions. My brother became a big part of that as well. Sometime, somewhere down the road, I had joined them. Ben was not supportive of my decision but at times he was forced to overlook that. There I was, going on dope runs with my childhood heroes. I thought I was bad until I saw JP do things like stick a syringe in his neck because all the veins in his arms had collapsed or shoot 10 bags at once. I am not calling myself a saint. I would constantly go on benders, run out of money, get sick, repeat. it turned into a scheduled agenda. I'll spare the real gory details.



My brother Ben


'To make a long story short, my brother, who was doing quite well, had one of his little slips about 3 years back. He was found dead on a bathroom floor. One year later JP died of a speedball overdose (cocaine and heroin mix). One year after that, Jamie hanged himself. But no matter how skeezy JP was, everybody loved him. He was one of the funniest and most charismatic people I have ever known. I haven't even thought of doing hard drugs ever since my brother died. He left behind a beautiful little girl named Adelaide, she to me is better than any drug ever created. JP left behind a beautiful son named Aiden, who is the same age as my niece. My brother played a huge role in making me the man I am today and I am extremely thankful for that. I always count my blessings and I still think Old Skull is fucking awesome!'-- Andy Animal, Andy's World



Jamie Toulon




Further

Old Skull @ Wikipedia
Old Skull @ Dead Punk Stars
Old Skull @ Myspace
the adventures of jeff & unkajeff: Old Skull
'Old Skull are young and half-informed'
'Is it cruel ... ?'
'“The Gospel According to…” Presents…Old Skull – Get Outta School'
'old skull: the hardcore punk shaggs'
'Old Skull Brother J.P. Toulon Found Dead'
'Jamie Toulon died'




Gallery















Tracks


AIDS


Let's Go Kill That Man


Hot Dog Hell


Get On the Bus


Kill A Dead Eagle


Skate or Die




*

p.s. RIP: Louis Waldron. ** David Ehrenstein, Hi, David. Thanks about the Giono post. He's pretty overlooked and forgotten or unfashionable at the moment even in France. 'Wolf of Wall Street'? Oh, that's the new Scorcese? Hm, curious. 'Late 20th Century Capitalism rendered as a "Roadrunner" cartoon' is a very intriguing description/idea, I must say. I'll see it when it gets here. Thanks! Did you ever have any encounters with Louis Waldron? ** Susie Bright, Susie! Wowzer, how incredibly cool of you to come in here! Thank you about the Giono post. How are you? You're the best! Do you ever get over to Paris? I hope everything is really great with you, and I send you tons of love and respect! ** Sypha, I did read that Colin Wilson died, and I don't know if I've ever read anything of his or not. Maybe not? I can't remember anything, although maybe I've read bits and pieces here and there or something. ** Pilgarlic, Hi, man! Great to see you! 'Hill William' is just terrific! Have you read it? It and McClanahan's other recent novel 'Crapalachia' are highly recommended, if not. Ha ha, that's nice and rings kind of really true: the drug metaphor thing. I'd be absinthe plus ergot? The only time I did absinthe, all it did was give me a splitting headache, ha ha. Xmas is so much easier when you're a zillion miles away from your family like I am. Although one of my brothers, the psychic healer, is visiting Paris for a few days just before the big day, I think to heal some Parisians, so I'll see him. Usually on Xmas day here, I do absolutely nothing at all other than walk around the city by myself and enjoy the complete emptiness. I'm probably going to get two or three buches. I might get the first one tomorrow, if it can be scored. This one. I'll have to take an hour long train ride to Versailles to get it, 'cos it's only available/sold at the restaurant at the Palace. So, that one, hopefully, and then at least one more, and I'm not sure which one that will be yet. Survive the Xmas build-up, buddy. ** Steevee, Good, I'm glad to hear that. That Jonze does words well, I mean. Great, thanks for the ink to your documentaries of 2013 list! I'll go peruse it shortly. Everyone, go here to read Steevee's list of Best Political Documentaries of 2013. ** Rudyd, Hey there! Good to see you! Really glad the post got you interested in reading Giono, and, yeah, that's a hell of a passage, right? How are you? What's going on? ** Etc etc etc, Hi. Few people outside of France, and even here, read Giono, so you're hardly alone. Back in the late 80s/early 90s, this great, now defunct press North Point published a slew of his novels in the US, and there was a bit of a vogue for his work then, but very few are still in print in English. Nowadays, when I say, Have you read Jean Giono, people almost always think I'm asking if they're read John Giorno. No, I haven't seen 'The Great Beauty'. I wonder if it's playing here. I'll go check the listings. Sounds great. I'll definitely check it out if I can. Thanks much for the mini-review and the recommendation, man. ** les mots dans le nom, Hi. The book is good. I guess it's his most famous novel. I'm not sure if it's his best. I think maybe I like 'Blue Boy' the best, I don't know why. ** Misanthrope, Hi, George. Oh, man, that's scary. Yeah, I don't know, but it does seem like you should talk to her doctor. I mean, I can't think of any reason why you shouldn't. Maybe that would get her a CT scan in the suspected area a lot quicker than late January. I'm so sorry, and I just hope her body is bothering her for less serious reasons somehow. Love to you, man. ** Keaton, You on writing! This should be interesting. Let's see ... okay, yeah, those are interesting approaches to writing and methodologies. What kind of writing results in twink boy sex? It seems like a simple proposition on the surface, but I just tried to imagine, and I couldn't figure it out at all. Poor Stephen King. Finally someone other than me gets that I can't write my way out of a paper bag. Or someone other than me that I know and respect. I've been thinking I was insane or something. ** Wow, that's it? That's all of you? Quiet around here. Maybe it'll be less quiet today because your entertainment for the duration is a lot less quiet. Or maybe that won't make any difference at all. We'll see, and it's all good, I guess. See you tomorrow.

Novel-in-progress scrapbook page #6: Second section, part 2

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"What if you slept? And what if, in your sleep, you dreamed? And what if, in your dream, you plucked a strange and beautiful flower? And what if, when you awoke, you had the flower in your hand? Ah, what then?"-- Samuel Taylor Coleridge

"That expression you get in your eyes when you are very tired and everything is like a dream and you are starting to know what things are like underneath what people say they are."-- Jean Rhys

“... as if I were only a flower after all and not the map of the country in which it grows.” -- John Ashbery











"Meanwhile the whole history of probabilities is coming to life, starting in the upper left-hand corner, like a sail." -- John Ashbery









"Sometimes, by dint of deliberating about "nothing" (as the world sees it), I exhaust myself; then I try, in reaction, to return -- like a drowning man who stamps on the floor of the sea."-- Roland Barthes

"I'm working at trying to find a kind of language where I won't be so easily modulated by expectation."-- Kathy Acker

"When I saw him looking up like that I knew that I loved him, and that it was for always. It was as if my heart turned over, and I knew that it was for always. It's a strange feeling - when you know quite certainly in yourself that something is for always. It's like what death must be."-- Jean Rhys










"He loves someone so much he's nothing but that. Every other thing he feels and does is like a habit or a doomed revolution."-- DC

"He would literally declare every bit of ground where someone steps to be a sacred site by means he doesn't understand and powers he will never have if there wasn’t too much trodden ground to hunt, and if he somehow owned the markings’ rights, and if he didn't feel so lavishly indebted to the rest of someone."-- DC

"If someone stood long enough to leave a shoe imprint, and if he saw the dents, he would want to hire a visionary architect to do something unforeseen with them until he could dream up an even more preposterous monument or other way to honor someone, which would take about a fraction of a second."-- DC












"The writer who writes a work eliminates himself as he writes that work and at the same time affirms himself in it. If he has written it to get rid of himself, it turns out that the work engages him and recalls him to himself, and if he writes it to reveal himself and live in it, he sees that what he has done is nothing, that the greatest work is not as valuable as the most insignificant act, and that his work condemns him to an existence that is not his own existence and to a life that has nothing to do with life. Or again he has written because in the depths of language he heard the work of death as it prepared living beings for the truth of their name: he worked for this nothingness and he himself was a nothingness at work. But as one realises the void, one creates a work, and the work, born of fidelity to death, is in the end no longer capable of dying; and all it brings to the person who was trying to prepare an unstoried death for himself is the mockery of immortality."-- Maurice Blanchot











"Reality is so controlling that he's never tried to stay there when he writes before. It's the first time someone in the world has made him want to use his writing to revise the world into a more devoted place for someone when he's freed through writing to revise the world into a place where he is loved by anyone he wants."-- DC

"He has never written like he thinks and talks and feels before. He's not sure why weakening the only thing he does with any value will create a tribute to someone or why he's betting his display of weakness will convince someone and you that someone's even more important than his writing, which, until they met, was all he knew he had."-- DC

"It’s a lot to ask of you since what he feels is not something the choicest words could capture, other than to say, Look, here’s another writer who has lost his feel for tuning us. How does he make you care, since no one cares that much about another’s love."-- DC












"When you do not know what you are doing and what you are doing is the best -- that is inspiration."-- Robert Bresson

"I think most of our gestures, and even our words, are automatic. If your hand is on your knee, you didn't put it there. Our hands are autonomous; they are not under our command. We don't think of what we're going to say. The words come even as we think, and perhaps make us think."-- Robert Bresson

"Things must be shown from one sole angle that evokes all other angles without showing them."-- Robert Bresson











"For you, someone is circumstantial. Someone will work for you or won’t. If he can use his words to make you love someone, and if there are enough of you, and if someone can feel your love somehow, maybe someone will appreciate the massive scale at which someone is loved, if, that is, he writes the novel selflessly enough, and if someone loves books and doesn’t know already."-- DC

"He writes a novel that only wants to matter very, very much to someone in the hope that, if it does, that’ll mean someone loves him in return because someone will know he could do anything he wants right now, and he wrote this."-- DC

"He worships the flowing lava a billion years ago that eventually formed the ground someone walks on."-- DC















"Within fairytales, symbolism and settings are crucial to provide the proper amount of disguise and mysticism for the reader, while hiding true meanings within it that can be found with some simple investigation. Metaphorical and anthropomorphic representations of events, people, emotions, settings, etc. entertain and simultaneously carry along a hidden fear or truth that is being narrated through the eyes of someone on a magical, twisted adventure. These eyes are usually that of children whose innocence has been compromised, forcing them into a sort of purgatory in order to protect them from further temptations or tainted experiences until their true love finds them and breaks whatever curse or spell has been bestowed."-- Kaitlin Oster

“People felt themselves watching him even before they knew that there was anything different about him. His eyes made a person think that he heard things that no one else had ever heard, that he knew things no one had ever guessed before."-- Carson McCullers












"We still are something, we still have anything, we still can speak, and we always have each other."-- John Ashbery










“Everyone, he went on, speaks a language he does not understand, but which now and then is understood by others. That is enough to permit one to exist and at least to be misunderstood.” -- Thomas Bernhard

"Lived thus in oblivion, their gazes penetrating each other all day long, their thoughts the mirror one of the other, peace disseminated from the landscape over their minds and in their bodies, from their breaths over the landscape, an uninterrupted embrace prolonged even into their dreams, you had to call that happiness, now what is a gaze that penetrates another, what is a mirror, what is a dream, but the question was only asked after the mystery had been solved."-- Robert Pinget

"He must house his love within himself as best he can; he must create for himself a whole new inward world — a world intense and strange, complete in himself."-- Carson McCullers












*

p.s. Hey. ** Kiddiepunk, I had this feeling you might know or love to know Old Skull. Sweet! And I will see you once the day grows dark. ** Torn porter, Hey. Well, originally Zac and I were thinking about it as a porn with a lot of imprinting, but, as it develops, the porn is becoming an ingredient, and as such a naturally glaring ingredient that the interest lies in trying to modulate and handle it because that's a super tricky thing to do with something so frontal. Huh, yeah, that's interesting. I mean that the amusement park interest would come in handy and be influential. I think that's really, really true. Cool. Glad to hear that your 'AI' thoughts are getting proper and serious treatment by you, and, natch, I'll be very interested to read that. ** David Ehrenstein, Hi, D. I had this feeling you might have had some experiences with Louis Waldron. Or maybe you had told me that, and I had forgotten. He's great in 'Blue Movie', and he's kind of sublime in 'Lonesome Cowboys' and also, I would imagine, in 'Surf', which I so desperately want to see. Michael J. Pollard! That's so nice to hear! Michael J. Pollard, wow. I should do a Day here on him. ** Empty Frame, Hi, man! So very good to see you, buddy! I'm very good, thank you. Yeah, I think the poetry book will be out in a week or less, and you can order it now. I'm doing a post about it this week. Obviously, good news that you sorted out the financial stuff. Are you still maybe going to ... shit, where was it ... not Greece, but ... hm, somewhere. For a residency? Hot, drama-free bloke, cool. We don't have financing for the 'porn' film just yet. We have possible ways to get it financed. The dough itself is still a target. Thanks about my Anderson mashups. Big love to you too! ** Etc etc etc, Hi. I'll def. see 'TGB'. It isn't here at the moment, but I think it all be. I can totally see the Korine-ness of Old Skull. Nice. I thought New York was supposed to be crushed under snow or something. Oh, I would love to hear anything about what you find and find interesting in the DFW archive, for sure. His must be very rich, Yeah, people sometimes tell me something about myself or my work that I've completely forgotten about or have repressed, and I'm, like, how the fuck do you know that?!  And it turns out they found something in my archives. It's always weird, and I sometimes think that maybe I should have been more attentive when I decided what to give them. It's weirdness, for sure. I'm still warm enough and productive to say the least this holiday season, and here's to the same happening to, from, and for you. ** Keaton, Twink is such a massive, general, useless term that doesn't identify anything that's inside the body that gets categorized as twink, so I think there must be all kinds of bookworms living secretly inside that label who are just waiting to get fed by your wordage. Ha ha, Axl Rose in the 'Don't Cry' video. Your vividness makes my head spin and mouth laugh at the same time, man. ** Thomas Moronic, Hi, Thomas! Thanks about the Old Skull post, man. They're a whole lot more interesting than they're given credit for being and maybe than they had any idea that they were, I think. I saw them live once at the beginning, and it was charm central. Awesome about the goodness of your busyness. Getting a film made is crazy slow and labor-intensive, but we are definitely making a lot of progress at the moment. My novel goes very well, thank you, and there's some runoff/fuel right up above in the form of a progress report or something. Lots of love. ** _Black_Acrylic, Hi, Ben. Yeah, sad story. Oh, I forgot to include in the post that Old Skull's dad/mastermind was a member of the legendary noise/industrial band Missing Foundation, if you or anyone knows them. Glad things are moving for you, and a glacier's pace seems to be par for the course for projects involving equipment and other people. Actually, it's par for the course for novels too. That's very, very cool about the article about the last YnY. Let me know what happens with that, please. ** Steevee, Hey. Like I just said to Ben, the dad was in the industrial band Missing Foundation, if you know (of) them, so it's interesting that they derived from a lineage re: experimental noise/punk rather than from a more purely cynical impulse, not that that ended up doing them much good. I haven't heard the new Foetus. The opera thing has always been hidden inside Foetus's stuff, and it's interesting that he's foregrounding it. I'll have a listen. ** Rewritedept, Hi, Chris. 'Big boy money', nice. Nice outcome and nice way to put it. Acoustic punk band. Huh. 28 is a good, ripe age. Don't sweat it. That was quite a buying spree there. Score upon score. Doomriders ... I don't know their stuff well enough to have an opinion. I'll listen to more. I like what I know. No year-end group contribution thing here, no. I'm still kind of over/wary of the group contribution post thing after that blow out over the Fred game a while back. Yeah, sure, if you want to do an annotated list thing as a post for here, I'll run it happily. I'm getting my year-end list/post together right now. Nope, still haven't heard the Julie Ruin. I will asap. My week has begun very well. My last one was, let's see, yeah, quite good. ** Bill Porter, Hi, Bill. Nice to see you. New Orleans, yeah, I've only driven through NO once a long time ago, so I saw even less of it than you did, and I didn't understand it at all. It looked like a city, and kind of more normally city-like than I had expected, but there was a dark, I thought, vibe, and that was all I came away with. Oh, man, that's so great that the story you workshopped here has ended up in 'Caketrain'! I love 'Caketrain'. I was excited and honored to be published in one of their issues a couple of years ago. Big congrats to them! Any inklings at all about what you want to write next? ** les mots dans le nom, Hi. Oh, cool that you read 'Blue Boy'. It's a beauty, right? That's great you read it. My total pleasure in helping facilitate that. The Gladman novel is really wonderful, I think. One of my favorites of the year, I'm pretty sure. Best of the best to you! ** Okay. Today you get the latest novel-related scrapbook page. I apologize for what I fear will be a lengthy page-loading time. Anyway, I never know how to preface the scrapbook pages, so I won't. See you tomorrow.

The Godlike Genius of Videographer William Powers, Day 1: The Spirit Halloween 2013 Tours

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williampower is a channel about all sorts of series and fun like williampower reality spirit halloween tours laser battels monster hunts spongbob vids gaming vids extreme crazy person vids and mostley halloween updates so comment like and subscribe to williampower like me on facebook follow me on google




Aug 17, 2013



My pumpkin nester from spirit Halloween



Aug 25, 2013



My zombie girl on swing from spirit Halloween



Aug 25, 2013



Look what I got today at spirits



Aug 25, 2013



My Halloween room day 1



Aug 29, 2013



Aug 29, 2013



Aug 29, 2013



50 subscribers



Aug 31, 2013



My brand new high voltage box activating death row



Sep 1, 2013



Setting up my haunted yard



Spirit not open yet



100 subscribers




*

p.s. Hey. ** les mots dans le nom, Hi and good morning to you! Oh, gosh, thank you so much! Days would be wonderful, but don't stress or burden yourself with them. But, yes, that would great, if it's nice and doable. Have a lovely day there. ** Nb, Whoa, N! Sweetness itself to see you, man! And thank you re: the quotes. Ah, NYC. How many times have you been to that tea place so far? How have you been? If there's any chance and time for a catch up on your end, and not to be greedy, but that would be very swell. Lots of love. ** David Ehrenstein, Thank you, sir. ** Etc etc etc, Very nice, apt (yes) Gaddis quote, and one I hadn't seen before. Thank you, man. ** Kyler, Hi, Kyler! Oh, gee, thank you, that's very kind of you, my friend. My morning has been consequently made too, tit for tat-style. ** Bill, Thanks a lot, Bill. Wow, how was that Spector film? I can't remember what I read about it. Oh, wait, great performances, gotcha. That's okay about the flaking. You've been busy with your own work, which is so the most important thing. I mean, yeah, if you want to make posts, I mean, sure, that would be mega. Tsai Ming-Liang first, sure, sure, sure. Thanks! ** L@rstonovich, Hey, Larsty! 'Tude is weird. I think I've become slightly immune or oblivious to it because, you know, the French 'tude is a subtle, pervasive thing. Ambient or something. That's a sweet PKD, obviously. 'The Magic Mountain' is a sublime beast. Thanks about the scrapbook page, man. Oh, right, that Miller book. It's kind of a rush. I'm actually not a huge fan of Miller's fiction, but I think I like his non-fiction stuff pretty well. Kind of the same for me with guys like Mailer and Vidal and, uh, Martin Amis. Be out with the grace and joy of which only you are capable. ** Rewritedept, Cool, thanks. I'll hope that the novel masters your expectations by proxy. I don't know 'Kids Like You and Me', but I'll go discover what it is. I don't think it's pretentious to name your band after something big. I named my first novel after that Joy Division album. Newness is good, right? So, new name follows suit, I guess, right? Why not? We bought the first buche yesterday. We being Zac and me. Not the one we were originally wanting, for logistical and time reasons, but a good one. And we had to transport it around Paris in a taxi lest it lose its vaunted look. And then we ate a chunk of it last night. We being Zac, Kiddiepunk, Oscar B, and me. It went down well. I took photos. Maybe I'll post one or two at some point. Talk soon, yeah. ** Tomkendall, Hi, Tom! So great to see you! How are you? What's going on? Etc., etc.? Thanks a ton about the scrapbook page. That means a whole bunch. Yeah, catch me up when thou have a chance please. ** Chilly Jay Chill, Hi, Jeff. Thank you a lot about the scrapbook page. The quotes by me are from my notes and experiments in the novel's margins/ surroundings. I'm not sure if they'll end up in the novel itself. Maybe. It depends on whether a particular structural idea I have pans out on the page or not. Ugh about your illness, and I hope it's taking its leave today. But that's great about the props for 'MC' I feel the novel has been received really well, no? It feels like it from here very happily. Another book club, wow. So curious. How did this one go? How is your new novel progressing? ** _Black_Acrylic, Thanks, Ben. If that's the Sade biography I read, and I think it is, it's very good. Cool that the conversation with the STV guy went so well, Link me up to his thing please. Wish I could be there for the last YnY launch. I hope the sadness that will undoubtedly pervade it will be of the beautiful kind. ** Torn porter, Aw, thanks, yeah, no, that makes sense, and that's kind of you to say. Due to my extreme fascination with Disneyland growing up, I think I can't see the world without a lot of Disney filtering, and there's hardly a novel I've written that doesn't reference him/his thing in some way. So, yeah. Looking forward to your AI thing big time. ** Steevee, That sounds stressful, yes. Did it finally go up? ** Misanthrope, Hi, G. A letter, yeah, that makes sense. Is that a way around the patient/doctor confidence deal? It's kind of a beautiful idea that the written word is the secret passage. Disturbing? Ha ha, you joke. Or I don't know disturbing when I make it anymore maybe. Your mind is multitudes central, buddy. Ah, you know me and my upbeat life thing, so I think life is a fucking joy, at least these days. I looked like a blob when I was 7. One would need to have very strange tastes to think I looked my best at 7. Hm, I suppose I must have known people who tried too hard to be cool, but, you know, that doesn't ring a bell, which is weird, I guess. But I have no problem at all with so-called hipsters. I only have a problem with people lumping a big bunch of people together under that reductive tag. So, I don't know. ** Bill Porter, Hi, Bill. 'Treating them the way teenagers treat their parents at restaurants': ha ha, that's really great, that's vivid. You should use that in something. Or, I mean in something other than a comment. Thank you so much for your reaction to the scrapbook page. That was so rewarding. Yeah, you got a bunch of what I was trying to do very clearly and lucidly. Your words single-handedly made me glad I did that. And, yeah, thank you about my sentences and the circularity and so on. Really, it's pretty joyous that you see and appreciate that. Thank you so much! You rule! Have a splendid day! ** End. My pal Zac gets credit for introducing me to the videos of today's post's star. I think that young fella up there has the most lovely sensibility and way with the camera and way with himself. An avant-garde star in the making, I say. Anyway, check it out. See you tomorrow.

_Black_Acrylic presents ... Didn't Read Day

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Too long didn’t read

A generic, and sometimes humorous, reply to someone who took way too much time describing something, while the description would've been sufficiently clear and complete with less words. The term is both used by impatient kids when they can't concentrate long enough to read more then two sentences, and the more intelligent generation-X poster when the "long post" in question could've been described just as well, but much shorter, this comment can be taken either way.

Also a reply to long, attention-whorey spam topics.
Politically Involved Chap: (long rant about the state of affairs in the presidential houses of middle-west Europe)
Nooblet455: OMG TOO LOGN DIDNT READ!1

SpamClown69: (Long rant about rubber duckies and why he loves to rub his genitals with them)
MatureFolk: Too long, didn't read. Idiot.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Too+long+didn%27t+read






tl;dr (abbreviation for too long; didn’t read) is an internet slang expression commonly used in discussion forums as a shorthand response to previous posts that are deemed unnecessarily long and extensive. Due to its indiscriminate usage by many, tl;dr is frequently considered as spam or meaningless replies by both those unaware of the term and those who are familiar with the meaning.

It’s not entirely clear where and when tl;dr first began, but the first Urban Dictionary entry was submitted on January 15th, 2003:
“Too long; didn’t read.”

“OMG LOOK AT ME I AM THE MASTAR OF TEH INTARNET!!! ONE TIME I WAS AT THIS PLACE ON THIS WEBSITE AND IT WAS PORNOS WITH GIRLS NAKED1!1! SO IN CONCLUSION I RULE!”

“TLDR.”

tl;dr has been adopted into common usage on discussion forums like General Mayhem, 4chan, SomethingAwful and FARK since at least 2003, with the earliest known instance dating back to a discussion thread posted by GenMay user “waptang” on June 19th, 2003.

Another Urban Dictionary entry submitted on November 20th, 2003 was later chosen as UD’s Word of the Day on May 16th, 2005. The Google Insights graph for the term indicates a noticeable spike in search interest circa 2006.

Most of the time, tl;dr is used to call out another user on the length of their post. However, in cases of more courteous exchanges and serious discussions, tl;dr can be self-invoked by the original poster as a disclaimer to the readers. It is then paired with a brief summary of the longer original text.

http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/tldr






Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder

Imagine living in a fast-moving kaleidoscope, where sounds, images, and thoughts are constantly shifting. Feeling easily bored, yet helpless to keep your mind on tasks you need to complete. Distracted by unimportant sights and sounds, your mind drives you from one thought or activity to the next. Perhaps you are so wrapped up in a collage of thoughts and images that you don't notice when someone speaks to you.

For many people, this is what it's like to have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, or ADHD. They may be unable to sit still, plan ahead, finish tasks, or be fully aware of what's going on around them. To their family, classmates or coworkers, they seem to exist in a whirlwind of disorganized or frenzied activity. Unexpectedly--on some days and in some situations--they seem fine, often leading others to think the person with ADHD can actually control these behaviors. As a result, the disorder can mar the person's relationships with others in addition to disrupting their daily life, consuming energy, and diminishing self-esteem.

ADHD, once called hyperkinesis or minimal brain dysfunction, is one of the most common mental disorders among children. It affects 3 to 5 percent of all children, perhaps as many as 2 million American children. Two to three times more boys than girls are affected. On the average, at least one child in every classroom in the United States needs help for the disorder. ADHD often continues into adolescence and adulthood, and can cause a lifetime of frustrated dreams and emotional pain.

But there is help...and hope. In the last decade, scientists have learned much about the course of the disorder and are now able to identify and treat children, adolescents, and adults who have it. A variety of medications, behavior-changing therapies, and educational options are already available to help people with ADHD focus their attention, build self-esteem, and function in new ways.

http://mentalhealth.about.com/cs/familyresources/l/bladd.htm







Didn’t Read, LOL” is an expression commonly used in response to someone else’s post that is deemed too long or uninteresting, quite similar to the usage of the term TL;DR (too long; didn’t read). The phrase is usually iterated either in the form of reply comments or animated GIFs of people dancing in a carefree manner.

The earliest known mention of the phrase “didn’t read, LOL” can be found in a ColoradoFans forum thread posted on September 14th, 2006.[1] In the thread, the original poster (OP) shared photographs of his 2006 Silverado pickup truck with a verbose description of upgraded features, to which forum user Dillusion replied:

I didn’t read lol. I just looked at the pictures.

The first known GIF instance featuring the phrase surfaced some years later in July 2008, when IGN forum member Jaslar_Tha_Kidd_2 posted an animated GIF of dancing Sam Norman from the 2007 viral music video What What in response to the original poster’s lengthy post about his relationship issue.

Prior to the emergence of captioned GIFs in 2008, the phrase had been often used in an apologetic tone by forum commentators who hastily replied to a discussion thread without actually reading the original post. Throughout 2009 and 2010, the GIF collection continued to grow as they spread across other highly-trafficked discussion forums, most prominently in male and athlete-oriented communities such as BodyBuilding forum, Sherdog and InsideHoops forum. In most circumstances, “Didn’t Read LOL” GIFs are used deliberately to heckle others for posting something unworthy of one’s time.

http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/didnt-read-lol






Four years after Britney Spears’ breakdown, she’s again promoting a new album, Femme Fatale, out Tuesday, though it’s far from clear she’s fully recovered. But industry sources tell Jacob Bernstein that won’t hurt her career.
How do you market a pop star with a fragile connection to reality and a work ethic that appears to be somewhat diminished?
It’s a question record labels have faced over and over again, from the worst days of Stevie Nicks and Chaka Khan’s careers in the late 1970s and early ’80s, to Whitney Houston’s comeback attempt last year, and finally to Britney Spears.
On Tuesday her new album, Femme Fatale, is released, and Jive/Zomba is doing everything it can to keep her in the public eye, while at the same time avoiding the glare that comes with that.
But what else is Spears’ team to do? Four years ago, their golden goose had a meltdown of Charlie Sheen-like proportions, shaving her head and then attacking a car with an umbrella, as a slew of paparazzi went snap, snap, snap. From there, she spent the next few months checking in and out of rehab centers, failing to show up at custody hearings for her children, and being hospitalized, presumably for having a psychological break. Her money was placed in a conservatorship that her father, a notorious stage parent, controls to this day.

Since then, things have gotten quieter, but there have been conflicting indications that Spears has fully come out the other end, or that she even wants to be famous anymore. Touring in 2009 for another album, the appropriately titled Circus, the singer of mega-hits like “…Baby, One More Time” and “I’m a Slave 4 U” barely addressed her fans on the microphone in between songs. During an appearance on Ellen around that time, Spears did a skit where she went caroling with the chat host, but she hid the entire time beneath a pair of sunglasses, again saying little.

One source whose company makes money from Spears says, “The idea of a star having a breakdown and putting them back into place is near impossible,” before going on to liken her promotion process to putting “an alcoholic back in a bar and expecting them to be OK… So you end up putting in safety cushions and still, it seems weird.”

That it does. One after the other the interviews come, and one after the other, the elephant in the room just gets bigger.

“If you’re limited in what you can do [on the publicity trail], eventually the public figures it out,” says the last source. “She’s in a busy market with Katy Perry, Lady Gaga, and Ke$ha. There’s a lot of artists in that lane. It’s hard to keep putting Band-Aids on and hoping the problem goes away. Eventually, the public figures it out.”
Adz

This doesn't even read like an article. It would be better if the points were constructed better. But for the most part the article doesn't offer anything new. So it's both boring, poorly structured, and blatantly repetitive, using the same quotes from the interviewer twice in two different sections. Mess.
Monroe


DIDNT READ LOL photo 2z8ayxe.gif


So people are refusing to read it because they can't handle reading a few paragraphs? Or is it because they refuse to acknowledge any negative criticism in regards to their fave?
Tysen

http://atrl.net/forums/showthread.php?t=118519






Traditionally, the phrase too long; didn't read (abbreviated tl;dr or simply tldr) has been used on the Internet as a reply to an excessively long statement. It indicates that the reader did not actually read the statement due to its undue length.

As a label, it is sometimes used as a tactic to thwart the kinds of discussion which are essential in collaborative editing. On the other hand, tl;dr may represent a shorthand acknowledgement of time saved by skimming over or skipping repetitive or poorly written material. Thus, the implication of the symbol can range from a brilliant and informative disquisition being given up due to a reader's lack of endurance, interest, or intelligence, to a clustered composition of such utter failure to communicate that it has left the capable reader with a headache; judging this range is very subjective.

Writers often begin a project by writing long-winded drafts. As they go through the iterative process of revising their work, they (should) come to a better understanding of what they're trying to communicate and be able to reduce the length of the work. If this process is stopped prematurely, the result is needlessly long. Writers may err towards wordiness out of concern that short prose which is not carefully edited (at high time cost) would oversimplify, to the point of distorting or omitting, or carry a higher risk of being misunderstood.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Too_long;_didn%27t_read






I wonder what percentage of people who share articles or videos on social media sites are actually reading the whole thing. How often do we share something because we want others to think we are intelligent or cool? How often are we sharing, merely to garner attention or stir the pot. I never share things that I don’t read at least some of it, but it’s rare that I get to the end of the piece.

I was inspired to write about the subject of our lack of attention spans and increased “sharing” of things we didn’t read because I actually read an article in its entirety yesterday. It’s so rare that I can finish an article that didn’t have naked pictures, some Charedi scandal, or other pot stirring instances that I felt the need to give it such a lavish introduction.

Heshy Fried

http://www.frumsatire.net/2013/08/30/lack-of-attention-span/






Just like it killed pagers, travel agents, the Free-Ads and innocence, the internet has basically killed the Oxford Dictionary. In its Oxford English Dictionary form, it was the 20-volume, goatskin leather-bound king of bookshelf dictionaries, but now that Oxford Dictionaries Online exists, it's just like any of the other boring databases of words you can find on the internet. Except that you have to pay to use it so no one does. The Oxford Dictionary won't become obsolete, but it’s no longer the go-to for definitions. In fact, urbandictionary.com – a site that kinda lacks the gravitas of the OD brand – completely smashes it for hits. Hey, things change.

Except change can be a hard thing to embrace. I suppose it’s like when my relationship fell apart so I cut myself bangs, or when I moved into a ground floor flat and forgot to stop walking around nude with all the windows open. For the last few years, the Oxford Dictionary has been stumbling around naked, covered in tufts of its own split ends, desperately grasping at youth culture by incorporating an increasing number of irrelevant words. It’s not "LOL" and I don’t "heart" it. (Which, by the way, has been a grammatically correct sentence since 2011, according to the people who run the Oxford Dictionary.)

This week they added a bunch of kerazy new words, including: “vom”, “phablet” and “twerk”. First it was the faddish and "minging" Ali G-isms, now the OD is taking it upon itself to define the behaviour of Miley Cyrus’ butt. Is all this attention-seeking necessary, guys? I get that you’re trying to record the English language as it develops, but look me in the eye and tell me you’re not also revelling in the headlines, the endless mock-outrage, the publicity, the scandal. Check the back of your skirt because I’m pretty sure it’s tucked into your knickers and your PR department is showing.

Also, by your own definition, a dictionary is “a book or electronic resource that lists the words of a language”. Note that it doesn’t say “some words that were in the paper this week because of the VMAs the other night”. You’ll add “twerk” but not “yanking”? “Street food” but not “munch”? By selectively adding slang terms and refusing to acknowledge others, you're betraying the very definition of what you are. Talk about an identity crisis.

Bertie Brandes

http://www.vice.com/en_uk/read/oxford-dictionary-new-words







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p.s. Hey. Guest-host, d.l., and artist of many stripes _Black_Acrylic gives us this complete beauty of a post today. Please scroll slowly and concentratedly and knock yourselves out and then put words here to whatever has happened in your head so _B_A will know something about his gift's outcome, thank you. And thanks galore to you, posting maestro! ** les mots dans le nom, Hi. Oh, the place where your card is won't let me in for some reason. Or not immediately. I will go back there and do what it takes somehow to see the card, and, aw, thank you so much! Hopefully, I'll get to thank you knowledgeably tomorrow. The French postal service is ... quirky. Maybe that's the right word. Thank you again in advance, and I'm looking forward to my post-p.s. treasure hunting. I like that kind of thing, as you must know. ** David Ehrenstein, Hi. I didn't know he had been an actual 'actor' actor, but, hm, yeah, that makes sense. I will go check my email very shortly, thank you! ** Jack, Hey, Jack! Always a total pleasure and honor to have you here, sir. I know, right? William Powers has cornered a batch of the future presently, I think. Sweet. Thank you so much, and great respect to you! ** Martin Bladh, Hi, Martin! Oh, yes, I'm sorry to be so slow. I've been incredibly overwhelmed with work. I'll do my very best to get the questions answered and back to you in the next week or so. Yes, I read about your launch and about Shane's participation! Major congrats! Thanks much for the way to see what happened. I'll go luxuriate in that in a bit. Everyone, the masterful writer and artist and music maker Martin Bladh recently launched his new book 'DES' in London with an event/ performance, and the legendary and of-late quiet d.l./writer Shane Levene aka 'Memoires of a Heroinhead' was there to participate, and we who were not so lucky to be in London at that time can see photos of what went on, and you are hereby urged to go have a look by clicking this. ** Steevee, Hm, strange about the review launch. Probably some innocent if annoying screw up. Thanks for your list. Interesting. Your list and mine (upcoming next week) share one entry. I wonder if you can guess what it is. I'm guessing you can. I haven't seen the new Morris, but I man, please, blah about that editor's response. I would take such negativity as a good sign of something, if nothing else. ** Rerwritedept, Hey. No, I haven't heard the Ranaldo album yet, but, yeah, I need to. Nice to see such an upbeat report. I haven't read too much about it, and what I read wasn't as enthusiastic. Lee is a god. I can't remember who McClusky is at the moment, so I don't know if I was/am a fan or not. A forgetful one, if I am, which probably isn't a good sign. Yeah, I did find out what that doc was about, I'm not a big Black Lips fan, so I don't know if I'll grab/see it or not. Later, man. ** Mark Gluth, Hi, Mark! Oh, man, thank you so much about the scrapbook page. I'm pretty excited about the new novel, but you know how it is. Wait and work and see. Yes, majorly, on Rhys! A mega-goddess, yes! You take care too, big M, and thank you again about the scrapbook thing. That really means a lot. ** _Black_Acrylic, Hi, Ben. First, dude, such a great post today! I'm so happy and thrilled to be its frame! Thank you again infinitely. And I'm so happy that you got the greatness of William Powers' videos. They've been a charged, inspiring, instructive find. Amazing kid. The article on the last YnY is really nice. That guy did a good job, don't you think? Everyone, while we're on the subject of _B_A today, I recommend that you supplement the greatness via him that occupies the big space up there with a read of an article about the sad yet triumphant imminent launch of the final issue of _B_A's and others' zine Yuck n' Yum. It's here. Enjoy everything about today, here and in the real. ** Chilly Jay Chill, Hi, Jeff. William Powers is amazing, right? The future is partly his, I think. Man, definitely do not get caught up in sales figures and what they mean. 'Poor' is an incredibly relative idea. Poor as compared to what? Books are read in too many ways these days that have nothing to do with traditional sales for the sales numbers to mean all that much. And the 'launch window' pressure is snake oil. See, your last night's book club experience is what I would have expected all of them to be like, so it's even more remarkable that the others went so well. Fingers crossed that your friend's report is what you hope. Thanks about the Believer interview. Good day to you, J. ** Misanthrope, Hi, G. Your nephew, ha. Your nephew should start a youtube channel. He really should. 'Overhearing', yeah, good, and your mom's probable gratitude, yeah. You done good, man. I think I find people who try to hard to be just fascinating because they're trying to create a dense surface for themselves, but all they accidentally do is make themselves more emotionally and psychologically transparent. ** Keaton, Oh, okay, yeah, you know my hair-trigger suspicion of objectification. Wrapping is cool, but wrapping is wrapping. But I'm me. Synonym: weird that way, apparently. Adrian Brody's corpse? Ha ha, wha?! Thanks about the scrapbooks, man. We need more winter stories. I was looking for some the other day for a possible post, and I was sorely disappointed, which surprised me. BEE interviewed Marilyn Manson? That I have to hear, Jesus. One of BEE's podcasts? Jesus. ** Statictick, Hi, Nicholas! Oh, man, shit. About the epileptic episodes. Jesus, N., I mean, man, I pray, yes, pray that some expert can sort that shit out and give your body a fucking rest. David Blunk ... do I know him? For some reason, doing the p.s. almost always gives me an onset of temporary amnesia. I wonder why. Anyway, that's great! Love rules! People say you're perfect together? Trust them, man. Yeah, that's such a shining thing to hear, my pal. May the onwards be nothing but upwards. Hugs and tons of love to you! ** Okay. Ben/_B_A has you so incredibly covered today, it isn't funny, except that it is funny plus so much more. Be with what he has wrought until I see you tomorrow.

Please welcome to the world ... The Weaklings (XL)

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'The Weaklings (XL) is Dennis Cooper’s first full-length collection of poetry in almost two decades. Although best known nowadays as the author of nine celebrated and controversial novels, including the five novel sequence The George Miles Cycle (1989-2000), The Sluts (2004), and, most recently, The Marbled Swarm (2011), Cooper came to prominence as a poet in the early 1980s. His first collection, Idols (1979), is considered a classic of gay literature, and his second, Tenderness of the Wolves (1981), was nominated for The Los Angeles Times Book Prize. His most recent collection was The Dream Police: Selected Poems 1969-1993 (1994). Cooper’s poems have been widely anthologized, including in Post-Modern American Poetry: A Norton Anthology, and were featured in the PBS series The United States of Poetry. The Weaklings (XL), which expands upon a limited edition 2008 book of the same name, gathers the best of Cooper’s poetry from the last 19 years.'-- Sententia Books

Buy The Weaklings (XL) @ Sententia Books




Tangential gifs
















Poem

THE FAINT
for Paul Otchakovsky-Laurens

This is an immaterial poem about a ghost,
name of Dennis. I appear less important
to those few among you who knew me
when I was composed more realistically.

Once my empty sockets seemed like evil
eyes to you, and you had no idea their
trick wasn’t great art. Now I barely exist,
but train your sights on this nevertheless.

It’s past your bedtime. I’ve painted myself
into a corner. A ghost has been sketched
here haphazardly. I’m still myself but inspire
no illusions no matter how I’m executed.

To believe in a ghost was small potatoes
next to the fear in your eyes. I scared you.
All I was is this marked up white sheet, so
I ask you again. Read into my black holes.




Tangential videos


Kip Kinkel


I Remember: A Film About Joe Brainard - trailer


Xiu Xiu 'Blacks'


Jonathan Brandis Signing Autographs Carl Casper Auto Show


Excerpt: 'Kindertotenlieder'


Jerome Sala


Elie Hay


Elliott Smith




Words

'My poetry’s a lot less complicated and confrontational than some of the things in my novels. 
I think of them as separate. I’m not really very confident in my poetry; it’s not like how I am with my fiction. I feel like I understand what I’m doing as a fiction writer, but poetry’s a big experiment: I don’t feel like 
I really understand the form very well. And also poetry almost always comes out of some kind of emotion, and it’s just about representing emotions. 
My fiction is really constructed and has all these kind of complicated things I do to make it work. I guess The Weaklings could be seen as a way into the world I write about. Maybe it’s a way into the nice part of me, the tenderness in my work. Sometimes with my fiction, people don’t tend to see that so much.'-- DC, Dazed & Confused

'How’d you get into poetry? I was a dark kid and I had all of these strange fantasies, but they were really hard to talk about. I wanted to write about what I was doing—being oppressed by my parents, doing a lot of drugs, wanting to get laid all the time, being interested in weird movies and weird music. I was this strange, weird, druggy guy, and it gave me some sort of purpose.

'Many of these poems describe how emotional and volatile it is to be a teenager—why are you still interested in that time, after all of these years? I don’t know, I’ve always gone there. I may look my age but I’ve never felt adult. Most of my friends are much younger than me and always have been, and I must have an emotional life that is similar to young people’s emotional lives. I’m just someone who thinks that with getting older you lose stuff as much as you learn stuff.

'Are you nostalgic then? I’m very, very afraid of nostalgia. That’s how you get old, you know? You stop looking for really intense emotional experiences, and I don’t want to do that. I’m trying to investigate all of this in my work in a truthful kind of way—there’s a wisdom and freedom to youth, and I want to hold on to that.

'Elliott Smith pops up in one of the poems. Why? I’ve always been incredibly into music, and there’s a resemblance between poetry and lyrics. Elliott’s music was beautiful and uncompromising. It’s very rare where you find someone who does emotive music that’s so carefully modulated that he can become very deep and expressive without being cheesy, or becoming sentimental or becoming confessional. He was brilliant at it.

'Some poems mention George Miles, a friend from your youth who’s been at the center of a lot of your fiction. Who was he? I met him when he was 12 and I was 15. He took acid and he was tripping out and his brother asked me to help him down from his trip, because he knew I had taken a lot of acid in my life. And George and I bonded and became incredibly close. He developed a severe bipolar disorder and a lot of our friendship was me taking care of him—he completely depended on me because I was the only person who would put up with him. I really loved him and he really loved me, but we weren’t boyfriends or anything. We had a brief relationship in the early ’80s, when we were in our 20s, and he was the most important person in my life. And then he killed himself. Ever since, he’s been the model for pretty much all of my characters, physically, temperamentally and intellectually. He was a very complicated, very lovely boy, and it just ended very badly.

'Why revisit all that difficulty? I don’t know—he just really haunts me. Being young is kind of a dangerous time. People take a lot of chances. I did all kinds of stuff that I can’t believe I did. Or just that feeling where if you have a crush on someone it’s like the most intense thing ever. The longing and feeling—the connection you make with people—is so incredibly intense, and I like thinking about it.

'Even with all these dark moments, the theme that’s most pervasive in the book is the kind of friendships you develop when you’re a kid. Friendship is really important, and it’s important to keep that knowledge that it’s important, otherwise you keep not making a lot of new friends. You end up with the old friends that you’ve had forever. I love the possibility that you could meet someone tomorrow and they could be the most important person you’ve ever met in your life. Last year, I met this guy who is my soulmate and it’s the first time since George that I feel this incredibly deep connection with someone. I’m over the moon with excitement about it. I guess I’m just always looking for that incredibly intense connection—and when it happens, no matter when, it’s beautiful.'-- The Fader

'Normally this book would not merit its own entry. I found it pretty unremarkable, although a certain ghost contributor to this blog swears that the author is worthy. I seem to remember liking one of the poems, but, looking back, I can't remember which one.'-- The Medium

'Dennis Cooper's poems are the heart––the core––of his divine oeuvre. Pure genius, they are tender and deadened, breathing and stupefied. A secret formalist, he fastidiously packages and trammels consciousness, which gives his cameos an aura of total authenticity. He never fakes it. As a consequence, I idolize and internalize every word he writes.'– Wayne Koestenbaum

'“I’m so stupid, evil and lonely you/ don’t understand.” The poem breaks at “you” to throw off suspicion, like a prisoner slipping across a creek to evade the hounds. Cooper’s celebrated novels have overshadowed his skill as a poet; pity that, though I wouldn’t argue the beautiful poems of The Weaklings are any more or less distilled than his prose fiction. Yet the offhand confessions and the hidden motives of this poetry combine in a language both new and old, for he is not only Merlin but Tristan; he is creator, magician, prince regent of suffering, love, and regret.'-- Kevin Killian




Illustrations
Select drawings by Jarrod Anderson from the ltd, ed. version















Poems

THE JPEGS

39 yr old poz Black stud wants to seed a neg ass. I’m a recent ex-con, straight, Bernie Mac-type who got pozzed sharing needles in prison. I like the idea of killing guys this way. Plus it don’t violate my parole.

Listen, Bernie. This death sentence rhetoric is from twenty years ago. You can bareback for years before anything really bad happens. Take your depressing shit elsewhere. I’m a neg bottom and Ray Romano look-alike hoping to be bred by hung poz (status and outlook) tops.

Ray, Bernie here. I like your attitude. Can I kill you?



LEAD SINGER

This is the last show we're ever going to play. We're done. We're gone. You guys just didn't believe in us enough. You didn't give enough of a shit. Thanks for nothing. It's your loss. This is our last song for all eternity. I think you know it.




Gallery
The 2008 launch event for 'The Weaklings' ltd. ed.




























Poem

A SYMPHONY OF CONFUSION ABOUT THE PEOPLE I KILLED, by Kip Kinkel
for Sue De Beer

1.

You hate me, or
I only hate you. I
can’t tell now, I’m
so complicated.

Things can’t hate
things. It’s inap-
propriate, I guess,
wanting you dead.

If you hate me, I’m
less myself, I think.
It feels real, but I’m
alone in believing

it’s you. You don’t
feel it when I do,
since you’re not me,
though I hate you

so much, past the
point of realizing
what’s you. There’s
something here, but

it’s not there. Here’s
my thing, a thing
where you hate
me, or I believe it.

You shouldn’t hate
me so much, as I
said. It makes you
too big of a thing.

Your thing isn’t me.
I’m me, and you
won’t be anything
if you don’t stop.



2.

Why do that? It’s disorganized,
and I’ve been so consistent.
It’s too painful to feel, and make
any sense whatsoever. I need

it, although you’re hopeless to help.
It likes you a lot, but you don’t care
because you don’t even know. I
can’t let you see it, or else I’ll say

it’s for somebody else. If you knew
it was yours, it would scare you off,
like it scares me. You wish. You
didn’t do anything to deserve it, I

swear. It’s me. I can’t keep it inside
with you there. Why do anything
at all? Because you’re so happy.
I’m so stupid, evil, and lonely you

don’t understand. It’s always cold,
and gets colder everywhere when I
feel it. It’s such bullshit, but so real.
How can you do that to me? You

don’t realize it exists, do you? I
won’t let you find out, though I can’t
explain why. Call me shit, and leave
me here where nobody knows I’m

alive. By the time you find out, if
you care, you will never believe it
was yours. Until then, it has no
point, which makes everything so

unbelievably hard. I mean in every
way. Why is that a problem?
I can’t tell you. How did you do it?
Why confuse me? It’s directionless.



3.

I just want to hang out
with you guys like any
person would do but
you put this idea of me
shooting at you in my
head and when you’re
shot maybe you’ll say
you’re sorry we never
hung out but you won’t.



4.

How sad that
if I acted like
someone else,
we’d be friends.

That if I had you
as friends, I might
accidentally cause
you to like me.

That being friends
might make you
feel what I feel
now without you.

That you’re every-
thing good I’ve ever
imagined I’d like
more than anyone.

That you are like
you are, being ev-
erything I’ve ever
wanted to be like.

That I wish you
weren’t into the
guys of the type
you hang out with.

That the one thing
that keeps us apart
is a thing we can’t
talk about changing.

That I think you’d
agree if I asked,
but if I asked, it
would scare me.

That what I feel
would scare me
when I feel very
kindly toward you.

That I suffer so much
about something
as stupid as you
when I like you.

That to like you
without hanging out
is not to like you,
or even myself.

That because I will
never hang out
with you guys, I can’t
like you, I hope.

That if this isn’t
true, then I’ve
never liked anyone
else in my life.



5.

I’ve figured it out,
I swear. It’s our
words, or maybe
mine fueling yours

that you hate, a
pure coincidence.
You say you hate
talking to me, that’s

all. So I thought,
That’s the way they
put things, and
hating words is to

hate their creator.
But words only
know other words,
when you’re not

a psycho. I thought
yours were signals,
like mine. That’s
my mistake. It was-

n’t hate. That word
is just one of the
syllables you like
to say. It has no

real weight for you,
whereas it’s all I’ve
been saying to you
all along. It’s clear

to me now, but it’s
so hard to feel. I
say nothing. Or
I just talk to myself.

This poem is me,
and it’s nothing but
words about you.
I hope you like it.



6.

To say it, which can’t
be. It’s under my words,
and hangs out in
a secret headquarter
I can’t find to clean.

Why you? It’s stupid.
Why not me? It’s too
pathetic to talk about,
I feel. How can this
be fake? ‘Cos it’s not.

To deserve you, it’s
so idiotic. I know you
know I wish it were
true, high. Or that you
you were down here.

It keeps coming back,
so rough. I’m not built
well enough to withstand
you. Or you and it, to-
gether at last. Wrong.

Or right. It doesn’t
matter, I know. Please
stop, but don’t ever
actually stop, I can’t
decide. It just isn’t.




*

p.s. Hey. So, my thing is being born, and I thought I would mark the occasion, and ... yeah. ** Statictick, Hi, N. Good, good about the changed meds making a seemingly positive change. And about the watchful roomie. And about his upcoming replacement. Some light in the tunnel and hopefully at its end as well. Okay, I'll go watch the new Odd Hours video today. Curious and cool sounding. Thanks a lot for the alert. ** les mots dans le nom, Hi. Oh, I was just saying yesterday that the link you posted led to an entrance that had to be 'joined' before I could see the card, but you fixed that in your email, and the new card is gorgeous, and I'm thrilled to see/have it, and you're so very kind. Thank you, thank you! ** David Ehrenstein, I typed that in a rush, and, yeah, it reads non-sensibly. I just meant that it made sense in some way that he had had acting experience and training prior to his Warhol performances is all. His confidence therein maybe. Yes, Kate Barry was a close friend of a couple of friends of mine, and they're very devastated. It's a terrible and very, very sad thing. ** Memoirs of a Heroinhead, Shane! Awesome that you were lured in here. So sweet to see you, man. Oh, quietness is totally okay, you know. I peep over at your site to see how you are and what you're doing regularly, so I knew you were being well. Still, it's really nice to have this place be on your radar. Is there any video or anything of the London event that punters like me could watch? Aw, thanks for speaking kindly of me in your intro. You rule, sir, and, yeah, hang out here whenever you can and would find such an activity interesting. The warmest open arms are yours eternally. ** Sypha, Hi, James. What's up? ** Rewritedept, Hi. I'm not against Black Lips, they just don't do much for me. Very cool that you're listening to Rhys Chatham. He's great! And he lives here in Paris, although I've never run into him. My week is going very well, thank you. Very productive and warm despite the cold outside. That printing process sounds curious. I don't think I know of it. How/what was lunch? ** Martin Bladh, Beginning of next year? Okay, wow, I'll do my best on my end. ** _Black_Acrylic, Ben! So great! Thank you again so much! The Skinny is doing something too? Very cool! Sounds like it's going to be a hell of a send off. ** Steevee, Yeah, I figured it was technical issues or something like that. Ha ha, actually, if I had actually listened to the Body/Head album, which I haven't yet for no good reason other than busyness, that could well have been the share, but no. It's ... Nah, I'll just wait and let you find out. I know about 'People's Park', meaning I've read a thing or two about it, but that's all. I sounds potentially like quite a technical rush if nothing else. ** Paul Curran, Hi, Paul! Thank you a lot about the scrapbook page. Means a ton. I'm good, very good, and I hope you are too. Oh, have you and your kiddo been to 'Kidmania'? Do you know it? ** MANCY, Hey, man, really great to see you! And thank you about the scrapbook page. I'm great, thanks, and how are you? Great? ** Keaton, Proud of your gnat-like attention span, are you? Ha ha. I'm freezing too. Or I am every time I go downstairs and outside to smoke a cigarette without remembering to put my shoes and jacket on, which is quite frequently. I think vodka tastes better cold too. I think rape in snow might create related technical problems. However, there is a 'snow''rape' in our 'porn' film, so I guess I or the performers will find out if my theory is correct. ** Misanthrope, I'm right? Cool. Thanks for saying that. LS has a youtube channel? Why did I either not know that or forget that? What's its addy? Tell me.  I must see these things he has made. I promise I'll subscribe. ** Chilly Jay Chill, It is seriously hard to keep your head screwed on straight when you have a book coming out or recently out. I've been going through that crazy-making phase for years and years, and I still get freaked out and worried and depressed and etc. I read Ken's new novel too, and I agree. It's fantastic. Mm, I'm determining my music list almost as we 'speak', and ... well, you'll see in several days. I don't think anything has blown me away since the Death Grips, but I might be forgetting. You have any particularly good new playlist adds to recommend? ** Etc etc etc, Hi, man. Yeah, I guess I should listen to that BEE/MM podcast. Maybe today. I don't know, it's so confusing to me that these guys who are younger than me like Bret and Franzen and so on feel so challenged and defensive and clueless about 'bit and youtube culture'. How does that happen? Why is it that smart, creative people reach a point where culture and its means and ways outdistance them and create a recessive nostalgia in them for the culture that they and their works were born into? Why do they get so locked into what meaning should consist of and what language it should be spoken through and represented in, etc.? So fucking weird. I agree with your prediction: 'I think @DavidEhrenstein there'll probably be a post-Pynchon/Gaddis/Wallace who makes something long form of the bit, or clip, or punchline.' Simple logic says so if nothing else. ** Bill Porter, Hi, Bill. Beautiful reaction. ** Torn porter, Gosh, I think I went to Disneyland at least 3 times a year from the age of, I don't know, 4 or 5 until I was in my 30s at least. The original So. Cal. Disneyland is a great, great work of art. It's Disney's masterpiece. All of the other parks were mediated into existence without Disney's touch and supervision, and they all manifest trace elements of Disneyland's genius at best. That said, the Paris park is not bad at all. You're moving? That's exciting. That place where you're moving sounds ripe for, gee, all sorts of things. I only saw 'AI' once, and I don't have a very complex memory of it other than thinking it was pretty fascinating and that the last fifteen or so minutes were a blah Spielberg-ian cop out. The link would be great if and when you have the time. Hope the move goes as smoothly as moves can go, and I'll talk to you soon! ** Right. So, yeah, my thing's birth. It's weird to make something to celebrate something of my own, and I think the post is probably kind of scattery or something, but ... See you tomorrow.

'Should you be good looking?Try to be': DC's select international male escorts for the month of December 2013

$
0
0
_________________




FiveStarAss, 19
Göttingen

Well as everyone know i love to get fucked and being myself also sucked and rimmed.... "OMG!!!" BOOOOOOOOOOM

Dicksize L, Uncut
Position More bottom
Kissing Yes
Fucking Bottom
Oral Bottom
Dirty WS only
Fisting Passive
S&M No entry
Fetish Underwear
Client age Users between 30 and 60
Rate hour ask
Rate night ask



__________________



SHOUT, 20
Brno

"serious hetero postage featherless"

taht is what translator say i say???

vážně hetero poštovné peří

can taht be right? do taht make you want me???

Dicksize M, Uncut
Position More bottom
Kissing Consent
Fucking More bottom
Oral Versatile
Dirty No
Fisting No
S&M No
Fetish Sportsgear, Jeans
Client age Users between 20 and 50
Rate hour 100 Euros
Rate night 340 Euros



__________________



JoeyJetboy, 22
Edinburgh

Hii...let's make it short and simple...wanna fck a smooth ass...i dont have...

Dicksize L, Cut
Position More bottom
Kissing Consent
Fucking More bottom
Oral Versatile
Dirty No entry
Fisting No entry
S&M No entry
Fetish Leather, Underwear, Boots, Uniform, Jeans
Client age Users between 20 and 40
Rate hour ask
Rate night ask



____________________





slitherer, 22
Moscow

all you people look at me like im a little girl
well did you ever think itd be okay for me to step into this world
always saying little girl dont step into the fire.
well im just trying to find out why
cause fucking's what i love yeah
and i love giving rich guys messy head
love giving rich guys messy head no matter what
now urgent need money for christmas gifts

Dicksize M, Cut
Position Versatile
Kissing No entry
Fucking No
Oral Versatile
Dirty No
Fisting No
S&M No entry
Fetish Underwear, Jeans
Client age Users younger than 38
Rate hour ask
Rate night ask



___________________



Loveableandnice, 21
Coventry

I am a practical being, level-headed, efficient and non-speculative. I tend to use knowledge from my own history to support my opinions and beliefs, and nothing affects me otherwise. With this said it is also obvious I can be a very placid person, others harsh opinions of me hardly affect me in any way. I have no faith in religions because of this and I prefer to see everything statistically. My words are based from facts and experience and with such knowledge I gain efficiency. I tend to be collective and neat, with little effort.

Despite my often playful smile I am very apathetic and subconsciously cold, I am not opposed to disposing of others to get my way. In fact I consider most people to be nothing but “toys” or “tools”. I typically see people as unworthy to care about. I gained this idea from past experiences and I do not hesitate to let others know it. I also don't hesitate when stating how humans allow themselves to live fragile lives and how foolish it is, I have a belief that all beings without experience of pain are weak, and those with the experience yet let their present life be affected by it are weak. Those whom are not weak are those who uses pains and other experiences from their history to gain knowledge and strength, and those are the people whom I'd respect and dedicate myself to.

I am also a realist, I have a firm grip on reality and can see things for what they are, not what they are told they are. I have my own views based from my knowledge and I do not fall victim to propaganda, misconception, or titles. I don't buy into hopes or dreams, and I have no shame in telling someone they can't do something, especially if that something is just unrealistic. I fall into that small number of people whom when asked if the glass of water is half empty or half full the answer would be “who gives a fuck it's a glass of water.” Also, I hint strongly at being a fatalist, believing that everything that will happen had already been decided, therefore his belief that people don't change comes into play. My fatalistic views are more affiliated to the bad than the good though, such as if I am expecting things for a certain day to turn out badly, I see no point in trying to change that outcome.

Up to you.

Dicksize XL, Cut
Position Versatile
Kissing No entry
Fucking Versatile
Oral No entry
Dirty No
Fisting No
S&M No entry
Client age Users older than 33
Rate hour ask
Rate night ask



____________________




Iaminsane, 19
Montgomery

I can't tell what I am , beacause specify is restrict.

Dicksize No entry, Uncut
Position Versatile
Kissing No entry
Fucking Versatile
Oral No entry
Dirty No entry
Fisting Active
S&M Soft SM only
Client age No restrictions
Rate hour ask
Rate night ask



___________________




LouisTatschke, 18
Berlin

Hey, I'm Louis and I would like to earn a little "pocket money". I grew a few days ago 18th I do almost anything for money! 'm My opinion one of the best looking guys here. If you fancy a unique experience has write ...

Don't look the reviews in myy guestbook!!! How can i turn off guestbook and make the reviews go away?!!!

Reviews:

1234XYZ - 15.Nov.2013
BEAUTIFULLY STUPID ... fits so well here!

RicoXXX - 15.Nov.2013
FAKE

Just google the name ....

Parti-san - 14.Nov.2013
Everything is moving, everything is in flux, nothing stays the way it is ...
and beauty is fleeting ... ...

But he was undoubtedly beautiful ... if, yes, stupid

Sporty Frankfurt - 14.Nov.2013
However stupid, and he is, jesus, STUPID, he is right. Beautiful boy!

NewGerman26 - 14.Nov.2013
Arrogance makes unfortunately ugly sweetie.

Dicksize XL, Uncut
Position Versatile
Kissing Consent
Fucking Versatile
Oral Versatile
Dirty No
Fisting No entry
S&M Yes
Fetish Skater
Client age No restrictions
Rate hour ask
Rate night ask



_____________________



monster4you, 24
Shanghai

I CAN RELIEVE UR PAIN

C'MOM

Dicksize L, Uncut
Position Bottom only
Kissing Consent
Fucking Bottom only
Oral Bottom
Dirty WS only
Fisting Passive
S&M Soft SM only
Fetish Underwear, Drag
Client age No restrictions
Rate hour ask
Rate night ask



___________________



Dontreadthis, 24
Kansas City

Firstly I don't want to do this. I just literally don't. Today after frantically searching for my phone charger cable which I couldn't understand why it had seemingly just dissapeared I said outloud to myself, god if i find this in the next 5 mins i swear on my sisters life i'd suck a dick' now, literally 30 seconds later I find it in my bedroom. I have a walk downstairs laugh a little at what i'd just said and popped my sweater on which I'd taken off whilst searching for my charger, and as I pull it over my head out falls a charger. Horrible thought seeing as the first one I found had been lost for almost 6 months.

Hopefully I'm not going to get a reply but as my sis is just about the only person I care about right now I'm not chancing this so I'll offer, spit or swallow. Really don't want to do but... this offer stays until I escape to bed about 1am, after that I think I've done all I can to appease what I swore upon. Don't though. really

Dicksize No entry
Position More bottom
Kissing No
Fucking No
Oral Bottom
Dirty No
Fisting No
S&M Soft SM only
Fetish No entry
Client age No restrictions
Rate hour ask
Rate night ask



___________________




Youwantblondeguy, 20
London

Twink looking to dumb down

Massive daddy issues, into chems

My face is very true and everything

Best abs ever

Dicksize XL, Uncut
Position Versatile
Kissing Yes
Fucking Versatile
Oral Versatile
Dirty WS only
Fisting No
S&M No
Fetish Sportsgear, Underwear, Uniform, Formal dress, Jeans
Client age Users older than 40
Rate hour 120 pounds
Rate night 400 pounds



____________________



itsjustwork, 23
Rio de Janeiro

my hands decide what to do, they move according to my heart's beat, according to the scream of my mind. these hands work in many ways but most of the time they sail through the ocean of my imagination where i express myself through masterpieces of love and nature.

Dicksize XL, Uncut
Position Top only
Kissing Consent
Fucking No entry
Oral No entry
Dirty No
Fisting No entry
S&M Yes
Client age Users between 18 and 58
Rate hour ask
Rate night ask



___________________




cockpit, 23
Rotterdam

I am a Satanist Metalhead. But I am also however a slutty person that you can fuck when you need someone. If I feel that we have nothing common or same interests I will not let you fuck me. I accept people for who they are inside and out. Don't try to impress me by saying you like bands such as Sleeping with Sirens, Bring Me the Horizon, Asking Alexandria, etc. That shit is for posers. Someone just tried to fuck me by saying he likes Born Of Osiris. They're metalcore shit poser music.

Dicksize M, Uncut
Position More bottom
Kissing Consent
Fucking More bottom
Oral Versatile
Dirty No
Fisting No
S&M Soft SM only
Fetish No entry
Client age No restrictions
Rate hour 100 Euros
Rate night 350 Euros



___________________




lukas888, 20
Prague

young fresh meat you can always eat whenever you're horny. i want to fuck boys between 18 to 25. am i going to age with grace?

Dicksize XXL, Uncut
Position Versatile
Kissing Yes
Fucking More bottom
Oral Versatile
Dirty WS only
Fisting Active
S&M No entry
Fetish Leather, Sportsgear, Skater, Rubber, Underwear, Skins & Punks, Boots, Uniform, Formal dress, Techno & Raver, Jeans
Client age Users under 25
Rate hour ask
Rate night ask



_________________





JustAskItsSimple, 24
Stockholm

Ello, my name is Elias. I'm 24 years young. Ever since I was 16 all i have been concentrated in life was "Love." Recently i have changed my mind because i have thrown everything in a select few relationships where I was in love. I've been cheated on in every single one. I've been so in love I thought marriage and a life, but that didn't stop these mean boys to break my heart and shatter me. Without cheating, breakups and being thrown in the ditch, I have been through enough in my life for a lifetime. I dont have a mother or father because they disowned me and abandon me. Relationships were all i had, but i have given up.. Im done with love because its nothing but FAKE. I've prostituted for 8 years but I'm not as good as i use to be because i got raped twice and wasn't into it as much when i healed because of depression issues. I tried to kill myself when i was 16 and i lost the good in myself because of the pain. I let it eat me alive relationship after relationship. Anyway, just message me, only looking for money.. If it turns into more, then i would love that, but if it doesnt then thats okay too.

Dicksize L, Uncut
Position Versatile
Kissing Yes
Fucking Versatile
Oral Versatile
Dirty No
Fisting Active
S&M Soft SM only
Fetish Underwear, Uniform, Jeans
Client age Users older than 32
Rate hour 100 Euros
Rate night ask



____________________





Scott, 19
London

hello boy hello man.. money isn't everything...but it ranks right up there with oxygen.. i need money so much so i will do anything for it..

this profile is still in treatment and..hence..successively..

im an intellectual and an optimist which is an odd combination..

nothing mush.. i usually engage in intellectual conversations...just make me wealthier..

ATTENTION: here a wheel chair driver is at work...you should have problems.. then I say only one in addition: BYE

Sexuality: Gay
Height: 5'6
Weight: 57kg 9st 126lb
Build: Slim
Penis size: 7" 18cm
Cut / Uncut: Uncut
Feet size: 7
Eye colour: Brown
Nationality:
Calls: In Calls / Out Calls
1 Hour: Ask Me
2 Hours: Ask Me
Overnight: Ask Me



____________________




PotWeedGanja, 20
Seattle

I am looking for a man 80 years old
I charge $4000
Don't bargaining plzz
I can fuck u till u go crazy
If u can't afford
don't ping me coz rate is too less already
Rest is cool
I love my job

Dicksize XXL, Uncut
Position Top only
Kissing Consent
Fucking Top only
Oral Top
Dirty No
Fisting No
S&M No
Fetish Jeans
Client age Users older than 79
Rate hour 350 Dollars
Rate night 800 Dollars



___________________





PaulMekas, 19
Vienna

Previously, I was the actor Belami.I am trying your luck

Search me and you may like what you see inside.me

If you want to come after you and come after you

Should you be good looking?Try to be

I am done to create pleasure.I decided that life is short

Dicksize XL, Uncut
Position Versatile
Kissing Yes
Fucking Versatile
Oral Versatile
Dirty WS only
Fisting Active
S&M No
Fetish Sportsgear, Underwear, Uniform, Formal dress, Jeans
Client age No restrictions
Rate hour 100 Euros
Rate night ask
Locations In Call, Out Call, Hotel Call



___________________




Whore, 18
Manchester

It doesn't matter who you are, or where you come from but there comes a time when you need a whore to change your life and make you feel complete. If you’re smart enough you will soon find out you have a new life dedicated to invading your whore. Learn to trust me more as you trust yourself and you’ll be proud of what you can take from me without legal ramifications. You’ll be proud to see how much you turn me into just another one of those pretty twinks that you've fucked so many of they all begin to blur into one. Even clothed and chatting afterwards when you don't like me anymore I will remain your whore.

Please note that for legal reasons the discussion of sex in any context and at anytime, regardless of its intended purposes in asking, will be discussed by me strictly from my personal preferences and NOT in any type of context that might be construed as an exchange for money, even if implicitly described as such by either party(s).

Dicksize No entry, Cut
Position No entry
Kissing No entry
Fucking No entry
Oral No entry
Dirty No entry
Fisting No entry
S&M No entry
Client age Users between 18 and 50
Rate hour 80 Euros
Rate night ask



______________________



youneedtopay, 20
Tiflis

i will make you go mad on the first time you saw me. i am looking for any sex with me. when it comes to serious, i definitely serious. you love feets? i have very nice. you love smooth skin? i have lot of them. i like to help people. i like to take care people. I WANT TO BE A BUSINESS MAN SOMEDAY. serious clients approach.

Dicksize No entry, Cut
Position Versatile
Kissing No entry
Fucking No
Oral No entry
Dirty No entry
Fisting No entry
S&M No
Fetish Skins & Punks, Boots, Uniform, Worker
Client age No restrictions
Rate hour ask
Rate night ask



____________________





uhyeah, 23
Linz

Hey im Emy+
i like t kissing -drinck sometine smoke sothing good for cave thiling ar more for nose
and i dont looking only for monney
also i looking for a realtionship and thet boy if is my boyfriend hi dont have to pay me
if is a good man and hi make me love him

they say i look like thor

Dicksize XL, Uncut
Position Versatile
Kissing Yes
Fucking More top
Oral Versatile
Dirty Yes
Fisting Active
S&M Yes
Fetish Leather, Sportsgear, Skater, Rubber, Underwear, Skins & Punks, Boots, Sneakers & Socks, Jeans
Client age No restrictions
Rate hour ask
Rate night ask




*

p.s. Hey. ** Grant maierhofer, Aw, thanks a lot on so many fronts, man. How's your work going? How is Xmas settling in and invading your things or not? ** les mots dans le nom, Hi. Thanks so much! That's crazy interesting about your dream, wow. It's nice you like my poetry. It's such an amazing, hard form, and I feel like that when I write poetry, I'm more like its well wisher than a member, but maybe that's a good way to work with it. Anyway, have the finest day. ** RS, Richard! That's so kind of you, and it's an honor to have you here. Did I read something somewhere that said you have a new book in the offing? Was I dreaming? That would be so, so great! I hope you're doing splendidly in every respect. ** Paul Curran, Hi, Paul. Thanks. Oh, maybe it's Kidzania. It's a theme park in Tokyo -- and I think there's another one in either Kyoto or Osaka -- where 'kids' basically run the place. They go there not to be passive observers and riders, etc. -- although I think they can, if they want -- but rather overlords, employees for a day or something. Zac and I really wanted to go to it when we were there, but you can't enter unless you have a kid with you. It seems like a potentially magical or at least bizarre place. ** David Ehrenstein, Hi, D. Oh, your Petit Macmahon -- thank you! -- will launch here next Saturday, the 21st. Exciting, and, yeah, thank you ever so much for it! I may appear to have negotiated my ghosts succinctly, but, oh, that is so not true, and don't forget that the majority of my closest friends were wiped out by AIDS as well. ** Memoirs of a Heroinhead, Hi, Shane. Ha ha, yeah, I don't think my book will end up in FNAC. Nice idea, though. Maybe Shakespeare & Co., which won't help you, although it does seem like S&C is a pretty pinchable place, in theory. Here's hoping that video survived and will end up somewhere where I can visit. Exactly, about the treasure at the end of quietness. A bunch of respect back to you, buddy. What's going on in Lyon? I was going to try to get there for the Biennale thing a couple of months ago, but alas and alack and all that stuff. ** David Estornell, Thank you, David! ** Steevee, Oh, geez, you have a weekend of waiting and stress ahead? That really sucks. Distract yourself, obviously. Thanks for the congrats! It's nuts that I haven't spun the Body/Head yet. Maybe today, although the new Burial EP is the first thing in the queue. Also, I want to see if I can watch the Beyonce videos on that suddenly released thing because she shot at least one of them at the Recollets where I live, and, well, I'm curious to see it/her. That is an interesting piece on 'Spring Breakers'. It's weird, though, because when I started reading it, I thought it was being sarcastic. But then the style settled in, and it got quite wise, in my opinion too. ** Ken Baumann, Ken! KEN!! Man, you're in Santa Fe! You made it! It's spectacular to see you and see you manifested in hugely more than one piece from there. Man, I got to read an early thing your new novel thanks to a kindly semi-stranger, and it's so great! A big fave of the year, that thing! And I was/am so very happy about the news that you are Mark are joining forces in the form of your press and his book. I'm good, I'm really good. I have way too many projects that I'm working on at once right now, but they're all exciting. New novel is going very well, I think. Going back to Japan in early January, etc. Zac is doing great. In fact, just last night he asked me if I had talked to you post- the Santa Fe move and wondered how you were doing. I'll give him your hey, and his hey to you goes without saying even though I'm saying it. Man, I'm happy to see you and to know things are A-okay there. Googolplex love and hugs to you and Aviva! ** Martin Bladh, Hi, Martin. Cool. Yeah, I'll do my best to get what I need to get ready on my end. It's an insanely busy time here, but I'll do my best to manage it. Thank you! ** Sypha, Thanks for ordering it, man. Well, this new version is bigger with a bunch of new poems and stuff, for better or worse. Sypha porn! Yeah, I think you know that I almost always write porn in-between novels to get the voice of the previous novel destroyed and to try to eliminate any habits that its concerns have carved into my writing. Yeah, it's an exercise, right? Or it is for me. It's a very, very rare occasion that I end up writing any porn that I can use in anything that is meant to go public. ** Bill Porter, Thanks, Bill. I'm sure your grandma would be very proud of you, ha ha. ** Keaton, You do? Oh, sorry. And I should talk anyway. I just slapped myself upside my head. I like vodka. It's probably my fave alcohol. But rum, yuck. I don't like any sweet alcohols. I don't think I like any dark alcohols, come to think of it. Gross. ** Bill, Thanks, buddy. Project meetings ... like meetings with collaborators or with the projects' hosts or funders or ... ? That art project you linked me to is a very interesting idea. I don't like the super-regular compositions she makes at all or the advertising color schemes, but the idea is worth it. I saw a great Aki Onda concert last night -- him interacting sonically and spacialy with -- and paying homage to -- the big Chris Marker show at the Pompidou. Amazing. ** Chilly Jay Chill, Thanks, man, thanks a lot. No, I feel pretty chill around 'The Weaklings' launch for some reason. So far, ha ha. Rhys Chatham! I just got his brand new record, but I haven't to it yet. He's great. The John Lurie was recorded back in the 90s? Is that what you meant? I'll try the Juana Molina. I haven't heard it. Cool, thanks a lot for the tips. The new Laurel Halo is really growing on me. ** Kyler, Hi, Kyler. Dude, that's such sweet news! Congrats supreme! That's very exciting! Everyone, the great Kyler's long awaited novel is going to be published next year by Rebel Satori, home to books by such other wonderful writers and d.l.s as Sypha/James Champagne, Thomas Moronic/Thomas Moore, and Kevin Killian! Start saving up your dollars, folks! Aw, that's such awesome news, my friend! ** Aaron Mirkin, Hey! Welcome to here, and thank you for being here, and it's very good to meet you! Oh, great, I'm obviously very excited to see your and Christopher's film! When are the screenings? I would love to go, if I can at all. Thank you a lot! How do I get your email? For now, I'll go watch the trailer excitedly. Everyone, Aaron Mirkin, who kindly visited here yesterday, has directed a film that adapts a story by the amazing Lonely Christopher from his book 'The Mechanics of Homosexual Desire', which I was very proud to get to publish through my LHotB imprint. The film is called 'We Are Not Here', and, for now, you can watch its trailer, and I highly recommend that you do. Just go here. Thanks so much again, Aaron. ** Rewritedept, Hi. Uh, I think it's shipping. I don't know, but I think that's why it can ordered rather than just pre-ordered. That is a really nice Vonnegut quote, huh, yeah, beautiful. Thanks, man. I hope your weekend is a phenomenon that pays off in your direction too. ** Bollo, Thanks, J! Jesus, feel better, like, a lot better! ** Right. Timing indicates that this month's escorts contingent will spend the next two days with you for no cover charge at all. You're welcome! I will be back on Monday.

You are sort of there: Lapland New Forest

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'Creating a winter wonderland really does take a lot of care and expertise. Artistic attention to detail is crucial to creating Santa's frozen arctic world just five miles north of Bournemouth. For this reason we have bought in many specialists and showmen, including the multi award-winning Hollywood film and tv special fx's experts who made the awesome winter scenes in films such as: Archangel, Gladiators, Vertical Limit, The Day After Tomorrow, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone, Dr Who and more ... With the Snow Business ice experts on board, we can assure you of an absolutely magical scene.

'After your journey through the beautiful Tunnel of Light where you post your christmas wish to the North Pole Post Office, you will enter the incredibly beautiful 'frozen' world of Lapland village, with it's snowy log cabins and fantastic ice rink that Santa brought along for everyone to play on ...

'Inside the real log cabins you will find helper elves busy with interesting Christmas preparations and other activities that you can either join in or learn all about: Toy making, Dolls House making, Rocking, Chair making, Gingerbread decorating, Face Painting, Sled dog running and adventure ... & more ... and then there's the bustling Christmas Market with it's stalls ranging from xmas paper to xmas trees, for the mums and dads to discover ...

'But do remember at some point during your 4-6 hour day to seek out Shamus the Elf, as only he can lead you to Father Christmas, who is waiting to give all the under 12's their top quality personal present.

'As our show is being staged for the first time our website can only begin to hint at the wonder of our winterland to be. Next year's online presentation will be a total treat to view and we really do wish that we could show you just how incredibly spectacular Lapland New Forest will look at night.'-- Lapland New Forest






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'Lapland New Forest park claims to offer families a magical festive experience. According to the scores of disgruntled visitors streaming out of the gates, experience is one word for it. As tempers fray, it seems this little corner of Lapland, which opened on the Dorset-Hampshire border at the weekend, is going from mudbath to bloodbath.

'The two brothers behind the business venture misled its visitors, many of whom had travelled long distances, it was said Victor and Henry Mears advertised the park with a website that depicted images of an ice rink and a bustling snow covered Christmas village. A flyer also claimed to offer the chance to see a polar bear - which turned out to be a model. Yhe ‘magical tunnel of light’ was merely fairy lights strung from trees and the ‘wonderful’ ice rink was broken. The advertised ‘delicious seasonal food’ at the Christmas market was discovered to be two stands offering pork and stuffing baguettes and German sausages. In court, Henry Mears said: "Whatever you do, you will find the public complain about something."

'One visitor, Dawn Saxby-Willis from Ringwood, said: "I was absolutely stunned at how poor we and our children were treated. I took my son to the toilet and he saw 'Santa' having a cigarette break at the side of a Portaloo. Needless to say, the two reindeer - one with a broken antler - were clearly not enjoying their experience. The majority of the huskies were chained up behind a fence whining, others were chained up outside some of the wooden sheds with no-one looking after them.

'One security guard, who obligingly told visitors at the gate they were about to be 'ripped off', quit after being hit on the head by one who didn't appreciate the advice. Adrian Wood, 49, was full of tales from the warzone. "Santa was punched by a furious father who had been waiting in line for four hours," he said. "He had got to the front only to be told he couldn't take a picture of his children and that they weren't allowed to sit on Santa's lap. The family were then told they would have to get in another queue to get their presents. That was the final straw."'-- collaged






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'Emma Craven and Daryl Yarwood left their jobs as Santa’s little helpers at a “Lapland” theme park in Dorset amid fears the stress would make them ill. And Emma said: “When I got there I was thinking 'Oh my God, is this it?' It was a huge muddy field with a few sheds popped in it and a few little Christmassy looking things. Angry people just kept shouting, ‘Is this it’? It was really doing my health in.”

'Frustrated customers attacked three elves and a Father Christmas after forking out £30 a ticket to queue in a muddy field for Lapland New Forest. Dozens of workers at the attraction, which had a closed ice rink and a nativity scene nailed to a billboard, were pulled out for their safety by an employment agency. Trading standards had over 2,000 complaints. The attraction opened during the holiday season in 2008 and was labelled as a "glorified car-boot sale".

'Elf Emma quit the park after she was slapped in the face by an incensed mother. The 30-year-old, from Bournemouth, said it happened as she looked after a queue of punters at the grotty grotto. Emma said: “From the first morning I worked there it was just a barrage of abuse from the moment you got in until the moment you left. “People kept asking me, ‘Is this it’? and telling me what a rip-off it was and how we should be ashamed of ourselves."

'Pal Daryl left his grotto job after just four days — sickened at ordering parents to fork out £10 extra to have their kids photographed with Father Christmas. Daryl, 23, said: “From the first day we were all getting stressed out. There were parents screaming at me and children crying. It was really badly organized. I nearly got lynched. If I didn’t have the mental strength it could have made me ill. I’d definitely have quit if the agency hadn’t pulled us out. It’s not like it was big money. They offered us £5.90 an hour.”'-- collaged






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'Visitors who had paid up to £30 each for tickets to a “Christmas Wonderland” in the New Forest were turned away yesterday by a woman shrieking: “Santa's dead.” This morning a convoy of lorries and horseboxes carrying reindeer, donkeys and huskies left the muddy site after contractors called in the police, claiming they had not been paid. More than 50,000 tickets to the attraction known as Lapland New Forest had been sold in advance. It is not known whether any of those who had paid up to £130 for a family ticket would get their money back.'-- collaged






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'Families have been left stunned, shocked and speechless after two brothers accused of conning people into visiting a Lapland-style theme park had their convictions overturned. Victor and Henry Mears, from Brighton, were jailed for 13 months in March this year and have both now served their sentences. At the original trial the brothers denied eight charges of misleading advertising but they were found guilty on all counts by the jury at Bristol Crown Court.

'Lisa Perry, from Wyke Regis, and 12 members of her family went to the attraction which was based at Matcham’s Leisure Park. She said: “I’m stunned. I can’t believe how they can overturn the conviction on the strength of that. I don’t know what else to say, I’m speechless.” Mrs Perry said that her family had been disappointed with their experience and never got any compensation for the £300 they paid. She said: “You had to be there to see it. I have never been to anything as bad as that.”

'Christine and Eddie Teague, from Dorchester, took their grandchildren to the attraction and said it was ‘nothing like’ what they were expecting.Mrs Teague said: “I think it’s a disgrace. I took my two grandchildren. We waited for hours to see Father Christmas.” She added: “It was nothing like Santa’s Grotto, nothing at all.”'-- collaged






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*

p.s. Hey. ** MyNeighbourJohnTurtorro, And a good morning to you, MNJT. I'm real good, thanks. You're in the flat and, hence, hooked up, in part to here, awesome! How's being there so far? There being inside, outside, and in general? The new Burial EP is really great, yeah. Totally agree. It was flooding my place this weekend. Xmas spirit, yeah, I think so. Paris gets intensely pretty at Xmas, both deliberately and accidentally, so it's hard not to feel like its magician's assistant or something. And I'm on some Xmas gift hunts. Etc. And I'm putting up posts like the one today. So, yeah, I think so, spirit-wise. Are you Xmas-y in some fashion? ** les mots dans le nom, Hi. Thanks for asking the library to order my book. The only thing Paris is missing, other than some out of town people whose absence empties the place for me, is a snowscape. Enjoy yours for me and for the Parisians like me who wish everything on its floor was white. I want to read that new Reverdy book. I love Reverdy. And that Bataille book. I need to try to get that, thank you. Maybe once I have, I'll do a post on it, if someone else doesn't volunteer first. ** Kyler, Hey. Email, okay, cool. Are you in Florida yet? ** David Ehrenstein, RIP: Peter O'Toole for absolutely sure. What an amazing, daring, heroic, role model of an actor that guy was. Sad, sad, sad. Yeah, Yury mentioned that Lagerfeld thing to me. He's not a fan of KL, so he told me about that with rolling eyes. ** Paul Curran, Hi, Paul. Yeah, let's see, we'll be in Tokyo, well, for one day when we first arrive, but then we'll be there again more lengthily from, I think, the 17th through the 21st. It's a shorter trip than we had hoped 'cos there's a ton of stuff we need to do here, and we go to Antarctica/Patagonia in early February. Anyway, let's hang, and, yes, if you and your kiddo want to do Kidzania, that sounds fantastic. I'll check with Zac, but I think he'll be way on board with that idea. Very cool. ** Sypha, Hi, James, Yeah, porn writing is a great palate cleanser, really gets the writing back down to the very basics or something. Ah, that's very interesting about why and how you do your porn in-between thing. Cool scenarios there. I think the fan fiction sites would eat up that One Direction/Jake Bugg slash. And slash fiction is a form just waiting for its James Joyce or Dickens or whoever to appear. Could be you. ** Bill, The good kind of meetings, nice. Exactly about Jee Young Lee's installations. The Chris Marker show at the Pompidou is pretty great. All of his films, I think. A bunch if not all of his late video projections/installations, including a handful of those insane 'Second Life'-like things he made at the end. And interesting related events a la the Aki Onda intervention. Maybe I can do something on it here, but it's 80% films projected in the theaters, so ... I'll try. Good idea. Ha ha, I thought loveableandnice's text needed its considerable length to convey the full extent of his logic and reserve, but ... It was a overlong-y, yeah. ** Rudyd, Hey! Thanks a lot. And about that poem, yeah, thank you. I do think that is maybe my best poem or up there or something maybe. I understand about the escort texts. You probably know that I'm very drawn to the struggling articulations of personal confusion and unhappiness. Especially when they're written by young guys battling with contexts where people are only interested in objectifying them. So, in those cases, a mediating factor is that the texts they're writing were made specifically to sell their bodies to strangers, so it's kind of a high pressure situation, and it really interests me that they sometimes choose to expose themselves so emotionally in that context, and that the requirement to reduce themselves to sex objects is too uncomfortable for them. Which I guess makes the texts even more unnerving in a way. Yeah, I really dislike objectification of young people. It's kind of a lifelong thing that I've always written about, so it interests me a lot to try to disrupt attempts to be blinded by their good looks, and the escort context is a high-charged place to do that. Some people reading this blog still avoid reading the escort texts and just use the photos to get boners and so on, but I like that they have to deliberately ignore the escorts' interior lives to do that. I think that choice is disturbing in a very interesting way or something. ** Aaron Mirkin, Hi, Aaron! Yeah, it's a great pleasure to have you here, thank you. The trailer is really beautiful. It made me very excited to see the film, so I'm really hoping that I'll be here when the screenings are happening. I'll email you. And I'll keep a close eye on the festival's website. Thanks a lot again. Happy Monday. ** Delilah Hannu, Hello, Delilah! Ha ha, Paul is your dude, eh? There's a number of porn movies out there starring him if you want even more. Merry Christmas to you too! How are you handling or celebrating it? ** Steevee, Good question. Two good questions, actually. Hm, I don't know, but I kneejerk pegged him a Black/Death Metal guy. But maybe he's Old School, i.e. they broke the mold after Sabbath or something. ** _Black_Acrylic, Hi, Ben. Great, really glad the launch went so well. The photos make it seem so, for sure. What was that band like, or, what was their sound/thing? How was lunch? ** Keaton, Hi. Wow, that was scandalous. Or something. But text turns scandals into something else. Or fiction does. But God knows if that was fiction. I ... think it was. Anyway, it was a lustrous thing. Thank you, maestro. ** Etc etc etc, Hi. Wayne is your dissertation advisor? Wow, that's cool. Wayne is seriously great, obviously. As a writer and as a fella. Say hi to him for me, if you remember. I haven't talked to Wayne in way too long. Thanks for wanting to get to 'God Jr.'. But that's some intimidating company for it right there, gulp. I like 'EP'. It might be my favorite Houellebecq. And 'Concrete' is really major. A great, great novel. Bernhard is the shit. I think or bet or predict that you'll be happy to have read that one. Well, I hope you get to resurface very soon, and happy holidays and work and reading in the meantime. ** Misanthrope, Thanks, thanks. That NYC, et. al. trip sounds crazed. Get into true crazed-ness of it. That's the only way. Thanks for putting me in touch with LPS's youtube channel. I'll be so there as soon as here is in the rear view, which looks to be almost right about now. ** Okay. There are going to be Xmas-y kinds of posts now and then until the 25th happens, and there's one up above today for your delectation or whatever. See you tomorrow.

Toniok presents ... Fernando Alfaro

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Fernando Alfaro has been a key artist in the period of transition between the 80s “movida” and the 90s Spanish indie scene. He created a very personal lyrical universe and a distinctive music style. His lyrics range from the most disturbing and insane to the most delicate, often in the same verse.

Honorio (from here)



Surfin' Bichos


'Fuerte'



'Mi hermano carnal'



'Comida china y subfusiles'



'Gente abollada'



'Un perro feliz'



Chucho


'Un ángel turbio'



'Revolución'



'El mundo en un segundo'



'Gran angular'



'Ricardo Ardiendo'



'El Ángel Inseminador'



'Motor de perro negro'



a new song



Fernando Alfaro y Los Alienistas


'Problemas de sueño'



Fernando Alfaro


'Extintor de infiernos'



'Camisa hawaina de fuerza'



'El dolor del miembro fantasma'



Fernando Alfaro on Twitter.




*

p.s. Hey. Today the kindly artist and d.l. Toniok uses his guest-hosting spot to turn us on to the work of Fernando Alfaro, whose music I, at least, did not know until this intervention solved that problem. It's a very interesting discovery, as you will hopefully see and hear over the next 24 hours. Please indulge as heavily as you can, and if you feel like talking back to Toniok, please do. Thanks, and, as always, hugest thanks to the d.l. responsible. ** Scunnard, Hey, man! I'm good, thanks. Wait, wait, you just got here. Oh, I see, you had important off-blog duties there. I hope one of those candles had my conceptual fingerprints on it. Wow, that link led to a treasure trove of related, whetting Xmas melancholia, thanks! ** Martin Bladh, Hi, Martin. Good, I'm glad the answers were okay. You'll be getting an email and more answers from me today. Thanks so much! ** David Ehrenstein, Tad sad, nice, and so apt. A tad apt. ** Kyler, Hi. Yes, the good news should lube things, I would imagine, assuming they have that natural parental pride thing going on in their souls. ** Ken Baumann, KB! Yes, 'peak' rather than 'peek' is the word, man! Fantastico! I know I'm going to love 'Earthbound'. Of that there is not the tiniest question. Yes, a fairly quick Japan return! Should be so great. Tokyo, then back to Naoshima, and then to Yakushima, a volcanic island way out and south that is supposed to be heaven-like and was the inspiration for 'Princess Mononoke', and then some Tokyo again at the end. Aw, thanks a lot about the scrapbook. Yeah, I'm pretty excited about this new novel, but we will see, naturally. I will quote your words to Zac with complete precision, and I'm sure he will be way on board with my idea that we should take you guys up on that offer. Love supreme from me. ** Steevee, Oh, good, finally. How do we/I read it? Oh, the one thing we shared on our music list that I mentioned the other day just got replaced with something new, oops. But it was, for the record, the Boards of Canada album. I don't know about that racist thing. I mean, it seems to be proudly self-referred to as Lapland by the people who live there, at least in my internet experiences. ** _Black_Acrylic, Cool about O'Toole. Leeds is so generative. I had no idea. Goth came from there? The Hugs ... I'll go see if there's any stuff by them online. Shambolic is a warm hello of a quality for me a whole lot of the time. ** MyNeighbour JohnTurtorro, Hi. Glasgow maddened by Xmas? How does that play out? I love the Pharmakon album. It's one of my favorites of the year, as tomorrow's unveiling of my year end list will attest. Oh, I so incredibly want Vår to tour. Their album was my most played of the year. My friend/collaborator Zac and I have a secret wish and hope that we can talk them into writing our 'porn' movie's theme song. Thanks for the link. I'm so, so all over that. Yeah, good morning. ** Misanthrope, Today's my day to see what LPS is up to youtube-wise. I'm excited. I won't call the authorities then. Good that you said that because I definitely would have. I want one of those bars. Make it happen. Say hey to Alan for me. He's so quiet, or, I guess quiet locally. Dang that you just missed St. Nicholas. ** Bill, Hi, Bill. What is this Santacon thing? It's all over social media. I've never heard of it before. Is it new? Who started it, and what is its point? Or does it have none? Drunken guys dressed up as the Big Red Guy trouncing around point blank, or do they have a reason or event or something? I don't get it. ** Chilly Jay Chill, That popcorn zoo thing freaked me out in theory. I don't know why. It seems really weird. Why popcorn in particular for the rescued animals? Popcorn has no nutrition, does it? Oh, man, those Wooster DVDs are very tempting. Hm, wow, hm, yeah, shit, yeah, hm, yeah. I've read some Christine Brooke-Rose. Not sure if I've read a whole book or not. I remember thinking that she was quite, quite interesting. I think Ill go investigate her today, maybe make a post while I'm at it. Cool, thanks for the alert, Jeff. Yury's fashion line is ideally in its final stages and, fingers crossed, he'll present his first clothes in January, but there's a ton for him to get done between now and then, so we'll see. But I think it goes very well, and he's crazy busy with it. Thank you for asking. ** Sypha, Short porn is actually quite a rarity, so that's a very good sign. We're going for concision in our 'porn' film too. 90% of porn is 90% too dragged out, I think. Ha ha, I think our 'porn' will probably spend more time looking at the rooms and locations than the sex too. Weird. ** les mots dans le nom, Hi. Wow, Santa riding the metro bus at appointed times? I'd never heard of that ritual. Interesting. That makes total sense somehow. It seems like it would take a very good fake Santa to not look and seem fake while riding a bus. I almost never get to walk on snow because Paris snow tends to melt about two minutes after it hits the ground. Oh, okay, I just wrote down the name of that Holland book, and I will see if and how I can get it. Thank you a lot for that tip. Cool about the library purchase. That's really nice, and thank you for instigating that, my friend. ** I think that's that. Turn yourselves over to Toniok now if you haven't already. Thank you again. See you tomorrow.
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